Romanian Survival Book

November 21, 2006

Dating a Romanian

Filed under: Society/Lifestyle — darian @ 2:42 am

Hmmm….this is a tough one, as I haven’t dated a Romanian in ages and, in any case, I can only provide a girl’s perspective. I would hazard myself by saying that Romanians are a bit macho, they usually don’t know how to treat a women, of course exceptions are accepted, they wait for the girl to do all the tough part in taking the initiative while playing the cold, indifferent bastard. Then again, this is not a Romanian characteristic, I have seen worse. If they are not playing the untouchable, they are awfully dependent, possessive and annoying. Romanian men, I have heard, are unfaithful, macho, liars, and treat their women as their own possessions. Distinctions and perspective must be kept in mind; this description does not necessarily include the urban, educated male always (photo from http://www.danheller.com/lovers.html).

Generally, Romanian man are not as attractive as Romanian women, this is a fact of life, verified by many enthusiastic foreigners coming in this country for the famously beautiful Romanian girls. I don’t know how is to date a Romanian girl, I have never tried, and those who dated me …..that is difficult to track down and take the confession out of them, which places me in a very good position here.

Well, distinctions must be made also, on age, education, background, big city, small city. In Bucharest, not many people care about dating anymore, the relationships are at loose; I think is not trendy anymore to have a girlfriend/boyfriend….and that will probably make a very interesting sociological investigation. You can still find good guys, but these are afraid to approach women genuinely and often girls are left out being approached by awfully boring, persistent types….because the boring, uninteresting ones are always persistent. What else? As mentioned before, I don’t know much about the Romanian man profile lately, as I wasn’t hanging with Romanian men much, or at least I didn’t find yet a truly intriguing one. I am also not into the ‘hunting foreigners’ typology, is just happened that I have been in love with a foreigner, and in the last few years I have travelled and met other people, so not much socializing with Romanian men in this context. I should add that, generally, Romanian men and women have a weakness for anything foreign; so if you are a foreign in Romania, that makes you exotic instantly and your chances to date –and more- are high. A friend of mine was complaining the other day that in Romania male are coming mostly looking for the attractive Romanian female, while exotic foreign women for the Romanian male rarely. What can I say?! Life sucks sometimes.(animation from http://www.aaapostcards.com/cards/previews/26.gif)

747 Comments »

  1. ryan jewell said…
    well, in my one experience dating a romanian woman…it was an absolute disaster. nothing but pain and suffering. i would venture that if i was a romanian man, i might be a little cold in the beginning as well if i went through that a couple of times.🙂 in all seriousness, i enjoy the blog. keep it up.

    19 September, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    WAIT!!!

    Blatant generalization? Suggestive frustration? Topic driven tirade?

    What is going on? Why have I become the casualty of three, digitally created, online paragraphs?

    Before I begin

    Buna Ziua! =)
    My name is Justin and I (unwillingly admit) am Romanian.

    I seem to have made a mistake. Well then again maybe I have not. Maybe someone has made the mistake for me and I am burdened with the resulting generalization. Sort of the like the first domino that knocks down all the rest. It didn’t mean to knock the rest down, but it did and now here we are. All the Romanian men dominos have fallen.

    So,

    Let me being, and I quote

    “Romanian men, I have heard, are unfaithful, macho, liars, and treat their women as their own possessions.”
    We most often trust our eyes as they are our favorite sense, then next our ears, followed by our sense of touch, then smell and finally taste. But even with these five senses we can never be sure that what we see is truly what it there. Ever seen a magic trick? Of course you haven’t, its actually just an illusion. But then again, you have heard of a magic trick where all Romanian men have magically become unfaithful, macho, liars and treat their women as their own possessions. Well reasonably speaking I would guess that maybe not ALL Romanian men have magically become jerks. It’s all just an illusion put on by one person (or maybe a few). Now I ask, are there some Romanian men who are jerks? Yes. Are there some who are not so mean? Yes. I think that what is true about Romanian men is true about all people.

    “Then again, this is not a Romanian characteristic, I have seen worse.”
    Are there really worse men out there then Romanians. I do not believe it. =)

    “Generally, Romanian man are not as attractive as Romanian women, this is a fact of life…”
    Interesting. And where, pray tell, are these fact written. I hadn’t realized that this particular one was truly a FACT of life. And if there are more, I would dearly love to know them. Apparently I have been unattractive. Or at the very least, not nearly as attractive as my female counterparts.

    “Well, distinctions must be made also, on age, education, background, big city, small city.”
    We should probably begin to generalize men by these categories too. =P

    “You can still find good guys”
    Now wait one second. This is starting to look like optimism.

    ….and finally….

    “I didn’t find yet a truly intriguing one.”
    Intriguing you should say that. What’s more intriguing is that you are looking for an intriguing one. And when you find him what shall you do with him. You might find that beyond all his intrigue there is a person. But then again, who’s looking for a person, we are just looking for intrigue.

    Ok, I’m done.

    Personally I think Romanian women are great, very smart and absolutely intriguing. Ok maybe not all Romanian women are, but this one is =).

    Te pup, Pa

    Justin

    PS: nismosport@gmail.com

    24 September, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    I am a foreign woman living in Romania, and I have to totally agree with your description of Romanian men. I have male Romanian friends and the way they act just make me roll my eyes.

    I once had a bunch of Romanian guys explain to me that Westerns are hypocritical because we have secret affairs, whereas Romanians openly cheat without fear of consequences. They said it was more honest. My experience with Romanian men is that many have three or four girlfriends – one for sex, one for money, and one for love.

    Now, this is from the male point of view. I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee.” I responded, “But surely your fathers didn’t cheat.” And they laughed and said, “But of course they did!” I asked whether they would accept this from their husbands and they said no, that they now live in a new generation.

    I hope there are other people who think the same way.

    26 September, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    I am a foreign woman living in Romania, and I have to totally agree with your description of Romanian men. I have male Romanian friends and the way they act just make me roll my eyes.

    I once had a bunch of Romanian guys explain to me that Westerns are hypocritical because we have secret affairs, whereas Romanians openly cheat without fear of consequences. They said it was more honest. My experience with Romanian men is that many have three or four girlfriends – one for sex, one for money, and one for love.

    Now, this is from the male point of view. I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee.” I responded, “But surely your fathers didn’t cheat.” And they laughed and said, “But of course they did!” I asked whether they would accept this from their husbands and they said no, that they now live in a new generation.

    I hope there are other people who think the same way.

    26 September, 2006

    claudia darian said…
    Justin, I enjoyed your comment very much and I appreciated your effort to take everything I’ve said piece by piece🙂 Actually, I only wrote this post to get the few attractive, intriguing Romanian males out there sending me their contact details…, which they did.

    03 October, 2006

    claudia darian said…
    In Romanian law of property, if you achieve a property, then you need to write your title in a special sophisticated register . In any case, this is public and anyone could consult it. The purpose for this register is that you could check whether anyone else has achieved the same property before and has any right over it, so that you don’t get cheated by the owner of the property. The same sort of register should be made available for all the men having 3 or 4 girlfriends at the time. It never happend to me yet, but I’ll find a way to kick his ass. Anyway, girls do that too, so there is equality of rights.

    03 October, 2006

    Brianna said…
    Hi Claudia!
    So glad that I found your blog.
    I am an American sociology student. I spent this summer in Romania and I am very curious about the differences between the American marriage relationship and the Romanian marriage relationship. What is typical for Romanian courtship? Is there an engagement period? Do Romanians go on honeymoons and where do they go? Is divorce common? How many children do they typically have? Do Romanian men treat their wives well? Any insight into any of this would be appreciated.
    thanks, Brianna

    15 October, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    “I was talking about this exact fact with some female Romanian friends and they point blank – “Of course all men cheat. If you don’t believe this, you are naivee”.
    HELLO!!! How old are you? They are right! Westerners don’t make it as known, but it happens lady! You really have to be naive to beleieve men and women don’t cheat. Especially in a country like Romania where 90% of the women are gorgeous and 99.9% of men are horny all day! Not to mention there are like 3 women to 1 man. Americans are way too uptight and conservative.
    I am a female born and raised in the US. My dad is Romanian and my mom is Italian. I am married to a Romanian man because I did not find American men “intriguing” enough. They are bland and boring. My husband was the best thing that ever happened to me! He treats me like a princess,wouldn’t do anything to hurt me & he’s one of the hot men in Romania. So please don’t generalize about crap like this. You have cheaters, assholes and bitches on every corner of the planet. European men in general have “hot blood” and are very sexual. They’re Latin for crying out loud.
    Brianna-
    Romanians do get engaged, I don’t think there is a specific period…they will marry when they save enough money.
    Do Romanians go on Honeymoons- Is this a serious question?!
    Divorce is not as common as it is in the US, but today relationships are more popular than marriage.
    Romanians typically have 2 children.
    Romanian men treat their wives the way you let them treat you. Most are dominant but that doesn’t mean they are abusive or mean. A mans family & wife are number 1 in most cases. You do have the occassional loser who renounces his family for a young slut. But then again that happens all over the world.

    19 October, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    By the way Justin….why do you “unwillingly admit” to being Romanian? You should be ashamed of yourself for saying something like that. You should be proud to be romanian. Sa-ti fie rusine!!

    19 October, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    You, “female born and raised in the US” ……I’m so sorry – if your are living in US – how could you imagine a roumanian guy living in Roumania ? It must be not only on your dream … but the reality is totaly different … Please don’t compare US and East-Europe … americans men are stupid like Mr B… and roumanians are machos at 99,9 %. Your comments are too basic !

    12 November, 2006

    Anonymous said…
    You, “female born and raised in the US” ……I’m so sorry – if your are living in US – how could you imagine a roumanian guy living in Roumania ? It must be not only on your dream … but the reality is totaly different … Please don’t compare US and East-Europe … americans men are stupid like Mr B… and roumanians are machos at 99,9 %. Your comments are too basic !

    12 November, 2006

    Justin said…
    ‘Rusine? Stai sa ma explic.’
    Let me explain

    “By the way Justin….why do you “unwillingly admit” to being Romanian? You should be ashamed of yourself for saying something like that. You should be proud to be romanian. Sa-ti fie rusine!!”

    Pride and shame are two things too often endulged, too often accepted and much too often promoted. Neither serves as a good purpose, as the first is all destructive and the second is self destructive.

    I really have no reason to be either ashamed or proud to be Romanian. I am happy to know good people and happier if they happen to be Romanain. Not that being Romanian is a prerequisite to being good, but I have a personal fondness for the people. I would say that I would prefer the company of a good person over the company of anyone else. And if they happen to be Romanian, all the better.

    As for my unwilingness to admit. I was commenting on a post indirectly directed at me =). I am the Romanian male Claudia was talking about. And I unwillingly admited it (at length), despite my fear of reprisal from our host. So far, she has been very curteous. =)

    15 November, 2006

    Comment by dizzyggg — November 21, 2006 @ 2:43 am | Reply

  2. Anonymous said…
    Just to comment on your blog (all blog, not only manthing): Somehow it is funny, also darn true. You know what is your problem ???? You do not forgive your self and the others. How the fuck (excuse me my male language) do you expect that romanians should be like US citizens or like Westerners when we lived 50 years in communism ???? Do you know that after aprox 17 years, in Estern Germany people still have half of the salary from Western Germany after all the investments and all ??? Is is so easy to point the finger and say they are like this and they are like that, do you rememeber how it was not to have electricity ? or current water ? or food in the fucking stores ? You all bith about how we are, and how we should be… It is like looking for Einstein in the Kalahary desert. We lived 50 years in communism in a society that treated us like animals, with poor food, with 2 hours of stupid TV per day if you remember, with CC of PCR, with blocks of flats that make Bucharest look worst then any european city. Now we ask ourselfs to be just like the people that lived the same period in a free society. We want to be just like them, to fell free, honnest… Don’t you think you are asking to much ???

    I am not tring to find some excuse for romanians, but maybe we ask to much from ourselfs, maybe we just have to get over the denial, understand that we went trough a tragedy, get our acts together and do something about it. In case you do not know, close to Pitesti there was a prison for priests where the communists made them eat shit (litteraly). So fucking read before anything else

    Honnestly I am so pissed when I see people like you. May I ask what do you do to change people around you ?

    I am not giving you any e-mail adress, I did not write here to show that I am a smartass. I actually think YOU are the worst thing about this country. Couse you cand be as smart as hell and beautiful as the sunshine darling, if you do not understand and forgive, you are just as guitly as everyone else.

    21 November, 2006

    claudia darian said…
    Hey, you do have a point, but don’t fucking talk to me like you have THE POINT – and yeah, excuse my male language, too.

    I do know about Pitesti, I am from there and I have read Ierunca’s book when I was 16 in total shock. Our past cannot excuse our present all the time, so every now and then we do need to take a grip on reality. You too.

    21 November, 2006

    Comment by Darian — November 22, 2006 @ 1:47 am | Reply

  3. I shouldnt reply to this, but here it goes.

    “Anonymous said…Just to comment on your blog”

    I would be the first to criticize Claudia and rightfully so. Scroll up a bit and take note of the unecessarily long rebuke of this post. But out of fairness I would equally support her should the need arise.

    I was born in Romania and lived through the communism. I remember the cold nights without electricity, the empty store shelves, the long lines for bread and milk. I remember the bitter cold and lack of electricity. I remember the rules, the control and the suppression. I know what it means to appreciate freedom and am working my ass off everyday as proof.

    I did not become bitter because of how my family was treated. I do not go around making excuses for my lot. I dont blame this and that. There is no time for it. You on the other hand have plenty of time to excuse yourself. You were treated like an animal for 50 years afterall. How can anyone expect anything from you?

    While I fault Claudia for her generalization, but I support her stance. People should behave better, men should act like men. And while I dont agree with her on this post, I agree with her intentions.

    “excuse me my male language” You daft prick, your the person Claudia was generalizing about. Pick up your ego and put it aside. We all screw up and we should all try to do better. Even Romanians.

    “May I ask what do you do to change people around you ?” Have you even botherd to read the rest of her blog?

    Before you post consider thinking and try avoiding Argumentum Ad Hominem. Its just poor form.

    Comment by Justin — November 22, 2006 @ 12:30 pm | Reply

  4. WOW! WOW!WOW!

    Good and bad points, comments, sarcasm, witty insults and intellect demonstrated by all bloggers🙂 An American male here. Have traveled Romania enough to grasp the concerns and truth emanated by all.

    Personally, I have just ended a bittersweet & heartbreaking romance of two years with a now ex-fiancee’ (36 and she spent the last 10 years obtaining a PhD in the states…..poetry & English studies) who we both shared our lives, feelings and intimacy together however with ultimate chronic deceitfulness being discovered in the end (in our case due primarily to a inherent personality disorder…. Histrionic type…. if your interested). Occurs anywhere and everywhere and is one of many such afflictions to our species.

    This background given just to inform the reader of the state of mind I have been in lately (highly fluctuant) and to precede the following statement after being left somewhat aghast and saddened despite many insightful and hopeful/optimistic statements which this forum has put forth.

    Can we not all as human beings and societies after reviewing our own shortcomings, faults and inherent personality character faults (always and never ending to improve upon), strive to just “get along”, implement the “golden rule” and help one another in each others “needs” as they enter our lives and with our own capacity to do so lovingly & wisely?

    You all seem to have such good hearts, Romanian or otherwise. Please let us be more kind to each other and curtail our opinions that ultimately may harm as it demeans all of our spirits otherwise in the end.

    Kindly, and I hopefully pray not self-righteously, do I impose my thoughts

    Brian

    Comment by Brian — December 4, 2006 @ 12:26 pm | Reply

  5. Darian? Maybe you’ll take a look at my webpage at http://geocities.com/mhrehbach
    You might be surprised that Australians and Germans aren’t any better than Romanians. I ended up on your blog looking for somewhere to move to. I like how you write etc
    Maybe you’ll read what I’ve written.

    Comment by markus — January 18, 2007 @ 6:33 am | Reply

  6. OKOK…

    Well here i have it first hand.
    Im an Australian girl living in Romania and i am in a 2 year reationship with my boyfriend who is ‘Romanian’. He is caring and giving beyond belief.
    I have lived here in romania for 6 months now and have found it very hard to make friends and get by as im only 23 , but after all that has happened here we cant expect everything to change to easily!
    I do hope it does soon …as Bucharest itself i find quite depressing , Generally the boys here seem to have one thing inmind ‘Bani’ . But when majority are only earning 400 ron a week and all the shopping centres are charging western prices , wouldnt you ???

    They give ,give, give and are very wonderful people who in the past have been delt a bad hand .

    Comment by lauren — January 26, 2007 @ 7:35 pm | Reply

  7. Lauren, thanks for your commentp. Very interesting; it should be easily though to make friends at your age, I know great people around.

    Comment by Darian — January 26, 2007 @ 8:53 pm | Reply

  8. First time on this blog for me.

    I’m very surprised by most of the comments to this post… I’m not sure this leads anywhere interesting and for this reason I wasn’t sure I should post a reply… but here’my experience :
    I’m a French girl living and working in Bucuresti and like Lauren, in a 2 year relationship with a Romanian who IS caring, loving, exciting and intriguing and faithful too…

    Again like Lauren, I’m 23 and I’ve been in Romania for almost 6 months. I’ve found the experience way more difficult than expected and it took me time to make friends but it is getting better now.

    Here’s a piece I wrote some months ago about how it feels to be here…
    In case you want to know.

    I have been here for three months and it is still hard for me to draw a picture of Romania.
    In comparison with France, it is more opposite than similar to it. If France is an easy country to like, I start to think Romania is difficult to get to know and even more to get to like. At least, this is true for Bucuresti. Maybe, the beautiful landscapes of the countryside would easily seduce me.

    Seduction may be a key point in between Paris and Bucuresti.
    Everybody somehow is quickly seduced by Paris. On the contrary, it seems Bucuresti does everything to stay as far as possible from anything that could be seductive : the first impression you get of the city is that it is dirty, polluted, the public transports are terrible, the roads and buildings are in a bad shape…
    Bucuresti does not give itself at the first glance. It needs time and patience to get along with the city but at the end you get used to it. Then you start to discover lovely parks, forgotten houses which send you back in time to a better time if you just look at it, you learn your way in the city through the cars and the wild dogs, you enjoy affordable cultural events : cinema, theater, opera, concert… I think I can say I’m at that point now.

    I still feel a stranger though but this time it has nothing to do with the city. I realize that one very essential thing to understand Romania and Romanian culture is the language. I now have good basics ; enough to have a glimpse of the beauty of it. Romanian language when I’ll be able
    to call it my language might be the thing I’ll like best about Romania.
    Romanian seem to have a very witty use of their vocabulary and grammar. I started to read Orbitor from Mircea Carterscu. In French. It sounded so beautiful I had to read it with loud voice. The translation may be good but I’m sure this way to put words together comes from his
    use of the Romanian language. It is both very straightforward and at the same time very poetic with some kind of sadness all around it.

    Sadness also seems to be something very Romanian. More than sadness maybe it is some fatalist acceptance of sadness. I might be wrong but I often feel something like this around. Maybe it is just fatalism and cynicism or some persistent reminiscence of very hard times.
    Anyhow Romanian are very straightforward people about their ideas, what they like and what they want.

    What i like best about being in Romania is the strong effervescence you sense when being here. You can feel this country is on its way to a radical change. And this is exciting, specially when in France nobody believes anything will/can really change anymore. When you look a the political scene you get some good change for you money (as we say in French)… there is always something happening. And it is amazing to look at this country trying to put some order in its past and the ghosts that come with.

    To put it in a word. Romanian is for me a very complex country that doesn’t make it easy for a foreigner. But if you managed to get over the first difficulties you might discover a country, a culture, people that are fascinating. . . And this is worth it.
    All along this experience I found that having my habits and uses a bit shaken is very challenging. Getting to know Romania, I may get to know myself better as well.

    Comment by Solene — January 29, 2007 @ 2:40 pm | Reply

  9. “I am married to a Romanian man because I did not find American men “intriguing” enough. They are bland and boring.”

    Yes, mid-west American guys can seem bland and boring as many of us don’t have that macho image you are used to. Most of us don’t pursue second and third sexual side-relationship.

    We were taught – and many of us strive – for a stable homelife without extraneous drama. The American cliche is sitting home on the weekend watching sports non-stop, not the Romanian cliche of out collecting girlfriends and beating the wife if she complains.

    We are not us loose and volatile as the Latins as our blood is cooler Anglo. LOL

    John

    Comment by thebookguy — February 28, 2007 @ 9:14 pm | Reply

  10. selam sevgili arkadaşlar dilinizi bilmedigim pek bişey yazamıyorum afola umut ederimki anlarsınız görüşmek dilegiyle

    Comment by sukru — March 9, 2007 @ 10:17 pm | Reply

  11. msn adress: cung_urg@hotmail.com

    Comment by sukru — March 9, 2007 @ 10:19 pm | Reply

  12. I find this all very interesting, both sides. Well, really all the positions from which each speaker stands. Some of what has been said, I’ve heard of Old Romania in the past. But then isn’t it a country in transition, where no one quite knows from what position anyone else is standing. Something about age, past perceptions and a mix of a long standing culture coming to a clash with woman standing as equals with men?

    For me, I stumbled on this blog as I was looking for info about a place I soon plan to visit, and notwithstanding I’m coming anyway. For it will be an area of the world I’ll not likely pass this way again and therefore adventure in it at this juncture.

    The Blog sounded interesting, “Dating a Romanian”. Well Boys and Girls, only you can figure out what you each want, are willing to put up with and what is truly worth the effort or maybe better said, “who”, is worth the effort. As my old mother once told me many years ago, “it’s not what you get, but what you give in a relationship, but it must be with a person that feels and sees life in that same way.

    Sage advice, May not apply in this new age of young people just Hooking Up. Oh ya, that’s in the West. Sounds like most young Romanian guys are like guys everywhere.

    I’m really glad I’m an older guy now, at 55 I don’t chase anything. Life is so much better enjoying each little step. It’s like saying good morning to a pretty Lady on the street, with a big smile on your face just to make her smile and then walking on even when she smiles back.

    And for those that said, Bucharest was old and dirty, well it is again from where you stand. When I look out my window here, Kabul Afghanistan looks old and Dirty, a long ways from South Florida or Minneapolis or any of the many world cities I’ve spent time in. Miami is all sparkling till you find yourself out southwest of all the flash.

    I look forward to seeing Bucharest. Anyone with positive insights, information would be appreciated. Thank You, Kevin

    Comment by Kevin — March 24, 2007 @ 6:03 pm | Reply

  13. Thanks for your thoughts, Kevin and welcome to Bucharest🙂

    Comment by darian — April 5, 2007 @ 4:43 am | Reply

  14. ooo! it’s one of the best sites ever!🙂

    Comment by benessere — April 8, 2007 @ 8:40 pm | Reply

  15. Interessare, molto interessante. Come avete fatto questo?

    Comment by postali — April 10, 2007 @ 1:54 pm | Reply

  16. Darian- I just happened to check back on this blog as I was making my flight reservations for early May. Thank You for your,”Welcome to Bucharest”. I have now found you are a prolific writer of many articles, subjects on your country. Before arriving Bucharest, I look forward to reading them all. And, after my time in Bucharest & Romania, I will comment from my point of prospective, which I hope I bring with no preconceived bias and maybe a broader point of view.

    Comment by Kevin — April 11, 2007 @ 6:45 pm | Reply

  17. Interesting comments..😀

    Comment by diuna — April 12, 2007 @ 6:53 pm | Reply

  18. I will be visiting Romania in september,and some of the remarks made on this form could seem quite frightening to someone thinking of visiting there.
    Well, i,ve booked me ticket with my mate and coming there anyway.

    at the moment,i get the impression that we,re gonna be targets as soon as we get off the plane.
    Ripped off by taxi drivers/shops/bars/restaurants/ and possibly pick-pocketed by others on the bus/train.

    i,m in bucharest the first three days,and then probably jump on a train up north.Thought about hiring a car but bit worried about driving there.
    Can someone lift my spirits about coming to Romania. Any ideas on where to go that is comfortably nice and what to see and look out for.
    Any tips on how to get by and avoid disapointments would be apreciated.

    I just hope this visit is going to be a nice experience.

    Comment by mike gardiner — April 20, 2007 @ 1:10 pm | Reply

    • Well, I guess in this case Romania isn’t very different from other countries in the world. Everywhere on the world
      are people that want to take advantage of tourist and people that don’t know the area very well. Not just in Romania,
      but also in South America, Africa, Asia, Russia, Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris, Rome, Madrid, etc… And why? Because,
      it’s an easy job. A lot of tourist are behaving themselves as a target and almost asking for it. If you go somewehere, try to prepare your
      trip a little bit, use your common sense and in 99 of 100 cases you won’t have any troubles.

      Compared with South America and f.e. Amsterdam, Brussels, Riga, Kiev, Budapest… i’m sure in Romania are less people that are
      targeting tourist to take advantage of them.

      Comment by Bingo Player — September 14, 2011 @ 10:57 am | Reply

  19. well, Mike any trip is what you make of it…of course, there is bad luck sometimes. In this case, you do need to be careful with pickpockets and also with some taxi drivers…try to look for a company like Cobalcescu, Confort, Cristaxi and avoid Independent taxis. The average price is 1,4 Ron/km. You are not necessarily targets but taxi drivers and some other people tend to believe that they could make a bargain out of you or on your expenses. I am sure is not the only country where things are like it, though probably the one among fellow Europeans.

    You will avoid dissapointment by enjoying yourself. Go walking, go in clubs and pubs, go up to Brasov by train …is safe and not expensive. People are friendly and talkative everywhere and they will not be friendly only to get something out of you…of course that depends in which clubs you may choose to go…see a local guide or just make your own mind better…if you miss something then is nobody to blame for …or if you meet some great people and cool places, you will be happy. Believe it or not, Romania is worth seeing and you might want to get back …just don’t flash your wallet or mobile in certain areas and you will be fine. Enjoy.

    Comment by darian — April 21, 2007 @ 12:06 am | Reply

  20. ok i am a man from the us and have been to many countries around the world and people are the same every where you go just difrent languages. most eastern europe countries think americans are lazy and mink untell you piss us off and that is a bad thing that is when you find are real personality in the states we have to be calm and relxed so it takes much longer to get to no us.

    Comment by don — April 21, 2007 @ 8:19 am | Reply

  21. Hello! there. You have a good blog. Nice read…

    Take care!

    Jessica

    Comment by Jessica — April 22, 2007 @ 10:32 am | Reply

  22. Well you were right.

    I first replied to this post back in September. I was pretty annoyed by the fact that you had taken such a negative opinion about Romanian men. I was somewhat personally insulted (being Romanian and all) but also confused. I figured you must just be frustrated and were venting/ ranting/ shouting/ complaining to feel better.

    Well you were right. I know this now because I visited Romania and the sad truth is most of what you said is true (with small exceptions). Romanian men do come off as macho and cold, there does seem to be a sort of cultural standard of unfaithfulness, which can only mean they are also liars. The other unavoidable truth is that for the most part they really are not terribly attractive, mostly short and hairy. And in a bitter sweet way I do admit that Romanian women are very beautiful. A bit of a problem for me since I dont live there, but ohh well.

    So despite my first comment, I see now that you have a good point. Sad, but true.

    Ciao

    Comment by Fyurien — April 23, 2007 @ 9:04 pm | Reply

  23. Hey,

    I’m from Pakistan and will be coming on a traineeship to Romania soon. Your blog has served to be extremely insightful.

    Comment by Ali Hassan — April 27, 2007 @ 11:37 pm | Reply

  24. Hey Ali,

    and thanks; you”re very kind. Good luck and fun in Romania.

    Comment by darian — May 2, 2007 @ 10:04 pm | Reply

  25. hey romanian peeps,
    im brazilian and brown.thinkin of goin to romania. i am curious to know if i will be a problem for some of the romanian men, because of the colour of my skin?
    i met a girl from bucharest been with her 4 1month. shes there im here in london, i like her very much and im not to sure whether to go and visit her?
    do u think i will get attacted 4 bein brown and with a romanian women in bucharest?
    let me know.
    thank yous
    nastro

    Comment by nastro — May 11, 2007 @ 3:52 am | Reply

  26. you will not get attacted beacause of your skin…usualy we are not racists…you could find some…hopely you won’t. You might be surprised of the interest of people (female especialy :P) in you because of your skin😀
    Hope you’ll enjoy Romania! Hope you’ll get to visit more than just Bucharest, we have much nicer places in Romania.

    Comment by Andra — May 12, 2007 @ 10:41 pm | Reply

  27. Hi,
    I am an american girl visiting Romania in July. I would like to meet a special Romanian man, my age, 33-34.
    Are really all of them macho, unfaithful, liars and stupid?

    Comment by Jennifer — May 20, 2007 @ 8:15 am | Reply

    • sorry to tell you this jennifer but please,please do not be sucked in,get your hesrt and soul destroyed plus lose your dignity,pride and your life savings to any romanian man.they are expert liars and cheats wit no human conscience or guilt.trust me,I KNOWand if i could pass on my advice to others or do anything within my power to stop them.I WOULD.T HEY SHOULD BE MADE TO STAY IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY!

      Comment by tina — May 16, 2011 @ 3:45 pm | Reply

    • I am from the UK and I am married to a Romanian man. Before I was married to him I had, over the years, dated English, Italian, French and American men. I have to say hands down that my husband is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He treats me with love and respect every day in every way. He is kind and romantic and giving. I am his world and he is mine. I’m sure dating a Romanian is the same as dating anyone, use your brain not just your heart and if you see something bad in them then make sure you get out of it. You definitely should not stereotype Romanian men as bad though. If you find a good one, he will be the best you ever have.

      Comment by michele — March 1, 2012 @ 9:10 am | Reply

  28. Hi, Jeniffer

    In Romania, like everywhere are different kind of men. Despite the western concept about eastern Europeans we did not fall from the tree (or sky or whatever). In Romania there are not barbarians. Neither in Russia, Bulgaria, etc. Of course, there are pimps, robbers, you name them. LIKE EVERYWHERE else. If you want to find somebody … well … it’s a different kind of story. It’s not about Romania … it’s about what you’re looking for. Stay away from too colored people (i mean by that ‘tigani’, ‘rommi’) and downtown parts of the city however. Good luck.

    Comment by Bogdan — May 26, 2007 @ 2:06 pm | Reply

  29. I am going to Bucharest in July, but I have been there once before. It seems that Romanian women have an incessant need to tell me how beautiful romanian women are and how much they rip people off, which got on my nerves a bit. Also, when looking on the internet, it seems that few women say that they are looking for anything romantic or even sexual, but they tend to put up provacative pictures. I don’t get that.

    Comment by Jackson — June 1, 2007 @ 3:03 am | Reply

    • It’s called narcissism, very popular amongst Romanian women.They like to be admired and complimented for their looks that’s why they put up very provocative photos on internet.

      Comment by Dana — August 8, 2009 @ 5:12 pm | Reply

  30. WOW.

    I don’t really know where to begin. In many of the posts, there is ALOT of generalizations going on. But, there are exceptions to EVERY rule. There are JERKS/LIARS/CHEATERS/UNATTRACTIVE/MACHO PEOPLE in EVERY corner of EVERY city of EVERY country in the WOLRD. Experiences are usually VERY different depending on the person, and the reactions to these experiences are usually VERY different depending on the person.

    I have been to Romania 3 times.
    I have MANY Romanian Friends, both Women and Men.
    I would consider a few of these guys to be VERY GOOD Friends.

    We have had MANY conversations on the subject of relationships.

    In America, Men Cheat. Woment Cheat. It is no secret. In Romania when Man cheats, it is not emotional at all. It all about the sex. Romanians, and Europeans in general, have a much more open attitude about Sex. Men and Women. Romanian Women KNOW that Romanian Men Cheat. I have Screamed until I was Blue in the face that Cheating is WRONG. It is like Breathing to them. I have posed the question, “What if SHE is cheating on you?” “She’s not.” “HOW DO YOU KNOW?” “I KNOW.” ” She is not.” … usually, He is right. Romanian Women, and Women in general DO NOT CHEAT. They are Stronger. More Resilient. It is just life. It does NOT make it right, but it is what it is. Men are dogs, and if you can find a good one in the group…HOLD ON. Even Men who DON’T cheat, wonder what it’s like, and even the MOST FAITHFUL of men could get caught up in circumstances should they present themself. Will they? Maybe Not. Hopefully not, but MEN are MEN. ALL OVER THE WORLD. But WOMEN Cheat too. EVERYWHERE. Yes…If anyone cheats, it is USUALLY the MAN, but lets not kid ourselves…Women CAN BE JUST AS BAD. WE HAVE ALL SEEN IT! But the general concensus is that MEN are just week for sex. MEN NEED SEX. Not an excuse…just reality. THe Possessive/Macho/Lying/Cheater WILL CHEAT.
    and these days, MEN are cheating with MEN (IN ROMANIA TOO) so the POSSESIVE/MACHO/LYING/CHEATER is ALL over the place…just FYI. The attitudes of Romanian men in Bucahrest are different that the attitudes of Romanian men in, say, Brasov. JUST like the attitudes of Men in Los Angeles are different than the attitudes of Men in, say, Wyoming. IT IS THE SAME THING. It should be EASY to make the distinction, but for some it is just easier to pick on a country that we are ignorant about, and make alot of general, stupid comparisons.

    I find that once you break through the wall of communism in a Romanian, what you will find is a very warm and caring soul. Romanians (like Italians) are not very quick to be friendly, unless they know you or they know they can get something from you. (My Experience) And once they know you, they can be your best friend. VERY HOSPITIBLE. VERY CARING. VERY LOVING. …and again…It depends on WHO you are dealing with. I do NOT think it is realistic to judge an entire country based on a few weeks is said country. ..or judge all of it’s inhabitants by the jerk you met. There are JERKS EVERYWHERE. Also to judge the attractivness of all the men in the country is just wrong…That is like saying, American Men are not as attractive compared to American women, and we ALL know that is just NOT true. Being attractive is in the Eyes… I believe that Romania is a BEAUTIFUL Country, and I have had nothing but good memories of the people and the place.

    If you are planning a trip to Romania…Go. If you are going to Bucharest, it is just like ANY BIG CITY. Watch Your Back. “NO THANK YOU” WORKS EVERYWHERE. My Advice is to stray away from the Big City, and go to the Countryside. The Mountains. IT is BEAUTIFUL. Go to BRASOV. GO to SINIA. Go to the BLACK SEA. It is STUNNING.

    …and if you DATE ANYONE…BE SMART. If it sounds like CRAP in the first 10 minutes, then it is probably CRAP. Not just in ROMANIA, but ANYWHERE.

    Comment by DJ — June 12, 2007 @ 12:24 am | Reply

  31. Bid HI from roumania ! I like this blog !
    For Bogdan and Andra : good point ! i like you’re ansswer🙂

    Comment by LAURA — July 3, 2007 @ 10:44 pm | Reply

  32. i work with a few romanians at the excalibur in las vegas, and the women who work there are rather stand offish but the men they warmed up to me quickly. they are smart, funny, and super sweet.i have talked with them about their dating lives and they have had relationships of 2-3 years while being loyal. oh i have one quick question, id you were a 26 year old romanian man how young of a girl would you date?

    Comment by jackie — July 9, 2007 @ 6:21 pm | Reply

  33. Well I have a lot to say: I met a Romanian women named Irina about a year ago. She walked into my life like a dream. As we started to see each other more,she started to change. I am an American male living in Michigan. I’m 53 divorced and have a grandson. What I found out was this women was different. I believe in being up front with someone. Although because of a bad divorce I didn’t want her to meet my family right away. We spent a lot of time to-gether but she kept changing. I thought she was the most beautiful,wonderful’and kindest person I ever met. Boy did I get a rude awakening. She turned into a tomcat. She was mean and very strange. All I ever wanted to do is be close to her. Then her X-husband starts coming around, and he wants her back. She was supposedly divorced for 2 years. She starts to get close to him and more farther away from me. Then she tells me we were never meant to be together and she wants to give him another chance. If you ask me some that sleeps with you and then tries to ignore you and drive you away is not all there. I think she needs a shrink. I’ll tell you this if this is how women are in Romania then you can keep them. They may be beautiful, but they are wolves in sheeps clothing. I also recall she never wanted to be seen in public or take a photo with me. And there was a time where she just flipped out after I aggrivated her. I think she is in love with herself. I guess it just goes to show you beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I hope she finds what she is looking for. I don’t ever want to see the bitch again. She disgust me.

    Comment by kevin — July 25, 2007 @ 1:34 am | Reply

    • Well the problem with you Kevin is that you met a Romanian woman at yout late age of 53.Of course that woman is going to be tied down to someone else as at this age most people are.I know for a fact(as a child of a divorced romanian woman) that no matter what happens she will always sooner or later communicate with her once lost lover and there is a strong possibility of their realtionship blossoming.A romanian woman generally looks for someone to satisfy them mentally sexually and spritually once they have that you have yourself a partner for life.However once you show some weakness in any of those areas she will gladly go back to the previous guy that was filling those shoes even though he might have cheated or even beat her.In other words you my friend are not strong enough to handle the passion the latin spirit that a tru latina can give you.YOU ARE DISSMISED.NEXT??

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:18 am | Reply

    • WELL SAID KEVIN!! They should come with a huge warning sign.they think they are something but have no heart and soul.i am italian and if i was the DON,THEY WOULD BE FIRST ON MY HITLIST!T hey seem very nice at first but give it three months and theirpoison begins.Why doesnt ENGLAND do something,especially London!Half of them are working there on the black and ripping men and women off!They aernt human,they are heartless creatures
      1

      Comment by tina — May 16, 2011 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

    • I totally agree with you Kevin !
      My case was same as was your !!
      romanian women are really bitch !!
      and it is nothing to do with age !
      she was just one bitch , who was f*ckign around with people for her better and her good only !!
      they are all selfish !

      Comment by harpreet — July 8, 2011 @ 11:55 am | Reply

      • So let me get this straight, you want a woman to dismiss her own feelings (she has realized you are anot what she wants, not good enough for her) and sacrifice her life, soul, body in order to please you…she met you, she liked you at the beginning and after awhile, knowing you a bit better, she looked elsewhere…what a hell is wrong with you, selfish bastards?🙂

        Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 7:35 am

  34. The Romanian mind-set is take, take, take. Probably comes from Russian influence. It is difficult for Westerners to grasp, but generally, honesty is seen as an undesirable quality in Eastern Europe, and Romania especially. Superficiality is king, and having the newest cellphone is a badge of honor. The average Romanian is a decent individual, but the average “Bucherestian” is a whole other animal. That is where I draw the distinction. Bucharest is a sewer, and those who reside there are thieves, or “wannabe thieves.” Plain and simple. As far as Latin influence goes… yeah, right! I have been to most true Latin countries, and honesty and respect is a cornerstone of the Latin culture. Romanians need to get real, and realize that they are not Latin whatsoever. A conquering thousands of years ago does not carry forward in this day and age. Having a language that is loosely based on Latin, does not make Romania a Latin country, does it?

