Hmmm….this is a tough one, as I haven’t dated a Romanian in ages and, in any case, I can only provide a girl’s perspective. I would hazard myself by saying that Romanians are a bit macho, they usually don’t know how to treat a women, of course exceptions are accepted, they wait for the girl to do all the tough part in taking the initiative while playing the cold, indifferent bastard. Then again, this is not a Romanian characteristic, I have seen worse. If they are not playing the untouchable, they are awfully dependent, possessive and annoying. Romanian men, I have heard, are unfaithful, macho, liars, and treat their women as their own possessions. Distinctions and perspective must be kept in mind; this description does not necessarily include the urban, educated male always (photo from http://www.danheller.com/lovers.html).
Generally, Romanian man are not as attractive as Romanian women, this is a fact of life, verified by many enthusiastic foreigners coming in this country for the famously beautiful Romanian girls. I don’t know how is to date a Romanian girl, I have never tried, and those who dated me …..that is difficult to track down and take the confession out of them, which places me in a very good position here.
Well, distinctions must be made also, on age, education, background, big city, small city. In Bucharest, not many people care about dating anymore, the relationships are at loose; I think is not trendy anymore to have a girlfriend/boyfriend….and that will probably make a very interesting sociological investigation. You can still find good guys, but these are afraid to approach women genuinely and often girls are left out being approached by awfully boring, persistent types….because the boring, uninteresting ones are always persistent. What else? As mentioned before, I don’t know much about the Romanian man profile lately, as I wasn’t hanging with Romanian men much, or at least I didn’t find yet a truly intriguing one. I am also not into the ‘hunting foreigners’ typology, is just happened that I have been in love with a foreigner, and in the last few years I have travelled and met other people, so not much socializing with Romanian men in this context. I should add that, generally, Romanian men and women have a weakness for anything foreign; so if you are a foreign in Romania, that makes you exotic instantly and your chances to date –and more- are high. A friend of mine was complaining the other day that in Romania male are coming mostly looking for the attractive Romanian female, while exotic foreign women for the Romanian male rarely. What can I say?! Life sucks sometimes.
(animation from http://www.aaapostcards.com/cards/previews/26.gif)
ryan jewell said…
in all seriousness, i enjoy the blog. keep it up.
well, in my one experience dating a romanian woman…it was an absolute disaster. nothing but pain and suffering. i would venture that if i was a romanian man, i might be a little cold in the beginning as well if i went through that a couple of times.
19 September, 2006
Anonymous said…
WAIT!!!
Blatant generalization? Suggestive frustration? Topic driven tirade?
What is going on? Why have I become the casualty of three, digitally created, online paragraphs?
Before I begin
Buna Ziua! =)
My name is Justin and I (unwillingly admit) am Romanian.
I seem to have made a mistake. Well then again maybe I have not. Maybe someone has made the mistake for me and I am burdened with the resulting generalization. Sort of the like the first domino that knocks down all the rest. It didn’t mean to knock the rest down, but it did and now here we are. All the Romanian men dominos have fallen.
So,
Let me being, and I quote
“Romanian men, I have heard, are unfaithful, macho, liars, and treat their women as their own possessions.”
We most often trust our eyes as they are our favorite sense, then next our ears, followed by our sense of touch, then smell and finally taste. But even with these five senses we can never be sure that what we see is truly what it there. Ever seen a magic trick? Of course you haven’t, its actually just an illusion. But then again, you have heard of a magic trick where all Romanian men have magically become unfaithful, macho, liars and treat their women as their own possessions. Well reasonably speaking I would guess that maybe not ALL Romanian men have magically become jerks. It’s all just an illusion put on by one person (or maybe a few). Now I ask, are there some Romanian men who are jerks? Yes. Are there some who are not so mean? Yes. I think that what is true about Romanian men is true about all people.
“Then again, this is not a Romanian characteristic, I have seen worse.”
Are there really worse men out there then Romanians. I do not believe it. =)
“Generally, Romanian man are not as attractive as Romanian women, this is a fact of life…”
Interesting. And where, pray tell, are these fact written. I hadn’t realized that this particular one was truly a FACT of life. And if there are more, I would dearly love to know them. Apparently I have been unattractive. Or at the very least, not nearly as attractive as my female counterparts.
“Well, distinctions must be made also, on age, education, background, big city, small city.”
We should probably begin to generalize men by these categories too. =P
“You can still find good guys”
Now wait one second. This is starting to look like optimism.
….and finally….
“I didn’t find yet a truly intriguing one.”
Intriguing you should say that. What’s more intriguing is that you are looking for an intriguing one. And when you find him what shall you do with him. You might find that beyond all his intrigue there is a person. But then again, who’s looking for a person, we are just looking for intrigue.
Ok, I’m done.
Personally I think Romanian women are great, very smart and absolutely intriguing. Ok maybe not all Romanian women are, but this one is =).
Te pup, Pa
Justin
PS: nismosport@gmail.com
24 September, 2006
Anonymous said…
I am a foreign woman living in Romania, and I have to totally agree with your description of Romanian men. I have male Romanian friends and the way they act just make me roll my eyes.
I once had a bunch of Romanian guys explain to me that Westerns are hypocritical because we have secret affairs, whereas Romanians openly cheat without fear of consequences. They said it was more honest. My experience with Romanian men is that many have three or four girlfriends – one for sex, one for money, and one for love.
Now, this is from the male point of view. I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee.” I responded, “But surely your fathers didn’t cheat.” And they laughed and said, “But of course they did!” I asked whether they would accept this from their husbands and they said no, that they now live in a new generation.
I hope there are other people who think the same way.
26 September, 2006
Anonymous said…
I am a foreign woman living in Romania, and I have to totally agree with your description of Romanian men. I have male Romanian friends and the way they act just make me roll my eyes.
I once had a bunch of Romanian guys explain to me that Westerns are hypocritical because we have secret affairs, whereas Romanians openly cheat without fear of consequences. They said it was more honest. My experience with Romanian men is that many have three or four girlfriends – one for sex, one for money, and one for love.
Now, this is from the male point of view. I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee.” I responded, “But surely your fathers didn’t cheat.” And they laughed and said, “But of course they did!” I asked whether they would accept this from their husbands and they said no, that they now live in a new generation.
I hope there are other people who think the same way.
26 September, 2006
claudia darian said…
Actually, I only wrote this post to get the few attractive, intriguing Romanian males out there sending me their contact details…, which they did.
Justin, I enjoyed your comment very much and I appreciated your effort to take everything I’ve said piece by piece
03 October, 2006
claudia darian said…
In Romanian law of property, if you achieve a property, then you need to write your title in a special sophisticated register . In any case, this is public and anyone could consult it. The purpose for this register is that you could check whether anyone else has achieved the same property before and has any right over it, so that you don’t get cheated by the owner of the property. The same sort of register should be made available for all the men having 3 or 4 girlfriends at the time. It never happend to me yet, but I’ll find a way to kick his ass. Anyway, girls do that too, so there is equality of rights.
03 October, 2006
Brianna said…
Hi Claudia!
So glad that I found your blog.
I am an American sociology student. I spent this summer in Romania and I am very curious about the differences between the American marriage relationship and the Romanian marriage relationship. What is typical for Romanian courtship? Is there an engagement period? Do Romanians go on honeymoons and where do they go? Is divorce common? How many children do they typically have? Do Romanian men treat their wives well? Any insight into any of this would be appreciated.
thanks, Brianna
15 October, 2006
Anonymous said…
“I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee”.
HELLO!!! How old are you? They are right! Westerners don’t make it as known, but it happens lady! You really have to be naive to beleieve men and women don’t cheat. Especially in a country like Romania where 90% of the women are gorgeous and 99.9% of men are horny all day! Not to mention there are like 3 women to 1 man. Americans are way too uptight and conservative.
I am a female born and raised in the US. My dad is Romanian and my mom is Italian. I am married to a Romanian man because I did not find American men “intriguing” enough. They are bland and boring. My husband was the best thing that ever happened to me! He treats me like a princess,wouldn’t do anything to hurt me & he’s one of the hot men in Romania. So please don’t generalize about crap like this. You have cheaters, assholes and bitches on every corner of the planet. European men in general have “hot blood” and are very sexual. They’re Latin for crying out loud.
Brianna-
Romanians do get engaged, I don’t think there is a specific period…they will marry when they save enough money.
Do Romanians go on Honeymoons- Is this a serious question?!
Divorce is not as common as it is in the US, but today relationships are more popular than marriage.
Romanians typically have 2 children.
Romanian men treat their wives the way you let them treat you. Most are dominant but that doesn’t mean they are abusive or mean. A mans family & wife are number 1 in most cases. You do have the occassional loser who renounces his family for a young slut. But then again that happens all over the world.
19 October, 2006
Anonymous said…
By the way Justin….why do you “unwillingly admit” to being Romanian? You should be ashamed of yourself for saying something like that. You should be proud to be romanian. Sa-ti fie rusine!!
19 October, 2006
Anonymous said…
You, “female born and raised in the US” ……I’m so sorry – if your are living in US – how could you imagine a roumanian guy living in Roumania ? It must be not only on your dream … but the reality is totaly different … Please don’t compare US and East-Europe … americans men are stupid like Mr B… and roumanians are machos at 99,9 %. Your comments are too basic !
12 November, 2006
Anonymous said…
You, “female born and raised in the US” ……I’m so sorry – if your are living in US – how could you imagine a roumanian guy living in Roumania ? It must be not only on your dream … but the reality is totaly different … Please don’t compare US and East-Europe … americans men are stupid like Mr B… and roumanians are machos at 99,9 %. Your comments are too basic !
12 November, 2006
Justin said…
‘Rusine? Stai sa ma explic.’
Let me explain
“By the way Justin….why do you “unwillingly admit” to being Romanian? You should be ashamed of yourself for saying something like that. You should be proud to be romanian. Sa-ti fie rusine!!”
Pride and shame are two things too often endulged, too often accepted and much too often promoted. Neither serves as a good purpose, as the first is all destructive and the second is self destructive.
I really have no reason to be either ashamed or proud to be Romanian. I am happy to know good people and happier if they happen to be Romanain. Not that being Romanian is a prerequisite to being good, but I have a personal fondness for the people. I would say that I would prefer the company of a good person over the company of anyone else. And if they happen to be Romanian, all the better.
As for my unwilingness to admit. I was commenting on a post indirectly directed at me =). I am the Romanian male Claudia was talking about. And I unwillingly admited it (at length), despite my fear of reprisal from our host. So far, she has been very curteous. =)
15 November, 2006
Comment by dizzyggg — November 21, 2006 @ 2:43 am |
Anonymous said…
Just to comment on your blog (all blog, not only manthing): Somehow it is funny, also darn true. You know what is your problem ???? You do not forgive your self and the others. How the fuck (excuse me my male language) do you expect that romanians should be like US citizens or like Westerners when we lived 50 years in communism ???? Do you know that after aprox 17 years, in Estern Germany people still have half of the salary from Western Germany after all the investments and all ??? Is is so easy to point the finger and say they are like this and they are like that, do you rememeber how it was not to have electricity ? or current water ? or food in the fucking stores ? You all bith about how we are, and how we should be… It is like looking for Einstein in the Kalahary desert. We lived 50 years in communism in a society that treated us like animals, with poor food, with 2 hours of stupid TV per day if you remember, with CC of PCR, with blocks of flats that make Bucharest look worst then any european city. Now we ask ourselfs to be just like the people that lived the same period in a free society. We want to be just like them, to fell free, honnest… Don’t you think you are asking to much ???
I am not tring to find some excuse for romanians, but maybe we ask to much from ourselfs, maybe we just have to get over the denial, understand that we went trough a tragedy, get our acts together and do something about it. In case you do not know, close to Pitesti there was a prison for priests where the communists made them eat shit (litteraly). So fucking read before anything else
Honnestly I am so pissed when I see people like you. May I ask what do you do to change people around you ?
I am not giving you any e-mail adress, I did not write here to show that I am a smartass. I actually think YOU are the worst thing about this country. Couse you cand be as smart as hell and beautiful as the sunshine darling, if you do not understand and forgive, you are just as guitly as everyone else.
21 November, 2006
claudia darian said…
Hey, you do have a point, but don’t fucking talk to me like you have THE POINT – and yeah, excuse my male language, too.
I do know about Pitesti, I am from there and I have read Ierunca’s book when I was 16 in total shock. Our past cannot excuse our present all the time, so every now and then we do need to take a grip on reality. You too.
21 November, 2006
Comment by Darian — November 22, 2006 @ 1:47 am |
I shouldnt reply to this, but here it goes.
“Anonymous said…Just to comment on your blog”
I would be the first to criticize Claudia and rightfully so. Scroll up a bit and take note of the unecessarily long rebuke of this post. But out of fairness I would equally support her should the need arise.
I was born in Romania and lived through the communism. I remember the cold nights without electricity, the empty store shelves, the long lines for bread and milk. I remember the bitter cold and lack of electricity. I remember the rules, the control and the suppression. I know what it means to appreciate freedom and am working my ass off everyday as proof.
I did not become bitter because of how my family was treated. I do not go around making excuses for my lot. I dont blame this and that. There is no time for it. You on the other hand have plenty of time to excuse yourself. You were treated like an animal for 50 years afterall. How can anyone expect anything from you?
While I fault Claudia for her generalization, but I support her stance. People should behave better, men should act like men. And while I dont agree with her on this post, I agree with her intentions.
“excuse me my male language” You daft prick, your the person Claudia was generalizing about. Pick up your ego and put it aside. We all screw up and we should all try to do better. Even Romanians.
“May I ask what do you do to change people around you ?” Have you even botherd to read the rest of her blog?
Before you post consider thinking and try avoiding Argumentum Ad Hominem. Its just poor form.
Comment by Justin — November 22, 2006 @ 12:30 pm |
WOW! WOW!WOW!
Good and bad points, comments, sarcasm, witty insults and intellect demonstrated by all bloggers
An American male here. Have traveled Romania enough to grasp the concerns and truth emanated by all.
Personally, I have just ended a bittersweet & heartbreaking romance of two years with a now ex-fiancee’ (36 and she spent the last 10 years obtaining a PhD in the states…..poetry & English studies) who we both shared our lives, feelings and intimacy together however with ultimate chronic deceitfulness being discovered in the end (in our case due primarily to a inherent personality disorder…. Histrionic type…. if your interested). Occurs anywhere and everywhere and is one of many such afflictions to our species.
This background given just to inform the reader of the state of mind I have been in lately (highly fluctuant) and to precede the following statement after being left somewhat aghast and saddened despite many insightful and hopeful/optimistic statements which this forum has put forth.
Can we not all as human beings and societies after reviewing our own shortcomings, faults and inherent personality character faults (always and never ending to improve upon), strive to just “get along”, implement the “golden rule” and help one another in each others “needs” as they enter our lives and with our own capacity to do so lovingly & wisely?
You all seem to have such good hearts, Romanian or otherwise. Please let us be more kind to each other and curtail our opinions that ultimately may harm as it demeans all of our spirits otherwise in the end.
Kindly, and I hopefully pray not self-righteously, do I impose my thoughts
Brian
Comment by Brian — December 4, 2006 @ 12:26 pm |
Darian? Maybe you’ll take a look at my webpage at http://geocities.com/mhrehbach
You might be surprised that Australians and Germans aren’t any better than Romanians. I ended up on your blog looking for somewhere to move to. I like how you write etc
Maybe you’ll read what I’ve written.
Comment by markus — January 18, 2007 @ 6:33 am |
OKOK…
Well here i have it first hand.
Im an Australian girl living in Romania and i am in a 2 year reationship with my boyfriend who is ‘Romanian’. He is caring and giving beyond belief.
I have lived here in romania for 6 months now and have found it very hard to make friends and get by as im only 23 , but after all that has happened here we cant expect everything to change to easily!
I do hope it does soon …as Bucharest itself i find quite depressing , Generally the boys here seem to have one thing inmind ‘Bani’ . But when majority are only earning 400 ron a week and all the shopping centres are charging western prices , wouldnt you ???
They give ,give, give and are very wonderful people who in the past have been delt a bad hand .
Comment by lauren — January 26, 2007 @ 7:35 pm |
Lauren, thanks for your commentp. Very interesting; it should be easily though to make friends at your age, I know great people around.
Comment by Darian — January 26, 2007 @ 8:53 pm |
First time on this blog for me.
I’m very surprised by most of the comments to this post… I’m not sure this leads anywhere interesting and for this reason I wasn’t sure I should post a reply… but here’my experience :
I’m a French girl living and working in Bucuresti and like Lauren, in a 2 year relationship with a Romanian who IS caring, loving, exciting and intriguing and faithful too…
Again like Lauren, I’m 23 and I’ve been in Romania for almost 6 months. I’ve found the experience way more difficult than expected and it took me time to make friends but it is getting better now.
Here’s a piece I wrote some months ago about how it feels to be here…
In case you want to know.
I have been here for three months and it is still hard for me to draw a picture of Romania.
In comparison with France, it is more opposite than similar to it. If France is an easy country to like, I start to think Romania is difficult to get to know and even more to get to like. At least, this is true for Bucuresti. Maybe, the beautiful landscapes of the countryside would easily seduce me.
Seduction may be a key point in between Paris and Bucuresti.
Everybody somehow is quickly seduced by Paris. On the contrary, it seems Bucuresti does everything to stay as far as possible from anything that could be seductive : the first impression you get of the city is that it is dirty, polluted, the public transports are terrible, the roads and buildings are in a bad shape…
Bucuresti does not give itself at the first glance. It needs time and patience to get along with the city but at the end you get used to it. Then you start to discover lovely parks, forgotten houses which send you back in time to a better time if you just look at it, you learn your way in the city through the cars and the wild dogs, you enjoy affordable cultural events : cinema, theater, opera, concert… I think I can say I’m at that point now.
I still feel a stranger though but this time it has nothing to do with the city. I realize that one very essential thing to understand Romania and Romanian culture is the language. I now have good basics ; enough to have a glimpse of the beauty of it. Romanian language when I’ll be able
to call it my language might be the thing I’ll like best about Romania.
Romanian seem to have a very witty use of their vocabulary and grammar. I started to read Orbitor from Mircea Carterscu. In French. It sounded so beautiful I had to read it with loud voice. The translation may be good but I’m sure this way to put words together comes from his
use of the Romanian language. It is both very straightforward and at the same time very poetic with some kind of sadness all around it.
Sadness also seems to be something very Romanian. More than sadness maybe it is some fatalist acceptance of sadness. I might be wrong but I often feel something like this around. Maybe it is just fatalism and cynicism or some persistent reminiscence of very hard times.
Anyhow Romanian are very straightforward people about their ideas, what they like and what they want.
What i like best about being in Romania is the strong effervescence you sense when being here. You can feel this country is on its way to a radical change. And this is exciting, specially when in France nobody believes anything will/can really change anymore. When you look a the political scene you get some good change for you money (as we say in French)… there is always something happening. And it is amazing to look at this country trying to put some order in its past and the ghosts that come with.
To put it in a word. Romanian is for me a very complex country that doesn’t make it easy for a foreigner. But if you managed to get over the first difficulties you might discover a country, a culture, people that are fascinating. . . And this is worth it.
All along this experience I found that having my habits and uses a bit shaken is very challenging. Getting to know Romania, I may get to know myself better as well.
Comment by Solene — January 29, 2007 @ 2:40 pm |
“I am married to a Romanian man because I did not find American men “intriguing” enough. They are bland and boring.”
Yes, mid-west American guys can seem bland and boring as many of us don’t have that macho image you are used to. Most of us don’t pursue second and third sexual side-relationship.
We were taught – and many of us strive – for a stable homelife without extraneous drama. The American cliche is sitting home on the weekend watching sports non-stop, not the Romanian cliche of out collecting girlfriends and beating the wife if she complains.
We are not us loose and volatile as the Latins as our blood is cooler Anglo. LOL
John
Comment by thebookguy — February 28, 2007 @ 9:14 pm |
selam sevgili arkadaşlar dilinizi bilmedigim pek bişey yazamıyorum afola umut ederimki anlarsınız görüşmek dilegiyle
Comment by sukru — March 9, 2007 @ 10:17 pm |
msn adress: cung_urg@hotmail.com
Comment by sukru — March 9, 2007 @ 10:19 pm |
I find this all very interesting, both sides. Well, really all the positions from which each speaker stands. Some of what has been said, I’ve heard of Old Romania in the past. But then isn’t it a country in transition, where no one quite knows from what position anyone else is standing. Something about age, past perceptions and a mix of a long standing culture coming to a clash with woman standing as equals with men?
For me, I stumbled on this blog as I was looking for info about a place I soon plan to visit, and notwithstanding I’m coming anyway. For it will be an area of the world I’ll not likely pass this way again and therefore adventure in it at this juncture.
The Blog sounded interesting, “Dating a Romanian”. Well Boys and Girls, only you can figure out what you each want, are willing to put up with and what is truly worth the effort or maybe better said, “who”, is worth the effort. As my old mother once told me many years ago, “it’s not what you get, but what you give in a relationship, but it must be with a person that feels and sees life in that same way.
Sage advice, May not apply in this new age of young people just Hooking Up. Oh ya, that’s in the West. Sounds like most young Romanian guys are like guys everywhere.
I’m really glad I’m an older guy now, at 55 I don’t chase anything. Life is so much better enjoying each little step. It’s like saying good morning to a pretty Lady on the street, with a big smile on your face just to make her smile and then walking on even when she smiles back.
And for those that said, Bucharest was old and dirty, well it is again from where you stand. When I look out my window here, Kabul Afghanistan looks old and Dirty, a long ways from South Florida or Minneapolis or any of the many world cities I’ve spent time in. Miami is all sparkling till you find yourself out southwest of all the flash.
I look forward to seeing Bucharest. Anyone with positive insights, information would be appreciated. Thank You, Kevin
Comment by Kevin — March 24, 2007 @ 6:03 pm |
Thanks for your thoughts, Kevin and welcome to Bucharest
Comment by darian — April 5, 2007 @ 4:43 am |
ooo! it’s one of the best sites ever!
Comment by benessere — April 8, 2007 @ 8:40 pm |
Interessare, molto interessante. Come avete fatto questo?
Comment by postali — April 10, 2007 @ 1:54 pm |
Darian- I just happened to check back on this blog as I was making my flight reservations for early May. Thank You for your,”Welcome to Bucharest”. I have now found you are a prolific writer of many articles, subjects on your country. Before arriving Bucharest, I look forward to reading them all. And, after my time in Bucharest & Romania, I will comment from my point of prospective, which I hope I bring with no preconceived bias and maybe a broader point of view.
Comment by Kevin — April 11, 2007 @ 6:45 pm |
Interesting comments..
Comment by diuna — April 12, 2007 @ 6:53 pm |
I will be visiting Romania in september,and some of the remarks made on this form could seem quite frightening to someone thinking of visiting there.
Well, i,ve booked me ticket with my mate and coming there anyway.
at the moment,i get the impression that we,re gonna be targets as soon as we get off the plane.
Ripped off by taxi drivers/shops/bars/restaurants/ and possibly pick-pocketed by others on the bus/train.
i,m in bucharest the first three days,and then probably jump on a train up north.Thought about hiring a car but bit worried about driving there.
Can someone lift my spirits about coming to Romania. Any ideas on where to go that is comfortably nice and what to see and look out for.
Any tips on how to get by and avoid disapointments would be apreciated.
I just hope this visit is going to be a nice experience.
Comment by mike gardiner — April 20, 2007 @ 1:10 pm |
well, Mike any trip is what you make of it…of course, there is bad luck sometimes. In this case, you do need to be careful with pickpockets and also with some taxi drivers…try to look for a company like Cobalcescu, Confort, Cristaxi and avoid Independent taxis. The average price is 1,4 Ron/km. You are not necessarily targets but taxi drivers and some other people tend to believe that they could make a bargain out of you or on your expenses. I am sure is not the only country where things are like it, though probably the one among fellow Europeans.
You will avoid dissapointment by enjoying yourself. Go walking, go in clubs and pubs, go up to Brasov by train …is safe and not expensive. People are friendly and talkative everywhere and they will not be friendly only to get something out of you…of course that depends in which clubs you may choose to go…see a local guide or just make your own mind better…if you miss something then is nobody to blame for …or if you meet some great people and cool places, you will be happy. Believe it or not, Romania is worth seeing and you might want to get back …just don’t flash your wallet or mobile in certain areas and you will be fine. Enjoy.
Comment by darian — April 21, 2007 @ 12:06 am |
ok i am a man from the us and have been to many countries around the world and people are the same every where you go just difrent languages. most eastern europe countries think americans are lazy and mink untell you piss us off and that is a bad thing that is when you find are real personality in the states we have to be calm and relxed so it takes much longer to get to no us.
Comment by don — April 21, 2007 @ 8:19 am |
Hello! there. You have a good blog. Nice read…
Take care!
Jessica
Comment by Jessica — April 22, 2007 @ 10:32 am |
Well you were right.
I first replied to this post back in September. I was pretty annoyed by the fact that you had taken such a negative opinion about Romanian men. I was somewhat personally insulted (being Romanian and all) but also confused. I figured you must just be frustrated and were venting/ ranting/ shouting/ complaining to feel better.
Well you were right. I know this now because I visited Romania and the sad truth is most of what you said is true (with small exceptions). Romanian men do come off as macho and cold, there does seem to be a sort of cultural standard of unfaithfulness, which can only mean they are also liars. The other unavoidable truth is that for the most part they really are not terribly attractive, mostly short and hairy. And in a bitter sweet way I do admit that Romanian women are very beautiful. A bit of a problem for me since I dont live there, but ohh well.
So despite my first comment, I see now that you have a good point. Sad, but true.
Ciao
Comment by Fyurien — April 23, 2007 @ 9:04 pm |
Hey,
I’m from Pakistan and will be coming on a traineeship to Romania soon. Your blog has served to be extremely insightful.
Comment by Ali Hassan — April 27, 2007 @ 11:37 pm |
Hey Ali,
and thanks; you”re very kind. Good luck and fun in Romania.
Comment by darian — May 2, 2007 @ 10:04 pm |
hey romanian peeps,
im brazilian and brown.thinkin of goin to romania. i am curious to know if i will be a problem for some of the romanian men, because of the colour of my skin?
i met a girl from bucharest been with her 4 1month. shes there im here in london, i like her very much and im not to sure whether to go and visit her?
do u think i will get attacted 4 bein brown and with a romanian women in bucharest?
let me know.
thank yous
nastro
Comment by nastro — May 11, 2007 @ 3:52 am |
you will not get attacted beacause of your skin…usualy we are not racists…you could find some…hopely you won’t. You might be surprised of the interest of people (female especialy
) in you because of your skin 
Hope you’ll enjoy Romania! Hope you’ll get to visit more than just Bucharest, we have much nicer places in Romania.
Comment by Andra — May 12, 2007 @ 10:41 pm |
Hi,
I am an american girl visiting Romania in July. I would like to meet a special Romanian man, my age, 33-34.
Are really all of them macho, unfaithful, liars and stupid?
Comment by Jennifer — May 20, 2007 @ 8:15 am |
Hi, Jeniffer
In Romania, like everywhere are different kind of men. Despite the western concept about eastern Europeans we did not fall from the tree (or sky or whatever). In Romania there are not barbarians. Neither in Russia, Bulgaria, etc. Of course, there are pimps, robbers, you name them. LIKE EVERYWHERE else. If you want to find somebody … well … it’s a different kind of story. It’s not about Romania … it’s about what you’re looking for. Stay away from too colored people (i mean by that ‘tigani’, ‘rommi’) and downtown parts of the city however. Good luck.
Comment by Bogdan — May 26, 2007 @ 2:06 pm |
I am going to Bucharest in July, but I have been there once before. It seems that Romanian women have an incessant need to tell me how beautiful romanian women are and how much they rip people off, which got on my nerves a bit. Also, when looking on the internet, it seems that few women say that they are looking for anything romantic or even sexual, but they tend to put up provacative pictures. I don’t get that.
Comment by Jackson — June 1, 2007 @ 3:03 am |
It’s called narcissism, very popular amongst Romanian women.They like to be admired and complimented for their looks that’s why they put up very provocative photos on internet.
Comment by Dana — August 8, 2009 @ 5:12 pm |
WOW.
I don’t really know where to begin. In many of the posts, there is ALOT of generalizations going on. But, there are exceptions to EVERY rule. There are JERKS/LIARS/CHEATERS/UNATTRACTIVE/MACHO PEOPLE in EVERY corner of EVERY city of EVERY country in the WOLRD. Experiences are usually VERY different depending on the person, and the reactions to these experiences are usually VERY different depending on the person.
I have been to Romania 3 times.
I have MANY Romanian Friends, both Women and Men.
I would consider a few of these guys to be VERY GOOD Friends.
We have had MANY conversations on the subject of relationships.
In America, Men Cheat. Woment Cheat. It is no secret. In Romania when Man cheats, it is not emotional at all. It all about the sex. Romanians, and Europeans in general, have a much more open attitude about Sex. Men and Women. Romanian Women KNOW that Romanian Men Cheat. I have Screamed until I was Blue in the face that Cheating is WRONG. It is like Breathing to them. I have posed the question, “What if SHE is cheating on you?” “She’s not.” “HOW DO YOU KNOW?” “I KNOW.” ” She is not.” … usually, He is right. Romanian Women, and Women in general DO NOT CHEAT. They are Stronger. More Resilient. It is just life. It does NOT make it right, but it is what it is. Men are dogs, and if you can find a good one in the group…HOLD ON. Even Men who DON’T cheat, wonder what it’s like, and even the MOST FAITHFUL of men could get caught up in circumstances should they present themself. Will they? Maybe Not. Hopefully not, but MEN are MEN. ALL OVER THE WORLD. But WOMEN Cheat too. EVERYWHERE. Yes…If anyone cheats, it is USUALLY the MAN, but lets not kid ourselves…Women CAN BE JUST AS BAD. WE HAVE ALL SEEN IT! But the general concensus is that MEN are just week for sex. MEN NEED SEX. Not an excuse…just reality. THe Possessive/Macho/Lying/Cheater WILL CHEAT.
and these days, MEN are cheating with MEN (IN ROMANIA TOO) so the POSSESIVE/MACHO/LYING/CHEATER is ALL over the place…just FYI. The attitudes of Romanian men in Bucahrest are different that the attitudes of Romanian men in, say, Brasov. JUST like the attitudes of Men in Los Angeles are different than the attitudes of Men in, say, Wyoming. IT IS THE SAME THING. It should be EASY to make the distinction, but for some it is just easier to pick on a country that we are ignorant about, and make alot of general, stupid comparisons.
I find that once you break through the wall of communism in a Romanian, what you will find is a very warm and caring soul. Romanians (like Italians) are not very quick to be friendly, unless they know you or they know they can get something from you. (My Experience) And once they know you, they can be your best friend. VERY HOSPITIBLE. VERY CARING. VERY LOVING. …and again…It depends on WHO you are dealing with. I do NOT think it is realistic to judge an entire country based on a few weeks is said country. ..or judge all of it’s inhabitants by the jerk you met. There are JERKS EVERYWHERE. Also to judge the attractivness of all the men in the country is just wrong…That is like saying, American Men are not as attractive compared to American women, and we ALL know that is just NOT true. Being attractive is in the Eyes… I believe that Romania is a BEAUTIFUL Country, and I have had nothing but good memories of the people and the place.
If you are planning a trip to Romania…Go. If you are going to Bucharest, it is just like ANY BIG CITY. Watch Your Back. “NO THANK YOU” WORKS EVERYWHERE. My Advice is to stray away from the Big City, and go to the Countryside. The Mountains. IT is BEAUTIFUL. Go to BRASOV. GO to SINIA. Go to the BLACK SEA. It is STUNNING.
…and if you DATE ANYONE…BE SMART. If it sounds like CRAP in the first 10 minutes, then it is probably CRAP. Not just in ROMANIA, but ANYWHERE.
Comment by DJ — June 12, 2007 @ 12:24 am |
Bid HI from roumania ! I like this blog !
For Bogdan and Andra : good point ! i like you’re ansswer
Comment by LAURA — July 3, 2007 @ 10:44 pm |
i work with a few romanians at the excalibur in las vegas, and the women who work there are rather stand offish but the men they warmed up to me quickly. they are smart, funny, and super sweet.i have talked with them about their dating lives and they have had relationships of 2-3 years while being loyal. oh i have one quick question, id you were a 26 year old romanian man how young of a girl would you date?
Comment by jackie — July 9, 2007 @ 6:21 pm |
Well I have a lot to say: I met a Romanian women named Irina about a year ago. She walked into my life like a dream. As we started to see each other more,she started to change. I am an American male living in Michigan. I’m 53 divorced and have a grandson. What I found out was this women was different. I believe in being up front with someone. Although because of a bad divorce I didn’t want her to meet my family right away. We spent a lot of time to-gether but she kept changing. I thought she was the most beautiful,wonderful’and kindest person I ever met. Boy did I get a rude awakening. She turned into a tomcat. She was mean and very strange. All I ever wanted to do is be close to her. Then her X-husband starts coming around, and he wants her back. She was supposedly divorced for 2 years. She starts to get close to him and more farther away from me. Then she tells me we were never meant to be together and she wants to give him another chance. If you ask me some that sleeps with you and then tries to ignore you and drive you away is not all there. I think she needs a shrink. I’ll tell you this if this is how women are in Romania then you can keep them. They may be beautiful, but they are wolves in sheeps clothing. I also recall she never wanted to be seen in public or take a photo with me. And there was a time where she just flipped out after I aggrivated her. I think she is in love with herself. I guess it just goes to show you beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I hope she finds what she is looking for. I don’t ever want to see the bitch again. She disgust me.
Comment by kevin — July 25, 2007 @ 1:34 am |
Well the problem with you Kevin is that you met a Romanian woman at yout late age of 53.Of course that woman is going to be tied down to someone else as at this age most people are.I know for a fact(as a child of a divorced romanian woman) that no matter what happens she will always sooner or later communicate with her once lost lover and there is a strong possibility of their realtionship blossoming.A romanian woman generally looks for someone to satisfy them mentally sexually and spritually once they have that you have yourself a partner for life.However once you show some weakness in any of those areas she will gladly go back to the previous guy that was filling those shoes even though he might have cheated or even beat her.In other words you my friend are not strong enough to handle the passion the latin spirit that a tru latina can give you.YOU ARE DISSMISED.NEXT??
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:18 am |
The Romanian mind-set is take, take, take. Probably comes from Russian influence. It is difficult for Westerners to grasp, but generally, honesty is seen as an undesirable quality in Eastern Europe, and Romania especially. Superficiality is king, and having the newest cellphone is a badge of honor. The average Romanian is a decent individual, but the average “Bucherestian” is a whole other animal. That is where I draw the distinction. Bucharest is a sewer, and those who reside there are thieves, or “wannabe thieves.” Plain and simple. As far as Latin influence goes… yeah, right! I have been to most true Latin countries, and honesty and respect is a cornerstone of the Latin culture. Romanians need to get real, and realize that they are not Latin whatsoever. A conquering thousands of years ago does not carry forward in this day and age. Having a language that is loosely based on Latin, does not make Romania a Latin country, does it?
Comment by God Savethequeen — July 30, 2007 @ 2:11 pm |
You have a really warped vision of Romania.I will be the first to tell you that Romania is not the greatest country in the world nor the cleanest.However i will tell you this we are a Latin country so Latin in fact our vocabulary is almost pure latin more so than Italian Spanish Portugese or French.As a true Romanian (and proud of my heritage) our mindset is not take take take.Our mindset is give give give.And that is give those that try to invade us more than they could handle give those that talk bad about us some insight and give soul to an otherwise forgotten soulles place called the eastern europe block.We Romanians stick out like a Rose coming out of the concrete never been touched smelling so sweet yet pricks cut your fingers blood dripping out youre not so tough with sweet in your mouth
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:35 am |
Hello all, I had a GREAT time in Bucharest back in May, also was fortunet to see alot of the country before taking the overnight train to Budapest. As a 55 yr old American on retreat from Afghanistan. My time was WELL spent. Thought time did not allow for any personal relationship to evaul, It was Still a place I will look forward to spending more time.
Truth be told, with the right person, honesty and affection for the other person on both sides. Wonderfull life is posible. A life long friend, and a memory and regret that I could not stay.
Kevin
Comment by Kevin — August 7, 2007 @ 3:32 am |
This is to the Kevin from July 25th posting and anyone that has had problems with Romanian women.
The reason you cant handle a Romanian woman is because you either are a gay faggot loser or a cuckhold pussy.
Romanian women are hotter then U.S. women. I met many of them and I never had a problem with them. They are not standoffish compared to U.S. women.
Women in the U.S are inferior and are all shit face feminazi worthless scum.
Oh and to Godsavetehqueem, Romanians ARE Latin you retarded ignorant faggot.
Just cause you people are gay faggot queers, it does not make Romanian girls bad. Romanian girls are mostly slim and have tight fit bodies.
They can smell a faggot and thats why they may not like certain men, while U.S. women prefer closet faggot men.
Most U.S. women are fat pig freak creatures and they are all inferior to Romanian women.
Comment by Wolfpack — August 15, 2007 @ 7:22 pm |
hi all x im an english gal, n i have been dating a romanian guy, unfortunatly i have fallen for him big time… at first it was perfect, but even though perfect, isince dating him for over 2 months now, i have never had the chance to spend 1 whole day with him, or even a whole weekend with him!!..yes it all sounds suspicious..even to me whilst im writing this! deep down i guess there is something wrong.. i mean hes ok to see me at night..sleep with me, but then when its the weekend..he Must spend time with his brothers n sisters…so when do i fit in/..when i ask him he always turns it round to me and then i feel bad for even saying anything.. I dont know maybe its a romanian thing..but in england when you meet someone n you have strong feelings for someone, you spend as much available time as possible together…in bed AND out of bed!!!…well its such a shame, as i do really like him, but its plain to see hes only after one thing! even though ive said this to him over n over..he STILL says hes not and hes fallen for me?????…. oh how confused i feel!! is there ANY honest gorgeous romanian men out there?….i do think he should see his family..i think that is very important, but itd be nice to be involved at some point?..tell me im wrong? xxx
Comment by jay — August 19, 2007 @ 4:02 pm |
oh and another thing, we had a problem with 1 of his fellow romanian so called mates, he involved me in the argument, so me being me, tried to take it in my own hands to tell the ‘mate’ what i thought….this caused total uproar with my fella, so am i to understand that the romanian culture is the women stay out of arguments, and have to sit tight lipped whilst the men sort the problem out?…sorry im not being nasty..just trying to understand?….. xx
Comment by jay — August 19, 2007 @ 4:11 pm |
well, as an american woman dating a romanian man i find my relationship refreshing and intriguing. although there are many cultural differences that result in a variety of heated arguments it is almost hysterical at times to see how much our cultures have influenced and at times even defined who we are and how we think. what i thought i would relate that i found most amusing was that recently a close friend brought me a recent article of the popular men’s magazine called Men’s Health. in this particular issue men were interviewed from all over north america, south america, and europe about their sexual experience. as it turns out my fellow ladies reading this blog…. it turns out that romania comes in as the second country to have the most sex year-round. this article not only made me laugh out loud but i also find it oh-so entertaining that only men were asked and since men have no need to flaunt their masculine nature or sexual prowess that they would answer these questions honestly. as for me and my romanian man… i am quite happy and satisfied! best wishes to anyone lucky enough to date a romanian!!!
Comment by Treyvan — August 23, 2007 @ 5:01 am |
You are one happy lady,so are my 5 female friends,if only i can unite the all together im sure we would all be satisfyed,together…
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:50 am |
Well, as a romanian I must adimit that we are the best lovers… between romanian! Seriously now, Romania is a 100% patriachat country, that means: the man is the leader and the women just an accesory! Not that I would follow the “traditional way” of thinking but… it is the true! In the last 18 years a lot has been done in this direction and things start to slowly change and that gives hopes… hopes for the romanian females! Not to forget: i loved treyvan’s comment and i really want to tell you that: I LOVE YOU pumpkin’…
Comment by The monkey.... — August 23, 2007 @ 7:27 pm |
I went on vacation this summer and met a Romanian man. I am an American women. He was the sexiest, most beautiful man ever. he was the best lover i ever had. Even though he is long gone now. I can’t get him out of my head. Totally romantic,, american men are a shame next to romanians. And women cheat all the time. I/m glad i did.
Comment by summer — September 5, 2007 @ 11:54 pm |
I am not sure if it is worth trying to rank/compare lovers by nationality. Anyone who traveled a bit, lived and shared their life with others knows how unexpected (for good or bad) dating and individuals are everywhere. Isn’t this part of why we all love it so much? I also believe that the whole dating culture in a country is the product of attitude from both genders (adjust for degrees of freedom). One shapes the other. As a group, men get what women give, and they do or seek to be what women expect. And the other way around. True in Romania and elsewhere in my experience.
Comment by rica venturiano — September 10, 2007 @ 10:59 pm |
too God Savethequeen:
Comment by Bogdan — September 21, 2007 @ 1:41 pm |
too God Savethequeen :
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LATINITY?…
“Superficiality is king, and having the newest cellphone is a badge of honor”, well not everybody in romania can afford a top-rated cell-phone and it comes like a trend, yes, but are you trying to tell me that this doesn’t happen everywhere? how would an english teenager ,for example, feel if she wouldn’t have a mobile to talk to all her friends for hours, I would say probabily inferior, and that is not superficial? if it’s not a cell-phone, it’s an i-pod or whatever the trend brings and it’s the same everywhere, depending from people to people
“the average “Bucherestian” is a whole other animal”- do you know all of the 2 million people from Bucharest? I am from the countryside of Banat and momentarily I reside in the UK, and I have a lot of relatives and acquaitances in Bucharest and they are extraordinary people, although I have oftenly been struck by the superiority of some people because they are from the city and I’m from a smaller town. Can you tell me that isn’t the same in most places of the world? and to say that everyone in Bucharest is a thief suggests that you were hanging out only in the wrong places, too bad for you.
“I have been to most true Latin countries, and honesty and respect is a cornerstone of the Latin culture. Romanians need to get real, and realize that they are not Latin whatsoever. A conquering thousands of years ago does not carry forward in this day and age. Having a language that is loosely based on Latin, does not make Romania a Latin country, does it?” if you go back to ancient Rome, you will find about the huge level of coruption that lead ti its fall, like every other major power that rose and obtained huge succes, and I’m sorry for your ignorance in believing that there is no honesty and respect in Romania, but you need to know that these virtues are present or not in every part of the world, it’s all a matter of the person that you interract with, and I have seen that many people share my opinion in their posts, and you need to get real and start making some documentations before doing statements like that, so if you want to question our latinity you have some serious reading to do, as we have been sustaining it for hundreds of years in front of conquering and tyranic world powers. Our latinity is the basis of our nationality and you are way off in your comments.
And for the record, our language isn’t losely based on latin, the vocabulary is aprox 70% of latin descent and our grammar comes almost entirely from the latin grammar!
Comment by Bogdan — September 21, 2007 @ 2:04 pm |
I haven’t replied to a blog before, but I was fascinated by this one – because of direct [recent past] experience of ‘dating’ a Romanian – and wanted to say my piece! But whatever I say is a general observation based on what I felt and is not intended to be a statement about all Romanians.
There’s no doubt about it, there are sexy, very sexy Romanian men. In general, I found the younger men sensual in an earthy and sexy way, potent and virile. And so there’s no surprise that I was really attracted to my man. They are often passionate and loud in that ‘latin’ way, having strong opinions [not always particularly well thought through] that they voice loudly and openly. I love that as I’m pretty opinionated myself. In general,however, people seem to think nothing of talking over each other and simply raise the volume to get there point across. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of listening going on! Men, in particular, have powerful [sexy] voices that can drown out others and can sometimes sound aggressive to a non-Romanian. I don’t think it’s always intended like that, but sometimes it is!
One of the earlier bloggers mentioned a tendency towards sadness. I noticed this too. There would be great tears and venting of feelings on hearing of some bad news or events that have befallen a fellow countryman. Of course, we all feel that, but I have never seen such outpourings of grief and sadness. There seems to be great empathy for fellow Romanians and passionate defence of their country folk. I admire their ability to express themselves, coming from a country that most people feel is repressed – we’re not, but that’s another matter!
What I found particularly interesting [and infuriating] was that often these passions that were so strong and fierce would somehow go ‘bad’ in close relationships, especially male/female ones. Real male respect for women seems to be pretty rare. They talk a lot about women being stronger, admiring them blah! blah! blah! but male infidelity seems rife, almost endemic! What is even more annoying is the ‘it’s just sex’ attitude which seems to assume that women will accept this behaviour. God forbid if the boot was on the other foot. No one is denying that things happen, people hook up, mistakes get made and people betray others – but over and over again? And it’s the assumption that the woman has somehow done something to make this happen. I heard justifications on the basis of a woman’s weight! that infidelity was ‘hereditary’! As well as all the usual rubbish about it meaning nothing. I often heard comments made by men and women discussing whether a woman was ‘a good wife’, never whether a man was a good husband!
As one example of male ‘respect’ for women I was told the story of an ex girlfriend who ‘clearly had a psychological problem’ because she demanded her boyfriend come home at 6am because she thought he was with other women. The man’s indignation was forceful. It was only some months later that he revealed that he had regularly been ‘a naughty boy’ while with his girlfriend!!!! I remember being accused by my ex of being jealous or suspicious because I didn’t want to wait for him in the cold winter streets while he visited his ex. He didn’t even consider the fact that he was congenitally late and I’d learnt from experience not to make any arrangements like that. His automatic assumption was that I was a jealous clingy girlfriend.
Somehow I think the key to all this lies somewhere in the relationship with the mother and father,like all things!! When I first visited Romania I have to say I was shocked by the amount of looking after that Romanian women do. I like to look after my man as much, if not more, than the next woman. But in Romania it seemed completely expected that clothes would be washed, food would be cooked, beds would be made, spare socks and pants would be bought, hair would be combed! All of this was done automatically. I met mostly men, so I don’t know how far it was true for daughters too. When I tried to discuss it with my boyfriend, he feigned annoyance with it all, claimed he wanted to be independent and then got his mum to pour him a glass of juice from a bottle that was about 5 metres away! I realised that whenever I did something that I considered a loving caring act [cooking a special supper, hunting out a nice new shirt, a massage at the end of the working day, ironing something nice for him to go out in ] it was all ‘nothing special’ for my man, he’d grown up expecting it! And he wasn’t the only one. Sons really did seem to be treated like princes.
It wasn’t just the expectation that struck me. It was the attitude that his family had ‘ruined’ him by looking after him too much, that they were to blame. He said he was too weak to be able to take any responsibility for himself, despite being nearly 30. His father had had several affairs throughout his marriage and yet my boyfriend felt it was necessary for him to have a word with his mother about her refusal to ’succumb’ to her husband’s affections when he was drunk and felt like being loving. Again, no understanding of the undermining of his mother’s identity, no empathy for her situation – just he’s your husband and you should show him some love!
And so sadly all that great attraction, passion and interest died! It’s a shame. Those Romanian men have got something really great going on, but just don’t get too close! I wonder how Romanian woem cope. They seem pretty tough and sexy in their own right, so that might explain things! I think that things are going to get really interesting with this generation and the ones that follow.
Comment by Brit Gal! — September 24, 2007 @ 12:03 am |
I worked at a hotel that employed many Romanians and on the arrival of the first Romanian girl, I was totally stunned, she was absolutely beautiful, everything a guy could ever want. I asked my Romanian male friends in disbelief “Do all of the women in your country look like that!?!” and they replied “No, she is so ugly, don’t think all Romanian girls are ugly just because of this one!”