    Comment by God Savethequeen — July 30, 2007 @ 2:11 pm | Reply

    • You have a really warped vision of Romania.I will be the first to tell you that Romania is not the greatest country in the world nor the cleanest.However i will tell you this we are a Latin country so Latin in fact our vocabulary is almost pure latin more so than Italian Spanish Portugese or French.As a true Romanian (and proud of my heritage) our mindset is not take take take.Our mindset is give give give.And that is give those that try to invade us more than they could handle give those that talk bad about us some insight and give soul to an otherwise forgotten soulles place called the eastern europe block.We Romanians stick out like a Rose coming out of the concrete never been touched smelling so sweet yet pricks cut your fingers blood dripping out youre not so tough with sweet in your mouth

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:35 am | Reply

  35. Hello all, I had a GREAT time in Bucharest back in May, also was fortunet to see alot of the country before taking the overnight train to Budapest. As a 55 yr old American on retreat from Afghanistan. My time was WELL spent. Thought time did not allow for any personal relationship to evaul, It was Still a place I will look forward to spending more time.

    Truth be told, with the right person, honesty and affection for the other person on both sides. Wonderfull life is posible. A life long friend, and a memory and regret that I could not stay.

    Kevin

    Comment by Kevin — August 7, 2007 @ 3:32 am | Reply

  36. This is to the Kevin from July 25th posting and anyone that has had problems with Romanian women.

    The reason you cant handle a Romanian woman is because you either are a gay faggot loser or a cuckhold pussy.

    Romanian women are hotter then U.S. women. I met many of them and I never had a problem with them. They are not standoffish compared to U.S. women.

    Women in the U.S are inferior and are all shit face feminazi worthless scum.

    Oh and to Godsavetehqueem, Romanians ARE Latin you retarded ignorant faggot.

    Just cause you people are gay faggot queers, it does not make Romanian girls bad. Romanian girls are mostly slim and have tight fit bodies.

    They can smell a faggot and thats why they may not like certain men, while U.S. women prefer closet faggot men.

    Most U.S. women are fat pig freak creatures and they are all inferior to Romanian women.

    Comment by Wolfpack — August 15, 2007 @ 7:22 pm | Reply

    • Oh Boy, Wow, so much hate here and i fills my heart with so much pain to read all the hate. I jusy found this site a couple of days ago and it just blows my mind.why do so many of you hate the Romanian people??? And speak so badly about the Romanian men. your saying that Romanian men are so bad and all they do is take what they can and hurt you. This is just not true. I’m an all american girl living here in Romania with a wonderful and my God so handsome Romanian man. He has never been anything but wonderful to me. He takes me everywhere and we really love each other with all our hearts. He has never asked me for any money and I dont ask him for money. We share everything,even money. If I have money on me and then I pay and if he has money on him and I dont he pays. there are just no rules with us. We are a couple and we share everything.One thing you are very right about is that the Romanian women are very beautiful and I think they are so lucky for this(god I wish I was so beautiful~LOL)but I’m not at all fat and I do stay in shape(I dont feel like a fat pig freak but I think I can understand why she’s so angry. I would be just as angry if I heard people saying such bad things about all the men from the country I’m from. All I can say is that there are bad people everywhere(LOTS IN AMERICA)but there are just as many wonderful people. I love America but I also love Romania and I see the beauty in both. I dont care at all if we stay here in Romania or move to the US, all I care about is being together with my Love/Soulmate. Romanian men are just as wonderful as men can be anywhere(the US or anywhere). I wish everyone the best and may peace be with you all:~)

      Comment by Susan — July 1, 2010 @ 3:38 pm | Reply

      • Oh boy, sorry for all the bad mistakes in my typing. I dont know why but I’m having alot of problem with this computer. Its a new dell but I think we need to take it in and have it checked(LOL). I wish you all the best:~)

        Comment by Susan — July 1, 2010 @ 3:45 pm

      • I think that people should make an effort to get to know a different culture. I met my fiancee in the US by accident two years ago. She is Ukranian and I am in heaven! All the women I need all in one. I’m an American born Spanish man and my point is that if people just tried to understand different cultures with an open mind they would find that the more we are all different the more we are all the same. Ultimately human beings all seek the same fundamental things. It’s too bad we choose to criticize before we try to see things from their perspective. I dobt speak for all Americans just me when I say that before Ieft the country our way was the only way and the only right way. We can easily get trapped in our own little worlds or bubbles. Since meeting my amazing woman I have been to Ukraine, Poland, Austria, Germany, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Russia, and my fathers home country Spain. I cannot express how much this has opened my mind! There is so much to see and learn about each other in this world. I laugh when my lady and I would have the dumbest arguments..I thought speedos were stupid she thought they were normal and swimming in shorts is just rude..lol!! See what I mean!? Anyway I’m now addicted to learning about different cultures and I don’t think any belief or tradition is dumb or weird, Im just interested in learning how it came to beggar way. Even reading this blog is cool for me. I don’t think anyone is wrong or right. Im just intrigued by the different points of view. Imagine if we all agreed! There would be no point in reading this blog. More power to you Romanians. Joe.

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 9:43 am

      • Gotta love smart phones:) sorry for the spelling errors. Lol! Dobt is really don’t and beggars way was supposed to be “how it came to be that way” ok I feel better now, I can spell I promise!!

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 9:49 am

  37. hi all x im an english gal, n i have been dating a romanian guy, unfortunatly i have fallen for him big time… at first it was perfect, but even though perfect, isince dating him for over 2 months now, i have never had the chance to spend 1 whole day with him, or even a whole weekend with him!!..yes it all sounds suspicious..even to me whilst im writing this! deep down i guess there is something wrong.. i mean hes ok to see me at night..sleep with me, but then when its the weekend..he Must spend time with his brothers n sisters…so when do i fit in/..when i ask him he always turns it round to me and then i feel bad for even saying anything.. I dont know maybe its a romanian thing..but in england when you meet someone n you have strong feelings for someone, you spend as much available time as possible together…in bed AND out of bed!!!…well its such a shame, as i do really like him, but its plain to see hes only after one thing! even though ive said this to him over n over..he STILL says hes not and hes fallen for me?????…. oh how confused i feel!! is there ANY honest gorgeous romanian men out there?….i do think he should see his family..i think that is very important, but itd be nice to be involved at some point?..tell me im wrong? xxx

    Comment by jay — August 19, 2007 @ 4:02 pm | Reply

    • No girl, he’s just not that much into you.

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 7:39 am | Reply

      • Yeah you should of googled “Romanian men” “Romanian culture” and easily found how romanian men think. However, I’m Spanish and I would be angry too if my woman got involved in my battle. It’s not really a Romanian thing or Spanish thing o don’t think..it’s just a man thing..you totally made your man look weak..just being honest…you sound sweet and probably had the beat intentions.

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 9:57 am

  38. oh and another thing, we had a problem with 1 of his fellow romanian so called mates, he involved me in the argument, so me being me, tried to take it in my own hands to tell the ‘mate’ what i thought….this caused total uproar with my fella, so am i to understand that the romanian culture is the women stay out of arguments, and have to sit tight lipped whilst the men sort the problem out?…sorry im not being nasty..just trying to understand?….. xx

    Comment by jay — August 19, 2007 @ 4:11 pm | Reply

  39. well, as an american woman dating a romanian man i find my relationship refreshing and intriguing. although there are many cultural differences that result in a variety of heated arguments it is almost hysterical at times to see how much our cultures have influenced and at times even defined who we are and how we think. what i thought i would relate that i found most amusing was that recently a close friend brought me a recent article of the popular men’s magazine called Men’s Health. in this particular issue men were interviewed from all over north america, south america, and europe about their sexual experience. as it turns out my fellow ladies reading this blog…. it turns out that romania comes in as the second country to have the most sex year-round. this article not only made me laugh out loud but i also find it oh-so entertaining that only men were asked and since men have no need to flaunt their masculine nature or sexual prowess that they would answer these questions honestly. as for me and my romanian man… i am quite happy and satisfied! best wishes to anyone lucky enough to date a romanian!!!

    Comment by Treyvan — August 23, 2007 @ 5:01 am | Reply

    • You are one happy lady,so are my 5 female friends,if only i can unite the all together im sure we would all be satisfyed,together…

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 4:50 am | Reply

      • Bahahahaha! Good one!

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 10:00 am

  40. Well, as a romanian I must adimit that we are the best lovers… between romanian! Seriously now, Romania is a 100% patriachat country, that means: the man is the leader and the women just an accesory! Not that I would follow the “traditional way” of thinking but… it is the true! In the last 18 years a lot has been done in this direction and things start to slowly change and that gives hopes… hopes for the romanian females! Not to forget: i loved treyvan’s comment and i really want to tell you that: I LOVE YOU pumpkin’…

    Comment by The monkey.... — August 23, 2007 @ 7:27 pm | Reply

  41. I went on vacation this summer and met a Romanian man. I am an American women. He was the sexiest, most beautiful man ever. he was the best lover i ever had. Even though he is long gone now. I can’t get him out of my head. Totally romantic,, american men are a shame next to romanians. And women cheat all the time. I/m glad i did.

    Comment by summer — September 5, 2007 @ 11:54 pm | Reply

  42. I am not sure if it is worth trying to rank/compare lovers by nationality. Anyone who traveled a bit, lived and shared their life with others knows how unexpected (for good or bad) dating and individuals are everywhere. Isn’t this part of why we all love it so much? I also believe that the whole dating culture in a country is the product of attitude from both genders (adjust for degrees of freedom). One shapes the other. As a group, men get what women give, and they do or seek to be what women expect. And the other way around. True in Romania and elsewhere in my experience.

    Comment by rica venturiano — September 10, 2007 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  43. too God Savethequeen:

    Comment by Bogdan — September 21, 2007 @ 1:41 pm | Reply

  44. too God Savethequeen :
    WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LATINITY?…
    “Superficiality is king, and having the newest cellphone is a badge of honor”, well not everybody in romania can afford a top-rated cell-phone and it comes like a trend, yes, but are you trying to tell me that this doesn’t happen everywhere? how would an english teenager ,for example, feel if she wouldn’t have a mobile to talk to all her friends for hours, I would say probabily inferior, and that is not superficial? if it’s not a cell-phone, it’s an i-pod or whatever the trend brings and it’s the same everywhere, depending from people to people
    “the average “Bucherestian” is a whole other animal”- do you know all of the 2 million people from Bucharest? I am from the countryside of Banat and momentarily I reside in the UK, and I have a lot of relatives and acquaitances in Bucharest and they are extraordinary people, although I have oftenly been struck by the superiority of some people because they are from the city and I’m from a smaller town. Can you tell me that isn’t the same in most places of the world? and to say that everyone in Bucharest is a thief suggests that you were hanging out only in the wrong places, too bad for you.
    “I have been to most true Latin countries, and honesty and respect is a cornerstone of the Latin culture. Romanians need to get real, and realize that they are not Latin whatsoever. A conquering thousands of years ago does not carry forward in this day and age. Having a language that is loosely based on Latin, does not make Romania a Latin country, does it?” if you go back to ancient Rome, you will find about the huge level of coruption that lead ti its fall, like every other major power that rose and obtained huge succes, and I’m sorry for your ignorance in believing that there is no honesty and respect in Romania, but you need to know that these virtues are present or not in every part of the world, it’s all a matter of the person that you interract with, and I have seen that many people share my opinion in their posts, and you need to get real and start making some documentations before doing statements like that, so if you want to question our latinity you have some serious reading to do, as we have been sustaining it for hundreds of years in front of conquering and tyranic world powers. Our latinity is the basis of our nationality and you are way off in your comments.
    And for the record, our language isn’t losely based on latin, the vocabulary is aprox 70% of latin descent and our grammar comes almost entirely from the latin grammar!

    Comment by Bogdan — September 21, 2007 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

  45. I haven’t replied to a blog before, but I was fascinated by this one – because of direct [recent past] experience of ‘dating’ a Romanian – and wanted to say my piece! But whatever I say is a general observation based on what I felt and is not intended to be a statement about all Romanians.

    There’s no doubt about it, there are sexy, very sexy Romanian men. In general, I found the younger men sensual in an earthy and sexy way, potent and virile. And so there’s no surprise that I was really attracted to my man. They are often passionate and loud in that ‘latin’ way, having strong opinions [not always particularly well thought through] that they voice loudly and openly. I love that as I’m pretty opinionated myself. In general,however, people seem to think nothing of talking over each other and simply raise the volume to get there point across. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of listening going on! Men, in particular, have powerful [sexy] voices that can drown out others and can sometimes sound aggressive to a non-Romanian. I don’t think it’s always intended like that, but sometimes it is!

    One of the earlier bloggers mentioned a tendency towards sadness. I noticed this too. There would be great tears and venting of feelings on hearing of some bad news or events that have befallen a fellow countryman. Of course, we all feel that, but I have never seen such outpourings of grief and sadness. There seems to be great empathy for fellow Romanians and passionate defence of their country folk. I admire their ability to express themselves, coming from a country that most people feel is repressed – we’re not, but that’s another matter!

    What I found particularly interesting [and infuriating] was that often these passions that were so strong and fierce would somehow go ‘bad’ in close relationships, especially male/female ones. Real male respect for women seems to be pretty rare. They talk a lot about women being stronger, admiring them blah! blah! blah! but male infidelity seems rife, almost endemic! What is even more annoying is the ‘it’s just sex’ attitude which seems to assume that women will accept this behaviour. God forbid if the boot was on the other foot. No one is denying that things happen, people hook up, mistakes get made and people betray others – but over and over again? And it’s the assumption that the woman has somehow done something to make this happen. I heard justifications on the basis of a woman’s weight! that infidelity was ‘hereditary’! As well as all the usual rubbish about it meaning nothing. I often heard comments made by men and women discussing whether a woman was ‘a good wife’, never whether a man was a good husband!

    As one example of male ‘respect’ for women I was told the story of an ex girlfriend who ‘clearly had a psychological problem’ because she demanded her boyfriend come home at 6am because she thought he was with other women. The man’s indignation was forceful. It was only some months later that he revealed that he had regularly been ‘a naughty boy’ while with his girlfriend!!!! I remember being accused by my ex of being jealous or suspicious because I didn’t want to wait for him in the cold winter streets while he visited his ex. He didn’t even consider the fact that he was congenitally late and I’d learnt from experience not to make any arrangements like that. His automatic assumption was that I was a jealous clingy girlfriend.

    Somehow I think the key to all this lies somewhere in the relationship with the mother and father,like all things!! When I first visited Romania I have to say I was shocked by the amount of looking after that Romanian women do. I like to look after my man as much, if not more, than the next woman. But in Romania it seemed completely expected that clothes would be washed, food would be cooked, beds would be made, spare socks and pants would be bought, hair would be combed! All of this was done automatically. I met mostly men, so I don’t know how far it was true for daughters too. When I tried to discuss it with my boyfriend, he feigned annoyance with it all, claimed he wanted to be independent and then got his mum to pour him a glass of juice from a bottle that was about 5 metres away! I realised that whenever I did something that I considered a loving caring act [cooking a special supper, hunting out a nice new shirt, a massage at the end of the working day, ironing something nice for him to go out in ] it was all ‘nothing special’ for my man, he’d grown up expecting it! And he wasn’t the only one. Sons really did seem to be treated like princes.

    It wasn’t just the expectation that struck me. It was the attitude that his family had ‘ruined’ him by looking after him too much, that they were to blame. He said he was too weak to be able to take any responsibility for himself, despite being nearly 30. His father had had several affairs throughout his marriage and yet my boyfriend felt it was necessary for him to have a word with his mother about her refusal to ‘succumb’ to her husband’s affections when he was drunk and felt like being loving. Again, no understanding of the undermining of his mother’s identity, no empathy for her situation – just he’s your husband and you should show him some love!

    And so sadly all that great attraction, passion and interest died! It’s a shame. Those Romanian men have got something really great going on, but just don’t get too close! I wonder how Romanian woem cope. They seem pretty tough and sexy in their own right, so that might explain things! I think that things are going to get really interesting with this generation and the ones that follow.

    Comment by Brit Gal! — September 24, 2007 @ 12:03 am | Reply

  46. I worked at a hotel that employed many Romanians and on the arrival of the first Romanian girl, I was totally stunned, she was absolutely beautiful, everything a guy could ever want. I asked my Romanian male friends in disbelief “Do all of the women in your country look like that!?!” and they replied “No, she is so ugly, don’t think all Romanian girls are ugly just because of this one!”
    Anyway, many years later, I find myself engaged to Romanian girl and am very pleased with the whole situation. So happy that I’m moving with her to Iasi next year. She assures me that compared to other Romanian girls, she’s not that attractive, but to me, she’s beautiful. She’s happy that she has a man that knows how to cook and use a vacuum cleaner. She has an expectation that men just want someone to chain to the stove and make babies. What makes my girl different is that even though she expects that of men, she won’t tolerate it. I think the Romanian women who do tolerate abusive, misogynist men owe some blame that this traditional behavior is continuing. I realize that there needs to be a lot of changes in law and culture before Romanian women can enjoy the freedom of independence, but it has to start somewhere, even if that means importing an American husband.🙂

    Comment by Fritz — September 24, 2007 @ 3:34 pm | Reply

    • Am American man has nothing and i mean nothing to give to a true Romanian woman.A Romanian woman needs someone who can tenderly and lovingly take control and make her feel protected.With your attitude i guarantee you wont last even one day in a Romanian ghetto you are nothing but a provider.Once your girl meets a misogyinistic male that chains her to the stove she will feel like a real woman the woman she was supposed to be and if you cant give her that i will or if she is in the USA most likeky a Puerto Rican or black man will.Peace my brother but dont think you will last too long

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 5:04 am | Reply

      • god your really love yourself don’t you. Your such a racisit ignorant prick

        Comment by john — June 10, 2009 @ 10:38 pm

      • and before you say it is racist which i wrote wrong this is because you angered me so much about your comments on degrading not only white women but all women whatever their background.

        Comment by john — June 10, 2009 @ 10:48 pm

      • Hi John you also misspelled “you’re” but yes he definitely loves himself and has small penis syndrome. Makes men think women want to be treated like crap.

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 10:14 am

  47. I’m an American married to a Romanian guy (we live in the US). Unless you’re a doormat, don’t do it! My husband expects me to give up all my “outside” interests. He expects me to cook, clean and take care of his kid (I have a full-time job too). I’m not supposed to have any opinion of my own. He wants to be able to tell me what to think, what to do, what my likes and dislikes are. He had told me plenty of times that the only people in our family that matter are him and his kid. He’s a total dictator. He’s controlling. He is totally blameless (in his opinion). He lies to me all the time and when I catch him he tells me it’s my fault that he lied! I can’t even justify his behavior by saying he’s just “old school”. He’s not even 40 years old! Funny how he wasn’t like this in the year we dated before we got married…

    Comment by anon — September 29, 2007 @ 10:57 pm | Reply

    • Its always him him him and not me me me .Right??? Maybe just maybe if you knew him knew what he likes what turns him on what to cook for him when he comes home how to truly satisfy him you wouldnt be in that situation.Im a Romanian male living in the USA (NYC) for 16 years now and i never and will never date An american white woman.I stick to my fellow latinas and it works for me they always know how to satisfy a man.If you dont know how to cook well suck dick well or be passionate might as well date another bland ass American male such as yousrelf.

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 5:10 am | Reply

      • A bit harsh but yes I agree, a woman that can’t do anything is not attractive.

        Comment by Joe — March 8, 2012 @ 10:17 am

  48. […] Travelers tend to do well when it comes to getting dates in Romania. Foreigners, both men and women are regarded as exotic and likely to? Read Me… […]

    Pingback by Online dating - Women Seeking Men in Romania | Dating | information on dating — October 6, 2007 @ 2:04 am | Reply

  49. […] Travelers tend to do well when it comes to getting dates in Romania. Foreigners, both men and women are regarded as exotic and likely to? Read Me… […]

    Pingback by Christian dating - Dating a Romanian ? Romanian Survival Book | Dating | information on dating — October 7, 2007 @ 4:46 am | Reply

  50. […] well, in my one experience dating a romanian woman?it was an absolute disaster. nothing but pain and suffering. i would venture that if i was a romanian man … Read Me… […]

    Pingback by Internet dating - Romania.org Community :: View topic - Romania Dating | Dating | information on dating — October 8, 2007 @ 6:25 pm | Reply

  51. I live in the U.S And I married a Romanian man.
    We have been married 4 months and we dated a year.
    I have a child of 10 years old.
    It has turned into a nightmare………
    I have to pay all living cost and I cant go nowhere and only can talk to my family on the phone. My son loves him but is starting to be afraid to come home from school.He said he wants to save all the money from the child support because he says he is raising him ( he is) I dont mind cooking cleaning and I can even put up with paying the bills but, He is mad that he has to pay health insurance (not much) on me and him. When I tell him That this is life, he says he is not just working to pay bills. When he went buy milk , it was a big deal for him. The bills I have are just living cost,I dont have no credit cards are nothing lke that.We never talked about rent because I assumed it would be half! But when my son wanted to go to the movies with his friends he blew up.He said I was wasting my money….I cant buy nothing because he says “you are a BIG spender woman” He drinks like a fish and smoke 3 pacs a day! (not when we dated) Im starting to wonder what will happen after 2 yrs. when he has all his papers to say in the U.S ????I try not to think like this but…..And I hear Romanian men are great lovers????? The sex has Stop, Its like a duty for him.
    I have to say that I love him but everything I do is wrong and he makes sure that I see it his way. When we are not Fighting its great but We fight 6 days a week and I have to see it his way before its finished. Money is the problem!
    He thinks our checks should be saved….. We have to live and buy food….thats life… I have money saved but its never enough….

    Comment by Virginia — October 10, 2007 @ 5:37 pm | Reply

  52. well in cases like this it doesn’t matter if he is romanian, american, british, mongolian, sudanian, he is a pig and you just have to get rid of him…

    Comment by Bogdan — October 11, 2007 @ 2:55 pm | Reply

  53. well, i met a romania girl the other night, and i have to say she was the hottest girl in the room.
    i think she may have been with her boyfriend at the time, but, he seemed pretty cool.
    although in saying all of this i was quite drunk (but who wasnt) at the time

    i give my star rating of 4.5/5 stars for how the romanians play ball

    Comment by nickj — November 1, 2007 @ 6:09 am | Reply

  54. Just as reply to the post where is stated that Romanian are not Latins:
    The Thracian genealogical tree counts over 200 tribes, of which the most important ones are those of the Dacians, the Getae, the Ramantes people, of the Besins (the metallurgists), of the Latins, etc.
    Dio Casius: “let us not forget that Trajan was a true-born Thracian.The fights between Trajan and Decebalus were fratricidal wars, and the Thracians were Dacians.”
    According to Mircea Eliade, the huge number of the branches coming out of the Thracian genealogical tree would amount to approximately 200. (“The Dictionary of Religions,” page. 265)
    According to Strabon’s information from Geography (VII, 5, 1 – “The Istros and the Alps between Italy and Germany”) “the Pelasgian-Thracian-Illyrian populations own a territory bordering on that lake (reference is made to Constanza, a lake in today’s Switzerland) next to which live the Vindelicii, the Retti, and the Helvetti … The above-mentioned territory (Alpine-Pannonian-Illyrian) was laid waste by the Boi people and the Taurians – Celtic tribes under Critasiros. The Dacians laid claim over this territory, although they were separated from it by the river Parisos (today, the river Paar, in Germany) which crossed the mountains and flowed into “the Istros” (old name of the Danube).
    Pelasgian people, founders of modern Europe. Of late, more and more researchers have been of the opinion that the cradle of the old Europe is the Carpatho-Danubian space (Marija Gimutas), while P.Bosch-Ghimpera holds that the starting territory of the European peoples is the space between the Danube’s Valley, the Aegean Sea (the Thracian Sea) and the Black Sea (the Getic Sea).
    Herodotus, in “Histories V. 9” wrote that “starting with the Hercynian Woods, the western frontier of the Pelasgian Thracian space crosses the Eastern Alps, passing by Noricum, a province inhabited mainly by Dacian and Celto-Germanic people, and then goes as far down as to the Aquileea (nowadays Terzo d’ Aquileia – Italy), to the Venetians’ Golf. From this point the western and south-western border of the Pelasgian -Thracian space follows the shore of the Adriatic Sea, the entire western shore of the Balkan Peninsula and reaches as far as Crete

    Ok….that way to much info, i just could not help myself

    Comment by Off Topic — November 2, 2007 @ 7:02 am | Reply

  55. i just can’t believe what im reading why do people have to be some people have to be so ignorant realize people come on there are liars cheaters non atractive and atractive people all over the world basically there is some differences in cultures but that doesn’t mean all Romanian guys are pocessive or all Romanian guys i believe there is cheaters and liars violence dominant guys all over the world and lastly beauty is in the eye of the beholder

    Comment by sexy — November 11, 2007 @ 4:05 am | Reply

    • Well, don’t defend them coz it’s true. I had a relationship with a romanian guy and everything here is true! And yes they are LIARS AND CHEATERS!!!!

      Comment by Ana Maria — March 24, 2011 @ 10:26 pm | Reply

      • U’r a whore

        Comment by DinamoSteauaRapid — January 16, 2016 @ 3:41 pm

  56. i just can’t believe what im reading why some people have to be so ignorant realize people come on there are liars cheaters non atractive and atractive people all over the world basically there is some differences in cultures and other things but that doesn’t mean all Romanian guys are pocessive i believe there is cheaters,liars ,violence, dominant dictators all over the world and lastly beauty is in the eye of the beholder and my boyfriend is Romanian he’s sexy romantic passionate sweet and oh my god he’s just sexy we both love se*

    Comment by sexy — November 11, 2007 @ 4:11 am | Reply

  57. I am an English woman and have been living with a Romanian man for 4 months now and we intend to marry this year. I will not disclose my age but will say that I am not a teenager anymore and am a “woman of the world” so to speak and in my experience I have never experienced such a warm and tender relationship ever before in my life! My man is loving and giving, kind and thoughtful, is happy to cook and clean whilst us both having our own space, time and friends. Its perfect!! There have been a few cultural differences but we have learnt to overcome these by talking and understanding each other. I dont think people should generalise which men of a particular country are good or bad because there is good and bad in every race in this world. I could say that all english men are pigs, which they are not, I was just unfortunate enough to meet the ones who were!!

    Comment by Shell — January 2, 2008 @ 12:50 am | Reply

  58. Oh, and just to add that he is the most attentive lover too!!!

    Comment by Shell — January 2, 2008 @ 12:52 am | Reply

  59. Via Craigs List, I met a Romanian man living in the US. I’m 50; he’s 42. Many of the comments on here match my experience.

    We first emailed, then talked on the phone and finally met. Each time we interacted I felt more and more attracted to him. Compared to American men on average, he smokes more, cusses more, and expresses his opinions more unapologetically. I have to say that he does not treat me as well as the average American man, but his different cultural viewpoint makes him fascinating, never boring. He has told me that many American women have thrown themselves at him after only knowing him 2 days. He thinks that he’s just an average guy, but here in the US, he’s not. Maybe in Romania, he would be the norm. He is one of the smartest and attractive men I have ever known. I do prefer smart, shorter men with dark hair and eyes.

    Because of the age difference, I never thought he could be truly mine as a boyfriend or husband. Eventually, we started a sexual relationship and I have loved it. He is a good lover, but I have also had good American lovers. One difference, though, its all about him. He loves to be massaged and I will usually massage and scratch him for at least 30 minutes. He has never offered to do the same for me and I have never asked. I actually want him to feel like a king and don’t want to make demands.

    I would marry him in an instant, but that will never happen. He is very secretive and carefully keeps me separate from his Romanian friends. I have only met one of his friends and never been in his apartment. We rarely go out. Eventually, I will put a stop to this, but right now I’m hooked. I’m studying the language and hope to visit in the next 2 years with or without him.

    Comment by TLC — January 6, 2008 @ 1:18 am | Reply

    • You are a sweetheart.Let him know what you feel about him and he might change a little.I am a romanian male grew up in USA but very much identify with Romania since i spent about 14 years of my life there .I am very much like what you describe as your man however i prefer an open relationship with a woman ,if she comes out and communicates my shortcomings to me i would only appreciate her more and even improve myself to make sure she is truly satisfyed.As a male he should not be so secretive to someone he likes unless he has other women waiting around.As far as going to Romania it is truly a shock (maybe in a good or bad way) for a westerner.It might open your eyes up or it might fill you up with rage and hatred.Reading your post most likely you will enjoy it.Make sure you visit the Black Sea (please go in the summer),Mamaia is beautiful ,Costinesti also to see young people or go to the Carphatian Mountains visit Sinaia Brasov go to Sibiu and Sighisoara.

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 6:01 am | Reply

  60. Many Romanian women are very attractive and it’s sad to see the quality of life they have to live. I have looked on the internet for a good online dating site where I can meet a Romanian or Russian women, but it seems like most places I found are in the “we hook you up with a gold digger” business. http://www.datingsitedirect.com is a good place I found that has a listing of dating sites.

    Comment by CC — January 8, 2008 @ 9:49 pm | Reply

  61. The phrase ‘You lie down with dogs,you get up with fleas’ springs to mind.If Romanian men are so bad in terms of their treatment of women then I’m sure Romanian women are at least partly to blame also.If a Romanian girl grows up and sees macho promiscous men as the norm then she will naturally seek out that type of man or be attracted to those types continuing the cycle,its human nature.Short-term the unknown might be attractive but long-term it is very hard to break away from your conditioning.

    Comment by sonny — January 13, 2008 @ 8:09 pm | Reply

  62. Hi all,

    I need some ideas. How much do Roumanian women tell lie? Can you make such a generalization? (My question is serious). Is it a kind of habit?

    And, can a Roumanian girl let herself be known to some person almost totally different from her real personality? They all do really believe in god normally.

    And can a Roumanian girl swear on very important things, like parents, for a lie? Is this a kind of normal behaviour?

    Do Roumanian girls have a limit to consume your life and heart energy?

    Thanks for those who express their direct or indirect experiences.

    Comment by Rode Buckley — January 14, 2008 @ 12:59 pm | Reply

    • My answer to you is go pray to Allah for a higher IQ than come back and ask the same questions without retarded child syndrome.

      Comment by cujoluv — June 9, 2009 @ 6:03 am | Reply

  63. I had a bad experience with a young Romanian woman before. We were just friends.

    She had been so nice until one time money was involved.

    Now I have a friend thinking of dating a Romanian lady in his workplace. I think he should find out if she has a hidden dark side or not. Good for him if she is a nice girl. I’m just wondering if I’m too much biased against them based on only one personal.

    Comment by Judy — January 17, 2008 @ 10:34 pm | Reply

  64. Yet another prejudiced bunch of stereotypes which cast doubts on the balance of the OP. Perhaps one needs to consider that Romanians dislike being stereotyped as much as any other nation. Frankly the prejudice and shallowness of such generalizations is nauseating.

    Comment by anonymous — January 28, 2008 @ 3:23 am | Reply

  65. I have been seeing a romanian girl here in the uk and have got to know a few of her friends. Unfortunatly for me i fell in love with her and all she has ever done is mess me around! She has a partner that she said she was only staying with because there was money tied up that she didn t want to loose. She said she didn t love him all the way through the time i have been with her. Yet she casually said after being seeing each other for a year that actually she does love him and doesn t love me. She has done this on five occasions now dropping me like a sack of shit. I treated her better than i have ever treated anyone i worshiped the ground that she stood on. Yet this is not enough and it seems that she would prefer to spend a life of misery with her boyfriend who cheats on her all the time and treats her like dirt. They have a funny idea about cheating as if it is ok to cheat. WHAT THE F^£K! Why would you want to be with a lying scum bag that beats her up and cheats on her. Anyway this girl has destroyed my life. She is actually no better than her lying cheating boyfriend. STAY WELL AWAY FROM ROMANIANS THEY ARE LYING CHEATING SCUM. This was not only just her and her boyfriend doing this but all of them all her mates were at it especially the females. They just use you for what they want then throw you away when you are of no use anymore to them! I gave up a really good girl because of the lies this girl told me!! They are all lying filth – go back to your shitty fu&$ing poor country and stay away from decent folk and stick to your own breed – SCUM SCUM SCUM

    Comment by Dave V — February 2, 2008 @ 12:57 am | Reply

  66. I am a new comer to this site – I am 51 and intend to travel to Romania in March. Any thoughts / suggestions on how and where to meet
    Romanian women who might be interested in freindship/ long term relation? Any do’s and dont’s?

    Comment by Ralph — February 6, 2008 @ 2:02 pm | Reply

  67. Hey Ralph, hopefully you’re not as bitter as Kevin – July 25, 2007. Also, I hope you’re not interested in a mail-ordered bride either… Just relax and be yourself, treat women with respect and whatever the outcome is don’t be a fucking dick to her.
    Have a good trip.

    PS: You sound too desperate. Just go to Romania and get to know the culture, the people, visit places, don’t go with just that one thing in mind: don’t try to plunder. You follow my advice and whatever advices Dr. Phil may have dished out over the years, and who knows, you may get lucky.

    Comment by pappy — February 12, 2008 @ 6:53 am | Reply

  68. Claudia, in response to the comment you made on and before Oct 3, 2006 about the way Romanian men treat their women, and raising the issue of women being treated like property… (By the way, I’ve just discovered your blog in 2008, so I am looking thru these archived comment – so I apologize to the “delayed” response).
    Anyway, in Canada, the Parliament has only recently (in the last 10 years, I believe) ammended the Criminal Code’s provision that the wife cannot testify against the husband in a court proceedings because (are you ready!)the wife was considered the husband’s property. This stems from the British Common Law.
    So, here’s my point. Stop making the Romanians look like we are the worst kind. I don’t understand why you are so bitter about your own people. Look outside the box and admit the fact that what you are describing, throughout this entire blog, is that the human nature has an ugly side. I came on this blog so I can somehow reconnect with my culture, where/how I grew up in Romanian (yes, very hard times indeed). I wish that this blog is no longer an invitation to “self-mutilate” ourselves (Romanians) but rather to inform and entertain ourselves.

    Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 8:54 pm | Reply

  69. Pappy, I am really astonished that after several months of abandoning this blog people comment with so much passion. I do appreciate that and I also appreciate your view. I am not taking back though what I have written. It’s true, it’s about the human nature in general, but I live among Romanians and I do take notice of those around me. It’s also true that I don’t really like Romanians, but I don’t hate them either. I am Romanian myself, so I think I have the right to be bitter or not with my fellows. Actually is hard for me to understand those who see only the ‘good’, though it’s easier when you live abroad to idealize your country. However, if you have a different opinion, go ahead and write more here. As for myself, I don’t feel at all that I ‘self-mutilate’ myself or other people, I just think that criticism is sometimes better than self-indulging.

    Comment by darian — February 13, 2008 @ 9:24 pm | Reply

  70. […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptClaudia, in response to the comment you made on and before Oct 3, 2006 about the way Romanian men treat their women, and raising the issue of women being treated like property… (By the way, I’ve just discovered your blog in 2008, … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:27 pm | Reply

  71. You feel astonished! Holy shit, lady! Do you think someone is gonna come and clean up your shit after a while…! Hell ya, you better assume that (if this blog is gonna continue indefinitely) people will see mine and your comments and will react regardless of how much time it’s past.
    Hey what can I say we’re(romanians)are very passionate people, in every sense of the word.
    I will not dissect your whole entry that you last made, but I’ll stop you at the “…though it’s easier when you live abroad to idealize your country.”: You are making enormous assumptions about being and living easier abroad; it’s fine – you’re just ignorant.
    I guess I expect you (although is not fair)to be more objective or even make an attempt to make a disclaimer, such as: I feel like… (shit, I sound like a shrink, but you get the idea), as you splurge in your verbal diarheea. Otherwise, this whole blog will join and will invite so many people full of hatred who would do it just to get off.
    You and I have lived the hard life in Romania, and it didn’t get all that better overseeas (initially). I get frustrated and I am afraid that this generalizations broadcasted all over makes us sound like we’re a waste of skin.

    “Self-indulging” Indulge in what? What are talking about? Do you like play on words, or something? What am I indulging in? This crap?

    Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:34 pm | Reply

  72. Pappy, or whatever is your name …you take yourself too serious. Find something useful to do or star your own blog. I’m so far away from ‘verbal diarrhoea’, I don’t hate anybody because I simply don’t hate people and I did not plan to be ‘objective’ as it’s not a sociological/anthropological essay, it’s a point of view written one year ago. Hey!! Let’s keep some sense with us, will you?

    Comment by darian — February 13, 2008 @ 10:40 pm | Reply

  73. You’re right.
    Sorry if you feel like I stole the limelight from you.
    You should listen to yourself more. I’m taking myself too seriously… Read what you wrote!
    Yes, there are some things that I am passionate about: who I am and where I came from, are some of those things, and I get defensive about it. I make no apologies for that.

    Comment by pappy — February 13, 2008 @ 10:52 pm | Reply

  74. I was just recently involved with a Romanian male and it has had to be the worst experience of my life. In the beginning he pursued me, then obsorbed all of my time, and basically moved himself in my house. After a while I got used to him being around all the time, and really started enjoying his companionship. However, he was extremely secretive. He never introduced me to his family (I was a dirty secret), because I’m 10 years older than him and I have three children. Even though he had these flaws, I still fell in love with him, because he had or so I thought a very sweet and sensitive side. I did find out that he was a liar and a cheat pretty quickly. When he lived with me he did not help at all financially and was working construction. However, the construction jobs seemed to be few and far in between. He would basically play on the internet all day. I later found out that he was pursuing Romanian women online. We went on vacation to Southern California (we live in Northern California)and I had him drive my car back up north, because I had to stay down south for a meeting. From the moment he picked me up from the airport, I knew something was different with him. He left my house with my car to go run errands and he left his cell phone on the dining room table. It rang and I had this overwhelming compusion to look at his text messages. One of the nights I was down down south, he stayed down there to meet up with a Romanian woman he met online. He told her she was a “ten” and gorgeous. Then he was desperately pleading with her to let him spend the night at her house. She was extremely disgusted and it showed through in her text messages. She told him that it was inappropriate and that she just met him. Apparently, they met at a bar and he had a lot to drink. He said the reason he needed to stay at her house, was because the police pulled someone over in the bar’s parking lot and didn’t want to drive. Which I don’t believe, but I was really pist that he had been drinking and driving MY CAR. Then the next day he was begging her to go out to eat with him. I was so hurt, because he told me he loved me and pretty much had all my friends and family convinced that he loved me too. I confronted him when he came home and he was livid that I found out about his secret. We both didn’t speak and went to bed upset. The next day he tried to hug me and ask me how I was doing and I pushed him away and said I don’t know. Then in the middle of my work day he text messaged me and told me that he moved out. I was completely shocked and so was everyone else who knew us, because we really got along well and he really acted as though he loved me. From that point on, it was the beginning of the end. My intuition told me to start doing some digging on the internet and I that is when I found out he had been pursuring other women on the internet. We no longer speak, but I did save the Romanian woman’s phone number from the text messages, called her and she confirmed that he continued to pursue her. She finally told him to delete her number and email address. Her advice to me was never to date Romanian men. She said that she does not date Romanian men, because of the way they treat women. I don’t want to generalize, but reading through these blogs there certainly seems to be a lot in common with these men and I don’t think I would ever date a Romanian again.