Anyway, many years later, I find myself engaged to Romanian girl and am very pleased with the whole situation. So happy that I’m moving with her to Iasi next year. She assures me that compared to other Romanian girls, she’s not that attractive, but to me, she’s beautiful. She’s happy that she has a man that knows how to cook and use a vacuum cleaner. She has an expectation that men just want someone to chain to the stove and make babies. What makes my girl different is that even though she expects that of men, she won’t tolerate it. I think the Romanian women who do tolerate abusive, misogynist men owe some blame that this traditional behavior is continuing. I realize that there needs to be a lot of changes in law and culture before Romanian women can enjoy the freedom of independence, but it has to start somewhere, even if that means importing an American husband.
Comment by Fritz — September 24, 2007 @ 3:34 pm |
Am American man has nothing and i mean nothing to give to a true Romanian woman.A Romanian woman needs someone who can tenderly and lovingly take control and make her feel protected.With your attitude i guarantee you wont last even one day in a Romanian ghetto you are nothing but a provider.Once your girl meets a misogyinistic male that chains her to the stove she will feel like a real woman the woman she was supposed to be and if you cant give her that i will or if she is in the USA most likeky a Puerto Rican or black man will.Peace my brother but dont think you will last too long
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 5:04 am |
god your really love yourself don’t you. Your such a racisit ignorant prick
Comment by john — June 10, 2009 @ 10:38 pm
and before you say it is racist which i wrote wrong this is because you angered me so much about your comments on degrading not only white women but all women whatever their background.
Comment by john — June 10, 2009 @ 10:48 pm
I’m an American married to a Romanian guy (we live in the US). Unless you’re a doormat, don’t do it! My husband expects me to give up all my “outside” interests. He expects me to cook, clean and take care of his kid (I have a full-time job too). I’m not supposed to have any opinion of my own. He wants to be able to tell me what to think, what to do, what my likes and dislikes are. He had told me plenty of times that the only people in our family that matter are him and his kid. He’s a total dictator. He’s controlling. He is totally blameless (in his opinion). He lies to me all the time and when I catch him he tells me it’s my fault that he lied! I can’t even justify his behavior by saying he’s just “old school”. He’s not even 40 years old! Funny how he wasn’t like this in the year we dated before we got married…
Comment by anon — September 29, 2007 @ 10:57 pm |
Its always him him him and not me me me .Right??? Maybe just maybe if you knew him knew what he likes what turns him on what to cook for him when he comes home how to truly satisfy him you wouldnt be in that situation.Im a Romanian male living in the USA (NYC) for 16 years now and i never and will never date An american white woman.I stick to my fellow latinas and it works for me they always know how to satisfy a man.If you dont know how to cook well suck dick well or be passionate might as well date another bland ass American male such as yousrelf.
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 5:10 am |
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Pingback by Internet dating - Romania.org Community :: View topic - Romania Dating | Dating | information on dating — October 8, 2007 @ 6:25 pm |
I live in the U.S And I married a Romanian man.
We have been married 4 months and we dated a year.
I have a child of 10 years old.
It has turned into a nightmare………
I have to pay all living cost and I cant go nowhere and only can talk to my family on the phone. My son loves him but is starting to be afraid to come home from school.He said he wants to save all the money from the child support because he says he is raising him ( he is) I dont mind cooking cleaning and I can even put up with paying the bills but, He is mad that he has to pay health insurance (not much) on me and him. When I tell him That this is life, he says he is not just working to pay bills. When he went buy milk , it was a big deal for him. The bills I have are just living cost,I dont have no credit cards are nothing lke that.We never talked about rent because I assumed it would be half! But when my son wanted to go to the movies with his friends he blew up.He said I was wasting my money….I cant buy nothing because he says “you are a BIG spender woman” He drinks like a fish and smoke 3 pacs a day! (not when we dated) Im starting to wonder what will happen after 2 yrs. when he has all his papers to say in the U.S ????I try not to think like this but…..And I hear Romanian men are great lovers????? The sex has Stop, Its like a duty for him.
I have to say that I love him but everything I do is wrong and he makes sure that I see it his way. When we are not Fighting its great but We fight 6 days a week and I have to see it his way before its finished. Money is the problem!
He thinks our checks should be saved….. We have to live and buy food….thats life… I have money saved but its never enough….
Comment by Virginia — October 10, 2007 @ 5:37 pm |
well in cases like this it doesn’t matter if he is romanian, american, british, mongolian, sudanian, he is a pig and you just have to get rid of him…
Comment by Bogdan — October 11, 2007 @ 2:55 pm |
well, i met a romania girl the other night, and i have to say she was the hottest girl in the room.
i think she may have been with her boyfriend at the time, but, he seemed pretty cool.
although in saying all of this i was quite drunk (but who wasnt) at the time
i give my star rating of 4.5/5 stars for how the romanians play ball
Comment by nickj — November 1, 2007 @ 6:09 am |
Just as reply to the post where is stated that Romanian are not Latins:
The Thracian genealogical tree counts over 200 tribes, of which the most important ones are those of the Dacians, the Getae, the Ramantes people, of the Besins (the metallurgists), of the Latins, etc.
Dio Casius: “let us not forget that Trajan was a true-born Thracian.The fights between Trajan and Decebalus were fratricidal wars, and the Thracians were Dacians.”
According to Mircea Eliade, the huge number of the branches coming out of the Thracian genealogical tree would amount to approximately 200. (“The Dictionary of Religions,” page. 265)
According to Strabon’s information from Geography (VII, 5, 1 – “The Istros and the Alps between Italy and Germany”) “the Pelasgian-Thracian-Illyrian populations own a territory bordering on that lake (reference is made to Constanza, a lake in today’s Switzerland) next to which live the Vindelicii, the Retti, and the Helvetti … The above-mentioned territory (Alpine-Pannonian-Illyrian) was laid waste by the Boi people and the Taurians – Celtic tribes under Critasiros. The Dacians laid claim over this territory, although they were separated from it by the river Parisos (today, the river Paar, in Germany) which crossed the mountains and flowed into “the Istros” (old name of the Danube).
Pelasgian people, founders of modern Europe. Of late, more and more researchers have been of the opinion that the cradle of the old Europe is the Carpatho-Danubian space (Marija Gimutas), while P.Bosch-Ghimpera holds that the starting territory of the European peoples is the space between the Danube’s Valley, the Aegean Sea (the Thracian Sea) and the Black Sea (the Getic Sea).
Herodotus, in “Histories V. 9″ wrote that “starting with the Hercynian Woods, the western frontier of the Pelasgian Thracian space crosses the Eastern Alps, passing by Noricum, a province inhabited mainly by Dacian and Celto-Germanic people, and then goes as far down as to the Aquileea (nowadays Terzo d’ Aquileia – Italy), to the Venetians’ Golf. From this point the western and south-western border of the Pelasgian -Thracian space follows the shore of the Adriatic Sea, the entire western shore of the Balkan Peninsula and reaches as far as Crete
Ok….that way to much info, i just could not help myself
Comment by Off Topic — November 2, 2007 @ 7:02 am |
i just can’t believe what im reading why do people have to be some people have to be so ignorant realize people come on there are liars cheaters non atractive and atractive people all over the world basically there is some differences in cultures but that doesn’t mean all Romanian guys are pocessive or all Romanian guys i believe there is cheaters and liars violence dominant guys all over the world and lastly beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Comment by sexy — November 11, 2007 @ 4:05 am |
i just can’t believe what im reading why some people have to be so ignorant realize people come on there are liars cheaters non atractive and atractive people all over the world basically there is some differences in cultures and other things but that doesn’t mean all Romanian guys are pocessive i believe there is cheaters,liars ,violence, dominant dictators all over the world and lastly beauty is in the eye of the beholder and my boyfriend is Romanian he’s sexy romantic passionate sweet and oh my god he’s just sexy we both love se*
Comment by sexy — November 11, 2007 @ 4:11 am |
I am an English woman and have been living with a Romanian man for 4 months now and we intend to marry this year. I will not disclose my age but will say that I am not a teenager anymore and am a “woman of the world” so to speak and in my experience I have never experienced such a warm and tender relationship ever before in my life! My man is loving and giving, kind and thoughtful, is happy to cook and clean whilst us both having our own space, time and friends. Its perfect!! There have been a few cultural differences but we have learnt to overcome these by talking and understanding each other. I dont think people should generalise which men of a particular country are good or bad because there is good and bad in every race in this world. I could say that all english men are pigs, which they are not, I was just unfortunate enough to meet the ones who were!!
Comment by Shell — January 2, 2008 @ 12:50 am |
Oh, and just to add that he is the most attentive lover too!!!
Comment by Shell — January 2, 2008 @ 12:52 am |
Via Craigs List, I met a Romanian man living in the US. I’m 50; he’s 42. Many of the comments on here match my experience.
We first emailed, then talked on the phone and finally met. Each time we interacted I felt more and more attracted to him. Compared to American men on average, he smokes more, cusses more, and expresses his opinions more unapologetically. I have to say that he does not treat me as well as the average American man, but his different cultural viewpoint makes him fascinating, never boring. He has told me that many American women have thrown themselves at him after only knowing him 2 days. He thinks that he’s just an average guy, but here in the US, he’s not. Maybe in Romania, he would be the norm. He is one of the smartest and attractive men I have ever known. I do prefer smart, shorter men with dark hair and eyes.
Because of the age difference, I never thought he could be truly mine as a boyfriend or husband. Eventually, we started a sexual relationship and I have loved it. He is a good lover, but I have also had good American lovers. One difference, though, its all about him. He loves to be massaged and I will usually massage and scratch him for at least 30 minutes. He has never offered to do the same for me and I have never asked. I actually want him to feel like a king and don’t want to make demands.
I would marry him in an instant, but that will never happen. He is very secretive and carefully keeps me separate from his Romanian friends. I have only met one of his friends and never been in his apartment. We rarely go out. Eventually, I will put a stop to this, but right now I’m hooked. I’m studying the language and hope to visit in the next 2 years with or without him.
Comment by TLC — January 6, 2008 @ 1:18 am |
You are a sweetheart.Let him know what you feel about him and he might change a little.I am a romanian male grew up in USA but very much identify with Romania since i spent about 14 years of my life there .I am very much like what you describe as your man however i prefer an open relationship with a woman ,if she comes out and communicates my shortcomings to me i would only appreciate her more and even improve myself to make sure she is truly satisfyed.As a male he should not be so secretive to someone he likes unless he has other women waiting around.As far as going to Romania it is truly a shock (maybe in a good or bad way) for a westerner.It might open your eyes up or it might fill you up with rage and hatred.Reading your post most likely you will enjoy it.Make sure you visit the Black Sea (please go in the summer),Mamaia is beautiful ,Costinesti also to see young people or go to the Carphatian Mountains visit Sinaia Brasov go to Sibiu and Sighisoara.
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 6:01 am |
Many Romanian women are very attractive and it’s sad to see the quality of life they have to live. I have looked on the internet for a good online dating site where I can meet a Romanian or Russian women, but it seems like most places I found are in the “we hook you up with a gold digger” business. http://www.datingsitedirect.com is a good place I found that has a listing of dating sites.
Comment by CC — January 8, 2008 @ 9:49 pm |
The phrase ‘You lie down with dogs,you get up with fleas’ springs to mind.If Romanian men are so bad in terms of their treatment of women then I’m sure Romanian women are at least partly to blame also.If a Romanian girl grows up and sees macho promiscous men as the norm then she will naturally seek out that type of man or be attracted to those types continuing the cycle,its human nature.Short-term the unknown might be attractive but long-term it is very hard to break away from your conditioning.
Comment by sonny — January 13, 2008 @ 8:09 pm |
Hi all,
I need some ideas. How much do Roumanian women tell lie? Can you make such a generalization? (My question is serious). Is it a kind of habit?
And, can a Roumanian girl let herself be known to some person almost totally different from her real personality? They all do really believe in god normally.
And can a Roumanian girl swear on very important things, like parents, for a lie? Is this a kind of normal behaviour?
Do Roumanian girls have a limit to consume your life and heart energy?
Thanks for those who express their direct or indirect experiences.
Comment by Rode Buckley — January 14, 2008 @ 12:59 pm |
My answer to you is go pray to Allah for a higher IQ than come back and ask the same questions without retarded child syndrome.
Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 6:03 am |
I had a bad experience with a young Romanian woman before. We were just friends.
She had been so nice until one time money was involved.
Now I have a friend thinking of dating a Romanian lady in his workplace. I think he should find out if she has a hidden dark side or not. Good for him if she is a nice girl. I’m just wondering if I’m too much biased against them based on only one personal.
Comment by Judy — January 17, 2008 @ 10:34 pm |
Yet another prejudiced bunch of stereotypes which cast doubts on the balance of the OP. Perhaps one needs to consider that Romanians dislike being stereotyped as much as any other nation. Frankly the prejudice and shallowness of such generalizations is nauseating.
Comment by anonymous — January 28, 2008 @ 3:23 am |
I have been seeing a romanian girl here in the uk and have got to know a few of her friends. Unfortunatly for me i fell in love with her and all she has ever done is mess me around! She has a partner that she said she was only staying with because there was money tied up that she didn t want to loose. She said she didn t love him all the way through the time i have been with her. Yet she casually said after being seeing each other for a year that actually she does love him and doesn t love me. She has done this on five occasions now dropping me like a sack of shit. I treated her better than i have ever treated anyone i worshiped the ground that she stood on. Yet this is not enough and it seems that she would prefer to spend a life of misery with her boyfriend who cheats on her all the time and treats her like dirt. They have a funny idea about cheating as if it is ok to cheat. WHAT THE F^£K! Why would you want to be with a lying scum bag that beats her up and cheats on her. Anyway this girl has destroyed my life. She is actually no better than her lying cheating boyfriend. STAY WELL AWAY FROM ROMANIANS THEY ARE LYING CHEATING SCUM. This was not only just her and her boyfriend doing this but all of them all her mates were at it especially the females. They just use you for what they want then throw you away when you are of no use anymore to them! I gave up a really good girl because of the lies this girl told me!! They are all lying filth – go back to your shitty fu&$ing poor country and stay away from decent folk and stick to your own breed – SCUM SCUM SCUM
Comment by Dave V — February 2, 2008 @ 12:57 am |
I am a new comer to this site – I am 51 and intend to travel to Romania in March. Any thoughts / suggestions on how and where to meet
Romanian women who might be interested in freindship/ long term relation? Any do’s and dont’s?
Comment by Ralph — February 6, 2008 @ 2:02 pm |
Hey Ralph, hopefully you’re not as bitter as Kevin – July 25, 2007. Also, I hope you’re not interested in a mail-ordered bride either… Just relax and be yourself, treat women with respect and whatever the outcome is don’t be a fucking dick to her.
Have a good trip.
PS: You sound too desperate. Just go to Romania and get to know the culture, the people, visit places, don’t go with just that one thing in mind: don’t try to plunder. You follow my advice and whatever advices Dr. Phil may have dished out over the years, and who knows, you may get lucky.
Comment by pappy — February 12, 2008 @ 6:53 am |
Claudia, in response to the comment you made on and before Oct 3, 2006 about the way Romanian men treat their women, and raising the issue of women being treated like property… (By the way, I’ve just discovered your blog in 2008, so I am looking thru these archived comment – so I apologize to the “delayed” response).
Anyway, in Canada, the Parliament has only recently (in the last 10 years, I believe) ammended the Criminal Code’s provision that the wife cannot testify against the husband in a court proceedings because (are you ready!)the wife was considered the husband’s property. This stems from the British Common Law.
So, here’s my point. Stop making the Romanians look like we are the worst kind. I don’t understand why you are so bitter about your own people. Look outside the box and admit the fact that what you are describing, throughout this entire blog, is that the human nature has an ugly side. I came on this blog so I can somehow reconnect with my culture, where/how I grew up in Romanian (yes, very hard times indeed). I wish that this blog is no longer an invitation to “self-mutilate” ourselves (Romanians) but rather to inform and entertain ourselves.
Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 8:54 pm |
Pappy, I am really astonished that after several months of abandoning this blog people comment with so much passion. I do appreciate that and I also appreciate your view. I am not taking back though what I have written. It’s true, it’s about the human nature in general, but I live among Romanians and I do take notice of those around me. It’s also true that I don’t really like Romanians, but I don’t hate them either. I am Romanian myself, so I think I have the right to be bitter or not with my fellows. Actually is hard for me to understand those who see only the ‘good’, though it’s easier when you live abroad to idealize your country. However, if you have a different opinion, go ahead and write more here. As for myself, I don’t feel at all that I ’self-mutilate’ myself or other people, I just think that criticism is sometimes better than self-indulging.
Comment by darian — February 13, 2008 @ 9:24 pm |
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptClaudia, in response to the comment you made on and before Oct 3, 2006 about the way Romanian men treat their women, and raising the issue of women being treated like property… (By the way, I’ve just discovered your blog in 2008, … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:27 pm |
You feel astonished! Holy shit, lady! Do you think someone is gonna come and clean up your shit after a while…! Hell ya, you better assume that (if this blog is gonna continue indefinitely) people will see mine and your comments and will react regardless of how much time it’s past.
Hey what can I say we’re(romanians)are very passionate people, in every sense of the word.
I will not dissect your whole entry that you last made, but I’ll stop you at the “…though it’s easier when you live abroad to idealize your country.”: You are making enormous assumptions about being and living easier abroad; it’s fine – you’re just ignorant.
I guess I expect you (although is not fair)to be more objective or even make an attempt to make a disclaimer, such as: I feel like… (shit, I sound like a shrink, but you get the idea), as you splurge in your verbal diarheea. Otherwise, this whole blog will join and will invite so many people full of hatred who would do it just to get off.
You and I have lived the hard life in Romania, and it didn’t get all that better overseeas (initially). I get frustrated and I am afraid that this generalizations broadcasted all over makes us sound like we’re a waste of skin.
“Self-indulging” Indulge in what? What are talking about? Do you like play on words, or something? What am I indulging in? This crap?
Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:34 pm |
Pappy, or whatever is your name …you take yourself too serious. Find something useful to do or star your own blog. I’m so far away from ‘verbal diarrhoea’, I don’t hate anybody because I simply don’t hate people and I did not plan to be ‘objective’ as it’s not a sociological/anthropological essay, it’s a point of view written one year ago. Hey!! Let’s keep some sense with us, will you?
Comment by darian — February 13, 2008 @ 10:40 pm |
You’re right.
Sorry if you feel like I stole the limelight from you.
You should listen to yourself more. I’m taking myself too seriously… Read what you wrote!
Yes, there are some things that I am passionate about: who I am and where I came from, are some of those things, and I get defensive about it. I make no apologies for that.
Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:52 pm |
I was just recently involved with a Romanian male and it has had to be the worst experience of my life. In the beginning he pursued me, then obsorbed all of my time, and basically moved himself in my house. After a while I got used to him being around all the time, and really started enjoying his companionship. However, he was extremely secretive. He never introduced me to his family (I was a dirty secret), because I’m 10 years older than him and I have three children. Even though he had these flaws, I still fell in love with him, because he had or so I thought a very sweet and sensitive side. I did find out that he was a liar and a cheat pretty quickly. When he lived with me he did not help at all financially and was working construction. However, the construction jobs seemed to be few and far in between. He would basically play on the internet all day. I later found out that he was pursuing Romanian women online. We went on vacation to Southern California (we live in Northern California)and I had him drive my car back up north, because I had to stay down south for a meeting. From the moment he picked me up from the airport, I knew something was different with him. He left my house with my car to go run errands and he left his cell phone on the dining room table. It rang and I had this overwhelming compusion to look at his text messages. One of the nights I was down down south, he stayed down there to meet up with a Romanian woman he met online. He told her she was a “ten” and gorgeous. Then he was desperately pleading with her to let him spend the night at her house. She was extremely disgusted and it showed through in her text messages. She told him that it was inappropriate and that she just met him. Apparently, they met at a bar and he had a lot to drink. He said the reason he needed to stay at her house, was because the police pulled someone over in the bar’s parking lot and didn’t want to drive. Which I don’t believe, but I was really pist that he had been drinking and driving MY CAR. Then the next day he was begging her to go out to eat with him. I was so hurt, because he told me he loved me and pretty much had all my friends and family convinced that he loved me too. I confronted him when he came home and he was livid that I found out about his secret. We both didn’t speak and went to bed upset. The next day he tried to hug me and ask me how I was doing and I pushed him away and said I don’t know. Then in the middle of my work day he text messaged me and told me that he moved out. I was completely shocked and so was everyone else who knew us, because we really got along well and he really acted as though he loved me. From that point on, it was the beginning of the end. My intuition told me to start doing some digging on the internet and I that is when I found out he had been pursuring other women on the internet. We no longer speak, but I did save the Romanian woman’s phone number from the text messages, called her and she confirmed that he continued to pursue her. She finally told him to delete her number and email address. Her advice to me was never to date Romanian men. She said that she does not date Romanian men, because of the way they treat women. I don’t want to generalize, but reading through these blogs there certainly seems to be a lot in common with these men and I don’t think I would ever date a Romanian again.
Comment by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 6:00 am |
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI was just recently involved with a Romanian male and it has had to be the worst experience of my life. In the beginning he pursued me, then obsorbed all of my time, and basically moved himself in my house. After a while I got used to … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 8:15 am |
It is deja vu in reading the above comment on dating Romanian men. Your story is so similar to mine. I dated and married a Romanian man. I too was 10 years older and everyone family and friends thought he was a wonderful person and that he loved me; however, this turned into a nightmare. Family was off limits…ditto much above. He would work but spent most time on the internet playing games and I found searching for other women. The way he speaks and his treatment of his women of his past is awful. I didnot find this out until it was to late. Committment and honesty is far from his tongue. Selfish and self-centered and lacks integrity and character. Interested in dating a Romanian don’t ignore the red flags appear don’t ignore…it is more of a a mask he wears. Always proceed with caution a man’s true colors will show if given enough time.
Comment by Jazze — February 14, 2008 @ 3:00 pm |
Hi Jazze,
I have to wonder if we were dating the same guy or if this is really cultural….scary!
Comment by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 11:44 pm |
Hi All,
I’m the girl that Blondie is talking about. I’m a Romanian woman and proud of it.
I’ve sworn off being emotionally involved with Romanian men a little over three years ago.
Since then I’ve been doing just fine…don’t miss them…definitely don’t need them.
Here are my opinions:
1. They are possessive and jealous creatures.
2. Lack of respect…because if they show respect they don’t think they have balls….
3. They don’t understand the meaning of the word friendship only….and Go Away….means …Take me I’m yours.
4. They’re wannabe machos which turn out to be a freaking pumpkin at the end.
5. Absolutely no core values when it comes to respecting their partner………do they even consider a woman a partner???
6. Always trying to lie…cheat…or betray in some kind…from small things to important ones…I guess they think that’s what makes them men…
7. Let’s not forget about their bodies….can I get a YUCK and an AMIN from you guys? I mean seriously…the gym started being a fashionable thing not too long ago in Romania….so there are some good bodies out there….but mostly…still the same…the man can look like sit…..BUT God forbid the woman gains a pound!
This list could go on…but don’t have time for it. These are my main observations.
And YES….I will not date a Romanian guy even if he’s covered in gold….
If you find one that seems different that you’ve heard….beware…they’re like that in the beginning…The core is still the same…nobody will change the culture in which they’ve been raised.
Cheers.
Comment by Roxana — February 15, 2008 @ 4:05 am |
[...] Lux Alptraum wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHi All, I’m the girl that Blondie is talking about. I’ma Romanian woman and proud of it. I’ve sworn off being emotionally involved with Romanian men a little over three years ago. Since then I’ve been doing just fine…don’t miss … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Roxana — February 15, 2008 @ 7:17 am |
hei Roxana! where the hell did you come from?! I am a romanian guy an proud of it, am abroad doing a gap year, and I can tell you one thing: this is one romanian man who you’ll never see hiting or being interested on you (probably because of my allergy to stupidity). It’s probably easy for you to say you’re never gonna go out with a romanian since you’re abroad as well and I’m sure most foreign people you’ll meet will be a lot wealthier than an average romanian, but the ignorance you proved in your post is quite an achievement, I mean I’m sure you met nice romanian guys, but you probably were never really interested in them, maybe they were too geeky, to poor for your “high class” personality. So, I’m saying this for all the guys out there who are romanian at blood: we’re better of without ya!!
P.S. my body’s very nice thank you!
And YOU ARE A STUPID BITCH!!! (couldn’t help myself)
Comment by Bogdan — February 18, 2008 @ 3:48 pm |
Oh dear Bogdan! I can understand you’re frustrated by someone who you think is having a go at not only your nation, but also your gender – but your attack is full of presumptions about this woman, insults and abusive language. You really don’t paint a very pretty picture of Romanian men. I’m sure you can argue your point in a better way
Comment by britgal — February 18, 2008 @ 7:16 pm |
Bodgan,
As always majority rules and a grain in a sea of sand won’t make much difference. You are probably everything you say you are (even though you poorly express it, as brit gal says…thanks girl!).
And yes…what Bogdan did here is what romanian men do when they can’t win an arguments….insult…rasie their tone of voice…sometimes hit the table stand up and leave….
What can I say…force over intellect.
Bogdan, watch your language and stop accusing people directly when you don’t know anything about them. if you wat to make general comments or share your experiences feel free….
But I’m sick of people who can only bash others….one would expect them to raise above that….but hey ….we all get disappointed every day…so what’s one more?
Cheers
Comment by Roxana — February 18, 2008 @ 10:16 pm |
to the ladies that knock the Romanian guys,
what happened to your previous relationships with men. Were they all Romanian, too.
Maybe you need to look at yourself and re-evaluate what it is about you that you’ve (at least once) attracted the “bad apple”.
One of the blogger stated she is a mother of 3 kids. Where is their father?
You know, if you’re so bitter with dating a guy, maybe you should start “batting for the other team” – if you know what I mean…
Comment by pappy — February 19, 2008 @ 1:36 am |
im an american woman and i met a romanian man and i am going to italy to live with him permanently. everything i know about him is the complete opposite of the negative things people say about romanian men. i think this is demonstrated in his actions. actions speak louder than words – he treats me like a princess! – buys me flowers, makes sure i always wear my slippers so my feet are not cold, makes me breakfast in bed and pretty much wants to spend every waking moment with me. he is content just to share dinner together and sit side by side watching tv with me every night. we cook together, clean together and do every household chore together. he does most of the cleaning. when i tell him to wait and i will do it -he can’t wait! he wants to do it himself!
and the sterotype about romanian men not wanting to cook – the last meal we ate together i didn’t even help him. he was in the kitchen cooking while i was surfing the net! sometimes he makes traditional romanian food for me so i can try it. when he calls his mother in romania he wants to put me on the phone so she can hear my voice. he is respectful to others, kind, educated – and has a great sense of humor. he works very hard and takes a lot of pride in his job which is basically very manual labor and since i won’t have a job when i first get to italy he will be totally supporting me. right now he is building a small house for one rich family in italy and he takes me to show me this house that he is so proud of because he built it with his own hands – he is like an excited little boy running around taking my hand wanting to show me this and that, the roof and the rafters and the chimney that he built. the people who know him say the kindest things about him to me. maybe there are men who don’t treat women well – but I think that is not specific to romania. i think that is all over the world. and as far as being attractive – i have never felt such an attraction in my life to someone. i think this man is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. i can’t imagine that he will wake up one morning and cease to be this amazing person that he is. i think his personality has a lot to do with the way his parents raised him. he was raised very poor and had nothing. but like he tells me his parents are “poor – but with dignity”. he sends money home when he can to help his parents. he told me that when communism was still in force sometimes they only had very little to eat. i think it made him very humble. its my pleasure to even be associated with this man. i love him.
Comment by jennifer — February 19, 2008 @ 3:33 am |
[...] default@goarticles.com (yoni levy) wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptOh dear Bogdan! I can understand you’re frustrated by someone who you think is having a go at not only your nation, but also your gender – but your attack is full of presumptions about this woman, insults and abusive language. … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by britgal — February 19, 2008 @ 8:09 am |
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptim an american woman and i met a romanian man and i am going to italy to live with him permanently. everything i know about him is the complete opposite of the negative things people say about romanian men. i think this is demonstrated … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by jennifer — February 19, 2008 @ 8:09 am |
right, britgal and roxana, if roxana would have just generalized about men, saying the’re all this that and the other, I would not have been as pissed, but to just say ALL romanian guys are just bad is utterly ignorant, as well as any generalizations made purely by nationality, wich are very often in this blog. Roxana, I understand you’re in America, have you learned by now the meaning of political corectness? And you expect me to use fancy words, here I can just as well, but I sugest that you two take a look over both our previous comments and see better who has made more pressumptions, as you’re comment Roxana was far from being objective, or intellectual (as you sustained that I was trying to use force over intellect, wich was inacurate since you employed no intelect). Though I hope you observe the difference between us is that even though I was discusted by Roxana’s words, I did no generalization as to spread my anger over the entire female population, anger well provoqued by the fact that your words nullified as not only men, but human beings.
I will gladly admit we have flaws, even general ones, like sexism, which is widely spread amongst us, me as well to admit it, but it’s not only in a distructive way and it’s definetly not what defines us as men, and all of the flaws you can find in us are just as common between other men of other nations, just like our qualities (wich are there no matter what you say!).
So if you say you never met a romanian man who was any different I have to ask where have you been hanging around and with who?
let’s not forget: Spune-mi cu cine umbli ca sa-ti spun cine esti
peace out!:))
Comment by Bogdan — February 19, 2008 @ 4:12 pm |
Bogdan,
As far as I am concerned….I am not and never will be politically correct…no point in it as far as I know. I’m not here to please others or make them feel better about themselves so they can happily live in a lie.
Now back to your still misguided comments…..I think you completely misunderstand the meaning of a blog. We write here not be objective and be politically correct…..we write here to share experiences….regardless if they are good or bad. That’s why before I stated what I stated about Romanian men I specifically said that these are MY opinions.
No hatred here towards Romanian men….I’m just simply disgusted with the vast majority of them. They few gems that shine…good luck to them…but I sincerely doubt you’re one of them just by the way you come back and insult people.
I know plenty of Romanian men….and they all confirm my conclusions. They are fine as buddies…but I wouldn’t be caught dead in a relationship with them. Again…..emphasis on “I WOULDN’T”….whatever the rest of the women choose to do…that’s their business.
And where I’ve been hanging around? I’d say around good people.
I have one more thing to say regarding Pappy’s comment….don’t judge people because they have three kids….or they’ve been married several times…it’s way better to look for true happiness and act towards that than compromise in a mediocre relationship where you’re not happy…..but be in it for the sake of being able to say you are committed.
For those who are truly in love and happy together….I wish you well….for those who are still looking…good luck.
Comment by Roxana — February 19, 2008 @ 7:22 pm |
[...] Lairedion wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptright, britgal and roxana, if roxana would have just generalized about men, saying the’re all this that and the other, I would not have been as pissed, but to just say ALL romanian guys are just bad is utterly ignorant, as well as any … [...]
Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Bogdan — February 19, 2008 @ 9:20 pm |
Hi Pappy,
I’m not knocking any Romanian men. I’m just sharing my experience. I do not like to generalize people by ethnicity, color, age or sex. Yes, I do have three children from a prior 12 year marriage (not that it is any of your business, but their father is part of their life); however, that marriage has nothing to do with the experience that I previously wrote about.
I was treated wonderfully and was very much in love with a Romanian male, but he changed overnight. It was heart wrenching and painful. I just wanted to share my story in order to help heal and I’m sorry if I offended you.
Comment by Blondie — February 19, 2008 @ 11:42 pm |
hey blondie,
don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to make it my business, faaaar be it from me! It’s funny how you and Roxanna are all up in arms about not judging and generalizing: Roxanna – “don’t judge people because they…”, and you generalizing about many Romanians men.
which blog do you use to badmouth the other guy you’ve been with, so I can check it out to see if he’s also Romanian, who is doind this, and that, and the other.
Seriously, you are a couple of bitter, hypocritical women, who’ve had (unfortunately) a bitter experience with a guy or two (or in Roxanna’s case: “…plenty of Romanian men….and they all confirm my conclusions…”). All you need is a couple of good counselling sessions and you’d be good as new, and ready to get back on the saddle.
Come on ladies, stop crying rivers… I’m sure you’re educated enough to understand that you’re just emotional about your experiences – which is fine, and it is not true what concluded about the Romanian men. Really, it’s insulting. It’s like saying, that the native americans are all drunkerds and lazy, or that Germans are nazis, etc., based on one’s experience with someone from a different culture, circle of people, friends, whatever.
Anyways, enjoy life and take it easy! Really!
Comment by pappy — February 20, 2008 @ 5:49 am |
Fine, you don’t wanna be correct or objetive, I knew that from the start, but you can’t expect to prove your comments were rightfull or intellectual, and hate surely vibrates from them. You can post whatever you want, either true or false, correct or incorrect, as I will post whatever I want to argue and prove that you are wrong, only I’ll bring arguments to what I state. And let’s not get separated by th fact that you insulted me as much as I insulted you. Or was I not suposed to feel insulted?! Another question: How come een though you didn’t want to be involed with romanian men anymore you met the guy Blondie was involved with? Or did you make that decision after him? And if you say you were around good people how come all of the men were so horrible?(I’m talking about your time in Romania)
Anyway, all of your satements are false, as you included the entire male rase in Romania in them, and there are totally differnt cases wich proove you wrong, some of wich can be seen on this very blog.
Comment by Bogdan — February 20, 2008 @ 11:50 am |
Pappy,
It is interesting how you state that I’ve generalized Romanian men, which I have not. Not to mention, I was completely respectful to you and you could not return the same courtesy. Which leads me to belive that you are probably one of those people who can only have virtual relationships, because no one would want to be around you in the real world.
The person I wrote about is the only Romanian male I’ve ever been involved with. You need to go back through and read through my blogs. This is the first blog I’ve ever posted about a relationship and I know that is an utter disappointment to you.
It is funny how you state that Roxana and I are bitter, hypocrytical women, but you are the one who displays all the bitterness and neanderthal type behavior. I hate to break it to you, but I’ve read your blogs and you sound like a cranky old man, who is bitter and maybe it is you who needs the counseling sessions or maybe some company with the female persuasion if you swing that way.
Comment by Blondie — February 20, 2008 @ 6:59 pm |
Pappy,
I will not leave any stone unturned, but you imply that Roxana has been with many Romanian men. I would like to know where you get this information? How can you make these kind of assumptions? Additionally, you were also trying to knock me by having three children from a 12 year marriage. In Roxana’s case, she was engaged to a Romanian and that makes her promiscuous?
You are certainly judgmental, self-righteous and crass. As I said, I’m sure you have difficulties in the real world.
Comment by Blondie — February 20, 2008 @ 7:21 pm |
This is clearly becoming an insult match especially from Pappy and Bodgan’s side.
After stating my opinions…I get called a “STUPID BITCH!!!”, ignorant, a materialistic woman (you probably were never really interested in them, maybe they were too geeky, to poor for your “high class” personality), with “no intellect”….and some other derogatory presumptions. Not to mention in Pappy’s last blog ….he implies I’m a whore…because I mention that I’ve met plenty of Romanian men, including Blondie’s ex.
Well…..I do know a lot of Romanian men…but I don’t need to date them, fuck them or whatever to know what’s in their mind and to know for sure know I don’t want them in that way.
Blondie’s ex and I were chat buddies and nothing more. He knew my opinion about Romanian men, yet still did what he did.
Both of you have a lot of nerve to directly insult specific persons without knowing them. All my comments were directed at the majority of Romanian man……AGAIN I SAY MAJORITY…..I also mentioned in my blogs that there are exceptions and I wish them the best.
But hey…obviously some people have selective reading. Next time read everything as a whole, and try to refrain yourself from implying or stating insults directly addressed to a specific person.
I could make a lot of presumptions about Pappy and Bodgan in particular, but I won’t lower myself to their level.
Hope you guys will have fun with this, and I’m sure you’ll find the time to write a couple more blogs full of insults towards me….at least make them good and run a spell check before you post. ;0)
Comment by Roxana — February 20, 2008 @ 7:38 pm |
Roxanna,
It sound like the word of the day is: Insult.
You feel insulted because I called you a whore, and I feel insulted because you called the Romanian men whores.
There, we’re all even. If you can dish it out, you should be able to take it as well. I think that’s fair.
Read your own entry #78. It sure sounds like you know how to dish it out…
Blondie,
I am not that dumb to tell you anything about my life. We’ll go with that: “…sound like a cranky old man, who is bitter and maybe it is you who needs the counseling sessions or maybe some company with the female persuasion if you swing that way…”
take care
Comment by pappy — February 21, 2008 @ 12:55 am |
Roxana, now you’re turning and twisting your own words, your first blog clearly included ALL romanian men as you stated “If you find one that seems different that you’ve heard….beware…they’re like that in the beginning…The core is still the same…nobody will change the culture in which they’ve been raised.”, and now you’re saying that the majority is like what you described (wich is still a load of crap). You seem to believe that making insulting remarks that are directed to an entire group isn’t as bad as directly made insults to a person, and you state that I had the nerve to insult you, well I am not sorry for what I said in my post as I consider it rightfully provoqued. So, as pappy said: we’re even..
P.S. don’t get into spell checking, cause you have your own mistakes and I wouldn’t want to waste my time digging them out
Comment by Bogdan — February 21, 2008 @ 3:16 pm |
Fair enough. My opinions remain unchanged, and you guys can believe anything you want about me.
Comment by Roxana — February 21, 2008 @ 7:50 pm |
WoW! I must say, this has been quite an interesting read. Unfortunately (or not depending on how you look at it), I don’t care what y’alls names are, I was only interested in what you had to say. While I agree with the people bitching about the generalizations of Romanian men, I also see the stand point of several people writing about bad experiences.
Yes generalizations are bad and get thrown around way too easily, like saying all asian people look alike. They don’t , but they share the same facial structure, which is where the 2 chicks are coming in. Yes, everyone knows not everyone of a specific ethnicity is going to be the same as the next. But we have already established several times in the post that “romanian women are beautiful” and that “romanian men are passionate”.
But no one seems to take offense to these generalizations, just the bad ones. So better idea, lets not use words like “all” or “most of” or “everyone” because in a country as big as theirs, you can’t possibly know “all” or “most of” “everyone”. Then we can avoid these comments being labeled “generalizations”. Lets just call them, “personified averages”. And on that note…
I know 2 different romanian girls. One that lives in suceava, and one that lives in cluj. They are both beautiful, both kind, both in college. The girl in suceava could probably drink me under the table, seems down to earth and not much for the traditional way of life. The other girl could probably quote every line of the bible to me, is very religious and very much for the traditional way of life. so my question is….ready for it?…
In everyone’s (damnit, i just used a word i promised myself i wouldn’t) own personal experience, which way works out better? I am very close to both of these girls and I have thought long and hard about which girl to get into a relationship with, but I have never met a traditional girl (even thought personally i think i would love it that way [yes, i don't know how to cook, and i cant make babies, but i can clean a house if that redeems me at all]).
Also, do guys (and girls alike) have to listen to those dumbass “if you get the number of someone you like, dont call right away or you look desperate” rules? god those are so fucking stupid… pardon my male… I have also been told that for engagement rings, girls don’t get diamond rings there because they are to expensive… that can’t be true can it?
And last but not least, sexually speaking, romanians get freaky right? Cuz yeah, missionary, while achieving it’s designated purpose, is really boring.
:: sniffs the air :: smells like I’m about to get flamed…. oh well
Comment by joshin — February 29, 2008 @ 7:33 pm |
I don’t know joshin, it’s all about what do you really want! I’d go for the one from suceava but that’s just because I’m at that age. I don’t know a lot about engagement rings, but I presume diamonds aren’t offered to them because not many guys can afford them, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t offer one to a girl from romania. I don’t really know what to tell you about how freaky the girls are, because I haven’t tried “all” of them
), some do some don’t..
Comment by Bogdan — March 3, 2008 @ 3:43 pm |
Joshin, whats the name of the girl you know in suceava? I know a girl that lives there too. I don’t know about the freaky part, but my girl said the same thing about the diamond engagement rings and for the reason bogdan said. Anyway, this as an interesting article… im waiting to see what my girl says about the romanian guys to see if its true or not though.
Comment by josh — March 7, 2008 @ 3:45 pm |
im romanian and im not ugly
Comment by Henry Marinescu — March 17, 2008 @ 5:14 am |
What do i need to know about visiting romania? it seems there are a few romanians in here
and I was curious what i need to watch out for. I’ve heard good things and bad things and I just want to prepare myself. Living in America I am sure I have seen alot of stuff that happens everywhere (robbery, pick pockets, bribery, etc.) but is it as bad there are is it here?
Like when you go to Hawaii, don’t stray from the tourist areas because people will prey on the tourists. Is it kinda the same situation there? Am i supposed to like go from the airport to the local police station and bribe a chief or something?
Oh and where can I go to find the mafia? I got some favors to ask ;P (just playing)
Comment by josh — March 25, 2008 @ 3:09 pm |
wow. this is the first time i’ve read this blog, so i know i don’t have a well-rounded picture of it. i found this post in a search for ‘romanian men’, because i just went out with one. and i was just curious. i am always curious about different cultures, especially dating habits, men and women, things like that. the more i learn, the less i am really concerned, or feel that any one place is so horrible or different from another, in these ways. (i’m an american woman living in the US, btw.)
because i do not wish to be called a stupid bitch, and because i’m not a regular reader of this blog, and because i think this thread has degenerated into a fight, i won’t go on. but i wanted to say thank you to Jennifer who posted her comment on 2/19/08, with something nice to say. and i think it was needed, and i for one appreciated it, and enjoyed her happy story.
i don’t know what will happen with me and my new romanian friend, but i’m 41 and have dated alot of different men, had different types of relationships, with americans and europeans, nice guys and jerks, for fun flings and long-term togetherness. and though i still make some bad choices sometimes, i am a pretty good judge of character, and this gentleman i went out with tonight was just that. a gentleman. direct yes. confident yes. intelligent, funny, goal driven, respectful and complimentary yes. and seemingly very honest, and concerned over whether i was honest or not, because he has been lied to in the past and is quite cautious, even moreso than i.
we’ll see what we see for me. i know that i won’t date someone that treats me like crap, whether it is day one or day 300 when it suddenly appears. i learned that the hard way, before i ever met a romanian. and that’s up to me to decide, not to put up with or blame a country for.
thank you for the stimulating blog.
take care, all.
Comment by Lee — April 27, 2008 @ 6:06 am |
Thank you for the post with the different perspectives offered. I’m recently pursued by a very attractive, smart, considerate, and sweet Romanian man. But being in NYC, it’s hard not to second guess “Maybe it’s too good to be true,” no matter where the man comes from and proceed with caustious optimism.
Comment by Hope — May 4, 2008 @ 6:16 am |
I’ve just stumbled on this post through Google for some reason, and a lot of the things you said is true…
Sorry for repeating myself if this was said in any past post, (there are too many and I don’t really have the time to read them hahaha) but I personally believe that – at least where I am living currently, it’s like a fashion to be dating someone, especially for the girls. I currently live in Ramnicu-Valcea as an exchange student from New York, and from what I have seen for the past… I think 8 months, it seems like the guys are quite macho yes, and they will wait for any girl to make the first move cause from ehat I have seen – guys are more centered around sex more than anything really. I mean I have met a couple of good guys, but then again what it always come’s down to is sex. I am Filippino-American and from New York, so the whole “exotic” thing is DEFINITELY true – everywhere I go I somehow always get some looks because it is really really apparent that I am not a native Romanian.
This blog is quite true, but I would just like to add that boyfriends are like toys to girls, and many of the young people in Romania are more focused on being with someone as a social status and somewhat as a possesive… each person in the relationship, from what I have seen from being in Ramnicu-Valcea, makes the relationship seem like something that needs to be noteworthy and everyone should know about what the guy buys for the girl, and how good the girl is in bed. Or, for those loose relationships, which I could imagine in Bucharesti, it matters on how beautiful and how many you have “shagged”.
But overall, I do agree that Romanian women are quite beautiful then the men, although it seems like they look slightly unhealthy because of how thin they really are and trying to be the european model type. Also, some of the guys are quite fantastic and warm-hearted – but if you’re a female foreigner (like myself) this may happen a lot more for the wrong reasons. But really, I do like the men here and you pretty much it would be cool to find a nice, decent guy here – but of course, being an exchange student – you can’t really do that.
hahah
Multumesc mult pentru asta, m-am placut sa citesc asta
(gramatica mea e varza hahah)
Comment by Ashley — May 7, 2008 @ 5:03 pm |
Hmm I found this to be an interesting read of the need for humans to categorize everything that they see. I feel a strong pull to Romania as my grandmother was Romanian, well at least partly. She was Romanian gypsy, mixed with Cherokee Indian. Hows that for a combination? Despised in Europe and in America, yet at peace with my heritages and cultures. I can still be proud of myself and who I am. I do not feel the need to say “in general” and “all of x” is good bad or otherwise. I was married for 13 years to a woman who just walked out with no explanation other than “she couldn’t explain it, it just sounds selfish.” Her words not mine. I have two children that I have since raised alone. I do not feel like I should denounce nationality, ethnicity, color, or womanhood purely based on the fact that she was wrong and hurt me. Good women are found everywhere. Every nationality, size, shape, color and religious background. Men are also the same. If it is of any concern to the subject matter I am a us male who is not boring, or to conservative. This is of course just my observations, and thoughts on the matter. I am sure that it will upset someone some where lol.
Comment by Al — May 26, 2008 @ 8:04 pm |
I am a Romanian girl, living in America;I’m really happy that I found this blog, congratulations to the person that created it; what i read here is so”us”:we talk so pasionate about everything, doesnt;t matter, woman or man;I love reading all the articles, simply because -once again-they made me proud being Romanian;I want to say that these are my opinions and I don’t want anyone to get “upset” with my views, cause they are simply mine;first, I have to say that Romanian men are great;starting with my father and finishing with my “ex”boyfriend-warm, pasionate and very loving.It is a general characteristic of the Romanias.And yes, he is my ex boyfriend and we broke up in a very civilised manner.I think the ladies that met all those “bad” Roamnian guys that they are talking about could have met them in US, UK or any other country.And the generalisation that Romanian men are like they depicted them is a false one.I am really sorry that you had the misfortune of dating those men-and that they were Romanian-but I guess it was just a mere coincidence.
Ona different note, I have to say that I am very proud with the progress that Romania is going through.And to let all the people that wanna go and visit Romania know that it is a very nice place to visit, with a lot of history and a lot of interesting scenery.And people-don’t forget the people, they are the best!Don’t be scared that you might get robbed-I got robbed in New York, so what, I still love it!And go and visit Bucharest!After travelling all over the world, I still think it is one of the most fascinating cities in the world!And don’t forget about Poiana Brasov!You can;t miss that!You will love it!Every piece of it!
And yes, Romanian women are very beautiful, you will feel like you are watching a catwalk!But so are the men!So be prepared to fall in love!It happens to almost everyone that visited Romania!
Comment by eva — July 11, 2008 @ 7:57 pm |
Eva,
I just want to say thanks for your comments about Romanians; for articulating the fact that Romanians and our culture are worth knowing. It’s great to hear what you had to say!
Comment by papppy — July 13, 2008 @ 10:27 pm |
This page is great, thanks! I’m English, live in Italy, and I’ve been seeing a Romanian man for over a year, so when I found it by accident, I couldn’t stop reading
Being with him isn’t always easy; yes, he is very forthright and opinionated, as well as being a smoker (ugh); yes, he cheated on me and said it was ‘just sex’; yes, he’s independent but was obviously treated like a little prince at home, and is occasionally I still feel as if I’m getting to know him, though some would say I’ve been seeing him long enough!