    Comment by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 6:00 am | Reply

  75. […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI was just recently involved with a Romanian male and it has had to be the worst experience of my life. In the beginning he pursued me, then obsorbed all of my time, and basically moved himself in my house. After a while I got used to … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 8:15 am | Reply

  76. It is deja vu in reading the above comment on dating Romanian men. Your story is so similar to mine. I dated and married a Romanian man. I too was 10 years older and everyone family and friends thought he was a wonderful person and that he loved me; however, this turned into a nightmare. Family was off limits…ditto much above. He would work but spent most time on the internet playing games and I found searching for other women. The way he speaks and his treatment of his women of his past is awful. I didnot find this out until it was to late. Committment and honesty is far from his tongue. Selfish and self-centered and lacks integrity and character. Interested in dating a Romanian don’t ignore the red flags appear don’t ignore…it is more of a a mask he wears. Always proceed with caution a man’s true colors will show if given enough time.

    Comment by Jazze — February 14, 2008 @ 3:00 pm | Reply

  77. Hi Jazze,

    I have to wonder if we were dating the same guy or if this is really cultural….scary!

    Comment by Blondie — February 14, 2008 @ 11:44 pm | Reply

  78. Hi All,
    I’m the girl that Blondie is talking about. I’m a Romanian woman and proud of it.
    I’ve sworn off being emotionally involved with Romanian men a little over three years ago.
    Since then I’ve been doing just fine…don’t miss them…definitely don’t need them.
    Here are my opinions:
    1. They are possessive and jealous creatures.
    2. Lack of respect…because if they show respect they don’t think they have balls….
    3. They don’t understand the meaning of the word friendship only….and Go Away….means …Take me I’m yours.
    4. They’re wannabe machos which turn out to be a freaking pumpkin at the end.
    5. Absolutely no core values when it comes to respecting their partner………do they even consider a woman a partner???
    6. Always trying to lie…cheat…or betray in some kind…from small things to important ones…I guess they think that’s what makes them men…
    7. Let’s not forget about their bodies….can I get a YUCK and an AMIN from you guys? I mean seriously…the gym started being a fashionable thing not too long ago in Romania….so there are some good bodies out there….but mostly…still the same…the man can look like sit…..BUT God forbid the woman gains a pound!

    This list could go on…but don’t have time for it. These are my main observations.
    And YES….I will not date a Romanian guy even if he’s covered in gold….
    If you find one that seems different that you’ve heard….beware…they’re like that in the beginning…The core is still the same…nobody will change the culture in which they’ve been raised.

    Cheers.

    Comment by Roxana — February 15, 2008 @ 4:05 am | Reply

    • this is so true, i am english and date a romanian and he is all of the above, the thing is though i love him so much, =( i am 23 he is 30

      Comment by jo — December 17, 2011 @ 2:44 am | Reply

  79. […] Lux Alptraum wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHi All, I’m the girl that Blondie is talking about. I’ma Romanian woman and proud of it. I’ve sworn off being emotionally involved with Romanian men a little over three years ago. Since then I’ve been doing just fine…don’t miss … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Roxana — February 15, 2008 @ 7:17 am | Reply

  80. hei Roxana! where the hell did you come from?! I am a romanian guy an proud of it, am abroad doing a gap year, and I can tell you one thing: this is one romanian man who you’ll never see hiting or being interested on you (probably because of my allergy to stupidity). It’s probably easy for you to say you’re never gonna go out with a romanian since you’re abroad as well and I’m sure most foreign people you’ll meet will be a lot wealthier than an average romanian, but the ignorance you proved in your post is quite an achievement, I mean I’m sure you met nice romanian guys, but you probably were never really interested in them, maybe they were too geeky, to poor for your “high class” personality. So, I’m saying this for all the guys out there who are romanian at blood: we’re better of without ya!!
    P.S. my body’s very nice thank you!
    And YOU ARE A STUPID BITCH!!! (couldn’t help myself)

    Comment by Bogdan — February 18, 2008 @ 3:48 pm | Reply

    • I just can’t believe what I’m reading. I’m an American women, 42 years old and I am very much in love with a wonderful 44 year old Romanian man that works long hard hours, 7 days a week and I’m more then happy to have his wash done and a hot meal waiting for him when he gets home. We are so very,very happy together. I live here in Romania(Bucharest)and we are getting married in just a couple of months. Never once has he ever treated me badly. I know his whole family, even his Ex wife whom I like alot and I feel like we are all friend’s(We all get along very well).How can you say this??? There are evil people everywhere in this world and believe me even in good old USA. I have never had anything but kindness and respect from every Man, Women and child in Romania and I think this Blog is just so unfair. We are not rich but we are happy because we have each other and everything we need. I think what you people are saying about Romanian Men is just wrong you should be ashamed of yourselves.I Love my Romanian Man and he loves me and comes home every night and the firt thing he does is kiss me and ask how my day has been. My Romanian man is loving and giving, kind and thoughtful and I thank God each and every day for bringing us together.

      Comment by Susan — June 30, 2010 @ 12:46 am | Reply

      • I know this is an old comment, but where did you find him? He sounds so lovely❤

        Comment by Habiba — December 31, 2011 @ 3:16 am

  81. Oh dear Bogdan! I can understand you’re frustrated by someone who you think is having a go at not only your nation, but also your gender – but your attack is full of presumptions about this woman, insults and abusive language. You really don’t paint a very pretty picture of Romanian men. I’m sure you can argue your point in a better way

    Comment by britgal — February 18, 2008 @ 7:16 pm | Reply

  82. Bodgan,
    As always majority rules and a grain in a sea of sand won’t make much difference. You are probably everything you say you are (even though you poorly express it, as brit gal says…thanks girl!).
    And yes…what Bogdan did here is what romanian men do when they can’t win an arguments….insult…rasie their tone of voice…sometimes hit the table stand up and leave….
    What can I say…force over intellect.
    Bogdan, watch your language and stop accusing people directly when you don’t know anything about them. if you wat to make general comments or share your experiences feel free….
    But I’m sick of people who can only bash others….one would expect them to raise above that….but hey ….we all get disappointed every day…so what’s one more?
    Cheers

    Comment by Roxana — February 18, 2008 @ 10:16 pm | Reply

  83. to the ladies that knock the Romanian guys,

    what happened to your previous relationships with men. Were they all Romanian, too.
    Maybe you need to look at yourself and re-evaluate what it is about you that you’ve (at least once) attracted the “bad apple”.

    One of the blogger stated she is a mother of 3 kids. Where is their father?

    You know, if you’re so bitter with dating a guy, maybe you should start “batting for the other team” – if you know what I mean…

    Comment by pappy — February 19, 2008 @ 1:36 am | Reply

    • they are the worst men ever! they suck all your energy almost like they have killed you! that’s how bad they are

      Comment by Ana Maria Vasilescu — March 25, 2011 @ 8:40 am | Reply

      • Shut the fuck up you whore!

        Comment by DinamoSteauaRapid — January 16, 2016 @ 3:44 pm

  84. im an american woman and i met a romanian man and i am going to italy to live with him permanently. everything i know about him is the complete opposite of the negative things people say about romanian men. i think this is demonstrated in his actions. actions speak louder than words – he treats me like a princess! – buys me flowers, makes sure i always wear my slippers so my feet are not cold, makes me breakfast in bed and pretty much wants to spend every waking moment with me. he is content just to share dinner together and sit side by side watching tv with me every night. we cook together, clean together and do every household chore together. he does most of the cleaning. when i tell him to wait and i will do it -he can’t wait! he wants to do it himself!
    and the sterotype about romanian men not wanting to cook – the last meal we ate together i didn’t even help him. he was in the kitchen cooking while i was surfing the net! sometimes he makes traditional romanian food for me so i can try it. when he calls his mother in romania he wants to put me on the phone so she can hear my voice. he is respectful to others, kind, educated – and has a great sense of humor. he works very hard and takes a lot of pride in his job which is basically very manual labor and since i won’t have a job when i first get to italy he will be totally supporting me. right now he is building a small house for one rich family in italy and he takes me to show me this house that he is so proud of because he built it with his own hands – he is like an excited little boy running around taking my hand wanting to show me this and that, the roof and the rafters and the chimney that he built. the people who know him say the kindest things about him to me. maybe there are men who don’t treat women well – but I think that is not specific to romania. i think that is all over the world. and as far as being attractive – i have never felt such an attraction in my life to someone. i think this man is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. i can’t imagine that he will wake up one morning and cease to be this amazing person that he is. i think his personality has a lot to do with the way his parents raised him. he was raised very poor and had nothing. but like he tells me his parents are “poor – but with dignity”. he sends money home when he can to help his parents. he told me that when communism was still in force sometimes they only had very little to eat. i think it made him very humble. its my pleasure to even be associated with this man. i love him.

    Comment by jennifer — February 19, 2008 @ 3:33 am | Reply

    • Thank you Jennifer, you are so right. My Romanian man is so wonderful to me and shows me so much love even after a very long hard day at work.I also Love my Romanian with all my heart and soul:~)

      Comment by Susan — June 30, 2010 @ 1:34 am | Reply

  85. […] default@goarticles.com (yoni levy) wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptOh dear Bogdan! I can understand you’re frustrated by someone who you think is having a go at not only your nation, but also your gender – but your attack is full of presumptions about this woman, insults and abusive language. … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by britgal — February 19, 2008 @ 8:09 am | Reply

  86. […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptim an american woman and i met a romanian man and i am going to italy to live with him permanently. everything i know about him is the complete opposite of the negative things people say about romanian men. i think this is demonstrated … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by jennifer — February 19, 2008 @ 8:09 am | Reply

  87. right, britgal and roxana, if roxana would have just generalized about men, saying the’re all this that and the other, I would not have been as pissed, but to just say ALL romanian guys are just bad is utterly ignorant, as well as any generalizations made purely by nationality, wich are very often in this blog. Roxana, I understand you’re in America, have you learned by now the meaning of political corectness? And you expect me to use fancy words, here I can just as well, but I sugest that you two take a look over both our previous comments and see better who has made more pressumptions, as you’re comment Roxana was far from being objective, or intellectual (as you sustained that I was trying to use force over intellect, wich was inacurate since you employed no intelect). Though I hope you observe the difference between us is that even though I was discusted by Roxana’s words, I did no generalization as to spread my anger over the entire female population, anger well provoqued by the fact that your words nullified as not only men, but human beings.
    I will gladly admit we have flaws, even general ones, like sexism, which is widely spread amongst us, me as well to admit it, but it’s not only in a distructive way and it’s definetly not what defines us as men, and all of the flaws you can find in us are just as common between other men of other nations, just like our qualities (wich are there no matter what you say!).
    So if you say you never met a romanian man who was any different I have to ask where have you been hanging around and with who?
    let’s not forget: Spune-mi cu cine umbli ca sa-ti spun cine esti
    peace out!:))

    Comment by Bogdan — February 19, 2008 @ 4:12 pm | Reply

  88. Bogdan,
    As far as I am concerned….I am not and never will be politically correct…no point in it as far as I know. I’m not here to please others or make them feel better about themselves so they can happily live in a lie.
    Now back to your still misguided comments…..I think you completely misunderstand the meaning of a blog. We write here not be objective and be politically correct…..we write here to share experiences….regardless if they are good or bad. That’s why before I stated what I stated about Romanian men I specifically said that these are MY opinions.
    No hatred here towards Romanian men….I’m just simply disgusted with the vast majority of them. They few gems that shine…good luck to them…but I sincerely doubt you’re one of them just by the way you come back and insult people.
    I know plenty of Romanian men….and they all confirm my conclusions. They are fine as buddies…but I wouldn’t be caught dead in a relationship with them. Again…..emphasis on “I WOULDN’T”….whatever the rest of the women choose to do…that’s their business.
    And where I’ve been hanging around? I’d say around good people.

    I have one more thing to say regarding Pappy’s comment….don’t judge people because they have three kids….or they’ve been married several times…it’s way better to look for true happiness and act towards that than compromise in a mediocre relationship where you’re not happy…..but be in it for the sake of being able to say you are committed.
    For those who are truly in love and happy together….I wish you well….for those who are still looking…good luck.

    Comment by Roxana — February 19, 2008 @ 7:22 pm | Reply

  89. […] Lairedion wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptright, britgal and roxana, if roxana would have just generalized about men, saying the’re all this that and the other, I would not have been as pissed, but to just say ALL romanian guys are just bad is utterly ignorant, as well as any … […]

    Pingback by Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Comment on Dating a Romanian by Bogdan — February 19, 2008 @ 9:20 pm | Reply

  90. Hi Pappy,

    I’m not knocking any Romanian men. I’m just sharing my experience. I do not like to generalize people by ethnicity, color, age or sex. Yes, I do have three children from a prior 12 year marriage (not that it is any of your business, but their father is part of their life); however, that marriage has nothing to do with the experience that I previously wrote about.

    I was treated wonderfully and was very much in love with a Romanian male, but he changed overnight. It was heart wrenching and painful. I just wanted to share my story in order to help heal and I’m sorry if I offended you.

    Comment by Blondie — February 19, 2008 @ 11:42 pm | Reply

  91. hey blondie,

    don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to make it my business, faaaar be it from me! It’s funny how you and Roxanna are all up in arms about not judging and generalizing: Roxanna – “don’t judge people because they…”, and you generalizing about many Romanians men.
    which blog do you use to badmouth the other guy you’ve been with, so I can check it out to see if he’s also Romanian, who is doind this, and that, and the other.
    Seriously, you are a couple of bitter, hypocritical women, who’ve had (unfortunately) a bitter experience with a guy or two (or in Roxanna’s case: “…plenty of Romanian men….and they all confirm my conclusions…”). All you need is a couple of good counselling sessions and you’d be good as new, and ready to get back on the saddle.
    Come on ladies, stop crying rivers… I’m sure you’re educated enough to understand that you’re just emotional about your experiences – which is fine, and it is not true what concluded about the Romanian men. Really, it’s insulting. It’s like saying, that the native americans are all drunkerds and lazy, or that Germans are nazis, etc., based on one’s experience with someone from a different culture, circle of people, friends, whatever.
    Anyways, enjoy life and take it easy! Really!

    Comment by pappy — February 20, 2008 @ 5:49 am | Reply

  92. Fine, you don’t wanna be correct or objetive, I knew that from the start, but you can’t expect to prove your comments were rightfull or intellectual, and hate surely vibrates from them. You can post whatever you want, either true or false, correct or incorrect, as I will post whatever I want to argue and prove that you are wrong, only I’ll bring arguments to what I state. And let’s not get separated by th fact that you insulted me as much as I insulted you. Or was I not suposed to feel insulted?! Another question: How come een though you didn’t want to be involed with romanian men anymore you met the guy Blondie was involved with? Or did you make that decision after him? And if you say you were around good people how come all of the men were so horrible?(I’m talking about your time in Romania)
    Anyway, all of your satements are false, as you included the entire male rase in Romania in them, and there are totally differnt cases wich proove you wrong, some of wich can be seen on this very blog.

    Comment by Bogdan — February 20, 2008 @ 11:50 am | Reply

  93. Pappy,

    It is interesting how you state that I’ve generalized Romanian men, which I have not. Not to mention, I was completely respectful to you and you could not return the same courtesy. Which leads me to belive that you are probably one of those people who can only have virtual relationships, because no one would want to be around you in the real world.

    The person I wrote about is the only Romanian male I’ve ever been involved with. You need to go back through and read through my blogs. This is the first blog I’ve ever posted about a relationship and I know that is an utter disappointment to you.

    It is funny how you state that Roxana and I are bitter, hypocrytical women, but you are the one who displays all the bitterness and neanderthal type behavior. I hate to break it to you, but I’ve read your blogs and you sound like a cranky old man, who is bitter and maybe it is you who needs the counseling sessions or maybe some company with the female persuasion if you swing that way.

    Comment by Blondie — February 20, 2008 @ 6:59 pm | Reply

  94. Pappy,

    I will not leave any stone unturned, but you imply that Roxana has been with many Romanian men. I would like to know where you get this information? How can you make these kind of assumptions? Additionally, you were also trying to knock me by having three children from a 12 year marriage. In Roxana’s case, she was engaged to a Romanian and that makes her promiscuous?

    You are certainly judgmental, self-righteous and crass. As I said, I’m sure you have difficulties in the real world.

    Comment by Blondie — February 20, 2008 @ 7:21 pm | Reply

  95. This is clearly becoming an insult match especially from Pappy and Bodgan’s side.
    After stating my opinions…I get called a “STUPID BITCH!!!”, ignorant, a materialistic woman (you probably were never really interested in them, maybe they were too geeky, to poor for your “high class” personality), with “no intellect”….and some other derogatory presumptions. Not to mention in Pappy’s last blog ….he implies I’m a whore…because I mention that I’ve met plenty of Romanian men, including Blondie’s ex.
    Well…..I do know a lot of Romanian men…but I don’t need to date them, fuck them or whatever to know what’s in their mind and to know for sure know I don’t want them in that way.
    Blondie’s ex and I were chat buddies and nothing more. He knew my opinion about Romanian men, yet still did what he did.
    Both of you have a lot of nerve to directly insult specific persons without knowing them. All my comments were directed at the majority of Romanian man……AGAIN I SAY MAJORITY…..I also mentioned in my blogs that there are exceptions and I wish them the best.
    But hey…obviously some people have selective reading. Next time read everything as a whole, and try to refrain yourself from implying or stating insults directly addressed to a specific person.
    I could make a lot of presumptions about Pappy and Bodgan in particular, but I won’t lower myself to their level.
    Hope you guys will have fun with this, and I’m sure you’ll find the time to write a couple more blogs full of insults towards me….at least make them good and run a spell check before you post. ;0)

    Comment by Roxana — February 20, 2008 @ 7:38 pm | Reply

  96. Roxanna,
    It sound like the word of the day is: Insult.
    You feel insulted because I called you a whore, and I feel insulted because you called the Romanian men whores.
    There, we’re all even. If you can dish it out, you should be able to take it as well. I think that’s fair.
    Read your own entry #78. It sure sounds like you know how to dish it out…

    Blondie,
    I am not that dumb to tell you anything about my life. We’ll go with that: “…sound like a cranky old man, who is bitter and maybe it is you who needs the counseling sessions or maybe some company with the female persuasion if you swing that way…”

    take care

    Comment by pappy — February 21, 2008 @ 12:55 am | Reply

  97. Roxana, now you’re turning and twisting your own words, your first blog clearly included ALL romanian men as you stated “If you find one that seems different that you’ve heard….beware…they’re like that in the beginning…The core is still the same…nobody will change the culture in which they’ve been raised.”, and now you’re saying that the majority is like what you described (wich is still a load of crap). You seem to believe that making insulting remarks that are directed to an entire group isn’t as bad as directly made insults to a person, and you state that I had the nerve to insult you, well I am not sorry for what I said in my post as I consider it rightfully provoqued. So, as pappy said: we’re even..
    P.S. don’t get into spell checking, cause you have your own mistakes and I wouldn’t want to waste my time digging them out

    Comment by Bogdan — February 21, 2008 @ 3:16 pm | Reply

  98. Fair enough. My opinions remain unchanged, and you guys can believe anything you want about me.

    Comment by Roxana — February 21, 2008 @ 7:50 pm | Reply

  99. WoW! I must say, this has been quite an interesting read. Unfortunately (or not depending on how you look at it), I don’t care what y’alls names are, I was only interested in what you had to say. While I agree with the people bitching about the generalizations of Romanian men, I also see the stand point of several people writing about bad experiences.

    Yes generalizations are bad and get thrown around way too easily, like saying all asian people look alike. They don’t , but they share the same facial structure, which is where the 2 chicks are coming in. Yes, everyone knows not everyone of a specific ethnicity is going to be the same as the next. But we have already established several times in the post that “romanian women are beautiful” and that “romanian men are passionate”.

    But no one seems to take offense to these generalizations, just the bad ones. So better idea, lets not use words like “all” or “most of” or “everyone” because in a country as big as theirs, you can’t possibly know “all” or “most of” “everyone”. Then we can avoid these comments being labeled “generalizations”. Lets just call them, “personified averages”. And on that note…

    I know 2 different romanian girls. One that lives in suceava, and one that lives in cluj. They are both beautiful, both kind, both in college. The girl in suceava could probably drink me under the table, seems down to earth and not much for the traditional way of life. The other girl could probably quote every line of the bible to me, is very religious and very much for the traditional way of life. so my question is….ready for it?…

    In everyone’s (damnit, i just used a word i promised myself i wouldn’t) own personal experience, which way works out better? I am very close to both of these girls and I have thought long and hard about which girl to get into a relationship with, but I have never met a traditional girl (even thought personally i think i would love it that way [yes, i don’t know how to cook, and i cant make babies, but i can clean a house if that redeems me at all]).

    Also, do guys (and girls alike) have to listen to those dumbass “if you get the number of someone you like, dont call right away or you look desperate” rules? god those are so fucking stupid… pardon my male… I have also been told that for engagement rings, girls don’t get diamond rings there because they are to expensive… that can’t be true can it?
    And last but not least, sexually speaking, romanians get freaky right? Cuz yeah, missionary, while achieving it’s designated purpose, is really boring.

    :: sniffs the air :: smells like I’m about to get flamed…. oh well😛

    Comment by joshin — February 29, 2008 @ 7:33 pm | Reply

  100. I don’t know joshin, it’s all about what do you really want! I’d go for the one from suceava but that’s just because I’m at that age. I don’t know a lot about engagement rings, but I presume diamonds aren’t offered to them because not many guys can afford them, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t offer one to a girl from romania. I don’t really know what to tell you about how freaky the girls are, because I haven’t tried “all” of them ;)), some do some don’t..

    Comment by Bogdan — March 3, 2008 @ 3:43 pm | Reply

  101. Joshin, whats the name of the girl you know in suceava? I know a girl that lives there too. I don’t know about the freaky part, but my girl said the same thing about the diamond engagement rings and for the reason bogdan said. Anyway, this as an interesting article… im waiting to see what my girl says about the romanian guys to see if its true or not though.

    Comment by josh — March 7, 2008 @ 3:45 pm | Reply

  102. im romanian and im not ugly

    Comment by Henry Marinescu — March 17, 2008 @ 5:14 am | Reply

  103. What do i need to know about visiting romania? it seems there are a few romanians in here😛 and I was curious what i need to watch out for. I’ve heard good things and bad things and I just want to prepare myself. Living in America I am sure I have seen alot of stuff that happens everywhere (robbery, pick pockets, bribery, etc.) but is it as bad there are is it here?

    Like when you go to Hawaii, don’t stray from the tourist areas because people will prey on the tourists. Is it kinda the same situation there? Am i supposed to like go from the airport to the local police station and bribe a chief or something?

    Oh and where can I go to find the mafia? I got some favors to ask ;P (just playing)

    Comment by josh — March 25, 2008 @ 3:09 pm | Reply

  104. wow. this is the first time i’ve read this blog, so i know i don’t have a well-rounded picture of it. i found this post in a search for ‘romanian men’, because i just went out with one. and i was just curious. i am always curious about different cultures, especially dating habits, men and women, things like that. the more i learn, the less i am really concerned, or feel that any one place is so horrible or different from another, in these ways. (i’m an american woman living in the US, btw.)

    because i do not wish to be called a stupid bitch, and because i’m not a regular reader of this blog, and because i think this thread has degenerated into a fight, i won’t go on. but i wanted to say thank you to Jennifer who posted her comment on 2/19/08, with something nice to say. and i think it was needed, and i for one appreciated it, and enjoyed her happy story.

    i don’t know what will happen with me and my new romanian friend, but i’m 41 and have dated alot of different men, had different types of relationships, with americans and europeans, nice guys and jerks, for fun flings and long-term togetherness. and though i still make some bad choices sometimes, i am a pretty good judge of character, and this gentleman i went out with tonight was just that. a gentleman. direct yes. confident yes. intelligent, funny, goal driven, respectful and complimentary yes. and seemingly very honest, and concerned over whether i was honest or not, because he has been lied to in the past and is quite cautious, even moreso than i.

    we’ll see what we see for me. i know that i won’t date someone that treats me like crap, whether it is day one or day 300 when it suddenly appears. i learned that the hard way, before i ever met a romanian. and that’s up to me to decide, not to put up with or blame a country for.

    thank you for the stimulating blog.
    take care, all.

    Comment by Lee — April 27, 2008 @ 6:06 am | Reply

  105. Thank you for the post with the different perspectives offered. I’m recently pursued by a very attractive, smart, considerate, and sweet Romanian man. But being in NYC, it’s hard not to second guess “Maybe it’s too good to be true,” no matter where the man comes from and proceed with caustious optimism.

    Comment by Hope — May 4, 2008 @ 6:16 am | Reply

  106. I’ve just stumbled on this post through Google for some reason, and a lot of the things you said is true…
    Sorry for repeating myself if this was said in any past post, (there are too many and I don’t really have the time to read them hahaha) but I personally believe that – at least where I am living currently, it’s like a fashion to be dating someone, especially for the girls. I currently live in Ramnicu-Valcea as an exchange student from New York, and from what I have seen for the past… I think 8 months, it seems like the guys are quite macho yes, and they will wait for any girl to make the first move cause from ehat I have seen – guys are more centered around sex more than anything really. I mean I have met a couple of good guys, but then again what it always come’s down to is sex. I am Filippino-American and from New York, so the whole “exotic” thing is DEFINITELY true – everywhere I go I somehow always get some looks because it is really really apparent that I am not a native Romanian.

    This blog is quite true, but I would just like to add that boyfriends are like toys to girls, and many of the young people in Romania are more focused on being with someone as a social status and somewhat as a possesive… each person in the relationship, from what I have seen from being in Ramnicu-Valcea, makes the relationship seem like something that needs to be noteworthy and everyone should know about what the guy buys for the girl, and how good the girl is in bed. Or, for those loose relationships, which I could imagine in Bucharesti, it matters on how beautiful and how many you have “shagged”.

    But overall, I do agree that Romanian women are quite beautiful then the men, although it seems like they look slightly unhealthy because of how thin they really are and trying to be the european model type. Also, some of the guys are quite fantastic and warm-hearted – but if you’re a female foreigner (like myself) this may happen a lot more for the wrong reasons. But really, I do like the men here and you pretty much it would be cool to find a nice, decent guy here – but of course, being an exchange student – you can’t really do that.😛 hahah

    Multumesc mult pentru asta, m-am placut sa citesc asta🙂 (gramatica mea e varza hahah)

    Comment by Ashley — May 7, 2008 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  107. Hmm I found this to be an interesting read of the need for humans to categorize everything that they see. I feel a strong pull to Romania as my grandmother was Romanian, well at least partly. She was Romanian gypsy, mixed with Cherokee Indian. Hows that for a combination? Despised in Europe and in America, yet at peace with my heritages and cultures. I can still be proud of myself and who I am. I do not feel the need to say “in general” and “all of x” is good bad or otherwise. I was married for 13 years to a woman who just walked out with no explanation other than “she couldn’t explain it, it just sounds selfish.” Her words not mine. I have two children that I have since raised alone. I do not feel like I should denounce nationality, ethnicity, color, or womanhood purely based on the fact that she was wrong and hurt me. Good women are found everywhere. Every nationality, size, shape, color and religious background. Men are also the same. If it is of any concern to the subject matter I am a us male who is not boring, or to conservative. This is of course just my observations, and thoughts on the matter. I am sure that it will upset someone some where lol.

    Comment by Al — May 26, 2008 @ 8:04 pm | Reply

  108. I am a Romanian girl, living in America;I’m really happy that I found this blog, congratulations to the person that created it; what i read here is so”us”:we talk so pasionate about everything, doesnt;t matter, woman or man;I love reading all the articles, simply because -once again-they made me proud being Romanian;I want to say that these are my opinions and I don’t want anyone to get “upset” with my views, cause they are simply mine;first, I have to say that Romanian men are great;starting with my father and finishing with my “ex”boyfriend-warm, pasionate and very loving.It is a general characteristic of the Romanias.And yes, he is my ex boyfriend and we broke up in a very civilised manner.I think the ladies that met all those “bad” Roamnian guys that they are talking about could have met them in US, UK or any other country.And the generalisation that Romanian men are like they depicted them is a false one.I am really sorry that you had the misfortune of dating those men-and that they were Romanian-but I guess it was just a mere coincidence.
    Ona different note, I have to say that I am very proud with the progress that Romania is going through.And to let all the people that wanna go and visit Romania know that it is a very nice place to visit, with a lot of history and a lot of interesting scenery.And people-don’t forget the people, they are the best!Don’t be scared that you might get robbed-I got robbed in New York, so what, I still love it!And go and visit Bucharest!After travelling all over the world, I still think it is one of the most fascinating cities in the world!And don’t forget about Poiana Brasov!You can;t miss that!You will love it!Every piece of it!
    And yes, Romanian women are very beautiful, you will feel like you are watching a catwalk!But so are the men!So be prepared to fall in love!It happens to almost everyone that visited Romania!

    Comment by eva — July 11, 2008 @ 7:57 pm | Reply

  109. Eva,

    I just want to say thanks for your comments about Romanians; for articulating the fact that Romanians and our culture are worth knowing. It’s great to hear what you had to say!

    Comment by papppy — July 13, 2008 @ 10:27 pm | Reply

  110. This page is great, thanks! I’m English, live in Italy, and I’ve been seeing a Romanian man for over a year, so when I found it by accident, I couldn’t stop reading🙂
    Being with him isn’t always easy; yes, he is very forthright and opinionated, as well as being a smoker (ugh); yes, he cheated on me and said it was ‘just sex’; yes, he’s independent but was obviously treated like a little prince at home, and is occasionally I still feel as if I’m getting to know him, though some would say I’ve been seeing him long enough!
    I’ve dated men from different countries and found that you never really know what you’re getting…I’ve been treated like a princess, but I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, too.
    We’re going to Romania soon, we’ll be visiting Bucarest and his hometown in the north-east. It’ll be interesting for sure…

    Comment by Helvete — July 22, 2008 @ 6:37 pm | Reply

  111. Good site Good site Good site

    Comment by 1111 — July 22, 2008 @ 7:53 pm | Reply

  112. Hi everyone,

    I am a Romanian woman in my mid-twenties who lives in the US. After reading this, I can say that there are some characteristics that both Romanian men and women consistently have. The three I have found to be most common are: (1) being stubborn, (2) dominate, and (3) not as emotional.

    I do have to say that I am shocked how Romanian men are portrayed. I do not know how they are over in Romania as I do not reside there, but I do know a lot here in the US that are well-rounded and decent. Sure, they still have some common characteristics, but they know how to treat a woman and some are in loving and caring relationships. Perhaps a lot has to do with how they were raised.

    Some of you make it sound like they are horrible creatures that give men a bad name. I will agree that there are some like that in this world, but there across all cultures.

    In regards to how attractive they are. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I know some ugly looking men and vice versa in all cultures.

    Now here comes the tough question to answer. Would I marry a Romanian man? Although I do find Romanian men attractive and have many traits I like, I do not think I would be happy based on the experiences and interactions I have had. Mostly our personalities would clash. I am also a self-sufficient woman and raised in the American culture so I wonder how that would pan out for some of you Romanian men. Probably not well given how the Romanian culture is.

    Nevertheless, based on what I have read from everyone, I do not have to worry about them hitting on me as I have undesirable qualities. Oh well, there goes another Romanian women to an American male…lol

    Btw…I did read an article about men in Romania having to take a domestic violence class before they could get married. Come on guys, what is up with that? Just so you know, that is NOT a desirable quality we women look for in men. At least not me.

    Comment by Ann — July 25, 2008 @ 7:30 am | Reply

  113. Hey Ann,
    Re: would (should?)you marry a Romanian dude? You’re right, the North American culture (very individualistic – good and bad) is markedly different than the European cultures, and even more so than the Romanian culture. As a result, I would venture to suggest that you’re better off to get to know a Romanian who’s lived in the States for quite some time. Even better, if he’s the 2nd generation in. I think in many respects the culture differences and communication aspects are very difficult to overcome. A relationship like that requires a lot more nurturing due to these added elements. Of course, everything that I said assumes the fact that the guy and/or the girl are not complete morons, or neither do they have other emotional and psychological needs – all of which should not always be attributed to Romanians.

    Comment by pappy — July 25, 2008 @ 6:51 pm | Reply

  114. Ann,

    When I said emotional and psychological NEEDS, I meant ISSUES (SERIOUS ISSUES!)
    Sorry, I assumed that you’re American born, but my comment still stands.

    Comment by pappy — July 25, 2008 @ 6:54 pm | Reply

  115. Pappy,

    Yes, I am American born. I do have relatives that still live in Romania but a lot live here now.

    But anyway yes, I agree that culture differences can be hard to overcome and sometimes impossible. I do find it interesting that you mention 2nd generation in.

    I still do stand by what I said. I’ve never seen the extent of what many have posted. Perhaps it’s safe to say that it’s better to be with one who has grown and lived in the American culture as oppossed to one who’s hasn’t.

    Comment by Ann — July 25, 2008 @ 7:43 pm | Reply

  116. re: 2nd generation in; if you consider your parents being the first generation when they immigrated to the States, then you’d be the 2nd generation in. Or the first generation born in the States.

    Yes. I agree, better to date a Romanian who’s been immersed into the American culture, rather than the alternative

    Comment by pappy — July 29, 2008 @ 12:18 am | Reply

  117. hey John, the Mid Western American Serious Guy…

    Here you have a Hot Portuguese Sweet Macho from the South of Portugal – you can not get more Latin, more Hot, more Cute and more Macho than this baby.

    I have studied in Philadelhia and I am back to Europe – those American women are frigid like hell, excatly because they get used to guys like you!!! Romanian girls are just awesome. In every one week trip (I did 3 so far) I did got at least three awesome fun, positive, crazy and sexually bombastic girls.

    I appreciate your anglo saxon comments… like:

    “Most of us don’t pursue second and third sexual side-relationship.” – THIS IS NOT TRUE MXY FRIEND; JUST LOOK AT YOUR PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON…

    “The American cliche is sitting home on the weekend watching sports non-stop” – THAT IS WHY THEY ARE FUCKING THE LATIN BOYS NEXT DOOR -) AND SOMETIMES BLACK GUYS WHEN LATIN MEN SEND YOUR WIFE TO GO HOME; BECAUSE THESE FRUSTRATED AMERICAN GIRLS ARE NOT EVEN WORTH IT…

    “We are not us loose and volatile as the Latins as our blood is cooler Anglo” – “loose” LIKE WHATß WALKING ON THE STREET AND LOOK AT YOUR WIVES CHECKING MY COCK; BECAUSE THEY DONT SEE ONE FOR MONTHS? “volatile”? LIKE WHAT? A GUY WHO COMES A LOT?

    CONCLUSION: It is still to be born a better breed of sexual man who can overcome the Portuguese Sweet Macho Man.

    Send me questions to my “work” email…
    I am visiting Romania once again in August 2008

    delvicious@gmail.com

    delicious & vicious man

    Comment by cristiano ronaldo — August 1, 2008 @ 3:25 pm | Reply

  118. Wow! this blog is excellent! Well to my disgrace I was married to a Romanian guy. I do not recommend anyone to marry one, they are better off marrying another Romanian. They seem to have a drinking problem. Yes, they are cheaters, steal your money, liars and cynical.

    At first they are the best thing that ever happened to you, but after they have you in their hands their true self comes out. Be very careful ladies, think twice before you get into a relationship.

    Comment by Elizabeth Pascu — October 7, 2008 @ 5:49 am | Reply

  119. Romanian men to take anti-violence course
    By Michael Leidig
    Bucharest
    April 26, 2005

    Page Tools
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    Romanian bridegrooms will have to take a three-day course to deter them from beating their wives under new laws to come into force next year.

    National statistics on domestic violence published this year revealed that many men regarded a marriage licence as permission to beat their wives. Maria Muga, Romania’s Social Affairs and Family Planning Minister, described the problem as a threat to social stability and an evil that needed to be eradicated.

    As an incentive, the Government will pay men who complete the course.

    Men who refuse to attend will be refused permission to marry.

    “We plan to invite sociologists, doctors and psychologists to explain the domestic violence law, and what sanctions the man might face if they abuse their wives or children,” Ms Muga said. Romania is under pressure to push through social reform as a condition of accession to the European Union in 2007.

    Next year, about 120,000 prospective couples will be eligible for the course. While it will focus on telling men that it is illegal and wrong to attack their wives, women will also be told that they do not have to tolerate beatings and will be taught about their rights.

    Advertisement
    AdvertisementOfficials estimate that more than 340,000 children under the age of 14 have had to watch their mother being beaten. Only one woman in five seeks help.

    Yet the Government’s plan has its critics. “Think about people living in the countryside,” said sociologist Andrei Popescu. “The counselling centres are all in cities and people will not want to take three days off work to stay in a hotel just to do a pointless course. It won’t work.”

    In Bucharest, a city of 3 million people, there are only three shelters for abused women.

    Dr Gabriela Kubinski, who runs a shelter at a textiles factory, said the classes were unlikely to do more than scratch the surface of the problem.

    “The new plan has only one thing to recommend it, which is that after all these years of the problem being ignored, something is at least being done,” she said.

    Of 10,000 female staff at the factory, one-third have suffered violence in the home.

    “In Romania it is still generally accepted that once a couple are married, she becomes the property of her husband,” she said. “This mentality exists even among the educated classes where you would least expect it.”

    – Telegraph

    Comment by ALISON — October 8, 2008 @ 10:50 pm | Reply

  120. Pascu,

    “…they are better off marrying another Romanian.” – isn’t your last name Romanian?

    Comment by pappy — October 9, 2008 @ 7:23 pm | Reply

  121. the article is about romanians marrying each other not romanian men marrying women from abroad

    Comment by alison — October 10, 2008 @ 7:16 pm | Reply

  122. It is funny to me that people say generalizations can not be made about people. Which I generally think too😉
    BUT reading this post is like reading my own life written by other people
    I am married to a Romanian man, and I want him gone. He makes my life miserable nothing is good for him and I can’t do anything without him bitching about it
    I wouldn’t be suprized if he has cheated on me
    IT is the culture he is from.
    I wish I never married him and now I don’t know how to get rid of him becuase he is so controlling
    as soon as I look unhappy he will be lovey for maybe one day and then when I’m trapped again he’s back to his bitchy self. I’m stuck and I hate it. I’m not religuous but I am praying for this to end well. I don’t have any hope for the future and I almost feel like there is nothing left for me to live for if he is always going to be running the show. Pray for me!

    Comment by Isea — October 26, 2008 @ 12:17 pm | Reply

    • I went to a very similar thing with a Romanian guy…and I’m RO too. It was very hard to get rid of mine and thought I wouldn’t get out alive…literally. TRy not to be so emotional and be smart…don’t piss him off…you lnow him best so dump him when he leasts expects it and be safe about it.

      Good Luck !

      Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:37 am | Reply

  123. Isea,

    I would normally be all over your comments about your Romanian experiences and those generalizations, but I am more concerned about your cries for help. Whether you meant to say it or not, what I infer from your statement that you have nothing to live for is that you thought of ending your life has crossed your mind (maybe I am out to lunch…).
    Isea, that’s not a rational thought and no marriage is worthwhile if it causes you to hurt yourself, others, or even killing yourself. WALK AWAY from it. I am not one to condone divorce in any way, please don’t get me wrong, but this is different. There is a living God, and there are many of His servants all around you and your area; look for a church or for a counselling office. THERE IS HOPE! You have to look outside your box!!!

    All the best, and think of others in your life that truly love you before you do anything irreparable

    Comment by pappy — October 27, 2008 @ 5:04 pm | Reply

    • Pappy,

      I am so appreciative of your regard for Isea. I apologize for the late response, but I have just arrived. Thank you for your words of wisdom to Isea and any reader/participant under the same circumstances — regardless of ethnicity.