I’ve dated men from different countries and found that you never really know what you’re getting…I’ve been treated like a princess, but I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, too.
We’re going to Romania soon, we’ll be visiting Bucarest and his hometown in the north-east. It’ll be interesting for sure…
Comment by Helvete — July 22, 2008 @ 6:37 pm |
Good site Good site Good site
Comment by 1111 — July 22, 2008 @ 7:53 pm |
Hi everyone,
I am a Romanian woman in my mid-twenties who lives in the US. After reading this, I can say that there are some characteristics that both Romanian men and women consistently have. The three I have found to be most common are: (1) being stubborn, (2) dominate, and (3) not as emotional.
I do have to say that I am shocked how Romanian men are portrayed. I do not know how they are over in Romania as I do not reside there, but I do know a lot here in the US that are well-rounded and decent. Sure, they still have some common characteristics, but they know how to treat a woman and some are in loving and caring relationships. Perhaps a lot has to do with how they were raised.
Some of you make it sound like they are horrible creatures that give men a bad name. I will agree that there are some like that in this world, but there across all cultures.
In regards to how attractive they are. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I know some ugly looking men and vice versa in all cultures.
Now here comes the tough question to answer. Would I marry a Romanian man? Although I do find Romanian men attractive and have many traits I like, I do not think I would be happy based on the experiences and interactions I have had. Mostly our personalities would clash. I am also a self-sufficient woman and raised in the American culture so I wonder how that would pan out for some of you Romanian men. Probably not well given how the Romanian culture is.
Nevertheless, based on what I have read from everyone, I do not have to worry about them hitting on me as I have undesirable qualities. Oh well, there goes another Romanian women to an American male…lol
Btw…I did read an article about men in Romania having to take a domestic violence class before they could get married. Come on guys, what is up with that? Just so you know, that is NOT a desirable quality we women look for in men. At least not me.
Comment by Ann — July 25, 2008 @ 7:30 am |
Hey Ann,
Re: would (should?)you marry a Romanian dude? You’re right, the North American culture (very individualistic – good and bad) is markedly different than the European cultures, and even more so than the Romanian culture. As a result, I would venture to suggest that you’re better off to get to know a Romanian who’s lived in the States for quite some time. Even better, if he’s the 2nd generation in. I think in many respects the culture differences and communication aspects are very difficult to overcome. A relationship like that requires a lot more nurturing due to these added elements. Of course, everything that I said assumes the fact that the guy and/or the girl are not complete morons, or neither do they have other emotional and psychological needs – all of which should not always be attributed to Romanians.
Comment by pappy — July 25, 2008 @ 6:51 pm |
Ann,
When I said emotional and psychological NEEDS, I meant ISSUES (SERIOUS ISSUES!)
Sorry, I assumed that you’re American born, but my comment still stands.
Comment by pappy — July 25, 2008 @ 6:54 pm |
Pappy,
Yes, I am American born. I do have relatives that still live in Romania but a lot live here now.
But anyway yes, I agree that culture differences can be hard to overcome and sometimes impossible. I do find it interesting that you mention 2nd generation in.
I still do stand by what I said. I’ve never seen the extent of what many have posted. Perhaps it’s safe to say that it’s better to be with one who has grown and lived in the American culture as oppossed to one who’s hasn’t.
Comment by Ann — July 25, 2008 @ 7:43 pm |
re: 2nd generation in; if you consider your parents being the first generation when they immigrated to the States, then you’d be the 2nd generation in. Or the first generation born in the States.
Yes. I agree, better to date a Romanian who’s been immersed into the American culture, rather than the alternative
Comment by pappy — July 29, 2008 @ 12:18 am |
hey John, the Mid Western American Serious Guy…
Here you have a Hot Portuguese Sweet Macho from the South of Portugal – you can not get more Latin, more Hot, more Cute and more Macho than this baby.
I have studied in Philadelhia and I am back to Europe – those American women are frigid like hell, excatly because they get used to guys like you!!! Romanian girls are just awesome. In every one week trip (I did 3 so far) I did got at least three awesome fun, positive, crazy and sexually bombastic girls.
I appreciate your anglo saxon comments… like:
“Most of us don’t pursue second and third sexual side-relationship.” – THIS IS NOT TRUE MXY FRIEND; JUST LOOK AT YOUR PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON…
“The American cliche is sitting home on the weekend watching sports non-stop” – THAT IS WHY THEY ARE FUCKING THE LATIN BOYS NEXT DOOR -) AND SOMETIMES BLACK GUYS WHEN LATIN MEN SEND YOUR WIFE TO GO HOME; BECAUSE THESE FRUSTRATED AMERICAN GIRLS ARE NOT EVEN WORTH IT…
“We are not us loose and volatile as the Latins as our blood is cooler Anglo” – “loose” LIKE WHATß WALKING ON THE STREET AND LOOK AT YOUR WIVES CHECKING MY COCK; BECAUSE THEY DONT SEE ONE FOR MONTHS? “volatile”? LIKE WHAT? A GUY WHO COMES A LOT?
CONCLUSION: It is still to be born a better breed of sexual man who can overcome the Portuguese Sweet Macho Man.
Send me questions to my “work” email…
I am visiting Romania once again in August 2008
delvicious@gmail.com
delicious & vicious man
Comment by cristiano ronaldo — August 1, 2008 @ 3:25 pm |
Wow! this blog is excellent! Well to my disgrace I was married to a Romanian guy. I do not recommend anyone to marry one, they are better off marrying another Romanian. They seem to have a drinking problem. Yes, they are cheaters, steal your money, liars and cynical.
At first they are the best thing that ever happened to you, but after they have you in their hands their true self comes out. Be very careful ladies, think twice before you get into a relationship.
Comment by Elizabeth Pascu — October 7, 2008 @ 5:49 am |
Romanian men to take anti-violence course
By Michael Leidig
Bucharest
April 26, 2005
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Romanian bridegrooms will have to take a three-day course to deter them from beating their wives under new laws to come into force next year.
National statistics on domestic violence published this year revealed that many men regarded a marriage licence as permission to beat their wives. Maria Muga, Romania’s Social Affairs and Family Planning Minister, described the problem as a threat to social stability and an evil that needed to be eradicated.
As an incentive, the Government will pay men who complete the course.
Men who refuse to attend will be refused permission to marry.
“We plan to invite sociologists, doctors and psychologists to explain the domestic violence law, and what sanctions the man might face if they abuse their wives or children,” Ms Muga said. Romania is under pressure to push through social reform as a condition of accession to the European Union in 2007.
Next year, about 120,000 prospective couples will be eligible for the course. While it will focus on telling men that it is illegal and wrong to attack their wives, women will also be told that they do not have to tolerate beatings and will be taught about their rights.
Advertisement
AdvertisementOfficials estimate that more than 340,000 children under the age of 14 have had to watch their mother being beaten. Only one woman in five seeks help.
Yet the Government’s plan has its critics. “Think about people living in the countryside,” said sociologist Andrei Popescu. “The counselling centres are all in cities and people will not want to take three days off work to stay in a hotel just to do a pointless course. It won’t work.”
In Bucharest, a city of 3 million people, there are only three shelters for abused women.
Dr Gabriela Kubinski, who runs a shelter at a textiles factory, said the classes were unlikely to do more than scratch the surface of the problem.
“The new plan has only one thing to recommend it, which is that after all these years of the problem being ignored, something is at least being done,” she said.
Of 10,000 female staff at the factory, one-third have suffered violence in the home.
“In Romania it is still generally accepted that once a couple are married, she becomes the property of her husband,” she said. “This mentality exists even among the educated classes where you would least expect it.”
- Telegraph
Comment by ALISON — October 8, 2008 @ 10:50 pm |
Pascu,
“…they are better off marrying another Romanian.” – isn’t your last name Romanian?
Comment by pappy — October 9, 2008 @ 7:23 pm |
the article is about romanians marrying each other not romanian men marrying women from abroad
Comment by alison — October 10, 2008 @ 7:16 pm |
It is funny to me that people say generalizations can not be made about people. Which I generally think too
BUT reading this post is like reading my own life written by other people
I am married to a Romanian man, and I want him gone. He makes my life miserable nothing is good for him and I can’t do anything without him bitching about it
I wouldn’t be suprized if he has cheated on me
IT is the culture he is from.
I wish I never married him and now I don’t know how to get rid of him becuase he is so controlling
as soon as I look unhappy he will be lovey for maybe one day and then when I’m trapped again he’s back to his bitchy self. I’m stuck and I hate it. I’m not religuous but I am praying for this to end well. I don’t have any hope for the future and I almost feel like there is nothing left for me to live for if he is always going to be running the show. Pray for me!
Comment by Isea — October 26, 2008 @ 12:17 pm |
I went to a very similar thing with a Romanian guy…and I’m RO too. It was very hard to get rid of mine and thought I wouldn’t get out alive…literally. TRy not to be so emotional and be smart…don’t piss him off…you lnow him best so dump him when he leasts expects it and be safe about it.
Good Luck !
Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:37 am |
Isea,
I would normally be all over your comments about your Romanian experiences and those generalizations, but I am more concerned about your cries for help. Whether you meant to say it or not, what I infer from your statement that you have nothing to live for is that you thought of ending your life has crossed your mind (maybe I am out to lunch…).
Isea, that’s not a rational thought and no marriage is worthwhile if it causes you to hurt yourself, others, or even killing yourself. WALK AWAY from it. I am not one to condone divorce in any way, please don’t get me wrong, but this is different. There is a living God, and there are many of His servants all around you and your area; look for a church or for a counselling office. THERE IS HOPE! You have to look outside your box!!!
All the best, and think of others in your life that truly love you before you do anything irreparable
Comment by pappy — October 27, 2008 @ 5:04 pm |
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Comment by spanky — October 28, 2008 @ 6:59 pm |
Sounds like a very interesting concept! I want make the best use of my sympathy ring I have a nice fresh joke for you people) How can you tell if a planet is married? It has a ring around it.
Comment by Arrapeoravy — November 2, 2008 @ 10:22 am |
Hi I have a Romanian friend i just met and i dont know how to approach him. We would hang out a lot but he is not very affectionate i mean i dont really know what he wants from me. He came from a small town dolj. So is there a difference with those men that came from the big cities and small ones? He seems really nice and such a gentleman.
Comment by Anj — November 15, 2008 @ 9:43 am |
Hi. I must say that reading these stories is like reading my own. I recently broke up with a Romanian man and it has been the most intense relationship of my life. He is still living in my house, renting a room, and I am still very much in love with him. When we first met he was charming, romantic, intelligent, worldly, and just seemed perfect. He is quite a bit older than I am but I never felt as though the age difference was a big deal. After abut 6 moths things began changing. He would yell a lot and can be quite intimidating. He hit me a couple times in the beginning but that stopped and never happened again after I moved out of our house. I will say that I have made my share of mistakes. The major ones were I lied to him about my new house and landlord and called the cops and got him arrested after he had dumped a beer on my head while we were both drunk and fighting. I am not the best housekeeper and a bit of a free-spirit and that infuriates him. He is always yelling because I don’t pay attention to meal times, and can be quite lazy, he also frequently tells me that I am “psycho” if I get over emotional and cry or yell. He rides me about my weight every chance he gets and I have lost weight since we met but he has gained probably fifty pounds. As far as the laziness goes, he has been out of work for quite a while and when I would get home from work he would expect me to cook and clean for him. Now that neither of us is working I don’t mind but since we broke up he is now willing to help. Figures, right? To some it up he has some very bad qualities… drinks too much, smokes too much, bad temper, very critical, very dominating, and extremely closed minded. I also fear that he may have cheated on me although he swears he has never even talked to another girl with bad intentions since we met. But he is also funny, intelligent, can be very sweet when he wants, generous, strong, can cook, and I find him very attractive. Despite his negative qualities I adore him and I can’t figure out why. I have never tolerated this from anyone before and never thought I would. He just has this magic and all I have to do is look at him smiling at me and my heart melts. We were supposed to get married and move to Romania to start a family. I was really looking forward to a big Orthodox wedding and a quite life in a small apartment in Bucharest. I was also dying to meet his family. I have tried to learn the language, how to cook some of the foods he grew up with and have done hours of research on the country. I find the culture (from what I read) to be enchanting and the country to be beautiful. I still have hope that we will work this out and find our way back together. If most Romanian men are like him then I could see how people would have a negative view of them but you have to see them for what they are and appreciate the positive qualities. It is all perception. I see his egotistical attitude as confidence and find it sexy. His domineering behavior as strength and always feel safe when with him because I know he will protect me from anything. The drinking I take for what it is and try to get him to stick to wine as much as possible and the smoking isn’t terrible; it kind of fits with his whole European style. I truly believe that most of his criticism comes from wanting to help me better myself but he should work on himself as much as he wants me to work on myself for it not to be so insulting. All and all, I think they are just a very direct culture. They are passionate people and can be quite loud and stubborn. I think they have good hearts but have learned to create distance so they won’t get hurt. My advice as strange as this sounds to anyone wanting to date a Romanian man is to treat him as a king. Be prepared to do the housework and cooking and show a great deal of gratitude if he helps you. I don’t see anything wrong with asking him to help but do not assume he will say yes and if he does make sure you are working at least as hard as him. Never question him on the way he is doing something or claim that you can do it better. Allow him to feel he is the head of his household and you will be put on a pedestal. Treat him as a king and he will make you his queen. Very simple. He said his mother once told him that “the man was the head of the house and the woman the neck that turns that head”. I figured all of this out a little to late and now am trying to convince him that I really do understand what he needs. He has said that his feelings for me haven’t changed but that he feels logically that we don’t fit and shouldn’t be together. At least I still have hope if he still loves me; I just have to get past that Romanian stubbornness.
Bottom line is that I feel the Romanian culture does create a certain type of man but that it is not necessarily a good or bad thing. These men react strongly to their environment and either the worst or the best of them will show. Appreciate a man for what he is and he will be a good man, regardless of rather he is Romanian or American. Treat him with caring, compassion, love, sincerity, and respect and he will treat you the same. If he doesn’t he isn’t a man, he’s a little boy.
Attack me if you like but that is my opinion.
Comment by Christy — November 24, 2008 @ 10:52 am |
Christy,
LOL!!! This has got to be a joke…!
Comment by pappy — November 24, 2008 @ 10:46 pm |
CHRISTY
YOUR STORY GAVE ME THE BEST LAUGH I HAVE EVER HAD FOR ALONG TIME, ARE REALLY SERIOUS. IS THIS A JOKE
YOU NEED HELP GIRL
Comment by Mary — November 27, 2008 @ 12:19 am |
You should write about friendships with romanians. I have a romanian friend and she is the weirdest person I know but also the most interesting.
Comment by Emma — November 28, 2008 @ 6:52 am |
I just came across this site after having an experience with a Romanian man in his 20’s. I am American and met him while on vacation. He worked where I was staying and every day he would make a point to come out and talk with myme and my relatives. He appeared very sincere, intelligent and mature for a man in his late 20’s. He was very respectful to me and I could tell he was interested in me even though he did not try to do anything. Just before the vacation ended he gave me a photo of himself and his email address and insisted that I write him, so I did. My email was very general and he immediately responded back by saying how beautiful, mature and intelligent I was. He then sent me an email every day expressing his “feelings” for me in a very strong way. As an American, I am not used to such bold statements of feelings from men. He continued this for about two months and kept insisting that I “share” my “feelings” about him with him. I was very cautious because I thought it was too good to be true…but I have to say, he wore me down with his daily emails and eventual phone calls in which he sounded so sincere and considerate and I eventually started to express my feelings to him. I eventually fell for the guy and we even made plans to visit each other. But then he went home to Romania…we continued to talk for several weeks and continued to make plans to visit each other. Then all of a sudden he backed off abruptly. Long story short, he went from very hot to very cold almost overnite. I then became curious and did some research. Come to find out he is on a Romanian website and is surfing for females and telling them the same things and was even doing this while he was emailing me. I wanted to know more about this virtual friends web so I surfed and found that they most of them seem to speak to each other in the same fashion on this website. Everyone tells the women how beautiful, interesting, and desirable they are. I also could tell that he is on this website like 8 hours a day! What’s up with that??!!! Even after all of this I was still very hurt by what this man had done to me, even more so by what I allowed him to do to me. I should have taken his advice when he started to “joke” around with me when he would say “be careful, be very careful of Romanians. They steal your heart and then break it.”
I just wanted to share my experience, not blame a whole culture for this man’s actions. I have dated other ethnic groups with similar sterotypes as Romanians (just to be clear-I do not believe in stereotyping) but I have to say he has been the hardest one to get over because of the way he “expressed” his thoughts and so called “feelings” toward me.
By the way, if the photos on the Romanian website are true, speaking as an American woman, the women are very beautiful!
Comment by Monique — January 12, 2009 @ 6:54 am |
I came here hoping to find insight on cultural differences when dating a Romanian but all I got were personal stories, albeit many of them amusing. I have started seeing a Romanian man (in the US, he immigrated here) and so far it’s been a great experience. He is not possessive, very sweet and affectionate, cooks for me, serves me, and is just as committed to cleaning as I am (in fact, if a blanket is on the floor, he will apologize for the mess!). He is all in all a genuinely nice person. He is from a small mountain town, not a city, and has only lived here for 5 years. I am even learning the language so we can fill in the communication gaps.
Not sure if anyone still reads or replies to this but I am still searching for advice on social differences. Is there ‘courting’? Is it more old fashioned? Are there certain expectations? He’s already invited me to come back home with him for a visit so I assume that it is going well!
Comment by Char — January 21, 2009 @ 1:09 am |
Okay…
Romanisns, in my opnion have been more into the traditional way of doing things but it’s changing and it’s pretty much Universal now…traditional values are slipping away.
Speaking from a bad experience of briging a Romanian guy to the US…be cautious ! Does he have papers here ? is he legal or does he need more help to achieve status here ? I would be worried that he just wants to use you because…he is from a small mountain town…acting overly polite and Mr. Wonderful in every aspect. My guy was the same way…Mr. Wonderful until he got his Immigration papers in order then he changed instantly to a disrespectful, arrogant, insensitive jerk (he was being himself now
Don’t be too trusting or naive…try to be somewhat realistic when dealing with guys from other countries…they can be very good at being decieving and manipulative.
I hope this is not the case for you … GOOD LUCK !!
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Comment by Anastasiaprostia — March 30, 2009 @ 6:34 pm |
I can only say that, when dating Romanian women, a foreign man must be very careful of the many Pro Daters out there. These are women who pretend love and promise marriage, but really only look to take as much as they can from a man. There are also cases of this happening with foreign women and Romanian men. Remember that in any society a polite woman will not ask for money or expensive gifts until you are married. If you spend more than 500 Euro on a woman, and she ends the relationship there is good chance you were victim of such woman. You must also remember a seldom known fact that all people prefer their own kind. If this was not so, then the small Romanian population would long ago have married entirely foreign and this is based purely on statistic of chance. Also men do not be fooled to think these women much younger than you will love you. They want only your money. Like all women they want attractive man not far from their age. I think anything more than 12 years difference is asking for trouble. I do not say can not happen love between good Romanian people and foreigner but is far less common than most people think. Also to those who claim Romanian are all cheaters, you know nothing about true culture here. Here are most people very faithful and take very serious religion. Drinking cheating and this sort behavior is mostly among poorest people who have very hard life and do such things to cover the pain they feel from their life. Do not judge them because their life often more horrifying ever than you can imagine. Romanian have high crime and theft rate but only because so many poor people. But considering how many poor people then we have very low rate for crime. Romanian are good people mostly. Just as most other people are mostly good people. To woman who claim marry Romanian man when she from US I think this very unlikely. Romanian man will not stand for most American women. From our view it is American woman who has no morals and live very loose life. Maybe also with American men is true. I think most Americans good people but they are not for us to love. Same for all of west. We not hate you but really we think all western peoples very strange. We have much different ways here. Best advice date your own kind. It much easier.
Comment by Val — May 3, 2009 @ 12:03 am |
Val you must be a son of a whore. HAHA when Romanian women marry Foreingn men, the divorce rate is lower compared to Romanian women marrying Romanian men.
Romania has been conquered by so many people and the common denominator is the women ALWAYS mixed with the conqeurors. So much for your, “sticking with their own kind” BS.
Oh to all the Romanian men that are with American women. You are all gay fags.
And you American women look like ugly scum. Why can’t you American women lose weight ? Look at Romanian women, they are an example on how women can look.
Oh and Anglo culture is a worthless culture compared to the Latin or Slavic one. In Anglo culture they pride themselves on being as fat as a hog. LOL
Comment by blade — August 4, 2009 @ 11:00 pm |
In response to your reply I think you are wrong, Love has no bounderies and many people marry other people from different countries. I think you need to get into the 21st century. Yes people will marry their own kind as most people find love in their own backyard and do not travel the world looking for it. But this has got nothing to do with a clash of cultures.
In a country where the faith is strong people don’t really speak out and question their faith (why the world is in such a state – mostly to do wih religios beliefs may I add). In the West and America where faith is still there but it does not control our lives 24/7. I think this partly to do with the fact that alot of western people have seen such devastion (terroism attacks, people fighting over land, etc) under the name of their faith. That faith is there to be questioned and not strongly believed in as it is in Romania.
You have to realise that we far more progressed than you and our history is your present. We seen it all and become “Yeah whatever” to alot of things. Also I believe that women in the US and Western Europe are independent (not no morals) which parts of Eastern Europe have not comes to terms with yet and still treat their women as second class citizens who cannot think for themselves.
Comment by saz — May 3, 2009 @ 9:31 am |
You faggot, in EE the women have rights u retarded fag. Abortion is legal in most EE nations while it is illegal in more U.S. states. And in EE nations women had many rights under communism, and were required to work. Asshole.
Comment by blade — August 4, 2009 @ 11:08 pm |
“To woman who claim marry Romanian man when she from US I think this very unlikely. Romanian man will not stand for most American women. From our view it is American woman who has no morals and live very loose life. Maybe also with American men is true. I think most Americans good people but they are not for us to love. Same for all of west. We not hate you but really we think all western peoples very strange.”
WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE IN THE WEST AND THE USA ARE BENEATH YOU TO LOVE AND MARRY WHAT MAKES YOU PERFECT.
WE ARE STRANGE AND HAVE NO MORALS TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELVES
IF ROMANIA AND ITS PEOPLE ARE GREAT THEN WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO VISIT YOUR COUNTRY AND WHY DO YOU TREAT YOUR MENTALLY ILL LIKE CATTLE AND WHY IS YOUR COUNTRY IN SUCH A MESS
DO YOU REALLY THINK PEOPLE IN THE WEST WE WANT TO MARRY ROMANIANS (DREAM ON)
Comment by stevie — May 3, 2009 @ 11:11 am |
response to Stevie…
I’m originally Romanian but have lived in the uS my whole life pretty much. Every country has it’s loose women, good guys/women, bad guys/women, smart people and idiots. Romani’s people are actually very intelligent…it’s a cultural thing. Romania is a beautiful country with a lot of beautiful people and rich history. Before judging Romania and it’s people look it up stevie.
Not many people visit Romania becaue it was under COMMUNIST BLOCK for nearly 50 YEARS and they’ve never heard of it (typical of Americans…some I’ve spoken to think that Europe is a country and that everyone speaks the same language LOL) The county and it’s people have been through a lot and is still recovering from that hold.
THe US is messed up too but it’shidden well…the education system SUCKS, poverty is at a huge rate, and there are more mentally ill individuals in the US than anywhere.
I like living in the US but I don’t like everything about it and I don’t like everythig about Romanians. There’s a double side to everything.
Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:23 am |
Ha, ha I really enjoyed reding this discussion. I am a scandinavian man who recently got in touch with a you Romanian woman. I am 10 years older than her but still under 40 and fairly attractive.