      Comment by Paula Storm — January 4, 2013 @ 3:10 am | Reply

  124. Free Adult Friend Finder Gold Membership

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    Comment by spanky — October 28, 2008 @ 6:59 pm | Reply

  125. Sounds like a very interesting concept! I want make the best use of my sympathy ring I have a nice fresh joke for you people) How can you tell if a planet is married? It has a ring around it.

    Comment by Arrapeoravy — November 2, 2008 @ 10:22 am | Reply

  126. Hi I have a Romanian friend i just met and i dont know how to approach him. We would hang out a lot but he is not very affectionate i mean i dont really know what he wants from me. He came from a small town dolj. So is there a difference with those men that came from the big cities and small ones? He seems really nice and such a gentleman.

    Comment by Anj — November 15, 2008 @ 9:43 am | Reply

  127. Hi. I must say that reading these stories is like reading my own. I recently broke up with a Romanian man and it has been the most intense relationship of my life. He is still living in my house, renting a room, and I am still very much in love with him. When we first met he was charming, romantic, intelligent, worldly, and just seemed perfect. He is quite a bit older than I am but I never felt as though the age difference was a big deal. After abut 6 moths things began changing. He would yell a lot and can be quite intimidating. He hit me a couple times in the beginning but that stopped and never happened again after I moved out of our house. I will say that I have made my share of mistakes. The major ones were I lied to him about my new house and landlord and called the cops and got him arrested after he had dumped a beer on my head while we were both drunk and fighting. I am not the best housekeeper and a bit of a free-spirit and that infuriates him. He is always yelling because I don’t pay attention to meal times, and can be quite lazy, he also frequently tells me that I am “psycho” if I get over emotional and cry or yell. He rides me about my weight every chance he gets and I have lost weight since we met but he has gained probably fifty pounds. As far as the laziness goes, he has been out of work for quite a while and when I would get home from work he would expect me to cook and clean for him. Now that neither of us is working I don’t mind but since we broke up he is now willing to help. Figures, right? To some it up he has some very bad qualities… drinks too much, smokes too much, bad temper, very critical, very dominating, and extremely closed minded. I also fear that he may have cheated on me although he swears he has never even talked to another girl with bad intentions since we met. But he is also funny, intelligent, can be very sweet when he wants, generous, strong, can cook, and I find him very attractive. Despite his negative qualities I adore him and I can’t figure out why. I have never tolerated this from anyone before and never thought I would. He just has this magic and all I have to do is look at him smiling at me and my heart melts. We were supposed to get married and move to Romania to start a family. I was really looking forward to a big Orthodox wedding and a quite life in a small apartment in Bucharest. I was also dying to meet his family. I have tried to learn the language, how to cook some of the foods he grew up with and have done hours of research on the country. I find the culture (from what I read) to be enchanting and the country to be beautiful. I still have hope that we will work this out and find our way back together. If most Romanian men are like him then I could see how people would have a negative view of them but you have to see them for what they are and appreciate the positive qualities. It is all perception. I see his egotistical attitude as confidence and find it sexy. His domineering behavior as strength and always feel safe when with him because I know he will protect me from anything. The drinking I take for what it is and try to get him to stick to wine as much as possible and the smoking isn’t terrible; it kind of fits with his whole European style. I truly believe that most of his criticism comes from wanting to help me better myself but he should work on himself as much as he wants me to work on myself for it not to be so insulting. All and all, I think they are just a very direct culture. They are passionate people and can be quite loud and stubborn. I think they have good hearts but have learned to create distance so they won’t get hurt. My advice as strange as this sounds to anyone wanting to date a Romanian man is to treat him as a king. Be prepared to do the housework and cooking and show a great deal of gratitude if he helps you. I don’t see anything wrong with asking him to help but do not assume he will say yes and if he does make sure you are working at least as hard as him. Never question him on the way he is doing something or claim that you can do it better. Allow him to feel he is the head of his household and you will be put on a pedestal. Treat him as a king and he will make you his queen. Very simple. He said his mother once told him that “the man was the head of the house and the woman the neck that turns that head”. I figured all of this out a little to late and now am trying to convince him that I really do understand what he needs. He has said that his feelings for me haven’t changed but that he feels logically that we don’t fit and shouldn’t be together. At least I still have hope if he still loves me; I just have to get past that Romanian stubbornness.😉
    Bottom line is that I feel the Romanian culture does create a certain type of man but that it is not necessarily a good or bad thing. These men react strongly to their environment and either the worst or the best of them will show. Appreciate a man for what he is and he will be a good man, regardless of rather he is Romanian or American. Treat him with caring, compassion, love, sincerity, and respect and he will treat you the same. If he doesn’t he isn’t a man, he’s a little boy.
    Attack me if you like but that is my opinion.

    Comment by Christy — November 24, 2008 @ 10:52 am | Reply

    • Christy….i would marry you!😀

      Comment by Karoly — December 17, 2010 @ 10:53 am | Reply

  128. Christy,

    LOL!!! This has got to be a joke…!

    Comment by pappy — November 24, 2008 @ 10:46 pm | Reply

  129. CHRISTY

    YOUR STORY GAVE ME THE BEST LAUGH I HAVE EVER HAD FOR ALONG TIME, ARE REALLY SERIOUS. IS THIS A JOKE

    YOU NEED HELP GIRL

    Comment by Mary — November 27, 2008 @ 12:19 am | Reply

  130. You should write about friendships with romanians. I have a romanian friend and she is the weirdest person I know but also the most interesting.

    Comment by Emma — November 28, 2008 @ 6:52 am | Reply

  131. I just came across this site after having an experience with a Romanian man in his 20’s. I am American and met him while on vacation. He worked where I was staying and every day he would make a point to come out and talk with myme and my relatives. He appeared very sincere, intelligent and mature for a man in his late 20’s. He was very respectful to me and I could tell he was interested in me even though he did not try to do anything. Just before the vacation ended he gave me a photo of himself and his email address and insisted that I write him, so I did. My email was very general and he immediately responded back by saying how beautiful, mature and intelligent I was. He then sent me an email every day expressing his “feelings” for me in a very strong way. As an American, I am not used to such bold statements of feelings from men. He continued this for about two months and kept insisting that I “share” my “feelings” about him with him. I was very cautious because I thought it was too good to be true…but I have to say, he wore me down with his daily emails and eventual phone calls in which he sounded so sincere and considerate and I eventually started to express my feelings to him. I eventually fell for the guy and we even made plans to visit each other. But then he went home to Romania…we continued to talk for several weeks and continued to make plans to visit each other. Then all of a sudden he backed off abruptly. Long story short, he went from very hot to very cold almost overnite. I then became curious and did some research. Come to find out he is on a Romanian website and is surfing for females and telling them the same things and was even doing this while he was emailing me. I wanted to know more about this virtual friends web so I surfed and found that they most of them seem to speak to each other in the same fashion on this website. Everyone tells the women how beautiful, interesting, and desirable they are. I also could tell that he is on this website like 8 hours a day! What’s up with that??!!! Even after all of this I was still very hurt by what this man had done to me, even more so by what I allowed him to do to me. I should have taken his advice when he started to “joke” around with me when he would say “be careful, be very careful of Romanians. They steal your heart and then break it.”
    I just wanted to share my experience, not blame a whole culture for this man’s actions. I have dated other ethnic groups with similar sterotypes as Romanians (just to be clear-I do not believe in stereotyping) but I have to say he has been the hardest one to get over because of the way he “expressed” his thoughts and so called “feelings” toward me.
    By the way, if the photos on the Romanian website are true, speaking as an American woman, the women are very beautiful!

    Comment by Monique — January 12, 2009 @ 6:54 am | Reply

  132. I came here hoping to find insight on cultural differences when dating a Romanian but all I got were personal stories, albeit many of them amusing. I have started seeing a Romanian man (in the US, he immigrated here) and so far it’s been a great experience. He is not possessive, very sweet and affectionate, cooks for me, serves me, and is just as committed to cleaning as I am (in fact, if a blanket is on the floor, he will apologize for the mess!). He is all in all a genuinely nice person. He is from a small mountain town, not a city, and has only lived here for 5 years. I am even learning the language so we can fill in the communication gaps.

    Not sure if anyone still reads or replies to this but I am still searching for advice on social differences. Is there ‘courting’? Is it more old fashioned? Are there certain expectations? He’s already invited me to come back home with him for a visit so I assume that it is going well!

    Comment by Char — January 21, 2009 @ 1:09 am | Reply

    • Okay…

      Romanisns, in my opnion have been more into the traditional way of doing things but it’s changing and it’s pretty much Universal now…traditional values are slipping away.

      Speaking from a bad experience of briging a Romanian guy to the US…be cautious ! Does he have papers here ? is he legal or does he need more help to achieve status here ? I would be worried that he just wants to use you because…he is from a small mountain town…acting overly polite and Mr. Wonderful in every aspect. My guy was the same way…Mr. Wonderful until he got his Immigration papers in order then he changed instantly to a disrespectful, arrogant, insensitive jerk (he was being himself now😦

      Don’t be too trusting or naive…try to be somewhat realistic when dealing with guys from other countries…they can be very good at being decieving and manipulative.

      I hope this is not the case for you … GOOD LUCK !!

      Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:32 am | Reply

  133. Hey 🙂

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    Comment by Anastasiaprostia — March 30, 2009 @ 6:34 pm | Reply

  134. I can only say that, when dating Romanian women, a foreign man must be very careful of the many Pro Daters out there. These are women who pretend love and promise marriage, but really only look to take as much as they can from a man. There are also cases of this happening with foreign women and Romanian men. Remember that in any society a polite woman will not ask for money or expensive gifts until you are married. If you spend more than 500 Euro on a woman, and she ends the relationship there is good chance you were victim of such woman. You must also remember a seldom known fact that all people prefer their own kind. If this was not so, then the small Romanian population would long ago have married entirely foreign and this is based purely on statistic of chance. Also men do not be fooled to think these women much younger than you will love you. They want only your money. Like all women they want attractive man not far from their age. I think anything more than 12 years difference is asking for trouble. I do not say can not happen love between good Romanian people and foreigner but is far less common than most people think. Also to those who claim Romanian are all cheaters, you know nothing about true culture here. Here are most people very faithful and take very serious religion. Drinking cheating and this sort behavior is mostly among poorest people who have very hard life and do such things to cover the pain they feel from their life. Do not judge them because their life often more horrifying ever than you can imagine. Romanian have high crime and theft rate but only because so many poor people. But considering how many poor people then we have very low rate for crime. Romanian are good people mostly. Just as most other people are mostly good people. To woman who claim marry Romanian man when she from US I think this very unlikely. Romanian man will not stand for most American women. From our view it is American woman who has no morals and live very loose life. Maybe also with American men is true. I think most Americans good people but they are not for us to love. Same for all of west. We not hate you but really we think all western peoples very strange. We have much different ways here. Best advice date your own kind. It much easier.

    Comment by Val — May 3, 2009 @ 12:03 am | Reply

    • Val you must be a son of a whore. HAHA when Romanian women marry Foreingn men, the divorce rate is lower compared to Romanian women marrying Romanian men.

      Romania has been conquered by so many people and the common denominator is the women ALWAYS mixed with the conqeurors. So much for your, “sticking with their own kind” BS.

      Oh to all the Romanian men that are with American women. You are all gay fags.

      And you American women look like ugly scum. Why can’t you American women lose weight ? Look at Romanian women, they are an example on how women can look.

      Oh and Anglo culture is a worthless culture compared to the Latin or Slavic one. In Anglo culture they pride themselves on being as fat as a hog. LOL

      Comment by blade — August 4, 2009 @ 11:00 pm | Reply

  135. In response to your reply I think you are wrong, Love has no bounderies and many people marry other people from different countries. I think you need to get into the 21st century. Yes people will marry their own kind as most people find love in their own backyard and do not travel the world looking for it. But this has got nothing to do with a clash of cultures.

    In a country where the faith is strong people don’t really speak out and question their faith (why the world is in such a state – mostly to do wih religios beliefs may I add). In the West and America where faith is still there but it does not control our lives 24/7. I think this partly to do with the fact that alot of western people have seen such devastion (terroism attacks, people fighting over land, etc) under the name of their faith. That faith is there to be questioned and not strongly believed in as it is in Romania.

    You have to realise that we far more progressed than you and our history is your present. We seen it all and become “Yeah whatever” to alot of things. Also I believe that women in the US and Western Europe are independent (not no morals) which parts of Eastern Europe have not comes to terms with yet and still treat their women as second class citizens who cannot think for themselves.

    Comment by saz — May 3, 2009 @ 9:31 am | Reply

    • You faggot, in EE the women have rights u retarded fag. Abortion is legal in most EE nations while it is illegal in more U.S. states. And in EE nations women had many rights under communism, and were required to work. Asshole.

      Comment by blade — August 4, 2009 @ 11:08 pm | Reply

  136. “To woman who claim marry Romanian man when she from US I think this very unlikely. Romanian man will not stand for most American women. From our view it is American woman who has no morals and live very loose life. Maybe also with American men is true. I think most Americans good people but they are not for us to love. Same for all of west. We not hate you but really we think all western peoples very strange.”

    WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE IN THE WEST AND THE USA ARE BENEATH YOU TO LOVE AND MARRY WHAT MAKES YOU PERFECT.

    WE ARE STRANGE AND HAVE NO MORALS TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELVES

    IF ROMANIA AND ITS PEOPLE ARE GREAT THEN WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO VISIT YOUR COUNTRY AND WHY DO YOU TREAT YOUR MENTALLY ILL LIKE CATTLE AND WHY IS YOUR COUNTRY IN SUCH A MESS

    DO YOU REALLY THINK PEOPLE IN THE WEST WE WANT TO MARRY ROMANIANS (DREAM ON)

    Comment by stevie — May 3, 2009 @ 11:11 am | Reply

    • response to Stevie…

      I’m originally Romanian but have lived in the uS my whole life pretty much. Every country has it’s loose women, good guys/women, bad guys/women, smart people and idiots. Romani’s people are actually very intelligent…it’s a cultural thing. Romania is a beautiful country with a lot of beautiful people and rich history. Before judging Romania and it’s people look it up stevie.

      Not many people visit Romania becaue it was under COMMUNIST BLOCK for nearly 50 YEARS and they’ve never heard of it (typical of Americans…some I’ve spoken to think that Europe is a country and that everyone speaks the same language LOL) The county and it’s people have been through a lot and is still recovering from that hold.

      THe US is messed up too but it’shidden well…the education system SUCKS, poverty is at a huge rate, and there are more mentally ill individuals in the US than anywhere.

      I like living in the US but I don’t like everything about it and I don’t like everythig about Romanians. There’s a double side to everything.

      Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:23 am | Reply

  137. Ha, ha I really enjoyed reding this discussion. I am a scandinavian man who recently got in touch with a you Romanian woman. I am 10 years older than her but still under 40 and fairly attractive.

    I made contact with her through a dating website because I was stunned by her looks. The most beautiful eyes and smile I have ever seen! And I have seen many pretty scandinavian women (not to mention foreign), but not with such soul.

    We have made some conversation through MSN and it is really pleasent. She`s bright and intelligent. Writes good english and our conversation goes smoothly. After speaking with her I seriously consider a planetrip to Bucurest.

    I did not know much about Roamania before I met her, but it has really opened my eyes. Could real love be bound thousands of miles away from my home?

    Then again, if I brought her home to my country she would probably not equally impressed as I am. Snow, rain, winter and all the four seasons full on🙂
    But, who knows.. Carpe Diem..

    But to all you men out there. Treat your women with respect and kindness. Eventually they will do the same in return. If not.. she`s not the soulmate you have been looking for..

    Comment by Norwegian — July 28, 2009 @ 12:52 pm | Reply

  138. Hey everyone !

    I made the mistake of bringing a Romanian guy over here to the US on a Fiance Visa…BIG MISTAKE…Ladies out there…never file a Fiance Visa for any man on any continent. It is so much harder to get rid ofthem if you want to divorce and have them sent back. I am speaking from experience of what happened to me with a Romanian guy. Turned out he only wanted a visa…not m or our daughter. He was finally deported after 2 years and has no interest in seeing my daughter but I prefer it be that way.

    BE CAUTIOUS !! Poeple lie…and some people really lie well…do background checks…find out who their friends and family are. If they keep stuff hidden from you…DUMP THEM IMMEDIATELY!! I wish I would have done that. Would have saved me so much suffering.

    Comment by Michelle — August 2, 2009 @ 1:13 am | Reply

  139. I don’t even feel the need to go through the PC Police BS Disclaimer: yes, there are ugly, macho, cheating, lying assholish men all over the world. Same goes for women.

    That is NOT the point.

    The point for me, as a Romanian woman, is that this blog post discusses ROMANIAN men and I have no interest in whether men from Kiribati represent an equally dismal genepool and if women from Turks and Caicos have an equally limited choice of decent male specimens. I don’t give a fuck.

    I’ve traveled quite a lot through Eastern Europe this year and my best friend (who’s Polish) and I have come to the conclusion that we’re better off moving to another region of the world because the vast majority of men in our countries are “potatoes”. Granted, the physical aspect is subjective and we could get over it fairly easily (yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder) if only they weren’t such sad potatoe faces when it comes to their personality. Even the educated ones tend to have a loser-ish mentality while the machismo in general is a sad reflection of frustration and a warped upbringing where they’re so mommied that my step brother comes in, sits at the table and expects his hunched over, arthritic 75 yr. old grandmother to wait on him and pour him a glass of water.

    There are no true Alpha Men in this country, just sad poseurs who think fucking around and flashing the latest cellphone make one a man. Sad. I’m sure there are many Western men who are confused when it comes to masculinity and don’t get me started on the plague of metrosexuality, but countries in the Anglosphere in general have at least some well-established iconic ideals of masculinity built on things like independence, hard work, adventure, standing up for what you believe and as Frank put it so memorably: “I did it my way!” See cowboy culture, Australian outback, Steve McQueen, etc. Of course I’m not deluded enough to think that just because the hottest men on American television right now are Matthew Fox and Jon Hamm, both with chins you could split logs with, that all American men are tall, dark, quiet and extremely fuckable. I also don’t think all Romanian men need necesarily be serial cheaters, liars and overgrown babies. All I’m saying is that I have a much better chance of finding a man I consider attractive in every way (looks, wit, intelligence, manners, independence, integrity) in a country other than Romania. This is simply not a nation that has a masculinity model that I have any use for or desire to drool over. It must be a lack of testosterone. I have no idea if such studies have been conducted at an international level and I may be wrong on this because the wifebeating, serial assholishness might be blame on a badly-handled excess rather than lackthereof.

    I could get over the less than fortunate genetic makeup of the Romanian male (I’d still love my potatoe-faced children because they’re mine and with any luck they’d be influenced by Romanian female genes which tend to produce much better looking results), but I cannot get over his lack of spine. An ounce of integrity weighs more than a couple of centimeters on your dick, boys (not that most of you know what to do with it anyway…)

    Comment by Claudia — August 10, 2009 @ 10:48 am | Reply

    • I think it’s amazing how your post shut everyone up. Usually, a whole army of people would have jumped right at it to try and tear it down with the usual psycho insults and/or invalid arguments. Looks like none of them felt brave enough to try it.

      Well, you’ve earned my respect for that alone.

      Comment by Radu — August 13, 2009 @ 6:48 pm | Reply

    • You’re just an ugly frustrated girl that most Romanian men ignored. LOL

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 7:49 am | Reply

  140. Radu,

    Are you trying to give Claudia the American Dick (sorry, DREAM)? You sneeky bastard😉
    Probably you won’t measure up (she needs a couple of extra centimeters, not inches, that you won’t have. I assume you’re Romanian, so there you go…😦
    Stop trying, your dick is too small, tigane!🙂
    I wonder if you were to give her a big-ass dildo(no pun intended)that would put a smile on her face, maybe she’ll put out for you:)
    It’s all about sex for you Claudia, isn’t it…🙂

    Comment by pappy — August 14, 2009 @ 11:30 pm | Reply

  141. Claudia,

    Ok, so Radu twisted my arm: I think I’ll say something.
    Re: your statement “(yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder…”
    So, can you clarify something for me: if the Romanian dudes are the way they are because of poor standard of living and nutrition, am I to infer that Romanian women are so fucking hairy that they would need 3 blade Titanium Gillete razors to shave they’re moustaches and chest hair, just so they would look half decent? I am merely inferring this from your hypothesis. OF COURSE THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE THAT!🙂 – oh, by the way I love this happy face character🙂

    Comment by pappy — August 15, 2009 @ 12:14 am | Reply

    • Do you not understand the concept of “average”? It’s not just Romanians, it’s the same with older generations of Portuguese and it’s science, something anthropology has observed for decades in all eras and for all nations. There are statistics for things like life expectancy in nations and yes, those are correlated to standard of living too. Aside from those, which are the most famous in this category, there are also statistics about average height, demographic trends, etc. They’re based on a people’s evolution for THOUSANDS of years, not recent economic developments. The Dutch were not always this tall on AVERAGE, the Swedes were not always this tall on AVERAGE and the Portuguese are still short on AVERAGE, though the younger generation is shorter than older generations. Romanian men are on average shorter than most Western Europeans. I haven’t read any statistics about hirsutism in the female population of Romania but I am happy to be educated anytime.

      Comment by Claudia — August 20, 2009 @ 11:55 pm | Reply

      • *not as short as older generations

        …obviously

        Comment by Claudia — August 20, 2009 @ 11:56 pm

    • Oh. I only now scrolled upthread and realized I was responding to the same dimwit who left the previous comment. Well, that’s two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

      Comment by Claudia — August 21, 2009 @ 12:10 am | Reply

      • Thanks for breaking down the word “average”. That was good. But the way you put it, you suggested that Romanian guys are(maybe I’ll use your quote):”…yes, Romanian men are on the average shorter and stockier than say… Scandinavian or Dutch or American men, but that’s a function of the standard of living/nutrition etc. so it’s hardly any wonder…” Anyways who gives a shit! It was very educational😉

        Re: the two minutes you’ll never get back. I wonder if your whole life is one big regret. You resent Romanians, or most Romanians, you… Ah, whatever!

        Comment by pappy — August 25, 2009 @ 5:41 am

    • I don’t resent them at all. I work and I studied and am friends with plenty of them who are good friends and co-workers and there’s a few I respect and the ones I don’t… they’re hardly a source of frustration. It’s a free, borderless world out there, I can certainly find what I want in other areas of my life elswhere.

      Interesting though that all you could pick on from all that rambling up there was an inconsequential aside and not the core of my argument, which was that masculinity in Romania is poorly understood and seriously lacking. Hm.

      Comment by Claudia — September 3, 2009 @ 7:21 pm | Reply

      • i got your point: you want some dick and the romanian guys don’t measure up (pun intended). that’s your point, no matter how you want to dress it up. I am so bored with your bullshit, that is for this reason alone I am going to shut up. see ya!

        Comment by pappy — September 7, 2009 @ 11:47 pm

      • God!!!…so bad things about us…I think you didn’t met a lot of romanians….but I am sad because you and a couple of people think in this way…

        Comment by Romanian guy :) — October 26, 2010 @ 2:32 am

  142. I wish I would have come across this website 2.5 years ago although I wonder if I would have seriously taken note of what was written. My experience started out like most others. He was well educated, charming, fun & thoughtful. We met in the US. He dressed well and liked nice things. I thought we were a great match. We both made good money and lived a nice life together. I never thought he would turn into the Monster that he did. If someone would have told me what he would eventually do to me in the first few months I would have thought they were crazy. About 6 months into the relationship I started to notice things that did not make me comfortable. At first I considered that we were coming from 2 different cultures but that soon proved to be a poor excuse. He would refuse to do any errands for me or help me with the housework. He would anger easily if I so much as cleaned up his things. He accused me of trying to hide his stuff away because the apartment was initially mine before he moved in. I felt bad at first and attempted to change the apartment to his liking and make enough room for him so that he felt welcome and that this was his home. Where we once had a lot of fun together and a lot of laughs we now could barely make dinner conversation. He seemed to be somewhere else in his head or constantly on his cellphone. He would throw things around, punch doors, break things for little to no reason. He could be set off without any conflict from me. He was constantly buying new toys and new clothes when he clearly did not need to. It went from bad to worse when he scheduled a vacation without me and lied and said that it was a business trip. Soon thereafter the physical abuse started happening. I could get hit, punched, slapped, thrown down, hair pulled, biten, spit on at anytime for any reason. He blamed me again. He said that I made him like this. There are far too many incidents for me to put down here. Eventually he cheated on me with the wrong person. Although he never stayed out all night he did manage to have a relationship with someone for a number of months. It came to an end when she showed up at our place and he denied even knowing her. I found out the truth was that he had been telling her lies about me and calling her his girlfriend. When he was with her he would be emailing or texting me that he loved me and asking me what he could buy for me. He always thought the gifts or trips made up for everything. I am not going to generalize and say this is all Romanian men. I will say he was a text book abuser. He isolated me. He definitely did not see anything wrong with having me take care of him, the household and myself while he ran around and had his fun. We are both very well educated and together we lived in an amazing apartment in an amazing american city. I tried moreso with him than I have ever tried with anyone before and still I was belittled, beaten, cheated on, lied to and so on. When I found out about his affair he dropped the girl like he had never known her. I could not believe this man as I have brothers who would never dare do half of what he did because they have self-respect and respect for others. Before I left him I found out that some Romanian women had been in the picture as well. I think they gravitated towards him because he is intelligent and has money. When they were told that he was married and he was a liar they did not seem to care in the slightest and I believe they blamed wife for his behavior.

    Comment by Mislead — August 18, 2009 @ 4:48 pm | Reply

    • I’m glad that psycho is out of the picture. At least you’re safe now. What he did was horrible and unacceptable. I think he knew what he was doing, and it does sound like it was his fault. I’ve met enough of this type of people, living in Romania and all, and it’s always the same story: sulky, intimidating, reckless, unpredictable, and they always think they’re right, always blame you, even if you didn’t do anything to begin with. And as usual, no one else cares, it’s not their problem. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

      Hope he’s made to take responsibility for all the crap he pulled. If someone did that to me, I’d take him to court and not give up until he was in jail, futureless and/or broke.

      Comment by anon — August 18, 2009 @ 9:12 pm | Reply

  143. My fight has only just begun. I will only be happy when he is booted out of this country and never able to work or live here again. He still tries to maintain some control by holding some personal items “hostage”. It is not that he cares about me or wants me back it just brings him some type of pleasure or reward in doing so. Although I worked hard for my things there is nothing worth letting him ruin one more day of my life over. He can have it all. He also still emails me when he is feeling ill. What am I supposed to do for him when I 1500 miles away?!?
    Sulky. Ha! That is an understatement. At times I felt like I was dealing with a 2 year old who was having a tantrum. Wouldn’t look at me. Would not respond to simple question…even if we were not in a fight. He would never answer even benign questions. He would hardly open up about his homelife or childhood. His father is an educated professional as is his mother. However, I was never able to “crack that nut” on what really happened in his home, good or bad.
    I am not one for generalizing at all but the experience I had with him and the non-reaction I got from his parents really has turned me off to ever having contact with a Romanian. I will definitely keep them at arms length in the future. The way he conducted himself was like a person who grew up on the street. The lying, cheating, beating, scamming..etc. The only thing missing was drug or alcohol abuse. It really really threw me for a loop because both of us grew up in upper middle-class households with education and priviledge.
    I hope someday soon I can be far enough away from this to understand what really happened. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around all of it. I have never heard of any of my friends who have divorced going through something as sinister as I have..

    Comment by Mislead — August 18, 2009 @ 9:59 pm | Reply

  144. I am an American photographer based in Bucharest. Can a Romanian woman help me out on this: it is always very difficult for me to ‘read’ Romanian women. I find that on the street and at cafes etc. they are always looking over at me, locking eyes. Women don’t really do this so much when I am in the US or in Western European countries. I mean maybe they can tell I am not Romanian? I look Scandinavian as I have Swedish heritage. I don’t know what to make of these looks. Are they checking me out you think generally because they see me as a foreigner who probably has money??? Are they just being flirtatious? If this is so, it would seem Romanian women on the whole are more flirtatious than women in other countries. What are the basic morals these days? I mean are young women here totally open to the casual hook-up?

    Comment by Davin Ellicson — August 22, 2009 @ 11:40 am | Reply

    • Basicaly, it depends on what type of pubs do you frequent. If they are for the rich, then you’ll find mostly predators. If you meet women in a circle of friends, being introduced to you by a common friend, you’ve got more chance. And I say it as a romanian, from pure experience: TRY TRANSYLVANIA, NOT BUCHAREST! And you’ve got a good shot if you’re very masculine and self confident (your scandinavian looks should definitely help). Remember that usualy the only foreign guys who can hold a romanian woman as housewives are italians or russians. Learn from them. The italians are used to this kind of woman, because they have them too, and the russians are too brutal to be joked with. I don’t say you need to be brutal, but don’t be that caring guy who’s looking after her all the time. Act aloof and fuck her alot. She’ll remain yours. Greetings from Arad, Romania.

      Comment by Karoly — December 17, 2010 @ 11:24 am | Reply

  145. I always heard it was Romanian women who had 3 boyfriends, one for love, one for sex and one for money…

    As for Romanian men – they are either very serious and so don’t play around or are young… just like the women of Bucharest.

    Comment by Peter Fogarty — August 22, 2009 @ 2:57 pm | Reply

  146. All romanian guys are macho brainess idiost that all think they are fabio and 99.50 of romanian girl are whores. they can be had for 100 euros and if you find one that is decent she will prety much take all your money since with time that is easy. I had it with them and guess what I am romanian man raised in the states. They are all alike, just takes time to show, or come out with their true color.

    Comment by RRRM — October 6, 2009 @ 8:24 pm | Reply

    • You got burned and you’re a sad loser, lol

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 7:54 am | Reply

  147. I don’t know if anyone still reads these commentaries, but I’ll throw in my opinion anyway.

    Here’s the deal:

    1. Romanians are a very distinct and difficult people. So distinct that we ourselves (because of cultural confusion) don’t understand ourselves. We do not play well with others. And I would NOT recommend foreigners to have relationships with us. EVER.

    2. Romanian culture is a shame-culture with many hidden “rules”. You can not find these rules in a book. You have to ask someone that knows. If you break the rules we will probably hate you for the rest of our lives.

    3. Romanian culture is patriarchal and polygamous. Women have no rights and are considered chattel, they are not considered people. The number of women (girlfriends, mistresses etc.) that a man has indicate his status. The man despotically rules the household. No one else has a say.

    4. General advice for foreigners:

    If you are a woman: Expect to be beaten, controlled and made to wait hand and foot. Do not complain. You have no right. Instead indicate that you are NOT a Romanian woman. If the man understands this – the treatment will be MUCH better. Show yourself useful by bringing in money and use this to barter for better treatment. Indicate that you are NOT a Romanian woman. This is KEY to making it work.

    If you are a man: You are fucked. Romanian women are CRAZY. Beating the woman senseless once a week might work. If it doesn’t, well, enjoy a life of constant (and CRAZY) drama.

    If anyone has questions I will do my best to answer them.

    Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 1:46 am | Reply

    • Absolutely agree. Will you share some of those rules?

      Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 3:00 am | Reply

    • I am romanian-hungarian (24 y/o) and until now every girl in my life held on to me, without beating or intimidating (I couldn’t hurt a girl phisicaly). What is indeed true, is that romanian guys (NOT WOMEN) cheat easily, but they will usually be back to their beloved. Your hate has no place here.

      Comment by Karoly — December 17, 2010 @ 11:33 am | Reply

      • Hey Karoly, we don’t need any half’half advices here, if your not Romanian take your trash talk somewhere else.

        Comment by 2xhacked — December 18, 2010 @ 2:24 pm

  148. Well, lets see:

    For the gents:

    – Gift giving. You have to give gifts on a regular basis, optimally about once a month. This is the way you show love, since love in the western sense doesn’t exist in Romanian culture. Expensive clothes, perfumes, lingerie, vacations are the way to go. They have to be nicely wrapped.

    – Jewelry. This is incredibly important in our culture. A woman needs expensive jewelry. It regulates her standing among other women, it shows that she is loved by her man (remember: we don’t have “love”) and it brings “honor” to the mans house.

    – You have to show the woman off. This means walks on the boulevard, visits to restaurants, theatres, malls and, best of all, going with a rowing boat on the lake.

    – You are the sole breadwinner. A Romanian woman that has to work is a humiliated woman. Unless she works in a beauty store, clothing store or other place where she gets to show of. If you get her staff, you will get laid. Having servants is the secret dream of every Romanian woman.

    – Car. You have to have a car. The nicer the better. You have to drive her around in it for others to see.

    This is some of the obvious stuff. But then there’s the way you do it. It has to be done with a certain “formality” that is hard to explain.

    For the ladies:

    – You have obligations (men do too, but they’re really more important for women). These are things you are expected to do, but that no one ever tells you about. For those of you that had problems with your men, this is probably where you went wrong: You didn’t fulfill your obligations. This is unforgivable.

    – Romanian men subconsciously expect you to act like Romanian women (they will also like them better than you). This is impossible for a westerner, unless you are crazy, or French. You will fail (in your obligations), and you will get beaten for it. Oh, and you will never be good enough. No one is ever good enough in our culture.

    – You are expected to make yourself pretty for your man. You always have to look good, but it is particularly important 1) outside the house, since you represent a lot of things (“face”) there. And 2) in the bedroom. A mans bedroom is his harem, you are expected to wash, do your hair and nails, and don the expensive lingerie he bought you. Bonus points if you bought it yourself. This shows love. Failure to do this may mean that you disrespect him. He will hate you for this. Possibly for the rest of your life.

    – You are expected to take care of the household and waitress. That means you fill up glasses, bring coffee, etc. You have to do this in a subservient manner. Use soft movements, a pleasing gaze and a smile. Failure to do this means you disrespect the man.

    – In a shame culture you must preserve your chastity and modesty at all costs. A compromising situation (like wearing the wrong clothes, being alone in male company, going somewhere without the mans permission) can be considered the same as cheating. In such case the man is obliged to beat you. You don’t actually have to do anything wrong. The mere suspicion is enough. It is not uncommon for women to be killed for this reason.

    – You have to cook Romanian food. We will not ask you. But we will expect it. Asking for things is extremely humiliating in our culture. We are brought up to die rather than ask.

    – In public you must obey your man. Not doing so makes him lose face. This is very, very bad. Never talk back to your man. It is better to sleep with him first, and then ask for things when he is in a good mood.

    – You have to play hard to get. We love this.

    Now, you can’t possibly live up to all these things and still have time to sleep. This is why Romanian men need several women: One for the home, one for the bedroom, one for taking out etc. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the way it is.

    I realize this sounds crazy. But it is a crude attempt to explain how we work. I myself am married to a foreign woman, so I have had to deal with some issues.

    For a foreigner it is best to think of it as a relationship with someone from a strictly Islamic country. Just with the rules being hidden. Have fun!🙂

    Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 5:33 am | Reply

    • Wow! This is spot on! Unfortunately it’s a bit too late for me. The damage has already been done. I naively entered into a marriage with a young, well educated Romanian man…I thought the fact that he was educated outside of Romania would have helped a bit. It did not. I Felt like I was married to an old islamic fundmentalist. You hit that one on the head. The giving gifts to show me love is true as well…cheat on me, buy me a vacation (a very miserable vacation). Beat me up, buy me the handbag I have been eyeing. Not one thoughtful bone in his body. Never happy. Highly HIGHLY critical of everything, me especially. He could never enjoy anything. We lived like spoiled brats with more than the average young couple has and yet nothing was good enough for him.

      Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 6:21 am | Reply

      • Lol.

        I know what you’re saying. Look: It’s EXTREMELY difficult for a foreigner (westerner) to understand our culture. My woman tells me it’s like walking through a mine-field. And yes, I give her hell.

        1. We are wired to deal with Romanian/Eastern women. These women are merciless psychopaths that will destroy you if you ever show the slightest weakness. This makes us paranoid when it comes to women. We care a lot, but we never show it.

        2. Our culture is fatalistic and death-loving. This is why we are never happy. Pessimism is our national trait. The only cure for this is religion. We have a strong streak of religious fanaticism. In fact, we often understand the world in religious terms.

        3. We don’t love. There is obligation and loyalty, but not love. This is a foreign concept to us. We show affection through expensive presents. This is what our women crave.

        It boils down to that eastern women (like ours, including the mothers that raised us) are extremely different from western ones. And so we can’t really deal with the differences since we never experienced (or even heard of) them. Many things are just unfathomable. I can understand it intellectually but I can’t accept it.

        4. Gifts is a special chapter. We have a gift culture (google it). And so there are different types of gifts that communicate different things. You may also want to google shame-culture.

        5. We subconsciously expect foreign women to act Romanian. But there is no handbook for this. You have to be raised with it. Preferably in a village. I don’t think a foreigner can ever really adapt.

        6. Language. Words in English have a different meaning in Romanian. For instance: saying “you never did x” implies the person has not done their obligation. This is very shameful for the accused because it implies that he’s not a real man. It’s like an Anglo woman would say: “you have a small endowment”. And so there’s a beating to cover the loss of face. Or something. I can’t speak for others, but it’s how I perceive it anyway.

        Communication is very hard unless you know Romanian. Because the weight of the words is different.

        7. We are excessively proud, dramatic and hateful. We will never forget or forgive the slightest wrongdoing. But at least you will never be bored with us.🙂

        Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 7:30 am

    • LOL…great joke…i love you guys, you made my day.

      –a Romanian guy in Canada

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 7:57 am | Reply

  149. I should ad one last thing: It’s really no ones fault that these relationships don’t work out. To my knowledge, they rarely do. Even if the non-Romanian party is willing to climb the mountain of suffering (extremely Romanian allusion) and put up with the crap, learn the language, and culture and religion. And even move to the freggin country. It still pain and suffering all the way. I think the only way is if the Romanian party is willing to give up most of the “core” principles. My foreign wife is willing to pay the price. And she is paying. But I can not in good conscience recommend it to others, especially women. You can be the mistress, but don’t be the wife. Now I will shut up.

    Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 7:51 am | Reply

    • Thank you very much for your insight. I really blamed myself for the demise of the marriage. I made so many mistakes in his eyes although I truly tried very hard to make it work.

      Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 4:17 pm | Reply

      • No problem. It’s worth what you paid for it.🙂 Just remember: He probably expected you to act Romanian. Something that you cannot (and should not) try to do. The only way to avoid this trap is to emphasize that you are NON-Romanian and to manifest your own cultural customs. Then you end up in the “foreigner” category and that’s a different thing.

        Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 8:45 pm

    • Any advice on how to navigate a seperation and a possible divorce with a Romanian man without starting WWIII or commiting homicide? We have separated and I do love him despite his animalistic attitude and barbaric ways…How do you suck up to a Romanian man? Any advice would be much appreciated.

      Comment by anon — November 2, 2009 @ 5:22 pm | Reply

      • Well, I say you should be a cold hearted bitch. Do NOT show that you love him. This is a game we like to play. If I know a woman likes me, I will ignore her because it flatters my ego to have her chasing after me. Don’t do this.

        You either:

        1. Ignore him. Turn of your phone for three weeks and do something else. Chances are he’ll come running with little presents and invitations. If he does, don’t show that you like it. And don’t make up. say: “They’re OK”. Or “it will do”. Or “I’m not in the mood”. Or best of all: “I don’t want you anymore, I found someone better”. You have to be a calculating bitch.