I made contact with her through a dating website because I was stunned by her looks. The most beautiful eyes and smile I have ever seen! And I have seen many pretty scandinavian women (not to mention foreign), but not with such soul.
We have made some conversation through MSN and it is really pleasent. She`s bright and intelligent. Writes good english and our conversation goes smoothly. After speaking with her I seriously consider a planetrip to Bucurest.
I did not know much about Roamania before I met her, but it has really opened my eyes. Could real love be bound thousands of miles away from my home?
Then again, if I brought her home to my country she would probably not equally impressed as I am. Snow, rain, winter and all the four seasons full on
But, who knows.. Carpe Diem..
But to all you men out there. Treat your women with respect and kindness. Eventually they will do the same in return. If not.. she`s not the soulmate you have been looking for..
Comment by Norwegian — July 28, 2009 @ 12:52 pm |
Hey everyone !
I made the mistake of bringing a Romanian guy over here to the US on a Fiance Visa…BIG MISTAKE…Ladies out there…never file a Fiance Visa for any man on any continent. It is so much harder to get rid ofthem if you want to divorce and have them sent back. I am speaking from experience of what happened to me with a Romanian guy. Turned out he only wanted a visa…not m or our daughter. He was finally deported after 2 years and has no interest in seeing my daughter but I prefer it be that way.
BE CAUTIOUS !! Poeple lie…and some people really lie well…do background checks…find out who their friends and family are. If they keep stuff hidden from you…DUMP THEM IMMEDIATELY!! I wish I would have done that. Would have saved me so much suffering.
Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:13 am |
I don’t even feel the need to go through the PC Police BS Disclaimer: yes, there are ugly, macho, cheating, lying assholish men all over the world. Same goes for women.
That is NOT the point.
The point for me, as a Romanian woman, is that this blog post discusses ROMANIAN men and I have no interest in whether men from Kiribati represent an equally dismal genepool and if women from Turks and Caicos have an equally limited choice of decent male specimens. I don’t give a fuck.
I’ve traveled quite a lot through Eastern Europe this year and my best friend (who’s Polish) and I have come to the conclusion that we’re better off moving to another region of the world because the vast majority of men in our countries are “potatoes”. Granted, the physical aspect is subjective and we could get over it fairly easily (yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder) if only they weren’t such sad potatoe faces when it comes to their personality. Even the educated ones tend to have a loser-ish mentality while the machismo in general is a sad reflection of frustration and a warped upbringing where they’re so mommied that my step brother comes in, sits at the table and expects his hunched over, arthritic 75 yr. old grandmother to wait on him and pour him a glass of water.
There are no true Alpha Men in this country, just sad poseurs who think fucking around and flashing the latest cellphone make one a man. Sad. I’m sure there are many Western men who are confused when it comes to masculinity and don’t get me started on the plague of metrosexuality, but countries in the Anglosphere in general have at least some well-established iconic ideals of masculinity built on things like independence, hard work, adventure, standing up for what you believe and as Frank put it so memorably: “I did it my way!” See cowboy culture, Australian outback, Steve McQueen, etc. Of course I’m not deluded enough to think that just because the hottest men on American television right now are Matthew Fox and Jon Hamm, both with chins you could split logs with, that all American men are tall, dark, quiet and extremely fuckable. I also don’t think all Romanian men need necesarily be serial cheaters, liars and overgrown babies. All I’m saying is that I have a much better chance of finding a man I consider attractive in every way (looks, wit, intelligence, manners, independence, integrity) in a country other than Romania. This is simply not a nation that has a masculinity model that I have any use for or desire to drool over. It must be a lack of testosterone. I have no idea if such studies have been conducted at an international level and I may be wrong on this because the wifebeating, serial assholishness might be blame on a badly-handled excess rather than lackthereof.
I could get over the less than fortunate genetic makeup of the Romanian male (I’d still love my potatoe-faced children because they’re mine and with any luck they’d be influenced by Romanian female genes which tend to produce much better looking results), but I cannot get over his lack of spine. An ounce of integrity weighs more than a couple of centimeters on your dick, boys (not that most of you know what to do with it anyway…)
Comment by Claudia — August 10, 2009 @ 10:48 am |
I think it’s amazing how your post shut everyone up. Usually, a whole army of people would have jumped right at it to try and tear it down with the usual psycho insults and/or invalid arguments. Looks like none of them felt brave enough to try it.
Well, you’ve earned my respect for that alone.
Comment by Radu — August 13, 2009 @ 6:48 pm |
Radu,
Are you trying to give Claudia the American Dick (sorry, DREAM)? You sneeky bastard
Probably you won’t measure up (she needs a couple of extra centimeters, not inches, that you won’t have. I assume you’re Romanian, so there you go…
Stop trying, your dick is too small, tigane!
I wonder if you were to give her a big-ass dildo(no pun intended)that would put a smile on her face, maybe she’ll put out for you:)
It’s all about sex for you Claudia, isn’t it…
Comment by pappy — August 14, 2009 @ 11:30 pm |
Claudia,
Ok, so Radu twisted my arm: I think I’ll say something.
– oh, by the way I love this happy face character 
Re: your statement “(yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder…”
So, can you clarify something for me: if the Romanian dudes are the way they are because of poor standard of living and nutrition, am I to infer that Romanian women are so fucking hairy that they would need 3 blade Titanium Gillete razors to shave they’re moustaches and chest hair, just so they would look half decent? I am merely inferring this from your hypothesis. OF COURSE THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE THAT!
Comment by pappy — August 15, 2009 @ 12:14 am |
Do you not understand the concept of “average”? It’s not just Romanians, it’s the same with older generations of Portuguese and it’s science, something anthropology has observed for decades in all eras and for all nations. There are statistics for things like life expectancy in nations and yes, those are correlated to standard of living too. Aside from those, which are the most famous in this category, there are also statistics about average height, demographic trends, etc. They’re based on a people’s evolution for THOUSANDS of years, not recent economic developments. The Dutch were not always this tall on AVERAGE, the Swedes were not always this tall on AVERAGE and the Portuguese are still short on AVERAGE, though the younger generation is shorter than older generations. Romanian men are on average shorter than most Western Europeans. I haven’t read any statistics about hirsutism in the female population of Romania but I am happy to be educated anytime.
Comment by Claudia — August 20, 2009 @ 11:55 pm |
*not as short as older generations
…obviously
Comment by Claudia — August 20, 2009 @ 11:56 pm
Oh. I only now scrolled upthread and realized I was responding to the same dimwit who left the previous comment. Well, that’s two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Comment by Claudia — August 21, 2009 @ 12:10 am |
Thanks for breaking down the word “average”. That was good. But the way you put it, you suggested that Romanian guys are(maybe I’ll use your quote):”…yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder…” Anyways who gives a shit! It was very educational
Re: the two minutes you’ll never get back. I wonder if your whole life is one big regret. You resent Romanians, or most Romanians, you… Ah, whatever!
Comment by pappy — August 25, 2009 @ 5:41 am
I don’t resent them at all. I work and I studied and am friends with plenty of them who are good friends and co-workers and there’s a few I respect and the ones I don’t… they’re hardly a source of frustration. It’s a free, borderless world out there, I can certainly find what I want in other areas of my life elswhere.
Interesting though that all you could pick on from all that rambling up there was an inconsequential aside and not the core of my argument, which was that masculinity in Romania is poorly understood and seriously lacking. Hm.
Comment by Claudia — September 3, 2009 @ 7:21 pm |
i got your point: you want some dick and the romanian guys don’t measure up (pun intended). that’s your point, no matter how you want to dress it up. I am so bored with your bullshit, that is for this reason alone I am going to shut up. see ya!
Comment by pappy — September 7, 2009 @ 11:47 pm
I wish I would have come across this website 2.5 years ago although I wonder if I would have seriously taken note of what was written. My experience started out like most others. He was well educated, charming, fun & thoughtful. We met in the US. He dressed well and liked nice things. I thought we were a great match. We both made good money and lived a nice life together. I never thought he would turn into the Monster that he did. If someone would have told me what he would eventually do to me in the first few months I would have thought they were crazy. About 6 months into the relationship I started to notice things that did not make me comfortable. At first I considered that we were coming from 2 different cultures but that soon proved to be a poor excuse. He would refuse to do any errands for me or help me with the housework. He would anger easily if I so much as cleaned up his things. He accused me of trying to hide his stuff away because the apartment was initially mine before he moved in. I felt bad at first and attempted to change the apartment to his liking and make enough room for him so that he felt welcome and that this was his home. Where we once had a lot of fun together and a lot of laughs we now could barely make dinner conversation. He seemed to be somewhere else in his head or constantly on his cellphone. He would throw things around, punch doors, break things for little to no reason. He could be set off without any conflict from me. He was constantly buying new toys and new clothes when he clearly did not need to. It went from bad to worse when he scheduled a vacation without me and lied and said that it was a business trip. Soon thereafter the physical abuse started happening. I could get hit, punched, slapped, thrown down, hair pulled, biten, spit on at anytime for any reason. He blamed me again. He said that I made him like this. There are far too many incidents for me to put down here. Eventually he cheated on me with the wrong person. Although he never stayed out all night he did manage to have a relationship with someone for a number of months. It came to an end when she showed up at our place and he denied even knowing her. I found out the truth was that he had been telling her lies about me and calling her his girlfriend. When he was with her he would be emailing or texting me that he loved me and asking me what he could buy for me. He always thought the gifts or trips made up for everything. I am not going to generalize and say this is all Romanian men. I will say he was a text book abuser. He isolated me. He definitely did not see anything wrong with having me take care of him, the household and myself while he ran around and had his fun. We are both very well educated and together we lived in an amazing apartment in an amazing american city. I tried moreso with him than I have ever tried with anyone before and still I was belittled, beaten, cheated on, lied to and so on. When I found out about his affair he dropped the girl like he had never known her. I could not believe this man as I have brothers who would never dare do half of what he did because they have self-respect and respect for others. Before I left him I found out that some Romanian women had been in the picture as well. I think they gravitated towards him because he is intelligent and has money. When they were told that he was married and he was a liar they did not seem to care in the slightest and I believe they blamed wife for his behavior.
Comment by Mislead — August 18, 2009 @ 4:48 pm |
I’m glad that psycho is out of the picture. At least you’re safe now. What he did was horrible and unacceptable. I think he knew what he was doing, and it does sound like it was his fault. I’ve met enough of this type of people, living in Romania and all, and it’s always the same story: sulky, intimidating, reckless, unpredictable, and they always think they’re right, always blame you, even if you didn’t do anything to begin with. And as usual, no one else cares, it’s not their problem. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Hope he’s made to take responsibility for all the crap he pulled. If someone did that to me, I’d take him to court and not give up until he was in jail, futureless and/or broke.
Comment by anon — August 18, 2009 @ 9:12 pm |
My fight has only just begun. I will only be happy when he is booted out of this country and never able to work or live here again. He still tries to maintain some control by holding some personal items “hostage”. It is not that he cares about me or wants me back it just brings him some type of pleasure or reward in doing so. Although I worked hard for my things there is nothing worth letting him ruin one more day of my life over. He can have it all. He also still emails me when he is feeling ill. What am I supposed to do for him when I 1500 miles away?!?
Sulky. Ha! That is an understatement. At times I felt like I was dealing with a 2 year old who was having a tantrum. Wouldn’t look at me. Would not respond to simple question…even if we were not in a fight. He would never answer even benign questions. He would hardly open up about his homelife or childhood. His father is an educated professional as is his mother. However, I was never able to “crack that nut” on what really happened in his home, good or bad.
I am not one for generalizing at all but the experience I had with him and the non-reaction I got from his parents really has turned me off to ever having contact with a Romanian. I will definitely keep them at arms length in the future. The way he conducted himself was like a person who grew up on the street. The lying, cheating, beating, scamming..etc. The only thing missing was drug or alcohol abuse. It really really threw me for a loop because both of us grew up in upper middle-class households with education and priviledge.
I hope someday soon I can be far enough away from this to understand what really happened. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around all of it. I have never heard of any of my friends who have divorced going through something as sinister as I have..
Comment by Mislead — August 18, 2009 @ 9:59 pm |
I am an American photographer based in Bucharest. Can a Romanian woman help me out on this: it is always very difficult for me to ‘read’ Romanian women. I find that on the street and at cafes etc. they are always looking over at me, locking eyes. Women don’t really do this so much when I am in the US or in Western European countries. I mean maybe they can tell I am not Romanian? I look Scandinavian as I have Swedish heritage. I don’t know what to make of these looks. Are they checking me out you think generally because they see me as a foreigner who probably has money??? Are they just being flirtatious? If this is so, it would seem Romanian women on the whole are more flirtatious than women in other countries. What are the basic morals these days? I mean are young women here totally open to the casual hook-up?
Comment by Davin Ellicson — August 22, 2009 @ 11:40 am |
I always heard it was Romanian women who had 3 boyfriends, one for love, one for sex and one for money…
As for Romanian men – they are either very serious and so don’t play around or are young… just like the women of Bucharest.
Comment by Peter Fogarty — August 22, 2009 @ 2:57 pm |
All romanian guys are macho brainess idiost that all think they are fabio and 99.50 of romanian girl are whores. they can be had for 100 euros and if you find one that is decent she will prety much take all your money since with time that is easy. I had it with them and guess what I am romanian man raised in the states. They are all alike, just takes time to show, or come out with their true color.
Comment by RRRM — October 6, 2009 @ 8:24 pm |
I don’t know if anyone still reads these commentaries, but I’ll throw in my opinion anyway.
Here’s the deal:
1. Romanians are a very distinct and difficult people. So distinct that we ourselves (because of cultural confusion) don’t understand ourselves. We do not play well with others. And I would NOT recommend foreigners to have relationships with us. EVER.
2. Romanian culture is a shame-culture with many hidden “rules”. You can not find these rules in a book. You have to ask someone that knows. If you break the rules we will probably hate you for the rest of our lives.
3. Romanian culture is patriarchal and polygamous. Women have no rights and are considered chattel, they are not considered people. The number of women (girlfriends, mistresses etc.) that a man has indicate his status. The man despotically rules the household. No one else has a say.
4. General advice for foreigners:
If you are a woman: Expect to be beaten, controlled and made to wait hand and foot. Do not complain. You have no right. Instead indicate that you are NOT a Romanian woman. If the man understands this – the treatment will be MUCH better. Show yourself useful by bringing in money and use this to barter for better treatment. Indicate that you are NOT a Romanian woman. This is KEY to making it work.
If you are a man: You are fucked. Romanian women are CRAZY. Beating the woman senseless once a week might work. If it doesn’t, well, enjoy a life of constant (and CRAZY) drama.
If anyone has questions I will do my best to answer them.
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 1:46 am |
Absolutely agree. Will you share some of those rules?
Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 3:00 am |
Well, lets see:
For the gents:
- Gift giving. You have to give gifts on a regular basis, optimally about once a month. This is the way you show love, since love in the western sense doesn’t exist in Romanian culture. Expensive clothes, perfumes, lingerie, vacations are the way to go. They have to be nicely wrapped.
- Jewelry. This is incredibly important in our culture. A woman needs expensive jewelry. It regulates her standing among other women, it shows that she is loved by her man (remember: we don’t have “love”) and it brings “honor” to the mans house.
- You have to show the woman off. This means walks on the boulevard, visits to restaurants, theatres, malls and, best of all, going with a rowing boat on the lake.
- You are the sole breadwinner. A Romanian woman that has to work is a humiliated woman. Unless she works in a beauty store, clothing store or other place where she gets to show of. If you get her staff, you will get laid. Having servants is the secret dream of every Romanian woman.
- Car. You have to have a car. The nicer the better. You have to drive her around in it for others to see.
This is some of the obvious stuff. But then there’s the way you do it. It has to be done with a certain “formality” that is hard to explain.
For the ladies:
- You have obligations (men do too, but they’re really more important for women). These are things you are expected to do, but that no one ever tells you about. For those of you that had problems with your men, this is probably where you went wrong: You didn’t fulfill your obligations. This is unforgivable.
- Romanian men subconsciously expect you to act like Romanian women (they will also like them better than you). This is impossible for a westerner, unless you are crazy, or French. You will fail (in your obligations), and you will get beaten for it. Oh, and you will never be good enough. No one is ever good enough in our culture.
- You are expected to make yourself pretty for your man. You always have to look good, but it is particularly important 1) outside the house, since you represent a lot of things (“face”) there. And 2) in the bedroom. A mans bedroom is his harem, you are expected to wash, do your hair and nails, and don the expensive lingerie he bought you. Bonus points if you bought it yourself. This shows love. Failure to do this may mean that you disrespect him. He will hate you for this. Possibly for the rest of your life.
- You are expected to take care of the household and waitress. That means you fill up glasses, bring coffee, etc. You have to do this in a subservient manner. Use soft movements, a pleasing gaze and a smile. Failure to do this means you disrespect the man.
- In a shame culture you must preserve your chastity and modesty at all costs. A compromising situation (like wearing the wrong clothes, being alone in male company, going somewhere without the mans permission) can be considered the same as cheating. In such case the man is obliged to beat you. You don’t actually have to do anything wrong. The mere suspicion is enough. It is not uncommon for women to be killed for this reason.
- You have to cook Romanian food. We will not ask you. But we will expect it. Asking for things is extremely humiliating in our culture. We are brought up to die rather than ask.
- In public you must obey your man. Not doing so makes him lose face. This is very, very bad. Never talk back to your man. It is better to sleep with him first, and then ask for things when he is in a good mood.
- You have to play hard to get. We love this.
Now, you can’t possibly live up to all these things and still have time to sleep. This is why Romanian men need several women: One for the home, one for the bedroom, one for taking out etc. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the way it is.
I realize this sounds crazy. But it is a crude attempt to explain how we work. I myself am married to a foreign woman, so I have had to deal with some issues.
For a foreigner it is best to think of it as a relationship with someone from a strictly Islamic country. Just with the rules being hidden. Have fun!
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 5:33 am |
Wow! This is spot on! Unfortunately it’s a bit too late for me. The damage has already been done. I naively entered into a marriage with a young, well educated Romanian man…I thought the fact that he was educated outside of Romania would have helped a bit. It did not. I Felt like I was married to an old islamic fundmentalist. You hit that one on the head. The giving gifts to show me love is true as well…cheat on me, buy me a vacation (a very miserable vacation). Beat me up, buy me the handbag I have been eyeing. Not one thoughtful bone in his body. Never happy. Highly HIGHLY critical of everything, me especially. He could never enjoy anything. We lived like spoiled brats with more than the average young couple has and yet nothing was good enough for him.
Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 6:21 am |
Lol.
I know what you’re saying. Look: It’s EXTREMELY difficult for a foreigner (westerner) to understand our culture. My woman tells me it’s like walking through a mine-field. And yes, I give her hell.
1. We are wired to deal with Romanian/Eastern women. These women are merciless psychopaths that will destroy you if you ever show the slightest weakness. This makes us paranoid when it comes to women. We care a lot, but we never show it.
2. Our culture is fatalistic and death-loving. This is why we are never happy. Pessimism is our national trait. The only cure for this is religion. We have a strong streak of religious fanaticism. In fact, we often understand the world in religious terms.
3. We don’t love. There is obligation and loyalty, but not love. This is a foreign concept to us. We show affection through expensive presents. This is what our women crave.
It boils down to that eastern women (like ours, including the mothers that raised us) are extremely different from western ones. And so we can’t really deal with the differences since we never experienced (or even heard of) them. Many things are just unfathomable. I can understand it intellectually but I can’t accept it.
4. Gifts is a special chapter. We have a gift culture (google it). And so there are different types of gifts that communicate different things. You may also want to google shame-culture.
5. We subconsciously expect foreign women to act Romanian. But there is no handbook for this. You have to be raised with it. Preferably in a village. I don’t think a foreigner can ever really adapt.
6. Language. Words in English have a different meaning in Romanian. For instance: saying “you never did x” implies the person has not done their obligation. This is very shameful for the accused because it implies that he’s not a real man. It’s like an Anglo woman would say: “you have a small endowment”. And so there’s a beating to cover the loss of face. Or something. I can’t speak for others, but it’s how I perceive it anyway.
Communication is very hard unless you know Romanian. Because the weight of the words is different.
7. We are excessively proud, dramatic and hateful. We will never forget or forgive the slightest wrongdoing. But at least you will never be bored with us.
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 7:30 am
I should ad one last thing: It’s really no ones fault that these relationships don’t work out. To my knowledge, they rarely do. Even if the non-Romanian party is willing to climb the mountain of suffering (extremely Romanian allusion) and put up with the crap, learn the language, and culture and religion. And even move to the freggin country. It still pain and suffering all the way. I think the only way is if the Romanian party is willing to give up most of the “core” principles. My foreign wife is willing to pay the price. And she is paying. But I can not in good conscience recommend it to others, especially women. You can be the mistress, but don’t be the wife. Now I will shut up.
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 7:51 am |
Thank you very much for your insight. I really blamed myself for the demise of the marriage. I made so many mistakes in his eyes although I truly tried very hard to make it work.
Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 4:17 pm |
No problem. It’s worth what you paid for it.
Just remember: He probably expected you to act Romanian. Something that you cannot (and should not) try to do. The only way to avoid this trap is to emphasize that you are NON-Romanian and to manifest your own cultural customs. Then you end up in the “foreigner” category and that’s a different thing.
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 8:45 pm
Any advice on how to navigate a seperation and a possible divorce with a Romanian man without starting WWIII or commiting homicide? We have separated and I do love him despite his animalistic attitude and barbaric ways…How do you suck up to a Romanian man? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 5:22 pm |
Well, I say you should be a cold hearted bitch. Do NOT show that you love him. This is a game we like to play. If I know a woman likes me, I will ignore her because it flatters my ego to have her chasing after me. Don’t do this.
You either:
1. Ignore him. Turn of your phone for three weeks and do something else. Chances are he’ll come running with little presents and invitations. If he does, don’t show that you like it. And don’t make up. say: “They’re OK”. Or “it will do”. Or “I’m not in the mood”. Or best of all: “I don’t want you anymore, I found someone better”. You have to be a calculating bitch.
2. Flatter his ego. This is for the advanced. Since women in Eastern cultures don’t have any rights, they have other ways to get what they want. They manipulate. That’s how they get men to take them on vacations, buy them expensive clothing, jewelry and whatever. You play the damsel in distress and he’s the big, strong man that gets you whatever it is you want. Skilled women will cry heartbreakingly, throw hysteric fits and break things, threaten suicide, sleep with other men, pawn the family heirlooms, call the police with false allegations and boil the rabbit – to get what they want. This is not for you. It requires years of training. It’s only to show that you can NOT be nice. Then you will be disrespected. It’s like a game that you have to know how to play. I suggest you befriend some Romanian women and learn how it’s done.
Most of all: Take a step back. Keep your head cool. Make him run after you.
Good luck and have fun!
Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 9:28 pm
I’m happy to read comments by women that are together with a Romanian man. I’m together with one and I’m non-Romanian myself. I must agree with a lot of the comments that have been written here, especially with the points made by those who have had the experience… For any foreign woman looking to be with a Romanian man, I would say STAY AWAY. However, it would not be fair of me to only bash and list the negatives. There are positives to it as well.
Before I start, I wish to say that this is all from my own experience. It’s in no way universal, but I hope some of you can recognize what I’m saying. You may also see it as a form of advice for those of you who are/are looking to be in a relationship with a Romanian man.
Some basic facts
Obligation is very important. I suppose all of the topics in this post are about obligation.
Obligation means you do what is expected of you. If you don’t know Romanians you obviously cannot possibly know what is expected of you. So keep reading.
If you disobey or don’t do your obligation as a woman, you will get hurt.
If he’s in a good mood you might be able to appeal
If he’s in a bad mood and you appeal, you’ll just get yourself into more trouble
Possesiveness and Time-management
You are right in that Romanian men are very controlling. They see you as a posession. You never have a say of your own, he controls your time and your entire life. That’s a general principle with Romanian men. Keep that in mind.
Forget having any kind of hobbies of your own. Any kind of private time or independence will be thrown out the window. This is not a complaint! This is a fact! He will want to control everything you do.
He will want to know where you go and what you do when he is not around. It probably sounds like I’m talking about the regular jealous boyfriend stereotype, but I’m not. Because this includes things like going to a different room in the house. He might wonder what exactly you are doing in the kitchen, and why you chose to do the dishes or clean at this specific time. And you’ll have to come with a good explanation.
He will want to control your thoughts too. He will want to know what you think, why and make sure you aren’t thinking something bad.
Your time will be managed by him. Often micro-managed. That’s how they prefer it. You will not be able to plan any kind of schedule, no matter how important this might be to you (some people have working hours to keep track of. Can be a problem when your time is at someone else’s whim).
Why do they do this?
As has been said Romanian men will expect you to be a Romanian woman. Romanian women are very different. At least they seem so to me. Concerning this particular topic of posessiveness, the romanian women are kept very short because they have a tendency to derail. If not kept on a tight leash, a romanian woman will cause severe drama (or trauma, ha ha!), plot behind the man’s back, stick it to him just because she can and be a total bitch. Therefore the man keeps the woman in constant chaos, never letting her put together her own schedule, only so that she cannot plot for drama and destruction behind his back. This also explains why he has to know and control her thoughts. Believe me, I have seen many real-life examples, I’m not just making stuff up! If the man gives the woman slack and lets her plan her own time, he will have shown weakness. The romanian woman will then eat him.
What to do about this?
As a previous comment pointed out: be sure to tell him that YOU’RE NOT A ROMANIAN WOMAN! Romanians understand very well that there are many other cultures that simply do things differently. Many peoples have and do reside in Romania and are very different culturally. Romanians understand that some peoples are different than others culturally and accept this fact very well. As long as a culture isn’t harming the Romanians themselves, they do not question other peoples’ business. You might try to point out that ”in my culture, we do it this way…”, ”in my culture we do it differently…”. That will most often cut you slack and you will gain more understanding from him.
Household
The Romanian man will expect you to cook for him, clean the house and raise children. If you happen to have something else crucial you need to take care of and you just can’t make him that sandwich right this second… well, tough luck, it will be your fault anyway. Say you’re having a cold or a migrane and aren’t really in the mood to run down to the store to buy him a beer…. Tough luck again.
You must learn how to cook traditional Romanian food. If he doesn’t eat traditional Romanian food, then he isn’t a true Romanian. Sorry. You might have caught yourself a gypsy.
You will seldom gain any cred for doing this. Don’t ever try to use ”but I’ve always cooked and cleaned for you!” in an argument. Household is a basic expectation. A bit like you expect air to just be there, you’re not exactly greatful for oxygen.
Why do they do this?
As I said this is a basic expectation. Romanian men have grown up with this. Their mother, or some other female relative will have done this for them their entire lives. It’s just how they do things. Quite honestly, I’d be very sceptical of any Romanian man that did not expect this.
What to do about this?
The base is that this is something you’re simply gonna have to do. Don’t know how to cook? Learn! It is crucial! Don’t ever expect him to share the household chores! Make sure to learn how to make some of traditional foods, look for recepies online.
Planning to manage chores when the man is the one managing your time can be very difficult and frustrating. It can be done by negotiating your time with him, although it is not always successful and depends on his mood.
There is however one way around this. And that is to hire staff. In romania it is status to have staff. Nannies for instance, are very common. Some people hire a nanny, and a housekeeper, which is not only useful, but helps them gain status among other Romanians. As a woman you will get both help and status if you hire staff to handle your household chores. Your Romanian man will feel like he is high up in the hiarchy because his woman doesn’t need to do menial household cores.
Being and Looking Pleasing
You always need to be on your best behavior. Think of yourself as a beautiful exclusive harem-concubine. Not necessarily in a sexual sense. You must always BE PLEASING. I cannot stress this enough. Be kind, smile at him, make him feel like a king. Be gently, humble, kind, smile at him. You are in a sense his servant.
You must never let youself go in terms of looks. Throw out pyjamas and colorful socks. Forget about wearing comfortable and cosy sweatshirts. Dress classy, look beautiful for him. Make it a rule to always wear lingerie to bed, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Romanian men love lingerie. Do your hair, nails and make-up. Put on jewellery, especially gold jewellery. It’s also good if you make yourself look expensive.
If and when you go out with a Romanian man, even if just means a walk down to the grocery store, make sure to look your very best. Doing your hair just to buy potatoes might seem silly and pointless, but by dressing yourself up, you show yourself, or rather the man’s possession off to other people. Think of it as a man pimping his car. He puts on shiny rims not because they’re useful, but so that others can see what a fancy car he has and envy him. Well, the woman is the car. The car is a possession, the woman is a possession.
Why do they do this?
By dressing up for the man, the woman shows that she loves and appreciates the man. This is also a basic concept, a cornerstone in having a relationship with a romanian man. The woman brings the man status by showing herself off like a pimped car. And by spending the time and effort on dressing up and fixing herself, she shows that she loves the man so much that she wants to bring him a lot of status.
What to do about this?
Usually, the Romanian man will buy the woman clothing, lingerie and jewellery. As a foreign woman you will most probably recieve this too. Or you can buy it yourself, that shows that you really love him. The important thing is that you look beautiful at all times. It doesn’t matter if the man has put on a bit of extra or more – YOU should always look beautiful! This is a basic expectation, so you’ll just have to do it. There’s no excuse not to.
Comment by M — November 3, 2009 @ 3:49 pm |
After reading all of this I realize that I did EVERYTHING WRONG to some extent in his eyes. I just became so tired of him never showing any appreciation for anything. I worked 11 hour days and took care of all the mundane household crap and he would tell me that it was a given like breathing. Granted he was no saint but I did not realize that I was doing everything wrong culturely. How am I ever going to win this guy back?!?!
Any suggestions?
Comment by anon — November 3, 2009 @ 4:02 pm |
And why the hell would anyone put up with any of this? Either this, or the typical romanian woman you described.
The only reason I imagine people would stay in such a relationship is if they ended up blaming themselves for everything, instead of their controlling partner. I mean, really, what do you get in return for being in a relationship like this? Nothing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
It’s a very rare mental disorder, well, rare by american standards, and it fits so many of the examples given here, in the comments on various posts in this blog. So… is this the norm in Romania? There are support groups for dealing with trauma inflicted by a narcissistic partner, and I imagine part of dealing with something like this is acknowledging how horrible this behavior is… But what if a whole society considers it to be the norm?
Is it at all possible for a normal person to live in Romania without being driven crazy? Is there any honesty, responsibility, assertiveness, self-confidence… maturity to be found there?
Comment by S — November 3, 2009 @ 9:45 pm |
It is NPD and honestly for this American girl it was the scariest relationship I have ever encountered. I was naive and got in over my head before I even realized what was going on. He was patholigical in how he “groomed” me to eventually lose all sense of direction in who I was.
After 3 years of abuse, lies, blatant cheating, control, isolation and utter chaos I finally called my Mom and told her. I did not know who the hell I was or how I got there but I knew that I needed to get as far away as possible. It has been a very uphill battle to get back to me.
No person deserves this treatment. It is ridiculous to want to put yourself back in the path of these monsters. Never again. I do not care how great the gifts are (and they are) or how “intriguing” he seems. They should go back to Romania and be their problem.
Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 12:37 am
Wow… That sounds absolutely horrible. I can only imagine what you’ve been through… If it was anything like what I’ve seen these people can do… the part about being manipulated into believing that all the abuse was perfectly justified and it was all my fault, and that no one would take my side if I told them… then you definitely deserve a medal. Either way, I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.
I hope you’re safe now, and close to completely leaving all this behind… As for him, I agree, he should just go back to where he came from. At least there, people know what to expect.
Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 3:44 am
I agree, for someone from the outside, it’s really difficult. In fact, it is pure suffering. I end up blaming myself for everything also. I guess you stay for the intensiveness and passion of the relationship. However, I think that it’s easy to get “drawn in” and to get seduced by the culture. How many of you here have attempted to learn the Romanian language because your man was Romanian? When you’re in so deep and for a long time, you get stuck there. You take on his principles (forget having any kind of principles of your own), his cultural standards and his ideologies. If something isn’t right, it’s always your fault, and you end up accepting this. Even if you prove that he’s wrong according to HIS principles, he will use his secret weapon HYPOCRISY and turn your argument against you. It’s very frustrating, especially when he expects you to magically know every little subtlety that is expected of you according to Romanian standards. There is no way of even remotely succeeding unless you decide to learn his culture.
I do love my Romanian man, and I have no plans of ever leaving him. I’m trying hard to meet all of those expectations. But you need to remember to always point out that you’re from a different culture.
Anon, the gifts are a form of compensation. Or rather, the man does his obligation. Romanian women will put up with for instance cheating as long as they get gifts. Sorta like a business agreement.
I did go through a separation process at one time too. But then I came back. Honestly, I don’t recommend it. Because now it is haunting me for the rest of my life. This is the one thing that he despises me for. Even if I’m perfect in every other way, if there’s absolutely nothing to complain at, nothing to hurt me for – he will hurt me for this. This leaves him in the position that he can demand pretty much anything from me, since I broke his Romanian principles. Now I have to live with this for the rest of my life!
If you want him back, anon, I would suggest attending the Romanian orthodox church. Religion is very important to them. Learn his culture. Personally I would not recommend going back after you’ve left him once.
If any of you want to email me, please go ahead. I haven’t, as many here, been able to find a lot of material online on this topic. My email is mary7820 at gmail.com
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 11:25 am |
Another thing, in regards to S and anon: If you are abused, you probably didn’t do your obligation. Your job as a woman is to look pretty and to take care of the household. So either you didn’t cook or you didn’t look pretty. Having a job does not count towards your obligation. No matter how much or how hard you work.
It’s very simple: When you haven’t done your obligation – abuse is justified.
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 11:48 am |
If you do move together, you should move to HIS place. Because if you move to yours, he will never really consider it his home. He will also be very paranoid. As somebody said earlier, he might even accuse you of hiding his stuff away on purpose when all you do is clean. Cleaning being one of your basic obligations it can become a difficult balancing-game.
Clean. Never have stuff lying around. (Even if he’s been the one making the mess) This might trigger an outburst. But always know exactly where stuff is. Yes, you have to keep track of his stuff. It’s his stuff, but you’re the woman, hence it’s your responsibility to keep track.
Romanians are very private. Chances are, he’ll feel like he’s imposing, like he’s an intruder in YOUR home. The “but if you love each other it’s BOTH yours AND mine” doesn’t work on him. If you still move to your place, at least don’t invite your family over. He’ll feel like an outsider. But you can invite his family. No matter what: Remember that the house has to shine and you have to be an excellent hostess when guests come over. If something goes wrong, it will be a loss of face for him. If this happens, you will most probably get hurt.
When inviting people over: men and women socialize separately. If you find yourself in a room full of only men, you’re expected to leave so the boys can talk. In mixed company you will mostly talk to the women, and he will mostly talk to the men. You will not have friends as a couple. You can socialize with other Romanians if he’s into that. Sorry, I’m drifting off into a different topic here.
Overall, because of the paranoia (inherent in all Romanians) you should not have people over. His family now and then is okay. Get thick curtains. Be sure to pull the blinds and curtains in the evening. Otherwise he’ll feel like you’re exposing your private life to the outside (=loss of face again).
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 12:27 pm |
OMG! I was constantly responsible for his things. Every five minutes he would ask me where such and such thing was. I was often waiting for him to ask me where his own ass was at times. It was so ridiculous. I was in charge of knowing where his keys and wallet and phone were DAILY. Even though he was the one who put them down at the end of the night. He also would throw things around aggressively if I so much as cleaned up and organized his things into a much easier way to find them. They would all be right in front of his face and organized in a cabinet and yet he would take the baskets out and bang them around until I nearly had a nervous breakdown from the aggression.
He did not invite family to my place but we seemed to be running a hostel for quite a while which was ridiculous. When I finally pointed out that his “friends” seemed to be using us for a free place to stay in a City that has really expensive hotels he got angry with me but seemed to agree as he started to stop accepting invites.
Oh and another weird trait that I found out was that he wanted to control my money. Told me I “owed” him money and that I was poor with money so he took my checks and gave me an allowance. I write that sentence and shutter to think that I fell for that more times than I would like to admit….
Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 12:36 pm |
As a woman you don’t have any money of your own. You will get an allowance as he seems to have instituted already. A woman doesn’t really own anything. A possession can’t have her own money. She can have her toys, eg. her jewelery, make-up, clothes, etc. The man in the house owns all the money, even if the woman works, and he gives her an allowance to spend on trinkets for herself, her toys. Your toys can never be taken away from you though.
To him, you’re not a person. A woman is not a person. You’re an animal. And animals can’t own things, only have accessories: like a collar, a dog-bone, a blanket. Just like the woman has her clothes, jewelery, etc.
There is no “mine” or “yours”. He is however aware of what you brought in to the relationship. If you had a car, he will remember this. He will never take the stuff the woman brought in. The car is YOURS, and he’ll remember that. It will always be YOUR property, no matter what. BUT don’t EVER say this out loud. Never! It’s sensitive. He will end up hurting you. Been there, done that, got the bruises.
When it comes to finding the keys: you have to “hand” them over to him in person. He will find it disrespectful if you simply tell him “they’re right in front of you! In the cupboard”. You have to hand it over to him in a soft and gentle way to make him feel respected. Like a slave in ancient Rome that hands over a bowl of grapes to her master.
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 1:14 pm
Just wanna add that this stuff is pretty normal for Romanians (and eastern people I’m sure). It’s not as bad as it seems. It’s just a different way of relating. He controls the woman because he has an obligation to take care of the family. He is expected to be the head of the family (cap de familie) and it isn’t always easy, especially when you’re married to a crazy Romanian woman, and god forbid if you have a Romanian daughter too…
The good part is that a Romanian man always stays with his family. He doesn’t just abandon them. Sure, there is the occasional loser, but the norm is that you stay with your family, no matter how crazy they might be. Corollary, the woman stays with the man even if he’s crazy. As long as he does his obligation, the woman is obliged to stay. He will never abandon his wife for his mistress or just because he has “fallen out of love”.
The Romanian man also has the financial responsibility as head of the family. He is normally the breadwinner. As a woman you don’t actually have to have a job. If your finances are suffering, he will be the one responsible, even if you were the one spending the money.
The woman is like a kid. She gets an allowance, she gets to buy toys. And if she overspent it can’t possibly be her fault. We wouldn’t fault the kid for buying too many toys. It’s up the kid’s parents to keep after it. Just like it’s up to the man to look after the woman.
He is obliged to keep track of his herd, and so, he has to keep track of his woman. He is the one responsible for her actions. She is NOT considered responsible for her actions. A bit like a dog that bites people is considered to have a bad owner.
This is only from my experience. Mileage may vary.
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
Sorry for my long rants here, but really, I’ve never talked to anyone in the same situation as me before. Years of solitude with a Romanian man without anyone knowing what exactly it is that you’re going through can drive you insane!
Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 2:05 pm |
Well, I bet! But do you really intend on staying with that guy? Do you really have no one else to talk to about this, or do you think people wouldn’t believe you…? Does he even ever let you talk to anyone, like your mother, siblings at least?
This sounds like something out of a horror movie to me. Don’t let me saying that fool you into thinking that I’m a non-romanian who has no idea about this, I know what these people are capable of.
If you don’t live in Romania, and are taking his word when it comes to everything he says about the cultural quirks, including obeying his every command and adapting to his style, then I’m sorry, but he’s exaggerating. Even in Romania, the whole package of things you described, taken together and wrapped in fundamentalism, is now obsolete for couples under 35 years old, no matter their social status. Hell, nowadays, there’s nothing most Romanians agree on anymore, a majority of people form their own opinions!
Communism ended a while ago, and a lot of the things that were unwritten social laws back then are now gone, since many of these things you describe are vestiges of communist rule; younger people have access to more information and are starting to do things differently. Urban women under 40 typically don’t let their husbands/boyfriends OWN them anymore.
Not to mention, the crazy romanian woman type… well, a lot of women may be like this, and hell, I don’t blame them! But not all women are like this, a lot of them aren’t.
While the general attitudes may be the same across the country but mostly in certain disadvantaged groups, his fundamentalistic, strict, archaic version of them is in his head, and your not knowing all this and being scared enough to take his word, enables him to afford taking it to a whole new level… I mean, let’s be honest, he’s extremely insecure, and hence paranoid, he hides it with extreme aggression and manipulation, he’s hypocritical, and on top of that he instills fear in you so you never judge him.
He’s severely mentally ill is what he is.
The reason many people don’t go completely postal in Romania is that people are (in most cases) fully aware of just how normal hypocrisy is, and thanks to the various forms of deceit many people use to protect themselves and keep others at a distance… It’s basically a given that what people admit to each other about, well, a lot of things, will seldom match reality. You seem to be much more naive, and I don’t blame you, you’re not Romanian. But it’s, IMO, frightening what he’s doing, and it’s scary what you have to put up with.
All of what he’s doing is wrong, no matter who’s doing it or where, and FYI, the reason this works in Romania is due to a near-complete lack of social cohesion, a lack of principles, cultural identity erasures, and various other things they’ve historically have to put up with, communism being probably the worst.
My advice would be for you to get out of this relationship, and stat. I know it would be extremely hard at this point, but if you receive the right support, it can be done, and you can overcome this and get your self-esteem back to where it should be. No one deserves what you’re going through, and I’m pretty sure myself that it’s only going to get worse. This type of people, well, they don’t handle aging very well.
Maybe this sounds harsh, and I guess it’s easier said than done, but I can’t advise you exactly on what to do, and there’s also the fact that I have complex PTSD. Writing this alone has taken me over 1.5 hours, it’s been draining, and I can barely think anymore. This is only part of what this condition can do.
So please, do what’s best for you, and don’t let this go on for much longer.
Comment by another anon — November 4, 2009 @ 4:34 pm |
M -
I feel the same way. I could not possibly talk to anyone and make them understand what had happened unless they had been in the same situation. I, being an American, had never even heard of something like this.
We are both barely under 30. Well educated. He did not come from some small village and had been exposed to a great deal of different culture. I thought he would be of the “next generation” so to speak. Far from the truth. Also we both worked hard and money was never an issue except that he wanted to control mine. Whats mine was his and what was his was HIS. He bought more expensive toys for himself than I bought for my self. I contributed to the household he, for the most part, did not.
Although in his eyes I was the most “disgusting, stupid, ugly, fat, idiotic” person he knew I always got the feeling that he was going to stick with me for the long run. I was going to be miserable and alone for a few years until he outgrew whatever he was going through.
I left him and yet he is still offering to take care of my insurance. He is being amicable about the divorce so far and about me needing to get back into the apartment for more of my things in a couple of months. His kindness in those matters scare the hell out of me.
This blog has helped me moreso than any therapy and distance has. I knew NOTHING of what many know about how these relationships can be. When you have no knowledge otherwise a women tends to internalize all this. That internalization hurt me so much that I would try to numb the pain and only get in more trouble with him. I would drink too much especially in social situations where I would see other men adoring their wives and mine forgetting to introduce me or ignoring me at a party. Only a few times would he put his arms around me in front of others and it would just creep me out because in truth he just beat me up that morning.
Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 5:31 pm |
What a complete psycho asshole. Just hearing about these things makes me sick, it must have been complete hell for you.
For all the psychological trauma and overall damage he caused, I hope you at least receive a huge amount in compensation, because from the sound of it, it’s very likely he’ll never be able to make up for what he did in any other way.
If I had my way, he’d be forced to see a psychiatrist as well, ideally, these people should NOT be allowed to continue this serial spousal abuse.
Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 9:28 pm |
I so recognize all of this! We’re also both in our late 20’s, well educated, the man has seen his share of other cultures. His family is from a rural and religious background, but they were still educated and he lived in the west for very long. You’d think a man like that would be more enlightened about the modern role of women – but no. I lived with his family for just over a year and I (thankfully) picked up some cooking and language. I’m from a nearby country myself.
He was very nice and sweet in the beginning. Got me little gifts, was kind and gentle. Then it started going downhill. He became vicious. He started remarking on the way I dressed, the way I acted, the way I ate my food, the way I walked, etc. All the clothes in my wardrobe that he didn’t like he threw away. He started beating me for no apparent reason. Sometimes it was because I had looked at him “in a strange way”. It was completely insane. I started wondering if I wasn’t together with a psychopath. I couldn’t tell anyone, because no one would understand.
Now I realize the amount of things that were expected of me. Education or job didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was looking pretty and “showing respect” to him. And not having any opinion of your own of course.
He called me things as well. I was retarded, dumb, stupid, an idiot, a imbecile, a c*nt, etc. He would yell and get angry for me saying things the wrong way. He would explode for the smallest thing.
The reason, anon, that he ignored you at parties was because, first of all, Romanian men don’t really adore their wives. My man rarely kisses, hugs, or even touches me in public. They’re very private people. He won’t even kiss me when we’re inside the house unless the blinds are drawn. Secondly, by drinking too much, you made him loose face in front of others. This is devastating and usually results in severe beatings. It’s one of those things that is a really big deal to Romanians. So don’t ever think of crying in public or anything like that. Thirdly, it could have been the way you dressed or acted. He might have been ashamed of you because you didn’t act or dress in the right way.
Also, about money: he doesn’t expect the woman to be responsible with money. He expects her to spend her “allowance” ruthlessly and then come running back for more. Like a child that spends it all on candy. That’s why Romanian men feel uncomfortable with a woman having money. This is not just a Romanian thing though. This is a Balkan thing. I’ve seen other women from the Balkans emptying first wallet, then their credit-card, then their husband’s credit-card in one afternoon. All is of course the husband’s money and the wife doesn’t work.
The reason he’s being so kind to you now, even as you are separating, is because he doesn’t want you to say that he didn’t do his obligation. This meaning that he left you with nothing, helpless, to fend for yourself. You see, a Romanian woman would have cried wolf and definitely made it public that “HE LEFT ME, A POOR LONE WOMAN, HELPLESS!!!” after a separation. And that would embarrass the man and his family. He doesn’t want that from you, so he’s trying his best NOT to leave you helpless after a break-up.
I see why it creeps you out though. Because they can be the nicest sweetest guy and then the next second turn into a raging maniac.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 12:55 pm |
I have been reading the recent comments and both Romanian men and women sound like cunts. Complete assholes. How about growing up a little and being respectful human beings?!
Comment by ellicsod1978 — November 4, 2009 @ 8:17 pm |
These people suck the life out of you. Soul sucking sociopaths. I barely have it in me to fight him in a divorce. He has much more money than I do right now. I honestly just wish he would be deported and that be it.
He had the audacity to take another woman to a wedding in my place! He also introduced her to some of our friends! Not one of our friends called him out on his b.s. ever. I think they were fascinated by him and our “money”. What a joke. The Romanian girlfriends who had relationships with him did not care at all that he was married. I think they were again fascinated by his so called “wealth” and all the nice toys.
If his mouth was moving he was lying. It was absurd. He convinced the girl friend that I was an ex-gf who needed a place to stay because I had nothing. I made just as much if not more money than he did. He was so good at his game that she stuck around for over 4 months without ever seeing where he lived or him spending the night with her. That was a weird thing. He would never stay out all night. He would always come home. If you hate me and it’s over and you have moved on why were you coming home to me at night?
Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 9:43 pm |
Ugh, the thing with these people is that they do so many insane things, that you’re kept in a constant state of shock, due to them always lying to your face that things will change, but then do the opposite. Either that, or if things get really bad, nothing can surprise you anymore, no matter how shocking…
You expect them to come to their senses, but they never do, and furthermore, they manage to, on one hand, avoid having to take any responsibility for their actions, in the worst ways possible, and on the other, have you believe no one else would believe you if you told them… which, in the US, in many cases they probably wouldn’t.
And in Romania, people would believe you, but in some cases blatantly tell you the complete opposite, and yell at you and call you stuck-up, paranoid, ungrateful, and so on. At the very least, they’ll start to avoid you. Receiving any support (for anything at all) is ruled out from the beginning… Trust me, I know this.