        2. Flatter his ego. This is for the advanced. Since women in Eastern cultures don’t have any rights, they have other ways to get what they want. They manipulate. That’s how they get men to take them on vacations, buy them expensive clothing, jewelry and whatever. You play the damsel in distress and he’s the big, strong man that gets you whatever it is you want. Skilled women will cry heartbreakingly, throw hysteric fits and break things, threaten suicide, sleep with other men, pawn the family heirlooms, call the police with false allegations and boil the rabbit – to get what they want. This is not for you. It requires years of training. It’s only to show that you can NOT be nice. Then you will be disrespected. It’s like a game that you have to know how to play. I suggest you befriend some Romanian women and learn how it’s done.

        Most of all: Take a step back. Keep your head cool. Make him run after you.

        Good luck and have fun!

        Comment by Wallachian stud — November 2, 2009 @ 9:28 pm

      • hi, This is a bit late but I just saw this. I just wanted to clarify something. The views and rules expressed above by Wallachian stud are those of a particular type of romanian man. Yes they do exist, obviously, but they are not the norm, especially not in the cities. Perhaps in the more rural areas. He makes it seem as if this is a national description. It is not, though it may be very relavant and a good explanation for those of you that did meet this type and from what I read in the rest of this blog, it seems that your complaints are in fact ALL related to this type of man and mentality.

        ALSO, please note: since you are not from the same culture of him you cannot ever really know if what he says IS acceptable actually is TRUE!! He can very well lie, how would you ever know? and while you’re busy trying to live up to his “cultural norms” he’s just in heaven cuz he got the perfect little servant he always wanted AND she can’t really complain cuz it’s “culture”. BS!!!! I personally have not met the kinds of romanian men or women that he is referring to so I can only conclude that we ran in VERY VERY VERY different circles. Although I have heard stories of course. Nearly everthing he expressed above is either ridiculously exaggerated or just plain false from my experiences and views and I am romanian as well, so obviously there IS indeed a lot of discrepancy and differences between people.

        Another note: he did not marry a romanian woman, he married a foreign woman, since as he puts is “love” does not exist for him since he’s romanian (we apparently don’t have true love, read his own description of this), and in a romanian man’s mind a romanian woman is always better, why did he not marry within his culture??? something doesn’t quite add up. We’ll never really know the truth of course but the moral of the story is: don’t always believe what others say, EVEN (and sometimes ESPECIALLY) if they make perfect sense in justifying abusive bahaviour (abusive means hurting others in any form and regerdless of culture; if you keep doing it, knowing it’s hurtful to the other, then you are abusive; no one stops you from divorcing if your behaviour, however you came to have it, is hurting the other person; you can find someone who understands it and can take it and not be hurt). Something I believe is very common among romanians is the ability to be extremely good manipulators of the truth and others perceptions of the truth.

        Comment by Andra — April 14, 2010 @ 7:46 am

    • wow this is the best most insightful reply to anything written on here. Great read, funny and serious.

      Comment by Hayley — October 21, 2010 @ 6:18 am | Reply

    • I like your stile man :)))

      Comment by Romanian guy :) — October 26, 2010 @ 3:13 am | Reply

  150. I’m happy to read comments by women that are together with a Romanian man. I’m together with one and I’m non-Romanian myself. I must agree with a lot of the comments that have been written here, especially with the points made by those who have had the experience… For any foreign woman looking to be with a Romanian man, I would say STAY AWAY. However, it would not be fair of me to only bash and list the negatives. There are positives to it as well.

    Before I start, I wish to say that this is all from my own experience. It’s in no way universal, but I hope some of you can recognize what I’m saying. You may also see it as a form of advice for those of you who are/are looking to be in a relationship with a Romanian man.

    Some basic facts

    Obligation is very important. I suppose all of the topics in this post are about obligation.
    Obligation means you do what is expected of you. If you don’t know Romanians you obviously cannot possibly know what is expected of you. So keep reading.
    If you disobey or don’t do your obligation as a woman, you will get hurt.
    If he’s in a good mood you might be able to appeal
    If he’s in a bad mood and you appeal, you’ll just get yourself into more trouble

    Possesiveness and Time-management

    You are right in that Romanian men are very controlling. They see you as a posession. You never have a say of your own, he controls your time and your entire life. That’s a general principle with Romanian men. Keep that in mind.

    Forget having any kind of hobbies of your own. Any kind of private time or independence will be thrown out the window. This is not a complaint! This is a fact! He will want to control everything you do.

    He will want to know where you go and what you do when he is not around. It probably sounds like I’m talking about the regular jealous boyfriend stereotype, but I’m not. Because this includes things like going to a different room in the house. He might wonder what exactly you are doing in the kitchen, and why you chose to do the dishes or clean at this specific time. And you’ll have to come with a good explanation.

    He will want to control your thoughts too. He will want to know what you think, why and make sure you aren’t thinking something bad.

    Your time will be managed by him. Often micro-managed. That’s how they prefer it. You will not be able to plan any kind of schedule, no matter how important this might be to you (some people have working hours to keep track of. Can be a problem when your time is at someone else’s whim).

    Why do they do this?

    As has been said Romanian men will expect you to be a Romanian woman. Romanian women are very different. At least they seem so to me. Concerning this particular topic of posessiveness, the romanian women are kept very short because they have a tendency to derail. If not kept on a tight leash, a romanian woman will cause severe drama (or trauma, ha ha!), plot behind the man’s back, stick it to him just because she can and be a total bitch. Therefore the man keeps the woman in constant chaos, never letting her put together her own schedule, only so that she cannot plot for drama and destruction behind his back. This also explains why he has to know and control her thoughts. Believe me, I have seen many real-life examples, I’m not just making stuff up! If the man gives the woman slack and lets her plan her own time, he will have shown weakness. The romanian woman will then eat him.

    What to do about this?

    As a previous comment pointed out: be sure to tell him that YOU’RE NOT A ROMANIAN WOMAN! Romanians understand very well that there are many other cultures that simply do things differently. Many peoples have and do reside in Romania and are very different culturally. Romanians understand that some peoples are different than others culturally and accept this fact very well. As long as a culture isn’t harming the Romanians themselves, they do not question other peoples’ business. You might try to point out that ”in my culture, we do it this way…”, ”in my culture we do it differently…”. That will most often cut you slack and you will gain more understanding from him.

    Household

    The Romanian man will expect you to cook for him, clean the house and raise children. If you happen to have something else crucial you need to take care of and you just can’t make him that sandwich right this second… well, tough luck, it will be your fault anyway. Say you’re having a cold or a migrane and aren’t really in the mood to run down to the store to buy him a beer…. Tough luck again.

    You must learn how to cook traditional Romanian food. If he doesn’t eat traditional Romanian food, then he isn’t a true Romanian. Sorry. You might have caught yourself a gypsy.

    You will seldom gain any cred for doing this. Don’t ever try to use ”but I’ve always cooked and cleaned for you!” in an argument. Household is a basic expectation. A bit like you expect air to just be there, you’re not exactly greatful for oxygen.

    Why do they do this?

    As I said this is a basic expectation. Romanian men have grown up with this. Their mother, or some other female relative will have done this for them their entire lives. It’s just how they do things. Quite honestly, I’d be very sceptical of any Romanian man that did not expect this.

    What to do about this?

    The base is that this is something you’re simply gonna have to do. Don’t know how to cook? Learn! It is crucial! Don’t ever expect him to share the household chores! Make sure to learn how to make some of traditional foods, look for recepies online.

    Planning to manage chores when the man is the one managing your time can be very difficult and frustrating. It can be done by negotiating your time with him, although it is not always successful and depends on his mood.

    There is however one way around this. And that is to hire staff. In romania it is status to have staff. Nannies for instance, are very common. Some people hire a nanny, and a housekeeper, which is not only useful, but helps them gain status among other Romanians. As a woman you will get both help and status if you hire staff to handle your household chores. Your Romanian man will feel like he is high up in the hiarchy because his woman doesn’t need to do menial household cores.

    Being and Looking Pleasing

    You always need to be on your best behavior. Think of yourself as a beautiful exclusive harem-concubine. Not necessarily in a sexual sense. You must always BE PLEASING. I cannot stress this enough. Be kind, smile at him, make him feel like a king. Be gently, humble, kind, smile at him. You are in a sense his servant.

    You must never let youself go in terms of looks. Throw out pyjamas and colorful socks. Forget about wearing comfortable and cosy sweatshirts. Dress classy, look beautiful for him. Make it a rule to always wear lingerie to bed, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Romanian men love lingerie. Do your hair, nails and make-up. Put on jewellery, especially gold jewellery. It’s also good if you make yourself look expensive.

    If and when you go out with a Romanian man, even if just means a walk down to the grocery store, make sure to look your very best. Doing your hair just to buy potatoes might seem silly and pointless, but by dressing yourself up, you show yourself, or rather the man’s possession off to other people. Think of it as a man pimping his car. He puts on shiny rims not because they’re useful, but so that others can see what a fancy car he has and envy him. Well, the woman is the car. The car is a possession, the woman is a possession.

    Why do they do this?

    By dressing up for the man, the woman shows that she loves and appreciates the man. This is also a basic concept, a cornerstone in having a relationship with a romanian man. The woman brings the man status by showing herself off like a pimped car. And by spending the time and effort on dressing up and fixing herself, she shows that she loves the man so much that she wants to bring him a lot of status.

    What to do about this?

    Usually, the Romanian man will buy the woman clothing, lingerie and jewellery. As a foreign woman you will most probably recieve this too. Or you can buy it yourself, that shows that you really love him. The important thing is that you look beautiful at all times. It doesn’t matter if the man has put on a bit of extra or more – YOU should always look beautiful! This is a basic expectation, so you’ll just have to do it. There’s no excuse not to.

    Comment by M — November 3, 2009 @ 3:49 pm | Reply

    • After reading all of this I realize that I did EVERYTHING WRONG to some extent in his eyes. I just became so tired of him never showing any appreciation for anything. I worked 11 hour days and took care of all the mundane household crap and he would tell me that it was a given like breathing. Granted he was no saint but I did not realize that I was doing everything wrong culturely. How am I ever going to win this guy back?!?!
      Any suggestions?

      Comment by anon — November 3, 2009 @ 4:02 pm | Reply

    • And why the hell would anyone put up with any of this? Either this, or the typical romanian woman you described.

      The only reason I imagine people would stay in such a relationship is if they ended up blaming themselves for everything, instead of their controlling partner. I mean, really, what do you get in return for being in a relationship like this? Nothing.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

      It’s a very rare mental disorder, well, rare by american standards, and it fits so many of the examples given here, in the comments on various posts in this blog. So… is this the norm in Romania? There are support groups for dealing with trauma inflicted by a narcissistic partner, and I imagine part of dealing with something like this is acknowledging how horrible this behavior is… But what if a whole society considers it to be the norm?

      Is it at all possible for a normal person to live in Romania without being driven crazy? Is there any honesty, responsibility, assertiveness, self-confidence… maturity to be found there?

      Comment by S — November 3, 2009 @ 9:45 pm | Reply

      • It is NPD and honestly for this American girl it was the scariest relationship I have ever encountered. I was naive and got in over my head before I even realized what was going on. He was patholigical in how he “groomed” me to eventually lose all sense of direction in who I was.
        After 3 years of abuse, lies, blatant cheating, control, isolation and utter chaos I finally called my Mom and told her. I did not know who the hell I was or how I got there but I knew that I needed to get as far away as possible. It has been a very uphill battle to get back to me.
        No person deserves this treatment. It is ridiculous to want to put yourself back in the path of these monsters. Never again. I do not care how great the gifts are (and they are) or how “intriguing” he seems. They should go back to Romania and be their problem.

        Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 12:37 am

      • Wow… That sounds absolutely horrible. I can only imagine what you’ve been through… If it was anything like what I’ve seen these people can do… the part about being manipulated into believing that all the abuse was perfectly justified and it was all my fault, and that no one would take my side if I told them… then you definitely deserve a medal. Either way, I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.

        I hope you’re safe now, and close to completely leaving all this behind… As for him, I agree, he should just go back to where he came from. At least there, people know what to expect.

        Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 3:44 am

  151. I agree, for someone from the outside, it’s really difficult. In fact, it is pure suffering. I end up blaming myself for everything also. I guess you stay for the intensiveness and passion of the relationship. However, I think that it’s easy to get “drawn in” and to get seduced by the culture. How many of you here have attempted to learn the Romanian language because your man was Romanian? When you’re in so deep and for a long time, you get stuck there. You take on his principles (forget having any kind of principles of your own), his cultural standards and his ideologies. If something isn’t right, it’s always your fault, and you end up accepting this. Even if you prove that he’s wrong according to HIS principles, he will use his secret weapon HYPOCRISY and turn your argument against you. It’s very frustrating, especially when he expects you to magically know every little subtlety that is expected of you according to Romanian standards. There is no way of even remotely succeeding unless you decide to learn his culture.

    I do love my Romanian man, and I have no plans of ever leaving him. I’m trying hard to meet all of those expectations. But you need to remember to always point out that you’re from a different culture.

    Anon, the gifts are a form of compensation. Or rather, the man does his obligation. Romanian women will put up with for instance cheating as long as they get gifts. Sorta like a business agreement.

    I did go through a separation process at one time too. But then I came back. Honestly, I don’t recommend it. Because now it is haunting me for the rest of my life. This is the one thing that he despises me for. Even if I’m perfect in every other way, if there’s absolutely nothing to complain at, nothing to hurt me for – he will hurt me for this. This leaves him in the position that he can demand pretty much anything from me, since I broke his Romanian principles. Now I have to live with this for the rest of my life!

    If you want him back, anon, I would suggest attending the Romanian orthodox church. Religion is very important to them. Learn his culture. Personally I would not recommend going back after you’ve left him once.

    If any of you want to email me, please go ahead. I haven’t, as many here, been able to find a lot of material online on this topic. My email is mary7820 at gmail.com

    Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 11:25 am | Reply

    • This may be a bit late but I just ran across this blog so i figured i’d put in my two cents worth😛.
      First of all what you need to understand is pack mentality. Of COURSE he has the upper hand if you came back! You gave up any power you had when you came back. Ever heard of the expresseion coming back with your tail bw your legs??? That’s exactly what you did. Second and most important physical abuse is ABUSE (I don’t remember seeing that you specifically said physical abuse??) in ANY culture including this one. I am romanian and no it’s not acceptable. As for the other stuff as long as you always bend after HIM then you will always be lower on the food chain, he’s on top, so YES he gets to treat you however he damn well feels. If you trying to even out the odds ends up in him getting violent then it’s abuse! It’s as simple as that. If it’s just yelling and stuff ( NO verbal insults of the “worthless, ugly” kind are not ok, though random swearing it more generally accepted), then that’s more normal. You have to understand that in general we see relationships as a power game. Meaning there is generally competition to see who’s on top. In the more ENLIGHTENED relationships not the abusive ones. So usually if one yells and is being unfair the other retaliates. The first must then understand that he overstepped the line and appologize. If he cannot do this then he’s an ass****. But as long as you take it, that means he’s right. Though at this point after so much time together I’m not sure if you can still change his perspective😦.

      Comment by Andra — April 6, 2010 @ 6:33 am | Reply

      • First of all, thank you for posting all the comments. I check back on this blog quite often and am always happy to read new opinions.

        I do realize that I came back with “my tail between my legs” as you say, but I also realise what you’re trying to say here. What you are describing is the power play between the Romanian man and Romanian woman. I know this game, I have seen it played out between Romanians, but I do not plan to play it any time soon. It’s a spiral of arguments, viciousness, revenge and general sticking-it-to-your-partner. It’s a very destructive game which only works out between, as mentioned, a Romanian man and a Romanian woman.

        Now, my second objection to this approach is that Romanians do not apologise. You know very well that he will not apologise if I “demand” this from him. And yes, I agree that he is a total ass-hole. But that’s as far as it goes. Him being an ass-hole is the status quo. If this was not the case, then I would “win out” and I would be the ass-hole that had “stuck it to him”. I would have the power position. I do see the point of pending between these two states of being, but as for me, it doesn’t quite work. That’s simply because I DON’T WANT TO ARGUE over menial things on a daily basis.

        I would rather use my cultural difference. It’s much much easier explaining to him that I got a certain gesture wrong because we do it differently in my culture, rather than trying to figure out what complex Romanian gesture I should do next in order not to get beaten into a pulp and at least smooth things over. The advice I would give a Romanian woman from MY cultural perspective would be to actually try to please the man, be nice and friendly to him, rather than try to stick it to him when he least expects it.

        I honestly feel that the whole power play is a bit false if applied on a mixed relationship. If you are so different it’s important to underline those differences rather than trying to play a part that is not yours to play.

        Comment by M — April 17, 2010 @ 2:50 am

      • This is in regards to the message BELOW by M. Why do you stay? It does not seem to me like this is a happy relationship for you? you mentioned the intensity of the relationship but to be honest you don’t need to pay in bruises for that intensity. What you have is not the NORMAL intensity, it’s a warped one. I know what you mean but you should know that it really doesn’t have to be this way in order for you to have that. I have seen very intense relationships that simply do not contain this HUGE negative as well and people do appologise, they don’t progress to abuse. But I suppose this doesn’t really address the central issue here.
        The main problem with what you’re saying are the following:

        1. You say that your method is easier and works better. Better is still not enough because you’re still going to be miserable, you’ll just be less miserable, bc this way you get fewer bruises. Which is fine, I am NOT saying that you should try to reestablish an equal position, you know far better then me if that will work. I’m saying that you need to leave because no matter what you do you will not have a happy life. If you’re ok with that then by all means, stay. But you need to know that there IS NO WAY to make it a good situation. There’s only a way to make it less painful. that’s all there is. as long as you understand and accept this then again the decision is yours.

        2. you CANNOT MAKE HIM NICE BY YOU BEING NICE to him. It will NOT work. NEVER EVER EVER!!! it may work in the sense that you won’t get beaten today but that’s the extent of it. He will NEVER actually BE nice, he’ll just act a bit nicer that day. If of course he’s not already angry due to work, traffic, society, the world, ETC. This is not the type of dog that you can tame from a vicious beast to a loving and completely devoted partner by feeding him and showing him that he can trust you. HE WON’T!!!! He’ll bite your head off and make you his “bitch” (NO OFFENSE PLEASE!!! IT’s JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH!!!!! please look and see where I’m going with this) because that way he’ll KNOW that he can trust you bc he has taken away any power to hurt him that you had. It is ALWAYS easier to control then to trust. ALWAYS. and control must always be reestablished! just for good measure.

        3. It really doesn’t matter what YOU want. You’re not the one calling the shots and you’re not the one in charge of this little show. HE wants to fight and he WILL!!! You can’t do anything to stop him bc he’s made sure that you have no power. If he wants to fight over menial things he WILL. You really think he’ll stop to think: “wait but she doesn’t want to fight, so I’d better not”. NO!!!!! He’ll feel like picking a fight, he will.

        To put things in perspective a bit:

        My grandfather beat and abused my grandmother ALL her life. When their daughter, my mother, was born he did the same to her. He DID love them both very much. He DID!!! Believe me. What he went through in his life to make sure that they’re taken care of is amazing. BUT they were still both abused and miserable most of their lives (there were of course good times as well; but they never lasted long). My mother when she got older tried to talk to him and get through to him, to try to understand him and attempt to figure out why he is always unhappy, why he always has a problem, why he can’t just be nice. Answer: Because he cannot see the happiness and he cannot see the positive. All he sees is the bad, the ugly, the injustices in the world. These were his words. He realized this, but there was nothing he could do about it. This was just how he felt. He was angry and dissatisfied all the time. What could he do except try to release this frustration somehow? And he did. On his family.
        My first memory EVER was of him threatening my grandmother (I never saw him hit anyone, that was before my time) and of HATING HIM!! I was 4, I remember his hand was at eye level for me. Tell me do you remember hatred from when you were 4? He died of cancer when I was 8 and I sat and cried in my room for an entire afternoon while everyone was at the funeral and swore never to forget him. I still don’t remember why. Except that I loved him and he loved us. He died crying and appologizing (YES appologizing) to my grandmother and my mother for all the pain he caused them. My mother still bears the psychic and emotional scars of his abuse. Tell me can you and EVERYBODY else in an unhappy mixed marriage or relationship, tell me that you understand this? That this is how you imagine your lives????
        This is a tragedy, nothing more. Don’t romanticize it. And no amount of therapy can cure any of this. We get naturally selected to survive, to be tough, to not let anything or anyone break our walls. The power games are not useless and destructive they are simply a way of relating. The only way he understands pain and suffering is if he experiences it himself or makes someone else experience it. The only way he can relate is by hurting and being hurt. There is no other way and you’ll never be able to change this no matter how nice you are. The only question any of you guys can really answer for yourselves is if this is really what you want out of your life. A tragedy. You are not the same, you can’t really feel (or maybe you can, I don’t know) what I’m explaining but maybe you’ll at least know for sure what you are deciding when you make the decision to stay. He is already this way but this is normal for HIM (NOT ALL ROMANIANS, my father has never raised a hand to my mother!!! so not nearly all; I’m not married yet, but i would never accept such a thing, and have not in any previous relationships), but for YOU it is not. YET! though if you continue it will be, for you and any children you may ever have. If this is what you want then that’s up to you. But for those that do not, and if you CAN leave him/them (no financial restrictions, etc) then you should seriously consider it. not today, not tomorrow, whenever you feel you can. but all this is up to you. I’m not trying to give advice here (though it may seem like it) I’m just trying to offer you a complete picture and make sure you know all this and can make an informed decision.

        Comment by Andra — April 17, 2010 @ 5:49 am

      • oops comment by M above😛

        Comment by Andra — April 17, 2010 @ 5:54 am

      • hmmm…ok I read the rest of your posts and I see now that you already know most of what I said, so sorry for repeating it. I’m curious though, where are you from? you mentioned a neighbouring country, but all the countried neighbouring us are, as far as I know anyway, just as crazy as we are so I would have thought that you would have suspected or at least expected that he might be crazy. I kinda assumed you were north american or something like that. And again I am confused as to why you stay (you said you’re around 30 I think?)?? but that’s just prying on my part of course😛.

        Comment by Andra — April 17, 2010 @ 6:14 am

      • Why I stay with him: it’s very simple. I can’t go back. I can’t go back to not being with a Romanian man. Once you’ve had that you’d feel like you had lost part of your soul if you were to find yourself without him.

        I’m aware of that the standard advice is to never be nice to a Romanian man. If I was a Romanian woman I would NEVER EVER be nice to a Romanian man unless I wanted something from him. I feel that a foreign woman doing this communicates something else though. Although I always need to point out that I am nice because this is how we do it in my culture, not because I am trying to get something out of him. I realise that he will take a woman being nice to him as her plotting something against him. I repeat: this ONLY works for a foreign woman, and ONLY if she points out the difference. At least it worked for me.

        I know very well that it will never be a “happy” relationship. I know that he will never fully trust me, that he will abuse me just for “good measure” – but I see it as the price that I need to pay, not as a personal insult.

        I’m not from an immediately neighbouring country, I’m not your next door neighbour.😀 But I can tell you that I’m not a Westerner and have the same faith. However, we are still VERY different.

        Comment by M — April 17, 2010 @ 4:00 pm

      • Ok, well that’s up to you of course, we all make trade offs in life so if this is the one you want that’s it. But I did want to correct something just because there seems to be some misunderstanding here, especially on this blog.

        This is not for all romanian men and women. Not all romanian men are abusive and not all romanian women are only nice when they want something out of the guy. I don’t know if these notions come from the guys in your life that tell you it is so, or just bc that’s what you’ve seen yourself from living there, but it’s a SERIOUS misconception. This only happens when you’re around certain bad types of people that’s all. If that’s what yu know from your guy, well, he’s a bad guys. Therefore he’s been hanging around with other bad guys and girls. So when you say that “but I see it as the price that I need to pay”, I hope you know that this is the price you need to pay for being with THIS romanian man. Not ALL romanian men. This may be the price you need to pay in this case, but it would not be the price you need to pay in ALL cases.

        Also one last note: he may theoretically understand that you, being from a different culture, may not be acting nicely bc you’re plotting something behind his back, but he won’t be able to FEEL that way. His feelings will still tell him that something if off. Because it is, he’s just not used to this for whatever reason. So he’ll still be on edge about it no matter how much he understands it. But to get a second opinion, if you have time, read the comments by “wallachian stud” (or something like that). He is a person very similar to your guy and he explains the behaviour and thinking. (If you have mnot read it already that it :P)

        Comment by Andra — April 17, 2010 @ 8:42 pm

      • I’m not saying that everyone is this way. But a lot of the women here seem to have the same experiences. It can’t possibly be a coincidence that almost every one of us have been with a “bad guy”. Granted, you can have bad experiences with any nationality, so I’m trying not to pass judgment on the whole collective.

        I’ve read the comments by the men here, but until you’ve been in the shoes of a foreign woman you can just never understand. You can’t talk to your family or your friends. Chances are you end up losing contact with them, and all you have are at best some Romanians who don’t consider it a big deal – because they’re accustomed to the culture. I’m not saying Romanians are to blame, but this kind of experience can be pretty lonely and scary, so I think that women who actually go through with this deserve some cred.

        Comment by M — April 18, 2010 @ 12:23 am

      • you’re right it’s not a coincidence. You know why?? Because you are ALLLLLL moving in the same circles. As I said before there is a certain TYPE of people that do these things. Since you’re married to one of them you know his friends and they are the same so the women you meet will be used to it and be they type of women that “get it”. The rest of the women on here that had the same experiences have ALL been with these types of guys. It is a subgroup of individual that no SANE Romanian woman will touch with a 10 foot pole. The women they are with only say it’s the culture BECAUSE this aspect DOES EXIST within the culture. As in it is not unheard of, people know about it. They only say that because you talk about it as it if it’s just something SOOO strange and alien and surprising. It is NOT!!
        BUT!!! this is not what our culture tells us, it is not what it expected of us and it is not what people believe is the right thing to do. That is BULSHIT!!!! it is not unheard of and whenever you meet someone from this culture you need to make sure that they are NOT THAT TYPE. But it is not the expectation. IF in your case, he said that IT IS WHAT HE IS EXPECTED TO DO ACCORDING TO HIS CULTURE, then he is lieing to you straight to your face and you’re buying it. I’m sorry but that’s the truth. My grandmother, ~80 now, who was abused NEVER endured what you and everyone else here is enduring. She got slapped during an argument once or twice but NEVER to this extent(durig an argument, as in they were both yelling at each other, you understand). You are seriously running with the crowd that’s considered the lowest of the low (or definitely down there, not counting gypsies). And really I’m only bothering to explain this because I’m thinking you may not know and that if you did you may make different choices. Oh and btw it’s true that people won’t really listen to you because in general they see women in your situation as one of two things:
        1. you’re amazingly, incredibly stupid. No offense, I’m just giving you the facts. So there would be no point in telling you cuz you wouldn’t get it anyway, so why waste time.
        2. you like getting beaten up cuz you’re a psycho. you’re one of those women that needs a beating to feel loved. NOBODY wants to touch those nut cases with a ten foot pole either.

        I’m thinking that you’ve been so mentally fucked by now that you’re kind of shell shocked and lost touch with reality so I’m attempting to bring reality back and remind you of what things SHOULD be. Isolation does strange things to people.

        There is no reason to give cred to people being very good at doing something that they know is bad. Yes, you’ve been very strong in putting up with this so far, but there is no advantage in that kind of strength. If you were trully strong then you wouldn’t give up your integrity, your sense of right or wrong, your family and friends and basically your entire future happiness just because you can’t face the facts and you’re afraid of leaving. You made a mistake and you’re continuing it and trying to justify it to your self. Tell me if you could talk to yourself from a few years ago (you have a time machine), what would you say? Is this really what you always dreamed of?? what you stand for?!! what the hell happened to all your dreams and hopes from when you were a child? you gave them up! and for what?!!! THAT!! no one does that out of any other reason then they were weak and then too proud to admit it, pick up the pieces of their lives and move ON!!! Yes I know it’s hard, you want to get cred? then do what’s hard not what’s easy. It’s easier for you to stay then go, it’s as simple as that. The rest of your reasoning is just bs planted in your head wither by yourself or by him. I would be extremely ashamed of myself if someone told me that this is what I’ll be doing in a few years, and this is what I will become. It is NOT too late, it may seem like it now, but really you’re just too beaten down to find the energy and the strength to move on. You’re other half of a soul is not missing, it will just come back once he stops trampling it into the ground (with your help I might add). And if you have children, you are royally fucking them over by staying and teaching them that this is normal. If you don’t then it DEFINITELY not too late.

        fact: he’s a psychopath
        fact: he does not love you!!!!!THAT is not love
        fact: you’re ruining your life knowingly and willingly
        fact: you’re delusional enough to believe it’s worth it bc you have something to prove and that this makes you strong
        fact: you can’t bear to leave an animal bc he may find someone else?!!!!!!!!! so fucking WHAT?!!!!

        Sorry, for the swearing but really what you’re saying is (since you said you know romanian): “strigator la cer”!!!

        Comment by Andra — April 18, 2010 @ 1:10 am

      • Thanks for the post. It’s very entertaining.

        I don’t think you quite understand the difference between us. My personal pride does not depend on an argument about menial things with a man. I’ve seen Romanian women argue over the most stupid stuff like curtains, pots and cleaning. I simply couldn’t give less of a damn about those things. If my man challenges me to a duel over what colour we should paint our walls – let him have whatever god-damn colour he wants! Why waste your time? I have better things to do.

        My dreams do not depend on how I argue with my man. I know that Romanian women live out their dreams through their men, like having a nice house and a fancy car (if not, please do inform me of what dreams Romanian women DO have). I can get my own nice house and fancy car!

        Sure, I get sad, angry and confused when he hits me. But there is really more to life, to me anyway, than holding a grudge over a man’s freak-out. Your pride has not vanished forever just because you didn’t stick it to him after he beat you. I seriously think that people whose only source of pride is how the man acts towards them on a Saturday night should re-think their values and the perspective of their self-worth. I don’t see it as a conflict on life and death, since I’m just simply not a helpless little woman whose pride collapses as soon as her man throws a fit. There are other sources of strength out there – really!

        About the background: you have probably seen that most mixed couples here are well educated, well off and rather young. To me, it doesn’t seem like the foreign women here found themselves a random ‘manelist’. There is no contest here, so I don’t advise you to go there.

        You keep insisting that you are not all that way, yet you admit that both of your grandmothers were abused. And let’s be honest: you’re all this way at the core. I believe you when you say that your grandmother only experienced some occasional slapping. But imagine she would have been a foreign wife with no prior knowledge of the culture and would have messed up all the time. Don’t you think that would have rendered her a slightly more severe slapping? Now, imagine that she did EVERYTHING wrong ALL THE TIME. What kind of frustrations would that have dug up in her husband?

        Comment by M — April 18, 2010 @ 3:22 am

      • “Slapping, kicking (in the head!), punching, pulling, pushing, spitting, calling me a whore and more is I have experienced. ”

        “Sure, I get sad, angry and confused when he hits me. But there is really more to
        life, to me anyway, than holding a grudge over a man’s freak-out.”

        These are YOUR posts and YOUR words. And you are telling me that this is fine???!!!! perhaps you have taken a few too many kicks to the head.

        So you chose to ignore ALL I have said and instead decided to reply by telling me the most “banale” things that I’ve ever heard. Who said that pride and self worth lie in clothes and cars? Me?!! I don’t think so. Your pride and how you value yourself as a human being are measure by how and with whom you spend your life. Not the stuff you have. YOU decided to spend your life “cu un jeg” (with a dirtbag). What do you think that says about you? to anyone that knows about what’s going on?
        I didn’t say to stick it to him. As I recall I said to regain a position of equality and respect if you can or to leave.

        You have not answered if this is what you dreamed of.
        You have not answered if this is what you want your children to think of as normal behaviour.
        You have not answered to the fact that you gave up all your values and what is supposed to be right or wrong.
        You have not answered to the explanation about how the culture aspect really works.

        Basically you have not actually answered to anything. It seems as if all I’m saying is going in one ear and coming out the other. Instead you prefer to bring up dumb arguments about how romanian women like shiny things and what not. I do not like repeating myself and I think I already made the point that not everyone is like this and you agreed. Did your “man” not know you were foreign when he married you?? Is he retarded?? How do you figure it’s understandable for him to abuse you for something that is not your fault, is not a bad thing, and that he always knew about?!!!!!!!!!!! once again: outrageous. Both my grandfathers were considered loww class. And not even they were THAT bad. So you can imagine what yours is.

        YOU are telling ME not to go there??? amazing. I do not make arguments I cannot win. EVER! so I believe I will go there. SO do tell me how is it that you have not caught yourself a low-life again??? this should be good. Also try not to make comments such as he went to university. That’s a very dumb comment. Most people go to university in romania. It means nothing. Also you can dress a pig in pretty clothes but he’s still a pig. Then again if you knew this I suppose you wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with. You seem to have a very shallow view of people and the world. You need to look deeper to the character of the man not the polish he puts on to disguise his rotten core. But please do explain why I “shouldn’t go there”.

        By the way, and this is for ALL the women in your position, when you though how can he be this way, how is this possible, who taught him that this is normal, etc., you know that moment of horror and amazement that this is even possible, all you really have to do to see “how” is look in the MIRROR!!! YOU are the reason why this exist. Tell me will you be there when your son grows up to be the same way and when your daughter comes to you crying, purple and blue, because she married an asshole just like daddy?? Will you be the one that tells her then that: “it’s normal”. Will you look your daughter-in-law in the eye and tell her that your son is this way bc that’s what YOU TAUGHT HIM WAS NORMAL???? Hmm?!! Will you hold your beaten grandchildren in old age and pet their little heads and tell them that they got that beating because of YOU! Or will say it’s normal and tell them to suck it up.

        Because you couldn’t find the strength to leave him.

        You all sit here and wonder “how could they be this way. how is it possible? what kind of monstrous society created them” and none of you look in the mirror. NO, you go home and cook them dinner and be the very best slave you can manage. You are creating the NEW monsters. By staying with these people you are raising a whole new generation of people that will be the way you taught them to be. You told them that it is normal and so it will be. For them. Just like the wives and mothers before you did. Just like his family that stood by and said it was fine and normal. You will be that. The one that twist and misshapes reallity and deforms it until all you get is deformed monsters.
        But hey, you’re right, I’m not giving you enough credit. Congratulation on being able to learn the language and everything else he expects so you can serve him better. And you say you have pride and self respect?!!

        You know what’s really sad? That you and the rest of the women that came from normal families (I’m assuming your own family was normal and not abusive), you had the chance to lead normal happy lives. You didn’t have the baggage and the deformation that these men had. And you gave it up so you can become the new pillars for them to continue existing well and procreating, and pretending that they are normal. That is trully sad. But I guess it does serve a purpose. There could be no good in this world without evil. We need a balance. I guess you decided to balance it towards the darkness but you are essential, so you should be happy.

        I will tell you what dreams some romanian women have when you actually answer what I said. And not with bullshit such as curtains. I have hope that you do actually understand that curtains is NOT what I’m talking about here. If you don’t understand that then really I have nothing else to say.

        Comment by Andra — April 18, 2010 @ 7:59 am

      • ps: you said that you didn’t have anyone to talk to for so long, other then the women telling you that all is fine and to be expected. Well, I’m talking to you now, still. So how about instead of rambling about bullshit and making arguments that are worthless, you actually make real arguments and adress what I have said here.

        Also I forgot to add before. I do not believe that you don’t fight with him over those things bc you draw your strength and pride from elsewhere. I believe you don’t fight bc you know you can’t win. So why increase the number of beatings by having new sources of arguments. Afterall I’m sure you get enough free abuse. No sense in actually doing anything that may increase it. But maybe I’m wrong, so do correct me if that’s the case.

        Comment by Andra — April 18, 2010 @ 8:12 am

      • The concept of a Romanian man who values “respect and equality” is just laughable.

        No, I did not dream of this as a child. In fact, I didn’t dream at all over who the hell I was going to be married to. That was simply not an important part of my dreams.

        As I read this it becomes apparent to me why you have this concept of abusing your woman. And by the way, you say yourself that it is normal for children to grow up with a lot of baggage that westerners don’t have. So how, in Romania, DO you deal with a woman that apparently is unmanageable by western standards when she has a bad day? You cure her with some of that equality and respect you speak of?🙂

        As far as I understand it, you’re saying that this “cultural aspect”, of abusing your woman I assume, is something that is not very common at all in Romanian culture. Yet it is OK with just a little bit of slapping. In the western world, and probably even more so in my culture, even light slapping is something very odd. You’re saying that abuse is OK, but in moderation, and not if you are from the cities. Which is also funny, since Romania doesn’t HAVE cities, only bigger or smaller villages.

        Honestly, I don’t see the problem with learning new ways, new cultures, new languages in order to please and better understand your husband.

        And lastly, you’re saying that this is oh so bad, and therefore I shouldn’t be with a Romanian man. I can agree with you on this. It IS bad and it DOES require you to go the distance. And yet, you yourself will have NOTHING BUT a Romanian man. Or maybe you plan to find one of those that aren’t like that, one from -the “cities”, -well-educated, -from a good background, that maybe even -lives in the west. Well, mine matches all the criteria! You have seen women from different CONTINENTS saying the same thing.

        And no, my man didn’t go to university in Romania. (Not saying that anyone who did is any less worth! ) I bet a lot of these men actually went to university in the west, including mine. We both have very good educations and family backgrounds, so that’s not even an issue here.

        If you don’t want to discuss Romanian women and what they do, then that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m just trying to illustrate the difference between us. “Bad” Romanian men really seem to strike a chord with you.

        So you believe that I don’t fight because I can’t win? And so what if I win? What exactly is it that I win? A trophy? If winning is that important for my man, if that makes him happy, then by all means, he can go ahead and win all the arguments for all I care. I’m taking it for what it is.

        By the way, I think you should take a look at comment #127 by Christy. I think she makes some very good points.

        Comment by M — April 18, 2010 @ 2:32 pm

      • I didn’t say abuse was ok I said it is known to happen.
        That concept is only laughable bc you’re living with a monster. It is not laughable or fictional, it ia real and present in my life, so I don’t really think it’s “laughable”. It’s the other side of the coin. On the one extreme you get your guy on the other extreme you get that. And then there’s the stuff in the middle.

        I mean don’t make the comment that he went to ANY university in ANY country. Like I said before, polish does not make him less of a pig. It only makes him a polished pig.

        But I read crisy’s comment and I now understand you better. You guys like being abused, or at least think that it’s part of the package to get a big strong protector. HA! These men are weak!!!!!!!!!!!

        Here’s some insight (maybe you’ll get it I don’t know): Life and society in romania is harsh and hard. This means that people get smart fast or die. This also means the following very important thing: men either become very stong, noble, and caring, OR they crumble under the pressure and become angry agressive abuseive etc. They all have some common traits such as intelligence and manipulation and protective instincts but it matter how they use these. People here, don’t go through this process so as a result they end up rather “weak” by our standards. They cannot deal with me bc they are stupid, have no instinct and chose to blindly look at things superficially and not indepth. I cannot respect them (I am holding out hope that maybe there are some that are different but again that’s a different story). That’s what I have seen thus far and what I’m basing this on. Anyway, that’s why they cannnot handle it. I cannot respect them when they don’t have the slightest clue about anything other then: “we must be nice”. This is NOT ENOUGH! But there are other ways of communicating then beatings. That is just absurd.

        And YOUR abusive husband is FAR worse then anything I ever heard of. In other words not only is life hard to begin with but you decided to make it 1000 times worse. Family should be a safe heaven in a world of danger. Not your private hell in a peaceful society.

        But it seems to me that you’re just insane. I suggest you get some professional help and it may take years of intense therapy before you see the world straight again. I will prey that perhaps God is merciful and your kids will become stronger and not bend and break under these conditions. I noticed that you also didn’t reply to whether you’re ready to go through all that with your kids and grandkids, but anyway, you seem to avoid arguments you know you can’t win. I suppose you’re husband is to “thank” for that.

        “O sa-ti plangi in pumn la sfarsitul vietii, dar o sa fie mult prea tarziu.” Leave now, buy that nice house you said you can afford and let everyone know that although you went through some tough times you remembered right from wrong and were strong enough to break away. If you don’t you’ll remember this conversation and once you’re old and grey and have gained some perspective you’ll realize that you should have listened. That is a terrible realization to reach. Don’t let it get there. You still have choices. Take them!!!
        I’m really sorry for you and everyone else here who got tangled up in this mess. You didn’t know what hit you. But please listen now. There is no strong protector there is only a coward. He is manipulating you and you really don’t have enough skills, tools whatever to see this. Just leave.

        Comment by Andra — April 18, 2010 @ 8:35 pm

      • You despise the “bad” men I speak of, and deep down you’re afraid to one day end up with one. Or one that is all nice and normal, but that simply can’t help slapping you once in a while when you throw a fit at him. I mean no disrespect, but that’s how it comes out to me.

        If respect and equality is on the one end of the scale and my man is on the other, that means that in between we have men that are abusive to different degrees. It isn’t just something that occurs, it’s something prevalent in almost all your men to one degree or another. It only takes a foreign woman to bring that out. We are not interested in being beaten, I simply don’t take it that seriously.

        The hard and harsh part about Romanian society is simply the social game. OK, so your parents might beat you and the store clerk will be rude to you. Otherwise, Romania is a fun park even compared to western Europe. Especially for a woman. You do NOT need to take the responsibility for your entire family, including both husband, kids and elderly parents. You don’t have any kind of financial responsibility and you definitely do not have to run the family economy. It’s not even necessary for you to have a job. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.

        When my sons marry Romanian women it will be important that they keep them VERY short, considering how destructive Romanian women can be. I WILL condone this. As for the daughters, well, I just pray they don’t behave like Romanian women.

        There is no need for a protector on my part. Although I am perfectly capable of protecting myself I can see how a lot of women find this role in a Romanian man.

        I understand that the drama of the image of me regretfully weeping when I’m old is pleasing to you in some sense. But I don’t don’t do the drama or sit around weeping like an idiot for a choice that I made myself and of my own free will. For me it’s all worth it for the person that you love.

        Comment by M — April 19, 2010 @ 1:14 am

      • LOOOOOL!!!! oh don’t you worry. I won’t. As you said there are great differences between us. This is not one of my fears. And I really would’t talk about how I come across if I were in your position. It’s not that pretty for you, were we to turn that around.

        You are insane. There is no point discussing things with insane people, they just don’t get it and decide to twist arguments instead of listening to them, so I won’t waste any more of my time here. Like I said I only hope that your children will be exceptions and have what you and your husband obviously lack: common sense and decency. I’ve seen it happen, so let’s hope it does in this case. And I find no pleasure in other people’s pain, otherwise I really wouldn’t be bothering to try and get YOU to see some common sense. I thought you were ignorant, well I hoped so anyway, but that is obviously wrong. You’re just crazy and have a total inability to see the truth. I’m sorry but you are too far gone for me to get you back to reality; you need a professional for this and far more time than I have right now. Like YEARS of therapy.

        So in conclusion, I will bow out of this one before I get an ulcer because of the incredible stupidity here.

        For anyone else that is not just insane and trully doesn’t know that it’s not normal, please read above. I do not say things that I have not witnessed with my own eyes. When I say it’s not normal and that people are not like this, I tell the truth. I do not have the statistics, so I’m not sure how many, but there are LOTS that are not like this and it is definitelly not encouraged by our culture, this is a FACT.

        Remember that the important thing is for the guy to be a good man of strong character and you should be able to see some nobility in him. THAT is a true value. Such a man will NEVER EVER abuse you in any way. He will not beat you, or call you names and belittle you. This is real value and worth. And this reflects upon you. If you choose to stay with a pig, that is what you will become as well and you will NEVER be happy. You’ll stay and let him fuck with your mind until you start believing what this woman believes. How else can she cope with her moster of a husband and her “decision” to stay with him? She can’t, so in order to understand him she must become like him. Don’t do this. It hurts a LOT of people around you. It is selfish and ridiculous to do this. If you are in a similar situation and if what I say still makes sense then just get out, before you’re too far gone.

        Do not believe the men that come on here to tell you how it really is either and how it SHOULD be (the ones that justify the abuse I mean, not the ones that are against it :P). The so called rules of our society. The internet has allowed a lot of `things`to crawl out of the sewers and have their say. Use common sense. It’s bullshit. They are lieing and manipulating the truth. You have your own truth, your own values, stick to them.

        I will answer to any other posts that are NOT from M. The conversation with her must end before I get that ulcer😛.

        Comment by Andra — April 19, 2010 @ 1:46 am

      • Yes, I’m the one who is insane for trying to make my relationship work, being nice to my man and staying married…😀

        You’re right, there is no point in me contesting you, because Romanians will neeever blatantly tell you the exact opposite of how things really are when it comes to relationships… Neither will they call people crazy when they don’t do as the Romanians tell them.

        I totally will seek therapy so I too can become single and frustrated.🙂

        Comment by M — April 19, 2010 @ 11:27 am

  152. Another thing, in regards to S and anon: If you are abused, you probably didn’t do your obligation. Your job as a woman is to look pretty and to take care of the household. So either you didn’t cook or you didn’t look pretty. Having a job does not count towards your obligation. No matter how much or how hard you work.

    It’s very simple: When you haven’t done your obligation – abuse is justified.

    Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 11:48 am | Reply

    • LOL

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 8:08 am | Reply

  153. If you do move together, you should move to HIS place. Because if you move to yours, he will never really consider it his home. He will also be very paranoid. As somebody said earlier, he might even accuse you of hiding his stuff away on purpose when all you do is clean. Cleaning being one of your basic obligations it can become a difficult balancing-game.

    Clean. Never have stuff lying around. (Even if he’s been the one making the mess) This might trigger an outburst. But always know exactly where stuff is. Yes, you have to keep track of his stuff. It’s his stuff, but you’re the woman, hence it’s your responsibility to keep track.

    Romanians are very private. Chances are, he’ll feel like he’s imposing, like he’s an intruder in YOUR home. The “but if you love each other it’s BOTH yours AND mine” doesn’t work on him. If you still move to your place, at least don’t invite your family over. He’ll feel like an outsider. But you can invite his family. No matter what: Remember that the house has to shine and you have to be an excellent hostess when guests come over. If something goes wrong, it will be a loss of face for him. If this happens, you will most probably get hurt.

    When inviting people over: men and women socialize separately. If you find yourself in a room full of only men, you’re expected to leave so the boys can talk. In mixed company you will mostly talk to the women, and he will mostly talk to the men. You will not have friends as a couple. You can socialize with other Romanians if he’s into that. Sorry, I’m drifting off into a different topic here.

    Overall, because of the paranoia (inherent in all Romanians) you should not have people over. His family now and then is okay. Get thick curtains. Be sure to pull the blinds and curtains in the evening. Otherwise he’ll feel like you’re exposing your private life to the outside (=loss of face again).

    Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 12:27 pm | Reply

    • OMG! I was constantly responsible for his things. Every five minutes he would ask me where such and such thing was. I was often waiting for him to ask me where his own ass was at times. It was so ridiculous. I was in charge of knowing where his keys and wallet and phone were DAILY. Even though he was the one who put them down at the end of the night. He also would throw things around aggressively if I so much as cleaned up and organized his things into a much easier way to find them. They would all be right in front of his face and organized in a cabinet and yet he would take the baskets out and bang them around until I nearly had a nervous breakdown from the aggression.
      He did not invite family to my place but we seemed to be running a hostel for quite a while which was ridiculous. When I finally pointed out that his “friends” seemed to be using us for a free place to stay in a City that has really expensive hotels he got angry with me but seemed to agree as he started to stop accepting invites.
      Oh and another weird trait that I found out was that he wanted to control my money. Told me I “owed” him money and that I was poor with money so he took my checks and gave me an allowance. I write that sentence and shutter to think that I fell for that more times than I would like to admit….

      Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 12:36 pm | Reply

      • As a woman you don’t have any money of your own. You will get an allowance as he seems to have instituted already. A woman doesn’t really own anything. A possession can’t have her own money. She can have her toys, eg. her jewelery, make-up, clothes, etc. The man in the house owns all the money, even if the woman works, and he gives her an allowance to spend on trinkets for herself, her toys. Your toys can never be taken away from you though.

        To him, you’re not a person. A woman is not a person. You’re an animal. And animals can’t own things, only have accessories: like a collar, a dog-bone, a blanket. Just like the woman has her clothes, jewelery, etc.

        There is no “mine” or “yours”. He is however aware of what you brought in to the relationship. If you had a car, he will remember this. He will never take the stuff the woman brought in. The car is YOURS, and he’ll remember that. It will always be YOUR property, no matter what. BUT don’t EVER say this out loud. Never! It’s sensitive. He will end up hurting you. Been there, done that, got the bruises.

        When it comes to finding the keys: you have to “hand” them over to him in person. He will find it disrespectful if you simply tell him “they’re right in front of you! In the cupboard”. You have to hand it over to him in a soft and gentle way to make him feel respected. Like a slave in ancient Rome that hands over a bowl of grapes to her master.

        Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 1:14 pm

      • Just wanna add that this stuff is pretty normal for Romanians (and eastern people I’m sure). It’s not as bad as it seems. It’s just a different way of relating. He controls the woman because he has an obligation to take care of the family. He is expected to be the head of the family (cap de familie) and it isn’t always easy, especially when you’re married to a crazy Romanian woman, and god forbid if you have a Romanian daughter too…

        The good part is that a Romanian man always stays with his family. He doesn’t just abandon them. Sure, there is the occasional loser, but the norm is that you stay with your family, no matter how crazy they might be. Corollary, the woman stays with the man even if he’s crazy. As long as he does his obligation, the woman is obliged to stay. He will never abandon his wife for his mistress or just because he has “fallen out of love”.

        The Romanian man also has the financial responsibility as head of the family. He is normally the breadwinner. As a woman you don’t actually have to have a job. If your finances are suffering, he will be the one responsible, even if you were the one spending the money.

        The woman is like a kid. She gets an allowance, she gets to buy toys. And if she overspent it can’t possibly be her fault. We wouldn’t fault the kid for buying too many toys. It’s up the kid’s parents to keep after it. Just like it’s up to the man to look after the woman.

        He is obliged to keep track of his herd, and so, he has to keep track of his woman. He is the one responsible for her actions. She is NOT considered responsible for her actions. A bit like a dog that bites people is considered to have a bad owner.

        This is only from my experience. Mileage may vary.

        Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 1:53 pm

  154. Sorry for my long rants here, but really, I’ve never talked to anyone in the same situation as me before. Years of solitude with a Romanian man without anyone knowing what exactly it is that you’re going through can drive you insane!

    Comment by M — November 4, 2009 @ 2:05 pm | Reply

    • Well, I bet! But do you really intend on staying with that guy? Do you really have no one else to talk to about this, or do you think people wouldn’t believe you…? Does he even ever let you talk to anyone, like your mother, siblings at least?

      This sounds like something out of a horror movie to me. Don’t let me saying that fool you into thinking that I’m a non-romanian who has no idea about this, I know what these people are capable of.

      If you don’t live in Romania, and are taking his word when it comes to everything he says about the cultural quirks, including obeying his every command and adapting to his style, then I’m sorry, but he’s exaggerating. Even in Romania, the whole package of things you described, taken together and wrapped in fundamentalism, is now obsolete for couples under 35 years old, no matter their social status. Hell, nowadays, there’s nothing most Romanians agree on anymore, a majority of people form their own opinions!

      Communism ended a while ago, and a lot of the things that were unwritten social laws back then are now gone, since many of these things you describe are vestiges of communist rule; younger people have access to more information and are starting to do things differently. Urban women under 40 typically don’t let their husbands/boyfriends OWN them anymore.

      Not to mention, the crazy romanian woman type… well, a lot of women may be like this, and hell, I don’t blame them! But not all women are like this, a lot of them aren’t.

      While the general attitudes may be the same across the country but mostly in certain disadvantaged groups, his fundamentalistic, strict, archaic version of them is in his head, and your not knowing all this and being scared enough to take his word, enables him to afford taking it to a whole new level… I mean, let’s be honest, he’s extremely insecure, and hence paranoid, he hides it with extreme aggression and manipulation, he’s hypocritical, and on top of that he instills fear in you so you never judge him.

      He’s severely mentally ill is what he is.

      The reason many people don’t go completely postal in Romania is that people are (in most cases) fully aware of just how normal hypocrisy is, and thanks to the various forms of deceit many people use to protect themselves and keep others at a distance… It’s basically a given that what people admit to each other about, well, a lot of things, will seldom match reality. You seem to be much more naive, and I don’t blame you, you’re not Romanian. But it’s, IMO, frightening what he’s doing, and it’s scary what you have to put up with.

      All of what he’s doing is wrong, no matter who’s doing it or where, and FYI, the reason this works in Romania is due to a near-complete lack of social cohesion, a lack of principles, cultural identity erasures, and various other things they’ve historically have to put up with, communism being probably the worst.

      My advice would be for you to get out of this relationship, and stat. I know it would be extremely hard at this point, but if you receive the right support, it can be done, and you can overcome this and get your self-esteem back to where it should be. No one deserves what you’re going through, and I’m pretty sure myself that it’s only going to get worse. This type of people, well, they don’t handle aging very well.

      Maybe this sounds harsh, and I guess it’s easier said than done, but I can’t advise you exactly on what to do, and there’s also the fact that I have complex PTSD. Writing this alone has taken me over 1.5 hours, it’s been draining, and I can barely think anymore. This is only part of what this condition can do.

      So please, do what’s best for you, and don’t let this go on for much longer.

      Comment by another anon — November 4, 2009 @ 4:34 pm | Reply

  155. M –
    I feel the same way. I could not possibly talk to anyone and make them understand what had happened unless they had been in the same situation. I, being an American, had never even heard of something like this.
    We are both barely under 30. Well educated. He did not come from some small village and had been exposed to a great deal of different culture. I thought he would be of the “next generation” so to speak. Far from the truth. Also we both worked hard and money was never an issue except that he wanted to control mine. Whats mine was his and what was his was HIS. He bought more expensive toys for himself than I bought for my self. I contributed to the household he, for the most part, did not.
    Although in his eyes I was the most “disgusting, stupid, ugly, fat, idiotic” person he knew I always got the feeling that he was going to stick with me for the long run. I was going to be miserable and alone for a few years until he outgrew whatever he was going through.
    I left him and yet he is still offering to take care of my insurance. He is being amicable about the divorce so far and about me needing to get back into the apartment for more of my things in a couple of months. His kindness in those matters scare the hell out of me.
    This blog has helped me moreso than any therapy and distance has. I knew NOTHING of what many know about how these relationships can be. When you have no knowledge otherwise a women tends to internalize all this. That internalization hurt me so much that I would try to numb the pain and only get in more trouble with him. I would drink too much especially in social situations where I would see other men adoring their wives and mine forgetting to introduce me or ignoring me at a party. Only a few times would he put his arms around me in front of others and it would just creep me out because in truth he just beat me up that morning.

    Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 5:31 pm | Reply

    • What a complete psycho asshole. Just hearing about these things makes me sick, it must have been complete hell for you.

      For all the psychological trauma and overall damage he caused, I hope you at least receive a huge amount in compensation, because from the sound of it, it’s very likely he’ll never be able to make up for what he did in any other way.

      If I had my way, he’d be forced to see a psychiatrist as well, ideally, these people should NOT be allowed to continue this serial spousal abuse.

      Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 9:28 pm | Reply

    • I so recognize all of this! We’re also both in our late 20’s, well educated, the man has seen his share of other cultures. His family is from a rural and religious background, but they were still educated and he lived in the west for very long. You’d think a man like that would be more enlightened about the modern role of women – but no. I lived with his family for just over a year and I (thankfully) picked up some cooking and language. I’m from a nearby country myself.

      He was very nice and sweet in the beginning. Got me little gifts, was kind and gentle. Then it started going downhill. He became vicious. He started remarking on the way I dressed, the way I acted, the way I ate my food, the way I walked, etc. All the clothes in my wardrobe that he didn’t like he threw away. He started beating me for no apparent reason. Sometimes it was because I had looked at him “in a strange way”. It was completely insane. I started wondering if I wasn’t together with a psychopath. I couldn’t tell anyone, because no one would understand.

      Now I realize the amount of things that were expected of me. Education or job didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was looking pretty and “showing respect” to him. And not having any opinion of your own of course.

      He called me things as well. I was retarded, dumb, stupid, an idiot, a imbecile, a c*nt, etc. He would yell and get angry for me saying things the wrong way. He would explode for the smallest thing.

      The reason, anon, that he ignored you at parties was because, first of all, Romanian men don’t really adore their wives. My man rarely kisses, hugs, or even touches me in public. They’re very private people. He won’t even kiss me when we’re inside the house unless the blinds are drawn. Secondly, by drinking too much, you made him loose face in front of others. This is devastating and usually results in severe beatings. It’s one of those things that is a really big deal to Romanians. So don’t ever think of crying in public or anything like that. Thirdly, it could have been the way you dressed or acted. He might have been ashamed of you because you didn’t act or dress in the right way.

      Also, about money: he doesn’t expect the woman to be responsible with money. He expects her to spend her “allowance” ruthlessly and then come running back for more. Like a child that spends it all on candy. That’s why Romanian men feel uncomfortable with a woman having money. This is not just a Romanian thing though. This is a Balkan thing. I’ve seen other women from the Balkans emptying first wallet, then their credit-card, then their husband’s credit-card in one afternoon. All is of course the husband’s money and the wife doesn’t work.

      The reason he’s being so kind to you now, even as you are separating, is because he doesn’t want you to say that he didn’t do his obligation. This meaning that he left you with nothing, helpless, to fend for yourself. You see, a Romanian woman would have cried wolf and definitely made it public that “HE LEFT ME, A POOR LONE WOMAN, HELPLESS!!!” after a separation. And that would embarrass the man and his family. He doesn’t want that from you, so he’s trying his best NOT to leave you helpless after a break-up.

      I see why it creeps you out though. Because they can be the nicest sweetest guy and then the next second turn into a raging maniac.

      Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 12:55 pm | Reply

  156. I have been reading the recent comments and both Romanian men and women sound like cunts. Complete assholes. How about growing up a little and being respectful human beings?!

    Comment by ellicsod1978 — November 4, 2009 @ 8:17 pm | Reply

  157. These people suck the life out of you. Soul sucking sociopaths. I barely have it in me to fight him in a divorce. He has much more money than I do right now. I honestly just wish he would be deported and that be it.
    He had the audacity to take another woman to a wedding in my place! He also introduced her to some of our friends! Not one of our friends called him out on his b.s. ever. I think they were fascinated by him and our “money”. What a joke. The Romanian girlfriends who had relationships with him did not care at all that he was married. I think they were again fascinated by his so called “wealth” and all the nice toys.
    If his mouth was moving he was lying. It was absurd. He convinced the girl friend that I was an ex-gf who needed a place to stay because I had nothing. I made just as much if not more money than he did. He was so good at his game that she stuck around for over 4 months without ever seeing where he lived or him spending the night with her. That was a weird thing. He would never stay out all night. He would always come home. If you hate me and it’s over and you have moved on why were you coming home to me at night?

    Comment by anon — November 4, 2009 @ 9:43 pm | Reply

    • Ugh, the thing with these people is that they do so many insane things, that you’re kept in a constant state of shock, due to them always lying to your face that things will change, but then do the opposite. Either that, or if things get really bad, nothing can surprise you anymore, no matter how shocking…

      You expect them to come to their senses, but they never do, and furthermore, they manage to, on one hand, avoid having to take any responsibility for their actions, in the worst ways possible, and on the other, have you believe no one else would believe you if you told them… which, in the US, in many cases they probably wouldn’t.

      And in Romania, people would believe you, but in some cases blatantly tell you the complete opposite, and yell at you and call you stuck-up, paranoid, ungrateful, and so on. At the very least, they’ll start to avoid you. Receiving any support (for anything at all) is ruled out from the beginning… Trust me, I know this.

      I hope you find the power to get this psycho out of your life, he deserves to, for once, be silenced and held responsible. I’m sorry you’ve been through all this…

      Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 10:46 pm | Reply

    • As many Romanian men, he had a MISTRESS. A Mistress is the woman that you take to events. He saw you as the WIFE. The wife is the one who stays home and takes care of the household. That’s how Romanian men work.

      Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:05 pm | Reply

  158. I’ve been trying to post something for the past half hour, and I keep getting this WordPress error message… So I’ll try to post this in two parts. Hopefully, this will fix it.

    Part 1

    Since a lot of the behavior of these men or women described here can best be explained through pathological narcissism, I thought I should share a few resources on this. For example, a blog of a psychiatrist who seems to know a lot about, and is interested in the subject. I personally think it’s very insightful:

    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2006/12/if_this_is_one_of_the_sexiest.html
    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2006/12/this_is_not_a_narcissistic_inj.html
    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/01/neither_is_this_is_a_narcissis.html
    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2008/10/psychopathy_antisocial_persona.html

    This blog has a variety of posts that explain the personality type; the links I included are just the posts that are the most relevant. It won’t describe every case with complete accuracy, especially since the type of narcissist exemplified in that blog looks like a less extreme american type, but I guess it does kind of offer some material to understand, and be better prepared to handle, the hardships of being in a relationship with this type of people.

    Comment by S — November 4, 2009 @ 11:46 pm | Reply

  159. Wow! Reading all of this has brought some much needed relief. I have felt many times that I was just going crazy even after leaving him. This type of abuse is so hard to wrap your mind around. When I first left it was so bizarre to go back to the world that I had grown up in. I jumped at every noise. Every raised voice made my heart beat fast..even when I knew that the raised voice was in jest. My family is extremely lovable and close but LOUD!
    The beatings that come out of nowhere. I can relate so much to that. I have never been around physical abuse of any kind. This guy would kick, BITE, pull hair, punch, SPIT, you name it. The look in his eye was that of a monster. The more I would stick up for myself the worse it would be. The harder I worked the more he would find that was wrong.
    Also the lying and running scams. This guy would try to scam on the smallest tiniest things and we had more than enough money. It was EMBARASSING!!
    After all the cheating, lying, beatings he would tell me “But I take care of you”. You take care of my dinner bill but you can not have a simple fun conversation or show that I matter to you.
    I am not worried about getting in another relationship with a Romanian because it will never happen. Also I know what to look for and look out for in an NPD. I do however think this is not isolated now and this country has a very very very serious problem with their men among many other things.
    Also, he would never open up to me about his childhood..not much anyway. Would not share funny stories or tell me much about what it was like living there. I would have to PRY stories out of him. That to me is very very odd.

    Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 1:13 pm | Reply

    • YES! The beatings that pop up out of nowhere! I thought I was with a psycho. Only lately have I found out that it’s a national trait. And some trait it is! Slapping, kicking (in the head!), punching, pulling, pushing, spitting, calling me a whore and more is I have experienced. A question? Did he ever threated to kill you? Did he own any knives or guns? If so, did he ever threaten you with any one of those? If not, if he would have owned such items, do you think he would have threatened you with them, alternatively used them on you?

      You tend to become very nervous because of the constant threat. Knowing he might explode at any time, for anything, makes you watch your back constantly.

      Romanians have a thing for taking a “good business opportunity” when it comes around, even if it’s not good at all, hence the scamming.

      He did not speak of his childhood or share any personal memories with you because he is very private. Romanian men have a very hard time opening up in relationships. And now that he’s gone he probably feels pretty smug over the fact that he didn’t share that personal information with you. That’s because he feels that he then hasn’t lost anything. He feels that giving out such information is giving away a piece of himself. He counted that if you were ever to break up, you would have had a piece of him by knowing of his childhood, his thoughts, etc. He doesn’t feel comfortable with you running off with such information. You might even try to harm him with the info you’ve got. That’s what a Romanian woman would do. If you would disclose his personal info to anyone, he would have lost face to the outside. And loosing face, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned many times before, is a serious thing. It’s SHAMEFUL! He didn’t wanna share in order not to risk future shame.

      Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 2:36 pm | Reply

      • Thankfully he did not own a gun. We did have knives in the house and he did pull one out of the knife block once and it almost seems as if he realized how crazy that was and put it back. I believe in a fit of rage he would shoot me if he could..whether he meant to take it that far is beyond me.
        He is an only child as is his father. They seem to be in competition with one another. I do not think he believes that he measures up to his father. He makes comments that all the girls always wanted to take pictures with my Dad. Looks wise his father is much more handsome than he will ever be. He is so arrogant though that it doesn’t seem to bother him that he has really poor eyes and a lisp that is far more noticeable when he speaks Romanian. Embarassement is nothing that ever shows on his face but perhaps in his hand on my face. He never seemed to show any shame in the fact that our neighbors all know that he beat me daily because they would call the police or the doorman. This embarassment that everyone knew he beat me never stopped him from doing it again or hitting me in the bedroom while our friends were in the living room. Perhaps he is in denial but it never mattered to him that lots of people knew about it.
        He was also very good at telling me that no one liked me. Everyone thought I was psycho. Even my family hated me. They never spoke to him but if I had a problem with them and dared shared it with him he would hold it against me.
        Good business deal! Ha! He was cheap and disgustingly so. He was educated but still fell for the some of the obvious scams people run in Times Square. Everything about him was so contradictory.

        Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 2:49 pm

      • Ok I know I’m probably wasting my breath here, but I though I should say that being abusive is NEVER a national trait, and everyone who says so is just crazy. You met abusive men. That’s all, but to blame a WHOLE NATION bc of poor judgement is just ridiculous. Try finding better men but just different nationalities. jeez!!!

        Comment by Andra — April 6, 2010 @ 6:13 am

  160. You don’t get it, anon. For a Romanian, it’s not shameful to beat his woman. It’s expected of him. If he doesn’t, people might think that he’s weak, his woman might think that he’s weak. The fact that everyone knows is not a problem. My man’s family all knew that he was beating me while I lived with them. But they didn’t do anything about it.

    Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:17 pm | Reply

    • Sick and disgusting. Truly, I see my situation in a whole new light. I am empowered by what I have learned on this sight. I pity him when all of this is over.

      Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 3:34 pm | Reply

    • Anon, you might want to make sure he’s really Romanian and that he’s not a Romanian jew. Just be careful so you’re not mistaken, there are a lot of Romanian jews in the US.

      Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:38 pm | Reply

      • He is not. He is anti-semantic & very predjudice which came out after sometime together. Amazing how backwards he is. I plan on disclosing more information about what happened to the proper people. He is quite fucking sick and I hope he gets what is coming to him.

        Comment by anon — November 5, 2009 @ 3:45 pm

      • If you want to be with such a man it’s pretty much given that you have to be anti-semitic and prejudiced yourself. It’s a plus if you’re backwards too!

        Good luck, I hope you stick it to him.

        Comment by M — November 5, 2009 @ 3:54 pm

      • IF ALL THE ROMANIAN GUYS ARE LIKE THAT, IT MEANS THAT ALL THE AMERICAN WOMEN ARE OBESE WHALES, CHEATERS AND LAZY HOUSEKEEPERS …DO YOU GET THE HIDDEN MESSAGE OR SHOULD I MAKE A SKETCH FOR YOU IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND?

        Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 8:12 am

  161. hiya, i last wrote on here aug 2007, no1 replied ;o( . anyway still in the same relationship, and a 7month baby now, OMG i dont want to insult anyone, but the last few comments especially, are so right,still rude, abusive, insulting etc worse i guess, my own fault, even when i was pregnant, awful, i just dont get it, i love him so much but hes soo nasty, i know i need to wake up and get away, but easier said than done, why are they so mean?, ive never ever cheated or chatted anyone up, but i get constantly accused of it,the only time i go out is to the park with the kids, i think im losing the plot ;o{

    Comment by jay — November 11, 2009 @ 1:02 pm | Reply

    • I’m not really qualified to give advice, but I am gonna tell you what has worked for me personally.

      Jealousy can be a problem as they tend to be very possessive and jealous.

      Try changing your wardrobe. Skip the jeans and t-shirt, try wearing long skirts and blouses instead. You can try putting up your hair. A woman with her hair up seems less available than a woman that has her hair out. If it still doesn’t work, you can try wearing a veil on your head, to look more chaste. I kid you not, this worked for me.

      You should avoid talking to men altogether. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, like talking to the cashier, bus-driver or teacher, avoid it like the plague.

      You should always have his meal ready. Wake up before him and make breakfast for example. Learn how to cook traditional food. Keep a good house. Now that Christmas is coming up, it would probably be a good idea to cook some of that traditional Christmas food for him.

      Mind you, it took me 10 years and learning the language to get to this level. God knows, it’s not easy.

      Comment by M — November 17, 2009 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

      • And turn back how far women have come in this world by oh…200 years?!?! Not only NO but HELL F@$&ing NO! No amount of so called “charm & good looks” and what have you would be worth any of that crap. No way and I feel sorry for someone who lives their life this way. You are living like a SLAVE! Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook and take care of a household but I love my self-respect and freedom. I love looking at myself in the mirror everyday and knowing that there will never be bruises on my body again unless I have an accident and not because of his rage at me for making noise while he was getting ready for work. No one will bite me or slap me or pull me around the house by my hair because I was ugly or because I wore too much make-up. Their behavior is the lowest of all humankind. I would rather be poor and starting my life all over again than being anywhere near my ex. Disgusting pig.

        Comment by Anon — November 17, 2009 @ 3:23 pm

      • I’m doing this of my own free will. No one is making me. You have the same free choice. If you don’t like it you can always leave. Sure, perhaps it’s not always easy, breaking relationships never is. But the bottom line is that it’s your choice! You should have stuck to an American man.

        It’s not that complicated, really. Not wearing too much make-up and not getting drunk in public isn’t too much to ask from a woman. Your behavior will reflect him and his family.

        Comment by M — November 23, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

      • What about his behaviour reflecting upon you and your family?

        Trying to cover up a blemish or two and feeling a bit merry is far different than dressing like a Tranny Hooker and falling down drunk although neither affords abuse of anykind.

        I am far away from those days. Clarity comes through time. The brainwashing is quite deep.

        Comment by Anon — November 23, 2009 @ 3:57 pm

      • His behavior does not reflect on the woman or her family.

        I didn’t say the line between drunk and non-drunk was set at the same level for a Romanian man as for an American. In Romania, a woman feeling “merry” equals the dressed like a tranny falling over drunk idea. And just like in society, if you break the rules you get punished.

        People have different value-systems. What you call brainwashing is called manners in other parts of the world.

        Comment by M — November 24, 2009 @ 11:38 am

      • Is this a damned joke? Pack your bags and the kid and get yourself a plane ticket home. Like I say, leave the dogs to the pack of them.

        Comment by Trader Girl — January 9, 2010 @ 6:49 am

  162. I have had a Romanian man in my life for the last fifteen years. We never married and we have a ten year old daughter. Three years ago he moved to the same town I live in. It has been hell on earth. He is a liar and a cheat, she is a big secret. Will never take his daughter out at all. He has abused me quite a bit and now has turned around and found someone to use ….to help him with his guilt about his daughter. He is using her to get sympathy. He has also filed false assault charges against me. Like every post….you are just under water with these people. THEY DRAIN AND SUCK THE BLOOD OUT OF YOU. I HAVE LOST ALL THE LIFE IN MYSELF. My daughter deserves to have a good father….but that will not happen. I PRAY I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN BY THE END 2010. I FEEL FOR ANY WOMEN WHO COMES IN CONTACT WITH HIM….HE SURELY KNOWS HOW TO GET YOU SUCKED IN WITH HIS LOOKS AND CHARM. TAKE IT FROM ME STAY AWAY FROM THESE MEN.

    Comment by J — November 15, 2009 @ 3:30 am | Reply

  163. Very usefull infomation. Thank you.
    Keep it up

    Comment by dating girls — November 23, 2009 @ 1:01 am | Reply

  164. I have come across this page while researching what I did wrong. I met my Romanian husband 3 years ago through my friend, he didn’t speak any english but tried desperately to show his interest and affection by learning hard and sending me kisses via text at least 10 times a day. After 3 months I agreed to go out with him on a date. I have 2 children from a previous marriage which he was fantastic with and so we fell in love. Within 2 months he’d moved himself into my house and was planning our wedding. We got married in January 2008 and everything was going so well. I relate to a lot of the characteristics mentioned above and this has helped me see a lot of my errors but I can honestly and truthfully say he never lifted a finger to me once and he tried so very hard to make my children his own. As time has gone on and I have missed many of these vital rules and obligations and now feel I have been so very stupid. Yes he was possessive and jealous and saw all the household stuff as my obligation and demanded respect but I feel I failed him on so many levels and have now lost the one things (apart from my kids) that meant anything to me.

    I work 14 hours shifts so he would take care of my children and cook for them. He would take them to the park and play with them and if he was invited anywhere he would always take them with him.

    He tried to teach me to take pride in myself but whenever he would tell me to do my hair or put on nice clothes I would take the defensive and argue with him, thinking he didn’t think I was good enough. I can now see he wanted me to look good for him but also for myself. Also, if he was going anywhere, the children and I were always expected to accompany him, he never knowing left me out of anything. To my knowledge, he has never cheated on me (I know this because he has always come straight home from work and spent every day with me) unless this has happened very recently as he’s been spending more time at his friends the last 2 months because he says home hasn’t felt like his home because I’ve been doing a lot of overtime to clear debts.

    He never liked me talking to other men and I didn’t mind that as I saw it as him trying to keep me close and he never tried to control my money. In fact he gave me his bank card at one point. However, the things that killed our marriage were things I couldn’t change. He despised the fact I was with my ex-husband for 10 years and always thought that if he left I would automatically take back my ex (over my dead body) or he’d sometimes accuse me of still loving him. He said I wanted all his money (which I’ve never wanted but I think he judged me by previous Romanian partners he’d had) so even if I didn’t want money, he felt the need to provide it anyway. He felt I disrespected him if I was too tired after a 14 hr shift to dress up to go to bed or if forgot to post a letter for him in my rush to leave in the morning to take the kids to my parents before going to work.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that I seem to have had the perfect romanian husband who had the traditions and family values I wanted in a man with the passion and love everyone has spoke of but the very traditions I admired were the same ones that shot me down. If I had put in a little more effort to look nice and take care of him, he would have felt the love and respect I felt for him but didn’t show.

    All this might seem like a massive contrast to what has been written here recently but I wanted to show that not all Romanian men are so bad and that if the balance is right, you can have something very special. I, unfortunately, didn’t find this out till it was too late and have now lost the man I always dreampt of having. For the record, I am 28 and he is 33 so not old or young I guess but he has now gone and because of his pride (and my stupidity), I’ll never get him back.

    Comment by English — November 27, 2009 @ 8:52 pm | Reply

  165. Just pure and simple anthropology…

    Comment by richard — December 3, 2009 @ 3:06 pm | Reply

  166. who said that romanians treat their mentally ill like cattle?…well id say they treat their mentally ill like dog poo and us nice english people that decide to put up with them as something worse than dog poo..after my 3 year relationship with a romanian, ive met the rest, i think they shud bring back the communist life and keep them in that country to bloody rot……….the romanians ive met are arseholes, sorry if ive offended any nice ones out there, but im allowed to speak of my bad bad experience of this awful tribe

    Comment by j — December 7, 2009 @ 11:04 pm | Reply

  167. total bloody control freaks..even the kids have to BE quiet and be shouted at all the time go bloody home and treat the people that enjoy it that way!!

    Comment by j — December 7, 2009 @ 11:06 pm | Reply

  168. Most men have a certain type of woman they are attracted to. Whether that is physical, emotional, or mental attributes, you can without a doubt find the woman you are looking for online.

    Dating can be fun, but if your ultimate goal is to find your life partner, there is no reason to spend time with people who aren’t right for you.

    A loving Romanian bride is probably not as hard to find as you may think. There are literally thousands of Romanian women that are looking for love and romance with western men. The reason for this is that the ratio of men to women in Romania is extremely lopsided, as there are far more women than men.

    So, just find the right site on the web and start browsing through the photos and personal profiles of hundreds of interesting beautiful Romanian women. Hopefully, your perfect bride is somewhere there, waiting for you.

    How can you be sure you have the picked the right one?

    For a compatible relationship the couple should have common interests. You have to have something in common with your partner in order to be able to be with her and do things together.

    Talk online or over phone with her and try to find the answers to these questions:

    Do you share common goals and priorities?
    Where do you want to live?
    How does each of you feel about spending and saving?
    What are you building your future toward?
    What kind of cars do you want to drive?
    What things do you like to do together?
    Are there things you love to do that you want to share with your partner?
    How does your partner feel about doing those things?
    Are there things your partner loves to do and wants you to love them too but you don’t?
    And then you must consider if there are things you love to do without your partner and if your partner is willing to understand and accept that?

    Though women are supposed to stay at home and take care of kids and home but if she is an ambitious kind of a person then are you willing to let her have that career she has always wanted?

    Talking about the distribution of housework is also an area to discuss ahead of time. How much time will be spent together and how much time will be spent apart?

    The next thing that you have to look out for is whether your partner and your intellect match. It is very difficult to communicate with a dull or insensitive person. Ask these questions to yourself. When you talk to her, is she on the same level as you?

    Another thing to consider is if you like each other’s friends? How does each of you feel about your partner’s family? Talk a lot about your friends and your family and make her know them.

    But the most important thing, after you’re getting to know each other better, is to ask yourself what qualities do you respect in her? Would you be happy if your child turns out like her? Can you accept this woman exactly as she is, for the rest of your life?

    If the answers to the last 2 questions are “YES” you can start to make your luggage and come to Romania to meet her face to face. 🙂

    Have a great flight!

    Comment by Rob Watson — December 8, 2009 @ 1:36 am | Reply

  169. FIRST,i want to say i’ve read ALL the comments here(over several days-not enough time),and i urge you(whoever is reading) to go out with that guy/girl and whatever happens happens.

    NOW!to introduce myself…i’m a romanian man in my early 30s living in Spain for the last 7 years and working as engineer for a spanish solar company.I have a brother living in Italy with his romanian wife,i have 2 nieces(16yo and 13yo) who are in Romania(and not Italy with their parents) staying with my folks,and i also have an uncle and an aunt(both romanian) living in the US.

    Why the long unnecessary intro you might ask? Simple,there’s a saying in romanian:”cine se aseamana se aduna”(“those who look alike,are alike”)…this means that no matter where on this Earth romanians will seek each other out.
    My brother met his wife in Italy and my uncle in US.

    I want to point out some “rules”,points of view,insights,opinions to those interested:

    1.as i said above, romanians seek out other romanians when abroad(not always but more often than not).