I hope you find the power to get this psycho out of your life, he deserves to, for once, be silenced and held responsible. I’m sorry you’ve been through all this…
Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 10:46 pm |
As many Romanian men, he had a MISTRESS. A Mistress is the woman that you take to events. He saw you as the WIFE. The wife is the one who stays home and takes care of the household. That’s how Romanian men work.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:05 pm |
I’ve been trying to post something for the past half hour, and I keep getting this WordPress error message… So I’ll try to post this in two parts. Hopefully, this will fix it.
Part 1
Since a lot of the behavior of these men or women described here can best be explained through pathological narcissism, I thought I should share a few resources on this. For example, a blog of a psychiatrist who seems to know a lot about, and is interested in the subject. I personally think it’s very insightful:
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2006/12/if_this_is_one_of_the_sexiest.html
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2006/12/this_is_not_a_narcissistic_inj.html
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/01/neither_is_this_is_a_narcissis.html
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2008/10/psychopathy_antisocial_persona.html
This blog has a variety of posts that explain the personality type; the links I included are just the posts that are the most relevant. It won’t describe every case with complete accuracy, especially since the type of narcissist exemplified in that blog looks like a less extreme american type, but I guess it does kind of offer some material to understand, and be better prepared to handle, the hardships of being in a relationship with this type of people.
Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 11:46 pm |
Part 2
I don’t know how useful this will end up being to the ones reading this and who are in a relationship with a narcissist, but I thought this would be worth contributing.
Also, for some of you, the following link might be useful as well. The author of the article may not be the most reputable person (he doesn’t work in the mental health field) and he’s pretty controversial, but I think in this article, his ideas make sense.
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=746:narcissism-faq-79-the-narcissist-in-court&catid=99:narcissistic-personality&Itemid=2113
Hope this will prove to be helpful for some of you.
Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 11:51 pm |
I posted a part 1, why the hell was it deleted? It took me hours.
Fine. I give up.
Comment by S — November 5, 2009 @ 1:27 pm
Now I see it, after refreshing the page, but it wasn’t there before… Whatever.
Comment by S — November 5, 2009 @ 1:31 pm
Wow! Reading all of this has brought some much needed relief. I have felt many times that I was just going crazy even after leaving him. This type of abuse is so hard to wrap your mind around. When I first left it was so bizarre to go back to the world that I had grown up in. I jumped at every noise. Every raised voice made my heart beat fast..even when I knew that the raised voice was in jest. My family is extremely lovable and close but LOUD!
The beatings that come out of nowhere. I can relate so much to that. I have never been around physical abuse of any kind. This guy would kick, BITE, pull hair, punch, SPIT, you name it. The look in his eye was that of a monster. The more I would stick up for myself the worse it would be. The harder I worked the more he would find that was wrong.
Also the lying and running scams. This guy would try to scam on the smallest tiniest things and we had more than enough money. It was EMBARASSING!!
After all the cheating, lying, beatings he would tell me “But I take care of you”. You take care of my dinner bill but you can not have a simple fun conversation or show that I matter to you.
I am not worried about getting in another relationship with a Romanian because it will never happen. Also I know what to look for and look out for in an NPD. I do however think this is not isolated now and this country has a very very very serious problem with their men among many other things.
Also, he would never open up to me about his childhood..not much anyway. Would not share funny stories or tell me much about what it was like living there. I would have to PRY stories out of him. That to me is very very odd.
Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 1:13 pm |
YES! The beatings that pop up out of nowhere! I thought I was with a psycho. Only lately have I found out that it’s a national trait. And some trait it is! Slapping, kicking (in the head!), punching, pulling, pushing, spitting, calling me a whore and more is I have experienced. A question? Did he ever threated to kill you? Did he own any knives or guns? If so, did he ever threaten you with any one of those? If not, if he would have owned such items, do you think he would have threatened you with them, alternatively used them on you?
You tend to become very nervous because of the constant threat. Knowing he might explode at any time, for anything, makes you watch your back constantly.
Romanians have a thing for taking a “good business opportunity” when it comes around, even if it’s not good at all, hence the scamming.
He did not speak of his childhood or share any personal memories with you because he is very private. Romanian men have a very hard time opening up in relationships. And now that he’s gone he probably feels pretty smug over the fact that he didn’t share that personal information with you. That’s because he feels that he then hasn’t lost anything. He feels that giving out such information is giving away a piece of himself. He counted that if you were ever to break up, you would have had a piece of him by knowing of his childhood, his thoughts, etc. He doesn’t feel comfortable with you running off with such information. You might even try to harm him with the info you’ve got. That’s what a Romanian woman would do. If you would disclose his personal info to anyone, he would have lost face to the outside. And loosing face, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned many times before, is a serious thing. It’s SHAMEFUL! He didn’t wanna share in order not to risk future shame.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 2:36 pm |
Thankfully he did not own a gun. We did have knives in the house and he did pull one out of the knife block once and it almost seems as if he realized how crazy that was and put it back. I believe in a fit of rage he would shoot me if he could..whether he meant to take it that far is beyond me.
He is an only child as is his father. They seem to be in competition with one another. I do not think he believes that he measures up to his father. He makes comments that all the girls always wanted to take pictures with my Dad. Looks wise his father is much more handsome than he will ever be. He is so arrogant though that it doesn’t seem to bother him that he has really poor eyes and a lisp that is far more noticeable when he speaks Romanian. Embarassement is nothing that ever shows on his face but perhaps in his hand on my face. He never seemed to show any shame in the fact that our neighbors all know that he beat me daily because they would call the police or the doorman. This embarassment that everyone knew he beat me never stopped him from doing it again or hitting me in the bedroom while our friends were in the living room. Perhaps he is in denial but it never mattered to him that lots of people knew about it.
He was also very good at telling me that no one liked me. Everyone thought I was psycho. Even my family hated me. They never spoke to him but if I had a problem with them and dared shared it with him he would hold it against me.
Good business deal! Ha! He was cheap and disgustingly so. He was educated but still fell for the some of the obvious scams people run in Times Square. Everything about him was so contradictory.
Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
You don’t get it, anon. For a Romanian, it’s not shameful to beat his woman. It’s expected of him. If he doesn’t, people might think that he’s weak, his woman might think that he’s weak. The fact that everyone knows is not a problem. My man’s family all knew that he was beating me while I lived with them. But they didn’t do anything about it.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:17 pm |
Sick and disgusting. Truly, I see my situation in a whole new light. I am empowered by what I have learned on this sight. I pity him when all of this is over.
Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 3:34 pm |
Anon, you might want to make sure he’s really Romanian and that he’s not a Romanian jew. Just be careful so you’re not mistaken, there are a lot of Romanian jews in the US.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:38 pm |
He is not. He is anti-semantic & very predjudice which came out after sometime together. Amazing how backwards he is. I plan on disclosing more information about what happened to the proper people. He is quite fucking sick and I hope he gets what is coming to him.
Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 3:45 pm
If you want to be with such a man it’s pretty much given that you have to be anti-semitic and prejudiced yourself. It’s a plus if you’re backwards too!
Good luck, I hope you stick it to him.
Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
hiya, i last wrote on here aug 2007, no1 replied ;o( . anyway still in the same relationship, and a 7month baby now, OMG i dont want to insult anyone, but the last few comments especially, are so right,still rude, abusive, insulting etc worse i guess, my own fault, even when i was pregnant, awful, i just dont get it, i love him so much but hes soo nasty, i know i need to wake up and get away, but easier said than done, why are they so mean?, ive never ever cheated or chatted anyone up, but i get constantly accused of it,the only time i go out is to the park with the kids, i think im losing the plot ;o{
Comment by jay — November 11, 2009 @ 1:02 pm |
I’m not really qualified to give advice, but I am gonna tell you what has worked for me personally.
Jealousy can be a problem as they tend to be very possessive and jealous.
Try changing your wardrobe. Skip the jeans and t-shirt, try wearing long skirts and blouses instead. You can try putting up your hair. A woman with her hair up seems less available than a woman that has her hair out. If it still doesn’t work, you can try wearing a veil on your head, to look more chaste. I kid you not, this worked for me.
You should avoid talking to men altogether. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, like talking to the cashier, bus-driver or teacher, avoid it like the plague.
You should always have his meal ready. Wake up before him and make breakfast for example. Learn how to cook traditional food. Keep a good house. Now that Christmas is coming up, it would probably be a good idea to cook some of that traditional Christmas food for him.
Mind you, it took me 10 years and learning the language to get to this level. God knows, it’s not easy.
Comment by M — November 17, 2009 @ 1:33 pm |
And turn back how far women have come in this world by oh…200 years?!?! Not only NO but HELL F@$&ing NO! No amount of so called “charm & good looks” and what have you would be worth any of that crap. No way and I feel sorry for someone who lives their life this way. You are living like a SLAVE! Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook and take care of a household but I love my self-respect and freedom. I love looking at myself in the mirror everyday and knowing that there will never be bruises on my body again unless I have an accident and not because of his rage at me for making noise while he was getting ready for work. No one will bite me or slap me or pull me around the house by my hair because I was ugly or because I wore too much make-up. Their behavior is the lowest of all humankind. I would rather be poor and starting my life all over again than being anywhere near my ex. Disgusting pig.
Comment by Anon — November 17, 2009 @ 3:23 pm
I’m doing this of my own free will. No one is making me. You have the same free choice. If you don’t like it you can always leave. Sure, perhaps it’s not always easy, breaking relationships never is. But the bottom line is that it’s your choice! You should have stuck to an American man.
It’s not that complicated, really. Not wearing too much make-up and not getting drunk in public isn’t too much to ask from a woman. Your behavior will reflect him and his family.
Comment by M — November 23, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
What about his behaviour reflecting upon you and your family?
Trying to cover up a blemish or two and feeling a bit merry is far different than dressing like a Tranny Hooker and falling down drunk although neither affords abuse of anykind.
I am far away from those days. Clarity comes through time. The brainwashing is quite deep.
Comment by Anon — November 23, 2009 @ 3:57 pm
His behavior does not reflect on the woman or her family.
I didn’t say the line between drunk and non-drunk was set at the same level for a Romanian man as for an American. In Romania, a woman feeling “merry” equals the dressed like a tranny falling over drunk idea. And just like in society, if you break the rules you get punished.
People have different value-systems. What you call brainwashing is called manners in other parts of the world.
Comment by M — November 24, 2009 @ 11:38 am
I have had a Romanian man in my life for the last fifteen years. We never married and we have a ten year old daughter. Three years ago he moved to the same town I live in. It has been hell on earth. He is a liar and a cheat, she is a big secret. Will never take his daughter out at all. He has abused me quite a bit and now has turned around and found someone to use ….to help him with his guilt about his daughter. He is using her to get sympathy. He has also filed false assault charges against me. Like every post….you are just under water with these people. THEY DRAIN AND SUCK THE BLOOD OUT OF YOU. I HAVE LOST ALL THE LIFE IN MYSELF. My daughter deserves to have a good father….but that will not happen. I PRAY I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN BY THE END 2010. I FEEL FOR ANY WOMEN WHO COMES IN CONTACT WITH HIM….HE SURELY KNOWS HOW TO GET YOU SUCKED IN WITH HIS LOOKS AND CHARM. TAKE IT FROM ME STAY AWAY FROM THESE MEN.
Comment by J — November 15, 2009 @ 3:30 am |
Very usefull infomation. Thank you.
Keep it up
Comment by dating girls — November 23, 2009 @ 1:01 am |
I have come across this page while researching what I did wrong. I met my Romanian husband 3 years ago through my friend, he didn’t speak any english but tried desperately to show his interest and affection by learning hard and sending me kisses via text at least 10 times a day. After 3 months I agreed to go out with him on a date. I have 2 children from a previous marriage which he was fantastic with and so we fell in love. Within 2 months he’d moved himself into my house and was planning our wedding. We got married in January 2008 and everything was going so well. I relate to a lot of the characteristics mentioned above and this has helped me see a lot of my errors but I can honestly and truthfully say he never lifted a finger to me once and he tried so very hard to make my children his own. As time has gone on and I have missed many of these vital rules and obligations and now feel I have been so very stupid. Yes he was possessive and jealous and saw all the household stuff as my obligation and demanded respect but I feel I failed him on so many levels and have now lost the one things (apart from my kids) that meant anything to me.
I work 14 hours shifts so he would take care of my children and cook for them. He would take them to the park and play with them and if he was invited anywhere he would always take them with him.
He tried to teach me to take pride in myself but whenever he would tell me to do my hair or put on nice clothes I would take the defensive and argue with him, thinking he didn’t think I was good enough. I can now see he wanted me to look good for him but also for myself. Also, if he was going anywhere, the children and I were always expected to accompany him, he never knowing left me out of anything. To my knowledge, he has never cheated on me (I know this because he has always come straight home from work and spent every day with me) unless this has happened very recently as he’s been spending more time at his friends the last 2 months because he says home hasn’t felt like his home because I’ve been doing a lot of overtime to clear debts.
He never liked me talking to other men and I didn’t mind that as I saw it as him trying to keep me close and he never tried to control my money. In fact he gave me his bank card at one point. However, the things that killed our marriage were things I couldn’t change. He despised the fact I was with my ex-husband for 10 years and always thought that if he left I would automatically take back my ex (over my dead body) or he’d sometimes accuse me of still loving him. He said I wanted all his money (which I’ve never wanted but I think he judged me by previous Romanian partners he’d had) so even if I didn’t want money, he felt the need to provide it anyway. He felt I disrespected him if I was too tired after a 14 hr shift to dress up to go to bed or if forgot to post a letter for him in my rush to leave in the morning to take the kids to my parents before going to work.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I seem to have had the perfect romanian husband who had the traditions and family values I wanted in a man with the passion and love everyone has spoke of but the very traditions I admired were the same ones that shot me down. If I had put in a little more effort to look nice and take care of him, he would have felt the love and respect I felt for him but didn’t show.
All this might seem like a massive contrast to what has been written here recently but I wanted to show that not all Romanian men are so bad and that if the balance is right, you can have something very special. I, unfortunately, didn’t find this out till it was too late and have now lost the man I always dreampt of having. For the record, I am 28 and he is 33 so not old or young I guess but he has now gone and because of his pride (and my stupidity), I’ll never get him back.
Comment by English — November 27, 2009 @ 8:52 pm |
Just pure and simple anthropology…
Comment by richard — December 3, 2009 @ 3:06 pm |
who said that romanians treat their mentally ill like cattle?…well id say they treat their mentally ill like dog poo and us nice english people that decide to put up with them as something worse than dog poo..after my 3 year relationship with a romanian, ive met the rest, i think they shud bring back the communist life and keep them in that country to bloody rot……….the romanians ive met are arseholes, sorry if ive offended any nice ones out there, but im allowed to speak of my bad bad experience of this awful tribe
Comment by j — December 7, 2009 @ 11:04 pm |
total bloody control freaks..even the kids have to BE quiet and be shouted at all the time go bloody home and treat the people that enjoy it that way!!
Comment by j — December 7, 2009 @ 11:06 pm |
Most men have a certain type of woman they are attracted to. Whether that is physical, emotional, or mental attributes, you can without a doubt find the woman you are looking for online.
Dating can be fun, but if your ultimate goal is to find your life partner, there is no reason to spend time with people who aren’t right for you.
A loving Romanian bride is probably not as hard to find as you may think. There are literally thousands of Romanian women that are looking for love and romance with western men. The reason for this is that the ratio of men to women in Romania is extremely lopsided, as there are far more women than men.
So, just find the right site on the web and start browsing through the photos and personal profiles of hundreds of interesting beautiful Romanian women. Hopefully, your perfect bride is somewhere there, waiting for you.
How can you be sure you have the picked the right one?
For a compatible relationship the couple should have common interests. You have to have something in common with your partner in order to be able to be with her and do things together.
Talk online or over phone with her and try to find the answers to these questions:
Do you share common goals and priorities?
Where do you want to live?
How does each of you feel about spending and saving?
What are you building your future toward?
What kind of cars do you want to drive?
What things do you like to do together?
Are there things you love to do that you want to share with your partner?
How does your partner feel about doing those things?
Are there things your partner loves to do and wants you to love them too but you don’t?
And then you must consider if there are things you love to do without your partner and if your partner is willing to understand and accept that?
Though women are supposed to stay at home and take care of kids and home but if she is an ambitious kind of a person then are you willing to let her have that career she has always wanted?
Talking about the distribution of housework is also an area to discuss ahead of time. How much time will be spent together and how much time will be spent apart?
The next thing that you have to look out for is whether your partner and your intellect match. It is very difficult to communicate with a dull or insensitive person. Ask these questions to yourself. When you talk to her, is she on the same level as you?
Another thing to consider is if you like each other’s friends? How does each of you feel about your partner’s family? Talk a lot about your friends and your family and make her know them.
But the most important thing, after you’re getting to know each other better, is to ask yourself what qualities do you respect in her? Would you be happy if your child turns out like her? Can you accept this woman exactly as she is, for the rest of your life?
If the answers to the last 2 questions are “YES” you can start to make your luggage and come to Romania to meet her face to face.
Have a great flight!
Comment by Rob Watson — December 8, 2009 @ 1:36 am |
FIRST,i want to say i’ve read ALL the comments here(over several days-not enough time),and i urge you(whoever is reading) to go out with that guy/girl and whatever happens happens.
NOW!to introduce myself…i’m a romanian man in my early 30s living in Spain for the last 7 years and working as engineer for a spanish solar company.I have a brother living in Italy with his romanian wife,i have 2 nieces(16yo and 13yo) who are in Romania(and not Italy with their parents) staying with my folks,and i also have an uncle and an aunt(both romanian) living in the US.
Why the long unnecessary intro you might ask? Simple,there’s a saying in romanian:”cine se aseamana se aduna”(“those who look alike,are alike”)…this means that no matter where on this Earth romanians will seek each other out.
My brother met his wife in Italy and my uncle in US.
I want to point out some “rules”,points of view,insights,opinions to those interested:
1.as i said above, romanians seek out other romanians when abroad(not always but more often than not).
2.ROMANIANS DONT TRUST FOREIGNERS.you will have to struggle alot to break “the armor” before u are allowed in.it will require alot from your part and you will have to prove worthy.(this comes from a very long history of fighting invaders,and 1000years of wars to get our own country)
3.we might be white and seem the same as you but our cultures differ soooo much you cant even begin to imagine;we’re latins,slavs,hungaryans,dacians,illyrians,thracians,greeks,germanic,gypsies an amalgam of nations and ethnicities who speak a latin derived language at the crossroads of 3 big cultural trends:central european,balcanic,oriental.
4.men and women are as diversified in mentality as the ethnic groups that form this nation,so your luck in finding a decent guy/girl resembles a lottery extraction.(but dont be discouraged)
5.we’re highly xenophobic,but tolerant(antithetical i know),we have to,or we’d break apart if we wouldnt be, seeing how we arent an omogen nation.what i mean is…discrimination of any kind is discouraged but we dont mix with non-white or non-christian,non-ethnic etc(that’s the xenophobic part).this is not general however and things are beginning too change(sloooowly).
we discriminate against hungarians(after centuries of occupying a region of our country) and gipsies(who are seen as lazy,thieves,have too many children and so on),homosexuals arent doing any good also and others prolly.
6.90% of romanians believe in a god(not me) but only 15-20% go to church weekly(more in the countryside and less in the cities).we’re +95% christian(all denominations).we tolerate muslims, BARELY.we fought against them from the 14th century until modern age.
7.romanians are very polite(to a certain point one might add),as testimony,in the romanian language there’s a formal/polite form when adressing someone(strangers,elderly ppl) and an informal/personal one(the latter used for family,friends,people you know).
politeness doesnt mean he/she likes you,it means he/she studies you.
8.the older the romanian man/woman the more traditional,and closed minded he/she will be(or become later…they can disguise that).the younger ones are more western oriented but to a certain extent.this depends on alot of things,from “communism time” or how much he/she lived under communism,to how he/she was raised and in what context.
most of them(us) live with our parents until late because of the shortage of constructed houses/apartments and even money to buy one.
when a man and a woman get married often parents on both sides+them+some other relatives contribute to buying a house/apartment.salaries are not western(altho we’re getting there) and mortgages/loans are unaffordable by most.
9.this point is closely related to the previous(8).seeing how the children live with the parents until late they’re often pampered which creats a whole lot of problems later.(when i moved from my parents house at 25 i had no idea how to cook,wash my own clothes and such)
10.romanians like food(their food).we dont eat exotic foods(like chinese cuisine or indian),at least not yet.we eat healthy and nothing with “enhanced” anything.we preffer momma’s food…and as i said we eat traditional and conservative…as close to our cuisine as possible(if no romanian food is available we go for italian or french or something close to ours).
i tried myself all sorts of food but now i eat only traditional food in romanian restaurants or at home.
11.dont get your hopes up about him/her,be cool,ask alot of questions,try and see if that person has a hidden agenda.romanians are sneaky,and often want something,beeing material or spiritual.we are goal oriented,and extremely good at deceiving.
There’s alot more to say but i’d like to develop abit on my own experience.
I travel alot in western europe and US with different projects and seeing how i only go out with good looking and smart women i have to say this:
-german women are very intelligent and as all germans very systematic and goal oriented,too frigid and too serious for me.
-italian women, extremely beautiful,stylish,into anything new(sometimes bizzare things).
-spanish…i dont really know,i went out with a spanish chick of arabic ethnicity,cant really tell how are the ones with a deeper genealogical tree.she was great but lacked modesty,and proper organisation.
-american women,dont know and i dont really intend to find out;most that i’ve encountered were boring,self-absorbed,not really aesthetically pleasing(in dress code or looks).i did however hook up with a south-african(white) girl which was a kind of waitress at golf resort or sthg.she wasnt very smart but her artistic side got to me…not enough tho.(i’m picky i know).
SO,in the summary above you can see MY CONCEPTION on the women of those nations…which is probably highly inaccurate and based on 1-2 relationships in each category.
In my college freshman year i fell deeply in love with my romanian sweetheart.We were both stubborn,competing for leadership in the relationship,overreacting,melodramatic,with no life experience..in a word, young.We remained friends and we made a pact after we broke up 6months later that if none of us is with anyone by 35 we’ll get married.
At 22 we hooked up again,we were engaged for 2 years,but more material realities got in our way aswell as her parents,so we broke up again.
Now,at 33 and one pact later i’m married to the woman of my dreams…2 years in advance(of 35) and i couldnt care less about other women of any nationality.
I’m a hopeless romantic and i probably never loved another woman,although i looked around
.
My advice for anyone that meets a romanian, try and have a go at it…who knows what might happen.
As for the above stories,i’m happy for the few ones with a good outcome and dissapointed about the majority ending badly.Good luck in your endeavours ladies and gens.
SRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT.
Comment by alanni — December 19, 2009 @ 11:09 pm |
I am trying to find out more about this relationship that I am in, I am dating a Romanian, he is a nice man, nothing to complain, but there are some obstacles in our relationship, first work, then his mom is very religious (orthodox chrestian) He never been married, has no kids and is 36 years old, but not pure because he had several girl friends but he admitted that he hasn’t found anyone yet, except that he finds me and he does not want any broken hearts but he wants to take the take to get to know eachother, but he is very close to his mom and is not ready to leave is mom. On the other hand I have kids I was married already divorced and separated, but I am very found to have him, it started this summer, he helped me in math and I succeeded my math class with a B, he has this most wonderful and sincere and very sweet attitude, he is a group home owner, very close to his family. I know his parents already as they work with him, I work with them. I never felt so much for someone before even my previous husband, the feelings I have for him are totally different, I trust him, because his mom is behind him, in a way she wants him to get married and have kids, he is not in a hurry. I don’t know if I have any chances to have a stronger and lasting relationship with him, I am so wishing but I don’t know if I can expect miracles! I love him tho.
Comment by Katia — December 23, 2009 @ 6:30 am |