    2.ROMANIANS DONT TRUST FOREIGNERS.you will have to struggle alot to break “the armor” before u are allowed in.it will require alot from your part and you will have to prove worthy.(this comes from a very long history of fighting invaders,and 1000years of wars to get our own country)

    3.we might be white and seem the same as you but our cultures differ soooo much you cant even begin to imagine;we’re latins,slavs,hungaryans,dacians,illyrians,thracians,greeks,germanic,gypsies an amalgam of nations and ethnicities who speak a latin derived language at the crossroads of 3 big cultural trends:central european,balcanic,oriental.

    4.men and women are as diversified in mentality as the ethnic groups that form this nation,so your luck in finding a decent guy/girl resembles a lottery extraction.(but dont be discouraged)

    5.we’re highly xenophobic,but tolerant(antithetical i know),we have to,or we’d break apart if we wouldnt be, seeing how we arent an omogen nation.what i mean is…discrimination of any kind is discouraged but we dont mix with non-white or non-christian,non-ethnic etc(that’s the xenophobic part).this is not general however and things are beginning too change(sloooowly).
    we discriminate against hungarians(after centuries of occupying a region of our country) and gipsies(who are seen as lazy,thieves,have too many children and so on),homosexuals arent doing any good also and others prolly.

    6.90% of romanians believe in a god(not me) but only 15-20% go to church weekly(more in the countryside and less in the cities).we’re +95% christian(all denominations).we tolerate muslims, BARELY.we fought against them from the 14th century until modern age.

    7.romanians are very polite(to a certain point one might add),as testimony,in the romanian language there’s a formal/polite form when adressing someone(strangers,elderly ppl) and an informal/personal one(the latter used for family,friends,people you know).
    politeness doesnt mean he/she likes you,it means he/she studies you.

    8.the older the romanian man/woman the more traditional,and closed minded he/she will be(or become later…they can disguise that).the younger ones are more western oriented but to a certain extent.this depends on alot of things,from “communism time” or how much he/she lived under communism,to how he/she was raised and in what context.
    most of them(us) live with our parents until late because of the shortage of constructed houses/apartments and even money to buy one.
    when a man and a woman get married often parents on both sides+them+some other relatives contribute to buying a house/apartment.salaries are not western(altho we’re getting there) and mortgages/loans are unaffordable by most.

    9.this point is closely related to the previous(8).seeing how the children live with the parents until late they’re often pampered which creats a whole lot of problems later.(when i moved from my parents house at 25 i had no idea how to cook,wash my own clothes and such)

    10.romanians like food(their food).we dont eat exotic foods(like chinese cuisine or indian),at least not yet.we eat healthy and nothing with “enhanced” anything.we preffer momma’s food…and as i said we eat traditional and conservative…as close to our cuisine as possible(if no romanian food is available we go for italian or french or something close to ours).
    i tried myself all sorts of food but now i eat only traditional food in romanian restaurants or at home.

    11.dont get your hopes up about him/her,be cool,ask alot of questions,try and see if that person has a hidden agenda.romanians are sneaky,and often want something,beeing material or spiritual.we are goal oriented,and extremely good at deceiving.

    There’s alot more to say but i’d like to develop abit on my own experience.
    I travel alot in western europe and US with different projects and seeing how i only go out with good looking and smart women i have to say this:
    -german women are very intelligent and as all germans very systematic and goal oriented,too frigid and too serious for me.
    -italian women, extremely beautiful,stylish,into anything new(sometimes bizzare things).
    -spanish…i dont really know,i went out with a spanish chick of arabic ethnicity,cant really tell how are the ones with a deeper genealogical tree.she was great but lacked modesty,and proper organisation.
    -american women,dont know and i dont really intend to find out;most that i’ve encountered were boring,self-absorbed,not really aesthetically pleasing(in dress code or looks).i did however hook up with a south-african(white) girl which was a kind of waitress at golf resort or sthg.she wasnt very smart but her artistic side got to me…not enough tho.(i’m picky i know).
    SO,in the summary above you can see MY CONCEPTION on the women of those nations…which is probably highly inaccurate and based on 1-2 relationships in each category.

    In my college freshman year i fell deeply in love with my romanian sweetheart.We were both stubborn,competing for leadership in the relationship,overreacting,melodramatic,with no life experience..in a word, young.We remained friends and we made a pact after we broke up 6months later that if none of us is with anyone by 35 we’ll get married.
    At 22 we hooked up again,we were engaged for 2 years,but more material realities got in our way aswell as her parents,so we broke up again.
    Now,at 33 and one pact later i’m married to the woman of my dreams…2 years in advance(of 35) and i couldnt care less about other women of any nationality.

    I’m a hopeless romantic and i probably never loved another woman,although i looked around🙂.

    My advice for anyone that meets a romanian, try and have a go at it…who knows what might happen.

    As for the above stories,i’m happy for the few ones with a good outcome and dissapointed about the majority ending badly.Good luck in your endeavours ladies and gens.

    SRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT.

    Comment by alanni — December 19, 2009 @ 11:09 pm | Reply

  170. I am trying to find out more about this relationship that I am in, I am dating a Romanian, he is a nice man, nothing to complain, but there are some obstacles in our relationship, first work, then his mom is very religious (orthodox chrestian) He never been married, has no kids and is 36 years old, but not pure because he had several girl friends but he admitted that he hasn’t found anyone yet, except that he finds me and he does not want any broken hearts but he wants to take the take to get to know eachother, but he is very close to his mom and is not ready to leave is mom. On the other hand I have kids I was married already divorced and separated, but I am very found to have him, it started this summer, he helped me in math and I succeeded my math class with a B, he has this most wonderful and sincere and very sweet attitude, he is a group home owner, very close to his family. I know his parents already as they work with him, I work with them. I never felt so much for someone before even my previous husband, the feelings I have for him are totally different, I trust him, because his mom is behind him, in a way she wants him to get married and have kids, he is not in a hurry. I don’t know if I have any chances to have a stronger and lasting relationship with him, I am so wishing but I don’t know if I can expect miracles! I love him tho.

    Comment by Katia — December 23, 2009 @ 6:30 am | Reply

  171. Hi Katia! I will try to give my opinion to you. I am romanian, I am male and I have been traveling around the world for the past 10 years. I always come back home, to Romania, so I can say that I am in contact with romanian reality. Always. First of all I use simple english because I am simple, without fancy education. Now, what you say is what YOU say, what you see is what you see and what you think that you see. He must love his mom very much. If he does he has a very high respect for women. I am not going to say take him over, be like his mom, replace her. No. Be yourself. Be honest to him. But he might have been looking for someone like hismom. Give respect and ask for respect. Give love ask for love and so on. It is not like just give and dont wait for enything in return. No. That is another story. Anyway, give and ask for same. Make him fell loved. Do what you do in daily bases. Dont panic, you love him. Good, but dont panic. Show him your love. I dont know how to explain but you women can make a cold man to melt. Just warm him up till he gets to his melting point. Be a woman. That is the diference between us. In a everlasting relationship the comunication is very important, what I mean is that there is an empathy between them, an always never lasting subjects in conversation, never get bored to listen to the other, always you can accept critics from the other, so work on these. Maybe he is not like that just now but work on him for 1 month, make you indispensable to him, be honest, generous. 1 month of efort deserve a life of what you are expecting and actually you build it right now, in this one month. You have the clay. You are the artist to greet or blame.

    Comment by Dacian — January 3, 2010 @ 4:27 am | Reply

  172. I found an interesting point of view regarding some of the romanian customs and etiquette.

    kwintessential.co.uk/resources/global-etiquette/romania.html

    Comment by Dacian — January 3, 2010 @ 2:45 pm | Reply

  173. Im not romanian but think romanian men are hot! I guess its the macho thing! Never thought id say it though!

    Comment by Girl — January 5, 2010 @ 1:10 am | Reply

  174. Here is the advice of an American woman about Romanian men:

    Stay away and leave them to each other. They are like taking home an abused dog from the kennel. You may think they are the sweetest most loving and wonderful thing but at some point they will draw your blood.

    Comment by Trader Girl — January 9, 2010 @ 6:39 am | Reply

    • This is absolutely true. Never ever trust them either. The things that most are capable of are things that you have never even thought about. Using you for INS papers? Check! Using you for a place to live? Check! Using you as a replacement for Mom? Check! Cheating on you? Check! Calling you crazy when they get caught? Check! Using you as their own personal punching bag? Check! Trying to run even the stupidest scam for money? Check! Embarassing you by treating you like dirt? Check!

      Comment by Anon — January 9, 2010 @ 3:54 pm | Reply

  175. Here’s the thing, for American women looking at Romanian guys living here… Go up on this board and look at the way the Romanian guys speak. Oh, how beautiful, romantic, poetic. We women are fools for poetry to our ears. But it’s like make-up. It comes off after they are done impressing you and you are left with the ugly truth beneath.

    Leave the dogs in their pens.

    Comment by Trader Girl — January 9, 2010 @ 9:02 pm | Reply

  176. Hello there my name is Tudor i am 22 and i am from Transilvania , largest part of Romania.Currently studying law school.As i was surfing the net i stumbled across this blog and felt compeled to post my perspective on this subject.
    I feel sorry for some of the ladies that posted their expiriences here , very unfortunate and traumatic but you must understand when dealing with a Romanian as someone stated before , it is somewhat like purchasing a lottery ticket , you might be winner but at the same time we might not, and i will try to explain what i mean :

    1.(this you already know) In romanian families the father is the provider , he looks after his wife his children and even tough he can be a very strict man ( my father included , he passed away 5 years ago) they will always sacrifice themselves for their family , literarly. Most of them will work themselves up to a breaking point in order to provide and also they fiercely protect their loved ones.

    2. Why are Romanian men like this ? Simple , they way we are raised , while are our mothers are loving and caring as someone said ( they spoil their children ) , the fathers are ussualy strict and unforgiving.As a boy i got my ass handed to me by my dad more times than i can count , and i can count pretty high😛 , but at the same time he taught me the meaning of respect, loyalty and pride.
    There is no such thing as 2nd place in the minds of a Romanian father concerning their son.

    3.You might think that this is child abusement , it is not right to beat your children so on and so forth, let me tell you something , i am glad that he did , i got a 31 year old brother he is wealthy and by that i mean ( yacht kinda wealthy ) because he worked his ass off and a 29 year old sister that speaks 7 languages and works as a scientist in genetics and hopefully by this time next year i will be in Bruxelles for my internship.And i got to thank my parents for that , my mom for the love and care she provided me with and my father for the virtues and moral values he inspired in me .

    4.Now i am not saying that Romanian men are everything a woman can want in a husband , far from that , abuse exists no doubt about it.For example my father as i stated before was a rough man to live with my mom knows that better than anyone but he made up for that and not in gifts , but in love he knew how to make my mother feel appreciated and even with children they used to take off and go somewhere just them two . And even tough he was quite violent sometimes , 5 years after his death my mother still mourns him , and me ? While other children in other parts of the world batman , superman where there idols , for me it was and will always be my father , not only i loved my father but i respected him for who he was and what he did for us.

    5.Obvioulsy i inhereted some bad traits amongst good ones , but it really comes down to who we want to be in life , it doesn’t matter if your Romanian , American , Chinese . Catholic , Orthodox , Muslim so on and so forth.The most important lesson that my “Romanian , strict and at times violent father” taught me was always to strive to better yourself , be it spiritualy , moraly , educationaly.

    6.Some of you had bad expiriences and in consequence made you resentfull to a degree when it comes to Romanian men in general , and i can only say that i am trully sorry , and hopefully another romanian might make your life better one day and in doing so help you regain your trust in our people.

    Sorry for my bad spelling haven’t written in english for some time now , need to practice .There is alot more i would like to say and hopefully shed some light on this issue but unfortunatly i don’t have the time now since i need to study argh!.

    P.S Romanian women can be quite a handfull , trust me …i know.😛

    Comment by Tudor — January 17, 2010 @ 8:20 pm | Reply

    • Hello. From a man’s point of view, would a Romanian man marry a foreigner? Or do you normally stick with your “own kind”?

      Comment by Nikki — March 4, 2010 @ 6:48 pm | Reply

    • Hi, I just ran across this blog, it’s very entertaining😛.
      LOL!! interesting story🙂. In my family though my mother took on the harsh role😛 (though I believe that is merely bc her father was abusive so she never wanted an “enforcer” type of father for her children). It is interesting what you say about YOUR father though. When you say he was a harsh man do you mean that he just spanked you (the kids) a lot or that your mother had to deal with his harsher side as well? Cuz in that case I find it unusual that they were still on such good terms. In my own family my grandfathers, both, were abusive (ie hit their wives, and really beat their kids) and neither one was on very good terms with their wives.

      “Romanian women can be quite a handfull , trust me …i know.” Thank you!!! with all the guy bashing I was starting to feel like us girls are really getting ignored her😛

      Comment by Andra — April 6, 2010 @ 6:00 am | Reply

  177. Hi. I’m dating a 40-something Romanian man, here in the U.S., already has his own Visa, already on his own path to citizenship. We’ve been dating about seven months, and he’s the sweetest, most generous, most honest person I’ve ever met, treats me royally. But we’re having communication issues of the minor commitment sort — I’m accused of changing plans when they are not plans we have agreed upon. For instance, punctuality was a big deal, until I understood he considered being late a respect value right up there under honesty, whereas most Westerners, and Americans in particular, are much more lax. Change seems to bother him a great deal — it’s like he takes what I say too literally.

    I’ve never had communication issues like this before, but I’ve never dated outside my own culture either, although my father and his family are Italian. If any of you have some insight on how Romanians, especially Romanian men, differ on punctuality, responsibility, taking things literally, change of minor things, etc., almost to the point of rigidity from what I’ve seen, I would appreciate it.

    When you’re in your 40’s, you are a lot less bending than when you were younger. It would be nice to understand how much of this is a cultural difference before having to choose between counseling to improve the communication gap or ending the relationship because the communication gap made repairing simply too difficult. Thanks.

    Comment by Lilly — February 11, 2010 @ 8:57 pm | Reply

    • Still hoping/waiting for any advice here. Thanks!

      Comment by Lilly — March 4, 2010 @ 6:33 pm | Reply

      • Hi,

        There seems to be an awful lot of women who are dating Romanian men!😀 Anyway, if you’re in your 40’s, Lilly, and you’re not keen on “bending” I suggest ending the relationship. I’ve had to bend everything about me and what I believe in, in order to please my Romanian man. Or should I rather say in order to keep him from having constant aggressive outbursts. And I’m at least 10 years younger than you. If you imagine that a young Romanian man will bend you into insanity, what do you think a 40+ Romanian man will do?

        7 months is nothing. If he has started the absurdities already it’s time to run as far as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for steady relationships and people staying together for life, but in these cases I make an exception. I’ve been with my Romanian man for over a decade, and I know that it only gets worse. It NEVER gets better.

        I recognize the communication-gap that you’re talking about. I can tell you that he will be very very difficult to understand and you will find some of his values simply insane. It will not be easy on your mental health. I am honestly surprised that he has started already after 7 months. They usually keep being all nice and sweet for far longer than that before they show their true colours.

        About punctuality: yes it is considered polite to be late to a meeting or dinner because it gives the other person some extra time to prepare or not to embarrass them if they’re late themselves. That’s just a general social rule. About Romanians and punctuality: they have a different perception of time. Without going much further into that discussion: yes, they will be late. Sometimes very late.

        You will have more of the blame-game. You will find yourself blamed not only for change of plans you didn’t make, but also for other trivial things that you normally wouldn’t think about. Keeping track of his things and time-management have already been mentioned earlier as an example. They tend to take things very personally, so you always have to watch out for what you say or do, or it might be perceived as hostile/not loving/disrespectful/disloyal/dishonorable/etc.

        If he wasn’t Romanian I would advise to work on it, even attend counseling. If you suggest counseling to him, he will probably not agree because Romanians are very private and do not like to share their lives with others. If you want to keep your mental health intact, leave now, or live through a very difficult relationship that will only spiral out of control.

        I feel like such a marriage counselor here!😀

        Comment by M — March 5, 2010 @ 11:52 am

      • Thanks, M. Well, there is a diaspora of the best and brightest from Bucharest to the U.S., especially in IT, so, there you go. I would not have sought out a Romanian man — I met him on an online dating site, and he happened to be Romanian.

        > If you imagine that a young Romanian man will bend you into insanity, what do you think a 40+ Romanian man will do?

        Yes, I’ve considered that, and you’re right about the “Blame-Game”, wow, deja vu. And some of his values “simply insane”. I thought he might have OCD or something, because it’s the opposite with time, deadlines, dates — he is all bent out of shape if there is any change, as if the schedule and the time and all become more important than the reason you are going in the first place. He told me he valued punctuality right up there with honesty — keeping people waiting was as disrespectful almost as lying.

        > You will find yourself blamed not only for change of plans you didn’t make, but also for other trivial things that you normally wouldn’t think about.

        Yes, you got it — changing plans I didn’t make, miscommunications, and taking things very personally.

        I did suggest counseling, and there really is no choice in the matter — we can’t continue if he won’t go, the communication has gotten that bad that we broke up, even if he calls back to express wanting to try again. But he is so unlike all the descriptions here — truly “give, give, give”, cooking for me, making certain I’m warm, warming the bed for me, being concerned over my health. The problem is that the other side of the coin is that the same thing that causes the warm, lovely nurturing and attentiveness seems to cause fussing that ends up being controlling. I don’t like the criticality — we finally blew up when I told him on the phone that I had never, ever dated anyone who had issues like this with me. I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again beyond picking up some things I left at his house, unless he’s a lot more flexible than he’s shown himself to be in that argument and prior small incidents.

        It’s sad. I can’t reconcile this with the wonderful man and person he was before being critical. I thought it had to be the way he was reared at home, but even that topic is verboten. He got all upset when I asked about his prior relationships and his relationship at home, even when I pointed out it would help me understand context, not being something to judge. There’s no talking to him when he’s like that.

        I think I got a very good one from the Romanian pool. It’s just too bad he can’t trust, and things become the Blame-Game — it can’t be a misunderstanding, but you trying to deceive or control, rather than trying to understand and sort it out.

        But I grew up with a Cuban father, so I’ve seen the drama, the mind-fuck, the Blame-Game, the insanity, and it’s so painful to experience that with someone you know loves you, but they just make the day-to-day so crazy and painful. I think there should be a support group for children of one Mediterranean/Latin parent and one northern European one. The swing from the emotional volatility of one to the stoicism of the other is too much, lol.

        Lilly

        Comment by Lilly — March 6, 2010 @ 4:03 am

  178. Hi, I could use some advice. About three years ago, I met my friend. He is Romanian born & raised, came to the US when he was 18, now a citizen. He is good looking, very charming, intriguing, intelligent, hard-working and sexy. We don’t see each a lot, but when we do, we have a flirtatious, fun and goofy friendship. Over the last three years, I have developed very strong feelings towards him. I don’t know if he feels the same way about me. Although, he showers me with compliments such as calling me sexy, beautiful, and sweet and at times comes on to me, I still don’t know if he feels the same way about me, or he is a man just being a man.

    He went home over Christmas to visit his family and called me from Romania on my bday just to wish me a Happy Birthday. I was elated. But just yesterday, when I went to visit him at his place, he was a bit distant towards me and not his usual flirtatious self. He told me he met someone, a Romanian woman, while he was over there and they are now talking on the phone. He has a picture of them together on his desk. I was crushed. I thought to myself, in the course of knowing him for three years, in between all those times he was affectionate, and all the flattering comments, I don’t think I did my best to recipricate all the time b/c I wanted more than to be friends with benefits and I wasn’t sure if wanted the same things I did. Is it too late to tell him how I feel? I mean she is his own nationality, and he must really like her if he is going through the effort to pursue a long distant relationship over the phone. I don’t want to compete with her, but I feel I owe it to him, and I owe it to myself to let him know how I feel. Would a Romanian man have a different reaction than an American man. I know that is a stupid question, but I’m trying to get a feel for how he would react if I just let it all out on the table. ANY advice would be appreciated!! Thanks.

    Comment by Nikki — March 2, 2010 @ 7:02 am | Reply

  179. As far as I understand, you’re still friends with this man, and I will assume that you have read all the comments. If not, do so now. It really helps. First of all let’s recapitulate an important basic point: There is the Wife and the Mistress. The wife is meant for the caring of the home, the comfort of the husband and the keeping of family. She is the chaste woman who represents the man and his family outwards. The Mistress is for fun and play. You can do things with your mistress that you can’t with your wife. Not necessarily just sexual things. You can see her as a type of “fun date”.

    Looking from his perspective, I can tell you right now that you are the mistress. And she has the role of the wife. Yes, he has been seeing you for quite some time, but Romanian men rarely marry foreign women.

    As I see it, you have two options:

    1. You can simply leave. If you don’t like this arrangement, then I advise you to leave.

    2. You can keep playing the role of the mistress. That means you’re the “fun date”. He will do things with you that he won’t do with his wife, but you will never do things that his wife does.

    I think that by wanting to tell him that you have deeper feelings for him, you’re saying that you want to take the role of the wife. Maybe you don’t know yourself, but that’s how he’ll understand it. So I really don’t recommend it.

    Comment by M — March 4, 2010 @ 4:44 pm | Reply

    • So, in other words, the three years that we’ve known each other, he’s either been playing me or leading me on? Is that what you’re saying? The Romanian woman is not his wife. He met her while on vacation visiting family in Romania in a short amount of time. He lives here in the US and to my knowledge, she is a Romanian citizen. And not to make excuses for him, but could it be that maybe he has just given up on me because I didn’t show enough interest…is it too late to “win” him back?

      Is is so un-ideological for a Romanian to marry a foreigner? Afterall, I am the result of parents from different countries.

      Comment by Nikki — March 4, 2010 @ 6:32 pm | Reply

      • Although the Romanian woman isn’t literally the wife, he still sees her as that. He might not even be fully aware of it himself. I’m sorry to say this, but yes, he’s been leading you on. If he’s all flirty and sexy and sweet then he’s treating you as the mistress. To him, you’re the kind of girl he would go out with, sleep with, but not marry. She’s the type of woman he imagines as his wife. If he was that way towards you for three years he saw you as a temporary “fling”. Yes, Romanian men do this. They can be the sweetest guy in the world for the longest time imaginable, only to crush you one day completely out of the blue.

        It’s not completely odd for a Romanian to live abroad and marry a foreigner, but they tend to always go back to their roots. So when he met that woman, I bet he felt that it was “the right thing to do” to go with her. Relationships between Romanian men and non-Romanian women rarely work out.

        Can you win him back? There are a number of things that Romanian men are enticed by, sex being one of them, but it’s going to be very difficult if you want to jump from the mistress category to the wife-category (mind you, steady girlfriend goes into the wife-category as well). And why would you want to? I wouldn’t recommend it.

        If was in your position right now I would run as far away as possible. Romanian men are disasters waiting to happen. If I had no prior knowledge of this and was naive enough to want to win him back, I’d probably entice him through sex, love and guilt. Fun sex and cuddly movie-love is something Romanians don’t have. I’d give him both. I’d give him something that she can’t give him. That way I’d have something to bargain with. She has her ethnicity, which unfortunately is valued higher than most qualities a non-Romanian woman would have.

        I would simply continue to flirt with him. You’re not stealing somebody else’s man. Even if he backs off, remember that they have the whole mistress thing in their culture. It’s very common! So don’t let him hypocrite himself out of it!

        Anyway, sorry that I’m not much of a help here, but I simply don’t think it’s worth it. Because even if you manage to get your man, there’s a whole array of problems ahead of you which I’m sure you’ve read about already.:/

        Comment by M — March 5, 2010 @ 11:50 am

  180. Hi,
    This is a very interesting discussion I must say. I ran across this while randomly googling😛. Towards the last post, I really hope everything went well (ie as in you’ve moved on). If you’re still conflicted though, you really SHOULD move on. Any guy that does that means that he sipmly lost interest when he met the other Romanian woman. It really makes no difference what nationality he is. In this case though I am romanian and I can tell you that he really DID lose interest. There is no such thing as “winning” him back. The truth is that at the end of the day if he wants to start a family and all that then he has a far better chance of making that happen with another romanian. There is simply a LOT of baggage that is in common here. I personally found that I cannot actually have a serious relationship with someone that is not at LEAST from a romanian-related culture and best romanian. It’s just a matter of a LOT of small things that are NOT the same. If he was just nice and charming during all your time together then it definitelly wasn’t that serious in his mind. Unless you ended up yelling at each other and making up it’s just not serious😛. Now I am also a sister and I would advise my brother to find a girl from our own culture as well (we immigrated about 10 yrs ago and we were both younger then your guy was, but that makes no difference at all). It’s bc I know that it would take that to put up with him in a realistic way. Don’t get me wrong he’s VERY popular and charming but what everyone else doesn’t get to see is when he’s a complete and total ass. That part exists as well in all of us.It’s like there is a slight frequency difference between the cultures. It’s close but not close enough, which is maddening I know but there isn’t anything you can do about it. There is just too much anger and shit that happens early on (I had a very good childhood and this STILL exists) that shapes us all in a certain way forever. It’s not that there is anything wrong with westerners, please don’t misunderstand, but there just isn’t the same kind of thinking. You can’t fight with centuries of evolution😛.
    And realistically you NEED that to be able to go the distance. You don’t want this, and you can’t “deal” with it either. In most cases westerners see a bad day as emotional abuse. It’s not worth it, why tie yourself to a guy that you’ll need to “manage” your whole life? I’m sure that if you had not been involved with him all these years you would have found another suitable guy by now🙂. Now why after all this bad stuff would I still want to marry a romanian guy? Because I’m the same way. I am generally very well liked by all around me and I don’t exactly suffer from lack of male attention but at the same time I know that I can never be fully myself around them. This is a fact not a matter of the “right person”, there is just something fundamentally different. If I am even a little “worse” that day (in a bad mood ect) they really don’t know what to do with it. It’s not a matter of being understanding btw.
    But in conclusion of this rant what you need to accept is that HE is no longer interested. That is all you need to know and in general attempts to win people back are seen badly. It’s not worth the rejection or potentially feeling humiliated. Sorry but you should be happy that you were saved by fate from far bigger problems further down the road and one day you will be I promise🙂.

    Comment by Andra — April 6, 2010 @ 5:28 am | Reply

  181. It’s not just Rumanian guys, ir’s Rumanian girls too! Last summer I dated a Romania girls and she was the perfect girl for me. I don’t think I could every find someone more perfect than her, she was just the perfect girlfiend! Smart, attractive, funny. Then, when I wanted to move to the city where she lives (it was long distant) she suddenly broke up with me out of the blue. I think it’s her parents, she’s a family-type of girl. I have tried every means to try and get her back, but she woudn’t talk to me. I need advice. What do you guys suggest?

    Have a good one!

    Merlin

    Comment by Merlin — April 10, 2010 @ 9:49 pm | Reply

  182. fuck romanians , bunch of savages anyway

    Comment by sen — April 16, 2010 @ 3:40 pm | Reply

    • You said it😀

      Comment by s — April 16, 2010 @ 4:06 pm | Reply

    • WOW! you put such eloquence and thought into THAT comment that it’s just awe inspiring. and we’re savages? really mind-blowing logic there.

      Comment by Andra — April 16, 2010 @ 4:56 pm | Reply

      • Aren’t 91% of the population in favor of reinstating the death penalty? And 88% want to make it illegal to criticize the orthodox church too. Yeah, what can I say, the average romanian is *very* forward-thinking.

        Comment by anon — April 16, 2010 @ 8:22 pm

      • and where, prey tell, do you get your information from??? you’re attempting to understand the people from some statistics. really!?

        Comment by Andra — April 17, 2010 @ 6:18 am

    • Such harsh words! Why, you should be ashamed of yourself to so generalize.

      Comment by Hermione — April 16, 2010 @ 6:37 pm | Reply

  183. The best & the hardest thing I have ever done is finally walking away from my Romanian man. I can relate to how hard it is to walk away even after all the abuse and lies. It kills me knowing that he has replaced me with someone who appears to not evoke his dark side. Does she just offer a better business deal & that is why she gets the good in him? Will he eventually show her the abusive side? I try not to let these issues plague my mind. I am very fortunate to have moved on to better things but it is hard at times.

    Comment by anonymous — April 17, 2010 @ 4:08 pm | Reply

    • When I read this I realise why I can’t leave. I wouldn’t be able to stomach going through that.

      If he is with a foreign girl – no she does not offer a “better deal” for him. He’s just nice to her because that’s how they are initially. If you think back at it, he was probably the same way to you when you first met. And then you don’t know what he does to her behind closed doors. YES, he will show his abusive side to her. It might take a while, but he will start abusing her GUARANTEED. Rest assured!

      Even if it is a Romanian woman, she will get a piece of his mind. Even she will experience at least some abuse, although admittedly far less than a foreign woman would.

      The best thing you can do now is to completely remove him from your life, stop posting here, remove anything that reminds you of him. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

      Comment by M — April 17, 2010 @ 6:09 pm | Reply

    • I have always been fastidious of those who leave anonymous comments. Why do you not show your true self? Reasons, I can only think of one. Perhaps what was said is untrue, for if it was true, then why fear showing your face? Perhaps you fear repercussion, but what is there to fear in when you stand in the protective light of truth?

      Comment by Elise — April 18, 2010 @ 8:40 am | Reply

  184. In response to M’s comments:

    I have read the interesting exchange between you and Andra. Since I am not a Romanian, I feel that I may be able to offer a relatively unbiased view (assuming of course, that Andra may be biased because of her nationality). While I do not have expertise in Romanian culture/ society and has never been to Romania, I do not feel that this is relevant. Physical abuse, to the extent of my knowledge, is a crime in all nations around the world. Laws reflect the values of the people, and therefore I believe that not physically abusing one’s partner is a universal value. Romanian culture has no relevance. Even in many male-dominant-societies, such as those in Asian cultures, physical abuse and family violence is frowned upon. By blaming society, you are alleviating both you and “your man” of responsibility. Now you do not have to take responsibility of your decision. Since it’s obviously society’s fault, what can YOU do to change years of indoctrination?

    Let’s assume for argument’s sake, that yes, physical abuse IS encouraged in Romania. However, that is also irrelevant. Society and your family shape you, but you have free will, do you not? You CAN choose. “Your man” does not HAVE to conform. Nor do you. Perhaps you are merely venting for the purpose of catharsis. However, the fact that you feel displeasure at being beaten, or believe that it’s not normal for YOU is obvious, provided that you mean what you said in the previous posts. Normality does not mean acceptability. You do NOT have to endorse this physical abuse, but to me, passivity indicates acceptance. Even if you have accepted this, I do not think it is weak to change and decide otherwise.

    I cannot say I understand what you are going through, simply because I don’t. I have never been in your situation. I can only imagine. Yes, there are certainly difficulties in being alone as a foreign women in an unknown land. Perhaps you lack a proper social support network and you have nothing to fall back on. Perhaps you fear that your decisions will have negative impacts upon the upbringing of your children. Perhaps you still love your abusive husband dearly. Perhaps you do not want all those years spent with him go to waste. Perhaps that making certain decisions will reflect poorly on your character. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps… We can have a million reasons for choosing not to do something and this make the choice difficult. But of course this is difficult! As are making all the most important decisions in our lives. But, from the posts on the blog, then I am guessing that you are not satisfied with the current situation. If so, then why not change it? You alone have the power to change your life. As a fellow human being, I do not think you deserve the abuse, no matter what you are like.

    “The best thing you can do now is to completely remove him from your life, stop posting here, remove anything that reminds you of him. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!”

    You advised another girl to leave her boyfriend, yet you yourself are unable to do the same. That seems hypocritical to me, don’t you think? Perhaps you do not see the situations as being analogous, but then why would you say:

    “when I read this I realise I can’t leave. I wouldn’t be able to stomach going through that”.

    Yes, I believe that Andra’s words are harsh, but that does not mean that they are without value or reason.

    Comment by Vanessa — April 19, 2010 @ 8:39 am | Reply

    • Dear Vanessa,

      Tell me, you’re not exactly western, are you? I’m getting somewhat Turkic vibes from you, or maybe Asian, is this correct?

      You’re right that general physical abuse is criminal to one extent or another in most countries, however, this does not necessarily hold true when it comes to the family. For instance, moderate abuse of your children will not be considered a crime in most of the world. It’s your own private business how you raise your children. I’m not trying to justify torture, I’m just saying how it is. Besides, this is not categorised as abuse, this is punishment for breaking social rules. All societies have that in different forms. I’ve broken my share of those, believe me.

      The correct Romanian way to deal with this is, believe it or not, is not to try to change things. It is to accept your fate. Women like Andra are very well aware of this, and by the end of they day they suck it up.

      You’re right when you say that you cannot understand. The women on this blog talked about this: if you haven’t been in the situation, you cannot possibly understand. Can you for instance understand why many of these women, despite all the abuse, wish to go back to their man, or at least find it very very difficult to get over them?

      People that haven’t been in the situation seem to think that this is a regular abusive relationship where the man is simply crazy and the woman too weak-willed to do anything about it. It’s not that way. I, if anyone, can understand how they feel. When it comes to me, I’m simply not a quitter and I’m very attached to my man. For me, my pride comes from my loyalty to him, not from how “equal” he considers himself to me.

      It may seem very natural to simply kick on these women and tell them to leave, but we can turn this around and imagine we’re discussing, say, American men. Imagine you’re with an American man and you have all these women telling you to leave him because he is overweight (not saying all American men are, it’s an example). But oh my, how can you stand someone that is overweight, that is so unhealthy? You must immediately leave him! Do you want your poor children to inherit his fat-genes? Can you honestly look them in the face one day and say that you condone this? And so on. Thinking just one step further really puts things in perspective.

      Of course I give other women the advice to not get into it. They have no idea what it is that they’re getting themselves into at all. At least I do. I’ve been doing this for 10 years, and for a woman that is not even remotely close to the culture, it’s not worth the difficulties. Choosing to go through with it despite all of this is a different story.

      The advise I gave this particular woman is truly how I feel. Note that she had already left her man, it wasn’t me that made her do it. If I was in that situation where I had for some reason left my man and I had seen him move on, I would feel the same way as her. And my advice reflects what I would do if I was in her shoes. You see here how hard it is to actually forget a Romanian man. What I wrote to her is the only possible way, as I see it, for her to actually get over him. I personally would not cope well in such a situation. I don’t see anything strange or contradictory in that.

      Comment by M — April 19, 2010 @ 10:17 am | Reply

  185. Yes, I am Asian.

    No, I do not believe that child abuse is acceptable. By definition, if you characterize something as “abuse” than it is NOT acceptable. I believe that abuse is even more unacceptable in families. Family, to me, is supposed to be a sancturary. Being in a family means that you support each other, not abuse each other. Perhaps it’s because of my ignorance, but I fail to understand bonds (if you can call them that) based upon abuse. You say that loyalty to your husband is important to you. I ask you this: Is your loyalty really justified?

    You maintain that it is inherent in Romanian society that abuse is a common phenonmenom, meaning that nothing can be changed. “If everyone gets beaten in Romanian society, then it must be ok! Of course, since it’s a societal thing, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s all society’s fault.” You cited the example of fat American men, but I think you have very errorneous views in terms of how genetics works. Genetics, like society, INFLUENCE how a person will turn out. The key word is INFLUENCE. Even if you have a gene, it need not be expressed. The expression is dependant upon other factors such as your choices, your environment. In short, just because you are exposed to something doesn’t mean that you have to accept it.

    As a side note, why do you assume that it is normal for women to be beaten in Romania? Experience from friends? People tend to associate with those who are similar to themselves. Hence, if you did indeed get the norm from those around you, then it is a very biased view indeed. Perhaps it is the norm of the group around you, but you cannot generalize to the whole of Romania’s population. It is as if an alien landed on Earth, saw a couple of suicidal bombers, and concluded that ALL humans must like blowing themselves to pieces. That would not be a just generalization, would it?

    You said that you deserve to be beaten because of the social norms that you broke. That is fine, as it is your choice. What I am understanding is a different matter. From your posts on the blog, I gathered that you are dissatisfied with your situation. If you truly believe that you are getting what you deserve, why would you bemoan your current situation? All I am saying is if you don’t like it, then change it. Just because that’s “the way things are” doesn’t mean you have to accept it. That’s how revolutions start- people, no longer able to withstand abuse, rise up. That’s as simple as it is.

    Perhaps I am not understanding you correctly, but you said that the poor girl doesn’t know what she’s getting into and you do. Did you know that you were going to be beaten and abused when you first got yourself into this? Are you willingly giving your still potentially complacent life for a life of duress?

    Basically, my stance is this- I am not telling you to leave him. What you do is of no concern to me. I am merely fulfilling my responsibility as a fellow human being to offer my opinion on your issue. As I have said, you alone are responsible for your life and what to make of it.

    Comment by Vanessa — April 19, 2010 @ 11:52 pm | Reply

    • What is abuse and what isn’t is only a matter of definition. I’m using it in a relative rather than absolute sense. But that’s besides the point.

      Is my loyalty justified? The thing with loyalty is just that – You’re loyal to your husband even if it’s not justified. You’re loyal no matter what. And I think to a Romanian man this matters a lot.

      The inherent behaviour in Romanian society is not limited to a specific group or something I’m just making up. I think this blog serves to prove that.

      I agree with you on the genetics part. But if genetics is something that influence how people turn out, then it’s something that lies dormant in all people. And it only takes the right stimulus to bring it out. I claim that all Romanians are this way at the core, it’s in their genes. And a foreign wife that gets everything wrong will almost certainly bring out that part of them.

      I can’t say that I’ve deserved getting beaten in all cases. What I can say is that I understand WHY it happened, even if it was nonsensical at the time.

      No, when I was young and first met my man I didn’t have the slightest idea that it was going to turn out this way (and there were no Romanian blogs to read :P). So of course I give other women the advice to stay away from years of difficulties. I do stand by the opinion that it is hard, it is bad and it isn’t for the faint hearted. However, if you choose to go through with it not because you’re ignorant to the warnings, but because you accept what is to come, then that’s a different story. All the cred to the women who choose to do that!

      Yes, I am giving up some positives that I would have in a relationship in my culture. But then again, I feel that sacrifice comes naturally with marriage. Not everyone can cope with that.

      Comment by M — April 20, 2010 @ 2:35 am | Reply

  186. “But if genetics is something that influence how people turn out, then it’s something that lies dormant in all people. And it only takes the right stimulus to bring it out. I claim that all Romanians are this way at the core, it’s in their genes. And a foreign wife that gets everything wrong will almost certainly bring out that part of them.”

    That is yet another contradiction. You said in your previous posts that you do not think all Romanians are this way, but now you’re stating the opposite. This is irrelevant however, because the most basic concept in population genetics is that there is genetic variation among individuals in a population. Your argument points to the idea that all Romanians have the same genetics. This is wrong. Any high school biology text can tell you that. Further, there is not a “gene for abuse”, just as there is not a gene for intelligence. Genes interact to influence how a person will turn out. Hence, your proposition that it is natural for all Romanians to be abusive because of a certain gene, does not hold.

    You have again, avoided my argument that people have a choice in what they do, despite genetics and social upbringing. You have also avoided answering to why it is that while you obviously expressed experiencing distress, you are unwilling to do anything to change your situation. However, that is fine. I have expressed my opinion and it is of obviously, up to you to choose what to do, despite my sound arguments.

    Comment by Vanessa — April 30, 2010 @ 8:02 am | Reply

    • I’m not opposing myself at all. I’m saying this: all Romanians have this in them. But not all Romanians necessarily act on this, or don’t act on it to the same degree as my man.

      It was said below, very correctly, that isolation and wars have made Romanians the way they are today. I claim that it is not only a matter of the environment they live in, but that the way of life has simply become a part of their genetic make-up.

      People have a choice in things that they do, we can all agree. They tend to however be pre-disposed to make certain choices. I’m sure that most of these men (and women) would rather talk to their partner instead of yelling to them, but they simply can’t help themselves. It’s very very hard to be something you’re not. Again, I’m not saying the norm in Romanian couples is to throw plates and vases at each other all day long. It MIGHT however be for Romanian/foreign couples because of the disparity.

      Comment by M — May 6, 2010 @ 12:33 am | Reply

  187. Vanessa,

    As a romanian I can tell you there is a lot of truth in what M. says. However, the way she presents romanians is a portrait of how our behaviour would look to a foreigner. I think she doesn’t mean to say we’re abusive, just that the way we are most likely would seem abusive to a foreigner. I tend to agree with her although I don’t think the cause is genetics rather the isolation we’ve lived in for the longest time and the endless wars of our history that made us developed our own rugged ways and caused us to be suspicious to the point of being paranoid. Obviously we’ll changed if the better times we have now we’ll last and the war will not be upon us again to undermine the progress.
    Also, what is called abuse here does not necessarly refer to physical abuse. We tend to use abusive language not because we mean to abuse, just because we are terribly opinionated and every single romanian thinks she/he knows best and she/he has to save the others from their wrong ways by force if necessary (force of the word and loud voice in most cases).
    As of why M. puts up with the “abuse” I’m guessing she sees beyond it and she must have felt the warmth and tenderness a romanian heart hides behind the terrifying walls and fearsome thorns.
    Lets say, the romanian love is not for the weak of heart…;)

    Comment by Adina — May 1, 2010 @ 3:07 am | Reply

    • OH for the love of God!!! PLEASE scroll up and read MY conversation with her. That is NOT what M is talking about. I thought so too in the beginning but it’s reall really NOT!!

      for example: “Slapping, kicking (in the head!), punching, pulling, pushing, spitting, calling me a whore and more is I have experienced. ”

      I tried REALLY hard to bring back a sense of normalcy to her completely off base ideas, comments and logic and now you’re completely undermining me😡. Granted I didn’t really manage in HER case but at least others that read it will have SOME doubts about whether she’s actually right or not. Please read her entire argument with me (it’s around #151 here so just scroll up) and then if you’re really saying that she’s still right I just give up😛.

      If you don’t agree with her though please say so bc this forum could use some much needed perspective. She’s giving advice to others in her situation and telling them that staying with these men is a sign of strength! She’s encouraging women to stay with javre de ultima speta! Based on the fact that it is OUR CULTURE!! and they BUY IT!!!! It’s bad enough that they got themselves into this horrible position they don’t need someone warping their minds around even MORE. This is completely wrong. It is beyond ridiculous. In my opinion…and hopefully in yours too…(fingers crossed)

      Comment by Andra — May 1, 2010 @ 10:18 am | Reply

      • Andra,

        I did not get the feeling M recommends these women to do like she does. Obviously she does not lack intelligence and she seems well aware what she does is wrong by “normal” standards. While I agree physical violence is not in our culture I have to also admit we can have a bad temper and I myself have been guilty a couple of times of throwing things in the general direction of my non-Romanian husband (maybe some pushing and spitting as well…blush). Needless to say he was quite shocked and I fully agreed with him as soon as I cooled off. I am not sure why he hangs around except that in my crazy way I stood by him and help him with things his own would have never considered doing. While not proud of my occasionally over the top reactions, I know I can’t totally change the way I am and I try to compensate with what I can. Am I the average Romanian? I have a graduate degree, a management job, come from a family of intellectuals (a few generations of them), have never witnessed physical abuse in my family or my environment and I am not physically abusive or willing to put up with physical abuse. However, my behaviour would easily be considered abuse in Canada and I am painfully aware of it.:(

        Comment by Adina — May 4, 2010 @ 3:51 am

      • actually according to her it IS normal bc of our culture “I claim that all Romanians are this way at the core, it’s in their genes.” and that our culture pretty much encourages abuse.” or “However, if you choose to go through with it not because you’re ignorant to the warnings, but because you accept what is to come, then that’s a different story. All the cred to the women who choose to do that!” this is refering to women who stay in relationships with abusive (like the above example; not verbal abuse) Romanian men. She giving tips on how the women can better prepared to serve their abusive boyfriends/husbands etc so that they beat them less. The only advise these women should be getting is GET AWAY! in my opinion. Not “Well, they’re romanian. So learn their culture and their language bc that way if you’re a perfect little slave then their culture will approve of you and you won’t get beaten as much”.

        There may be a lot of flared tempers in our culture but there is nothing that says beat your woman cuz otherwise you’re not a man. I nver witnessed spitting O.o actually either. But that’s between you and your husband if he’s ok then I certainly won’t interfere. Some pushing yes but only by the woman NOT the man. And that is very far from regular physical abuse of the kicking in the head type. Anyway I just wanted to have at least some posts on here that do not say that we all condone this type of behaviour.

        Hey question, is your husband canadian or what?? just curious. if you don’t mind. And how long has it been since YOU’ve been away from romania? I’m assuming you have. I just haven’t met any romanians since I left and I’m curious to hear a different perspective🙂.

        Comment by Andra — May 4, 2010 @ 7:49 am

    • Adina, I think you’re spot on in your description. For instance, when my man uses what I perceive as “abusive language”, he’s actually just annoyed. He is not angry and doesn’t hate me. To me however, it sounds like he despises me, wants me to feel bad, hopes I”ll die within the nearest couple of days and wants to kill my puppy.

      I think what Andra fails to distinguish is the different types of abuse:

      There is the every day “abuse”, the daily loud yelling, intimidation and such, that foreigners perceive as “abuse”. It’s the type of “abuse” that you’ll find in an argument between spouses.

      Then there’s the “abuse” that is actually punishment. It has to do with honour and such. A woman in an earlier post wrote how she got tipsy at a party (been there myself). She made her man lose face in front of the other people. THAT is the type of behaviour that will make the man feel dishonoured, and will most probably grant you more than a mere loud yelling. I think it is the same as if the man would loudly proclaim to everyone that “my wife is a stupid idiot bitch” and laugh about it. Any woman would probably have a go at giving him a kick or two to the head after such an incident, don’t you think? This is not necessarily something that happens on a daily basis, although it might. This happens only when you dishonour the man. Which is by the way very easy to do if you don’t know what a Romanian man expects from his woman.

      I’m not telling anyone to be a slave (trying to be a good wife doesn’t make you a slave), and I don’t recommend anyone to stay. I am however saying that one has to be a bit realistic and realise that despite the facts, there are still women who stay, seek to start a relationship with, or want to go back to Romanian men. On the one hand, objectively speaking, it’s an awfully stupid choice for a foreign woman. Because, as you say, it’s not for the weak-hearted. On the other hand, sometimes people do this. Maybe they feel it’s worth it, or maybe they just feel like it. We all have our reasons. I try not to judge, but to share what has worked for me. It obviously doesn’t apply for everybody.

      Comment by M — May 6, 2010 @ 12:35 am | Reply

      • ok, yes you’re right that women do still stay with these men and in these types of relationships in reality and as you said it’s really pointless to try to figure out why or how.

        Here is the ONLY things I have a problem with:

        – it is NOT accurate to say that all romanian men are like this (or about the romanian women for that matter) not even DEEP DEEP DOWN. This is simply not true (it’s a fallacy) and never will be no matter which way you attempt to rationalize this. It’s just not.

        – no, I personally for example, would not take a good kick at my husband bc of saying something like that. I would divorce him. Simple. If you realize you were somehow SOOO off base when you married him, you get divorced. I do not believe that you need to beat another person into being the mate/partner/spouse/etc you want them to be. I’m sorry but not everyone thinks this way. there is a line between what is acceptable “abuse” and what is not. If you have run out of arguments (in whatever tone of voice) and you can only resort to physical abuse then you’ve crossed the line. People can talk, animals don’t, they resort to physical violence; THAT is the line that in general you should not cross (some couples of course chose to ignore this but that is not a cultural thing). This is considered unacceptable in modern society EVERYWHERE. Yes it still happens, obviously, but it is not considered acceptable, it is not a cultural norm, and it is not really dependant on the country.

        This is where my issues are. That’s all. What you and everyone else here does is ultimatelly REALLY out of my control. I am only trying to right a premise that is wrong. This premise is that: Romanian men are all violent abusers deep down and that romanian women are all insane deep down (and thus need the abusive men to keep them in line). This premise is false. If you and whoever else on here insists on thinking that it is true then that is your choice, but I thought it would be a good idea if at least someone took the time to tell you that it is not.

        Your ratinalizations work for raging beasts. Yes there is logic behind them. “The romanian man and the romanian woman have evolved in such a way as to keep each other under control. The romanian woman is mostly mentally unstable. Able to alternate between devoted wife and raging maniac with destructive impulses at a moment’s notice. To ensure stability she seeks a strog romanian man to soundly beat the madness out of her and restore harmony within the household. The romanian man in turn expect and thrives on such behaviour since how he handles such moments is the basis for his manhood and establishes dominance within the society. Should he fail to deliver on this front he will lose all respect in society and the romanian woman will eat him up and move on in search of a stronger mate. While their behaviour may seem insane to an outsider THIS is why it makes sense (insert logic and follow up with historical arguments).” We are not animals. Some are, but definitelly not all and it’s definitelly not perpetuated by our culture. No one takes us aside in grade school and tells us these “unwritten rules”. All other arguments aside this is really the only point I’m trying to get accross.

        I could go on and on with examples and rationalizations but I don’t see the point. If you don’t want to take my word for it then fine look at Adina’s comment which you seem to agree with a lot more. Even she says that physical abuse is not part of our culture and that she does not engage in it or would accept it. The rest such as temparament depends on the person and the living conditions, not the culture. At the end of the day this is MY culture and as such I am more intimatelly connected to it then you are. I have no reason to lie to you and I really don’t give a shit who sees this blog so I’m not interested in promoting the greatness of romanians or making sure that others don’t have a bad impression about us. I’ve been abroad for almost a decade now and never met with any prejudice so I REALLY don’t think these discussions will have any great impact in the general scheme of the world.

        But if I told you something about your culture that you knew for a fact that is not true then I believe you would disagree with me. This is how I feel. I read this blog and most of it rang as a very false representation of us. There may be bits and pieces of truth to it but the overall image you create is false. A lie with some truth in it is a very “good”, believable lie but it is still a lie. Your view of romanians may have some truth to it but it is still false overall. There is no culture in romania that promotes abuse of any kind. What people chose to do for whatever reasons is due to their own personal reasons NOT bc of the culture. Now you can take this little fact and do what you will with it. That is beyond the scope of my argument. You just can’t blame culture for this behaviour. Blame the harsh living conditions, blame the wars, blame the mother, the father, the pig and the weather for all I care but there is NO CULTURE THAT PROMOTES ABUSE in Romania. People don’t need culture to tell them how to behave. Some will yell, others hit, etc. and others will do NONE of these. Same as here and everywhere else! It may seem to you that it’s a romanian thing but it’s not. The particular form of the abuse may be different (as in they abuse you in different ways then you would expect from an american or whatever) but that is the same as any other difference when being with a foreigner. We also speak differently even if we know english, think a little differently, have different manneurisms etc. There is nothing mystical about it. Just bc the physical abuse looks different doesn’t mean that it’s not the same as any other physical abuse in essence. As to why some women still seek out and stay with abusive ROMANIAN men, well I don’t know, why do they seek out and stay with abusive canadian, american, german, french, italian, jamaican, russian, polish, ETC. men?????? Do you really think that this happens only for Romanian abusive men???? That’s just cuz you’re on a site about romanians. Open up a blog like this about any other nationality and then we can start investigating this great mystery😛.

        Comment by Andra — May 6, 2010 @ 1:51 am

      • As I mentioned before, I believe that this behaviour exists deep down because you have the concept of honour and the “loss of face”. Now, you’ve probably never made a Romanian man lose face. You know instinctively how to maintain this concept. Hence, you have never seen the consequences of breaking important rules. You’re basically saying that if you were to break such a rule, face the consequences, then you would simply divorce the man in question. Well, let me tell you that it would never even cross your mind to break those rules. It would be unthinkable for you. So you have no idea what I mean when I say “deep down”.

        I don’t think you’d be able to get to the stage of your man wanting to kick you in the head, even if you tried. For a foreign woman this is easy, because if you don’t know the codes, you tend to push all the wrong buttons at the same time. I’m talking about basic notions like dressing in a mini-skirt on a formal occasion, or getting drunk in front of his family. In my culture this wouldn’t really be a problem.

        Ethnicity DOES matter. Trust me, when you live with someone from a different culture, you tend to notice the differences. If you haven’t experienced it, you can’t know. And Romania is NOT a modern society. It just isn’t.

        Sa stii, femeie, multe femeii traiesc in strainatate, scriu pe bloguri, si se curvesc, si alte minuni. Dar exista si niste femeii care stau cu copii si sotul sau. Daca vreti sa calatoriti – be my guest – si nu trebuie sa veniti inapoi.

        Comment by M — May 6, 2010 @ 3:55 am

      • “”Sa stii, femeie, multe femeii traiesc in strainatate, scriu pe bloguri, si se curvesc, si alte minuni. Dar exista si niste femeii care stau cu copii si sotul sau. Daca vreti sa calatoriti – be my guest – si nu trebuie sa veniti inapoi.””

        Translation:

        “”You know, woman, many women live abroad, write on blogs, and are whoring themselves out, out and other things. But there are also some women who sit at home with the children and their husband. If you want to travel- be my guest- and you don’t need to come back.””

        M, I have been abroad for a while now and I will go back and forth as I please, your opinion on this really is SO inconsequential that I can’t even tell you. Not to mention that I really have absolutelly no idea what going abroad has to do with whoring yourself out O.o?? But at this point pointing out what’s wrong with this is only pointing out the obvious so…i’ll stop bothering.You seem to have nothing better to do then to insult me and in my own language, even if you seem to not have it within your grasp completely yet. Little hint: when you’re insulting someone it’s a bit odd to then use the polite, respctful version of the verbs in the next sentence since an insult is meant to be DISrespectful.

        Other then that if you’re trying to get a rise out of me then you’re wasting your time. Just bc a dog barks at you as you’re crossing the street does not mean that you stop and bark back (perhaps you have heard this expression before by now). I have made my argument logically and I did not attempt to insult you along the way. You on the other hand seem to go out of your way to do so. Very well. That too is your choice. I have done all I could and provided a counter argument to you and other people’s logic that supports your point of view. That is all I wanted to do. Good luck to you.

        Comment by Andra — May 6, 2010 @ 6:00 am

  188. Don’t really know how i’ve got here, anyway interesting article, and as i’m a rumanian guy, would like to share my point of view about dating rumanian men. As i’ve got no general opinion about rumanian male, i’ll just talk about myself and my friends circle. Most of us love computer science and technology basically almost everything related to computers, i consider myself looking above average since now i’ve met all kind of nationalities, been dating German,Lithuanian, English, American, Greek, Indian, Roumanian, Norwegian, Asian had all this opportunities being a student in a different country. For me the nationality doesn’t matter wot really matters is the person and wot’s inside it. As one of my teachers used to say: ‘A lady shouldn’t be touch not even with a flower’ i’ve always respect that. I haven’t sleep with any of those girls,not coz i couldn’t but of religious reasons,anyhow i’m talking here about my friends circle remember? not trying to make a good impression about rumanian male, every nationality’s the same… sometimes i felt ashamed that i’m a guy coz of other disgusting males …finally every country’s got its own good,bad and ugly. Hope u grls meet the right one. Gods bless x

    Comment by 2Xhacked — May 1, 2010 @ 7:44 pm | Reply

    • ok I just have one question that I’ve actually been meaning to ask for quite a long time😛. Does religion trully define what you do so much?? Would you act differently if not for the fact that you are religious??? I don’t mean to offend or anything but it actually kind of bugs me when people say that they act so much better and more respectfully due to religion. It always seems to me as if they’re saying that without it they would be a completely different person or more accurately a complete jerk😛. It’s like they NEED religion in order to be decent. So is that it??? Speak only for yourself of course and/or your friends. I just never really got to ask this of anyone and I’ve been curious for a while here so I figured I might as well start with you😀.

      Comment by Andra — May 2, 2010 @ 2:06 am | Reply

      • That’s a good question Andra, I suppose it everyone’s character , if u don’t fill yourself with good then the bad things are taking that space, being a christian it made me want to be better every day,thankful,merciful… to be honest, don’t really know how i would be or act as a non christian person but surely respect for others and all the others shouldn’t come from being religious… x

        Comment by 2Xhacked — May 2, 2010 @ 6:47 am

  189. Adina, M.,

    I will try to respond both of you as well as I can. I’ve been living in Canada for the last 15 years and I am married to a Canadian, many generations Canadian. The way Romanians of my generation (decreteii) have been raised it is so different than our Canadian counterparts that I believe we are totally incompatible. I met my husband after many years of living here and I believe that any sooner would have not been possible at all. I have now a good understanding of the way Canadians think and I am perfectly able to mimic their behaviour. I can’t feel like them though. And when I come home and close the door behind me I have a desperate need to be myself, not because I think is better just because I am tired of watching my every word and every gesture. I miss the familiarity of things I grew up with, even those things I never liked or agreed with. I am sure that if i’d go back after a while I’d get fed up with the loudness and rudeness and bluntness and show-offishness and demostrativeness and the whole array of intimidating behaviours. We are like a big school of puffer fish, blowing our cheeks at everyone to hide our fears and insecurities and vulnerability. We are vulnerable because our parents were in most cases very forgiving towards us, very supportive and we’re big suckers for affection, we can’t live with rejection, our “upper lip” is all mushy and we’re afraid a foreigner would take advantage of our weakness if they get to see it. We secretly believe the foreigners are stronger and more independent than we are, more self reliant and less likely to need us.
    M., fight back. Yell as much as him and even kick his shins. Then cry in despair that he brought you to such a state that your foreign composure (that he’s secretly afraid of) crumbled. Lay the guilt thick and thorough. He’ll be happy (not openly) to see you’re human and as inclined as him to lose your temper. If he’s Oltean the fighting will go on until he is about 50 and then you’ll have a total victory and never be challenged again unless there is an audience and he feels he needs to make a show. Getting drunk in public as a woman (an not only in public) is a great offense and you’re right, a Romanian woman would never consider doing that unless she’s of “low extraction”. Being unkept in public is also terribly embarrasing and a Romanian woman would not consider doing it. Getting seriously fat (chubby and smartly dressed is fine) is another no-no, even if he still likes you he’ll be embarassed in public.
    Romanian men (at least those of the southern variety, eg Olteni) are very unlikely to appologize. In fact, if you get them somehow to appologize they’ll probably hold it against you. However, if you have a sense of humour you’ll be able to see how comical their behavour is and almost feel sorry for them. They really believe it is their duty to keep up the tough stance.
    I am reluctant to take sides and judge. I can see your point Andra and agree with you. I can see your point M. and feel for you (my sis-in-law is not Romanian and she put up with bro’s poisonous mouth for some 17 years and still holding on).
    I am proud to be Romanian, more now that I got to watch closely other cultures. I believe we had it tough and we made it to the shore and we will have now the opportunity to “refine” our behaviour, smooth our sharp edges and heal our wounds enough to be able to be more tolerant with others and with ourselves.

    Comment by Adina — May 9, 2010 @ 7:45 pm | Reply

    • Ahhh, ok, yes now it makes sense. I was wondering why it was that you married a Canadian in the first place since you must have known that there are great differences between our cultures, beliefs, temperaments etc. But I see now that your own beliefs about them are quite different from mine so this must have influenced your choice. Your upbringing seems to be quite different as well. MY parent’s were not very forgiving. My mother was always strict but also with a mischievious sense of fun to counter balance that. She does have a hot temper but in general it is very rare that she would pick on us for no good reason. We ALL agree that she exaggerates a lot in her reactions though even if she may be right😛. My father is very calm and balanced. I can count on one hand the times he ever raised his voice though we all listen to him even better then my mother. He has managed to perfect the art of imposing authority simply through his presence and without the need for any posturing. This is something both my brother and myself strive for greatly. As you can tell I have a lot of healthy respect for my parents. They were never over-indulgent or too forgiving and always fair in their punishments. I don’t have the kind of insecurities you mention, although I do have ennough to be sure😛.
      I also see canadians far differently then you do. They have never seemed that strong to me and their independance is more of a lack then an advantage. I am very independant myself however I established early on HOW independant I should be in order to not lose my family while growing up. I saw the way they ususally went about it and I disagree with them. They never have very strong family ties to begin with (I had many canadian friends growing up so that’s what I’m deferig to) and so as soon as they grow up they see no issue in finally escaping the complete lack of understanding and communication that their parents offer. This is only sad to me not something positive and to be admired. Also no canadian I EVER met have I been able to classify as stronger then me or less likely to need me. On the contrary. I have a tendency to tease and joke around. Most cannot actually enjoy this game. The few that can survive barely tolerate it in small doses. I for one love it when others make fun and tease me in return but this very rarely occurs since they are generally far to busy wondering if I really mean it, or if they’re really like that etc. You get it, their insecurities cripple them at this point. They are also VERY likely to need another but not in the way you mean perhaps. Since their own family connections were relatively distance they NEED to feel that somone accepts them, REALLY accepts them, like is not just being polite. Give a canadian THAT and he will be forever wrapt around your finger, trust me you won’t be able to get rid of them >_< which can turn a bit ugly if you then decide you need to dump them😛 unfortunately. Like any other people you interract with the the difference between who's stronger or weaker is only determined by a few simply things: intelligence or cunning perhaps (to be able to determine where the other person's weaknesses lie), a bit of wisdom (to know your weaknesses) and ability to use this information in some way (as in make them see what they NEED in YOU and vice versa or you can also never reveal your weaknesses and stay in charge, though that leads to a more distant relationship; if that's what you want). Ideally you meet another that understands the way you think and for whom their weaknesses compliment your strengths and your weaknesses are complimented by their strengths. In this case the above "analysis" would end up in a tie aka you met you match, so to speak😛. The main point here is that canadians are neither weaker nor stronger just slightly different. If you can manage to actually put yourself in their shoes you realize this very clearly very quickly. HOWEVER this kind of thinking is mostly VERY FOREIGN here and actually for most romanians I know as well. The only ones that get this so far are located in my immediate family and one of two friends (which is part of why I am more biased towards romanians I guess, along with the language, maneurisms etc.). So you see I am quite a bit removed from the kind of thinking you mention. Other the that quite simply I find canadians to be much colder in temperament which I don't like. They find even a few of my emotions too much to handle so why bother with more? Not that I have ever become violent but I run more intense nevertheless. My thoughts, my ideas, my emotions are too intense. Some have even said that they can't look me in the eyes when I'm like that bc they feel that I can "see straight throught them". Which is very silly as far as I am concerned. In any case the gaps between us are too great for me to actually be able to fall in love with such a person. And i quite like my freedom so why marry if I'm not in love? It takes THAT much to get me to give up my freedom, I have no problem being alone.

      Comment by Andra — May 9, 2010 @ 9:17 pm | Reply

    • Adina, I think we understand each other when it comes to a lot of things. However, we’re of different generations and are hence bound to have different standpoints. Maybe not all would approve of my approach, but I believe that there are several paths to the same goal.

      Comment by M — May 10, 2010 @ 12:15 am | Reply

  190. Sorry Andra, I meant to say “Andra, M.,….)

    Comment by Adina — May 9, 2010 @ 7:47 pm | Reply

    • LOL!! I was going to ask about that😛

      Comment by Andra — May 9, 2010 @ 8:21 pm | Reply

  191. shut up and check this out!

    Comment by pappy — May 13, 2010 @ 11:38 pm | Reply

    • sigh…ok, uhm, cool landscapes? I guess if any british people are confused about romania I can now use a top gear reference instead of the usual Dracula references. I suppose the Dracula one is getting VERY old though so thanks.
      But really this is a site mostly comprised of chicks whinning about their relationships with romanian guys, do you really think this is the appropriate audience for fast, shiny cars??? O.o

      ps: YOU shut up!😛

      Comment by Andra — May 14, 2010 @ 5:21 am | Reply

      • i know my reply is extremely delayed – oh, well…

        re: your question: there have been so many inappropriate things on this blog that, oddly enough, this is not totally strange. Yes it is, but what the hell, I felt like putting it out there!

        I enjoy some of your comments

        Comment by pappy — July 9, 2010 @ 5:29 am

      • LOL, you should do what I did and just subscribe to get email updates. It’s quite rare that new people add anything anyway (like every couple of weeks or months) and that way there’s no need to check back to the site🙂. Usually they’re good for a laugh…well, when they’re not TOO crazy and annoying that is.

        Only SOME of my comments O.o??? Damn! How dissapointing, and I try ever SO hard😛

        Comment by Andra — July 9, 2010 @ 8:27 am

  192. Nice blog. Not all Romanians are alike. The fact that you have dated one does not make you an expert on the entire nation of Romania. First have sex with all Romanians guys then talk about them. This is a lot of nonsense. Before you say all Romanians are all alike make shure you date the entire Romanian male population first.
    Maybe you should date a person from every single country and write a blog on how all guys from around the world are.
    When you say a guy from a specific country is like this and like that, it is prejudice and insulting . This blog should be deleted .

    Comment by John — May 21, 2010 @ 7:34 pm | Reply

    • Did you even read the blog post? She specifically mentioned that not all men are like that, that they’re generally different from each other depending on certain factors, and that nicer guys exist. And she’s Romanian, so she knows a lot more about Romania than you ever will.

      Secondly, this PC police bullshit is getting ridiculous. Of course she can describe a certain group – it doesn’t mean that she was trying to describe *everyone* in that group, just a majority and what they’re like in general. And cultural differences exist, this isn’t news, and Romanian people and Romanian men tend to have certain characteristics.

      Comment by venl — May 21, 2010 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  193. Are there any single Romanian men to start dating? I’ve just moved to Bucharest and it seems that people here get married pretty young and start turning out kids straight away. Lots of available young boys but no men😦

    Comment by lulu — May 30, 2010 @ 12:41 am | Reply

    • there are tons of romanian dating sites, I suppose you can start there if you’re in a hurry. Though they are tricky cuz people aren’t always honest. You could also consider giving it some time. Adjust to the culture, start making friends (this way take a while) and eventually they will set you up with available men or point you in the right direction and give you warning as to what specifically you should watch out for. I’d recommend this second option. If you’re new to the city it’s generally not a good idea to get into such intimate relationships without first being very comfortable with the rules of the game; it only invites trouble, since Bucharest is not a safe city in general it’s really a big risk or much bigger then you may usually encounter in other parts of the world. BUt in any case don’t worry there are certainly some single men still out there, and let’s not forget the divorced ones😛.

      Comment by Andra — May 30, 2010 @ 10:22 am | Reply

  194. I’d say watch out for the Romanian dating sites. A lot of people there are not Romanian, but mostly minorities. You’ll find lots of Turks, Gypsies, Tatars, Greeks, Slavs, etc. I don’t think dating sites are a Romanian thing unfortunately. If you’re looking for a pure Romanian specifically, dating sites are not the way to go.

    Your success also depends on where you’re from. If you’re not white, your chances are not too good.

    Comment by M — June 2, 2010 @ 11:16 pm | Reply

  195. Hello, Wow, I’m new to this site and have been reading alot of bad things being said about Romanian men and even some Romanian Women.I live here in Romania(Bucharest) with my husband to be who is 100% Romanian and he is the most Loving Wonderful man I have ever met in my life. He has never hit me and never once has raised his voice at me and never ever puts me down because I dont know everything little thing about being Romanian. I’m 100% american raised and lived most my life in San Diego Ca(US). I’m not a kid and we both have been married before and have kids(girls)that just turned 20.I’m reading some of the nightmare storys here and just dont understand. All I can say is that not all Romanian men are abusive lying, cheating snakes. Mine goes to work every day and works 10+ hours a day on computers and has a SOB for a boss and has to drive home in that terrible bucharest traffic everynight. He’s tired and even has some really bad migrains at times from all the stress at work but the first thing he does as soon as he gets home is give me a kiss and ask me how my day was. We have dinner together everynight and talk about everything. There have been alot of times when I dont understand things and all the ways Romanians are but we talk and its good. We always say its ok not to agree about everything together but we talk and understand we are from different countries and have different ways of doing things and thats ok and it can even be fun. I love Him and he loves me and we stick together. All I can say is that NOT ALL ROMANIAN MEN ARE BAD. There are abusive people in every country. I will keep reading more as people write in. I wish you all peace and all the Love. God Bless you all and lets try to be understanding and Loving.

    Comment by Susan — July 1, 2010 @ 5:55 pm | Reply

  196. Darian I had 2 posts at the beginning of 2009. After more than one year something reminded me of your blog,I founded it interesting enough to post my opinion as a romanian man using an appropriate vocabulary. Now I am here to see that you removed my posts. Why?!

    Comment by Dacian — July 5, 2010 @ 6:11 pm | Reply

  197. Hello, this is Susan and I’m happy to see a Romanian man writing here. You are saying that your post was removed? I would love to know your opinion on this matter. I truly feel bad to see so many bad things being said about Romanian men. I Love mine and he is so wonderful and so is his whole family. He takes such sweet wonderful care of me and I take care of him. We don’t fight and we talk about everything. I truly believe in my heart that there are bad and good people everywhere in this world. I hope to see you back here. Have a great evening:~)

    Comment by Susan — July 5, 2010 @ 6:24 pm | Reply

  198. Susan, just about everything sounds off with your man. Don’t mean to be a buzzkill, but the behavior you describe doesn’t sound right for a Romanian. Romanian men are simply not loving in that way. He seems to have work ethics, working very much and being able to stand his boss, which is strange for Romanians. I just don’t see a Romanian stressing at work.

    You shouldn’t be addressing other men when you’re together with one. You can address other women, but not men. There is absolutely no reason to.

    Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 1:48 am | Reply

  199. M with all my respects, are you wearing a scarf? Is this girls talk?

    Comment by Dacian — July 6, 2010 @ 2:28 am | Reply

    • Da, sigur ca port batic. Sunt serioasa. How would you feel if your woman would talk anonymously to strange men online? I understand your amazement, but some women simply have different morals. But I don’t know, perhaps your woman prefers doing things differently?

      Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 3:05 am | Reply

  200. LOL!!!! I get email updates of this site once in a while and this last exchange is very amusing😛.
    M is a rather delusional NON-ROMANIAN woman in a VERY twisted relationship with a supposedly romanian man and convinced that this is how ALL romanian men are/act. I am romanian and so is all of my family. I can assure you that this is not true and also that women in our family do in fact talk to other men who are not their husbands and that this is a general practice and is not considered wrong by most normal romanian people. I’m curious how a woman is even supposed to shop, work, walk down the street etc. without ever having to speak to a man O.O? Do you just wear a plank around your neck when you go shopping just in case the check out person is male???!!! This is ridiculous.
    In any case since this is a public forum it’s definitelly NOT girl talk😛. But it would probably be best if certain extreme people were ignored in future discussions since this whole forum is already overrun by dumb extreme opinions😡. Dacian if you do have a point of view that would not be considered insane by most of the world PLEASE do share😀.
    Congratulation Susan! I hope things continue to go well for you? How long have you guys known each other :)??

    Comment by Andra — July 6, 2010 @ 2:51 am | Reply

    • Hello Andra, this is Susan. We have been together 5 years and are now married and still very happy. Daniel has never treated me bad in any way.🙂

      Comment by Susan — March 21, 2013 @ 11:19 pm | Reply

      • Hey Susan! Congratulations!!!😀 All the happiness to you both :)))!!! Its always nice to hear good stories about romanian people too, not just crappy horror-stories😛. After all, we don’t all have horns and tails. LOL!

        Comment by Andra — March 24, 2013 @ 5:52 am

  201. I’m not proclaiming myself as an expert on Romanian men, I’m simply saying that being from the outside, I can see things you can’t.

    It’s not that you can’t address men. It’s about the way you do it. Romanian women will most certainly be able to do this without problem, while foreign women will just send out the wrong signals and might very well some out as “loose”.

    I’m not telling anyone what to do or not to do, even if it comes out that way sometimes.

    Sunteti cumva ardeleanca? Poate cu un pic de sange de magyar?

    Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 3:27 am | Reply

  202. Our way: We felt in love at first sight.We became best friends in a short time, by sharing each other our thoughts, life, affection and last but not least OUR SUPPORT. Then we took the life in our hands together, we have kids, my elder 12 and youngest 5. there were climbs up and down. There will be, for sure, more of these. We still are now like the first time in love, but first of all friends.
    My wife is hungarian born and raised in Romania. We were poor. Now we doing well. Everything we did for our family we did it together by sharing responsabilities and supporting each other. Our kids are doing very well.
    Maybe offtopic. What we need is time. Time to realize our plans and create more.

    Comment by Dacian — July 6, 2010 @ 3:56 am | Reply

    • Glad that it’s working out for you with a woman of a different culture.

      Oh, and she’s not your friend.

      Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 4:30 am | Reply

  203. Becouse it’s about romanians…There is a romanian saying: “Cum îți așterni așa dormi”. I’ve got the english translation from the internet, any help welcomed [you reap what you sow/as you make your bed, so you must lie on it/They that SOW the wind shall reap the whirlwind.] – wich one express it better? Valid for all of us and especially for M. I address it to M with all my good intentions.

    Comment by Dacian — July 6, 2010 @ 5:25 am | Reply

    • Good job on the translation. The second one is a correct translation literally, but the first one is the correct expression to use.

      There’s another expression, gloante pentru tradatori, which I came to think of. But it has nothing to do with you of course. Just good to keep in mind, that’s all.

      Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 1:42 pm | Reply

      • Hey, i’m romanian-hungarian and really didn’t appreciate the “gloante pentru tradatori” thing, especially considering i have the romanian flag put up outside my home. Btw, as for political thinking, i’m a “legionar” and know what you’re talking about. Salutari din Arad.

        Comment by Karoly — December 20, 2010 @ 11:45 am

      • Before I forget, marrying a hungarian woman is not marrying a different culture, simply because they are JUST LIKE US, especially the transylvanians. The difference may be in language (a big one), in feelings towards others (that can be very relative, see my case), in cuisine (small differences, if you’re transylvanian). Don’t ever blame someone because of his ancestors or because he/she married someone from a different ancestry. I love scandinavian and russian women, but i’m also a nationalist (ROMANIAN).

        Comment by Karoly — December 20, 2010 @ 11:54 am

      • Then you should not take it personally. Salut din Peterburg!

        To me it seems that you have inherited the nationalism of a Hungarian and the naivety of a Romanian. Having a flag is not a Romanian thing. As a Slav I love flags myself. But Romanians are a lot more discrete.

        No, they are not “just like us”. I’m an example of this. Most people don’t identify me as foreign, to those that do ask, if I say I’m Moldovan (because of the accent mostly) they buy it. Granted, Romanians are very naive, but even objectively speaking I can pass in Moldova. So while I may look, act and talk like a Romanian, I’m not actually Romanian. I’m fundamentally different. And this is the problem.

        Romanians are very special, the last (important) civilized remain of the Thracian populations. Once upon a time, the regions of Serbia, Bulgaria, Hungary and Ukraine all had Thracian cultures, with a proto-Romanian component. But over the centuries, wars and mixing with inferior races diminished these populations until they almost went extinct. Now the result is peoples who are not able to carry civilization or create culture.

        Women are the bearers of national culture. So you need a Romanian woman to reproduce the distinctiveness of Romanian culture. But Romanian women are so inferior to the women of the surrounding populations, that they will never be able to compete.

        And as soon as men discover that they can get superior women right across the border, the mixing will start. And within a few generations the dilution of the race will be so great, that Romanians will come to resemble the other inferior peoples of the region. If everyone gets a Slavic woman, there will be assimilation in just a few generations. So in the interest of racial and cultural preservation, most men will just have to settle with a romanca.

        On the question of women, I would say that Scandinavians are nothing special. Better looks than the rest of Western Europe. But that is it. Don’t waste your time. Russian women, on the other hand, are the best women in the world. Other Slavic women (Poles, Serbs, Croats etc.) come in second.

        Then you have the steppe-peoples (Hungarians, Ukrainians, Turks, Czechs, Tatars, Cossacks, etc.) they are not as good, except for sexually, where they actually perform better (Romanians don’t need that kind of performance anyway). But they are still a far better deal than the Romanians. These kinds of women also tend to hunt for Romanian men. Russian women don’t really go for Rumuni, I am an exception here. But the steppe women need to be kept at bay, especially since they go for the more masculine specimens.

        So on the one hand, people have an obligation to preserve their race. On the other hand, dealing with a romanca is really annoying and inefficient. So what do I suggest? Marry a romanca for the race, and get a foreign woman for everything else.

        Comment by M — December 20, 2010 @ 7:16 pm

      • riiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt… cuz you know, those “superior” women from across the border have NOT been there for the better part of a few centuries. Nobody even knows you exist, right? and it’s not like we’ve had more then enough close contact with the russian race due to their need to prove their superiority by invading other nations every time they get bored (hmmm…a little note here, MAYBE if they had better women at home, they wouldn’t feel such a great passion to go die in pointless wars…but I’m getting off track). Nope! Of course not, nobody even knows you guys exist there across 2 borders. We all figured Russian men just sprout out of nasty smelling holes in the ground.
        But one fine funny morning all Romanian men will have a sudden flash of genius and figure: “Dude! Did you know? There are RUSSIAN WOMEN in the world!”, “My God, REALLY? I never knew, let’s all go stampeding there to steal these superior beauties.” And you know what will happen next? Flying pigs will come to the rescue!!
        And a great epic war will ensue!!!
        Seriously? Romanian culture seems to have survived just fine despite the numerous wars and conquest campaigns. I realize that it’s next great challenge will (apparently, according to you) be to survive the sudden realization by Romanian men that foreign women exist across borders and they have the amazing mating capacity of rabbits (another note on this: EVERYBODY already knows!!!) but I firmly believe that they will be able to withstand this great temptation by the next sudden realization that they have plenty of great women in our country and our culture will somehow survive. I know, I know, it’s truly mind blowing.
        Are you SURE you don’t wanna go see a neurologist and figure out what’s wrong with your brain? It might be a tumor or something.

        Comment by Andra — December 20, 2010 @ 8:55 pm

      • Back in the day, people were either bound to their villages or the borders were closed. There hasn’t been an open border to the East for…like… ever. And this is not two borders away. It’s one border since Eastern Ukraine is inhabited by ethnic Russians. But don’t worry, Ukrainian women are more aggressive than Russians. And they have far fewer difficulties culturally.

        I’m not saying there aren’t good Romanian women. I’m saying you can’t compete. The Dacia is a nice car in its own right. But you can’t sell Dacias if someone else is offering BMW’s at half the cost of the Dacia. Since you live in Canada, you can’t possibly have missed this. I have never been to Canada myself, but if what I have heard is true, racial mixing in places like Toronto and Vancouver is reaching critical levels. A large part of this, I have been told anyway, consists of Asian women snaring White men. Your apparent inability to get a boyfriend seems to be further proof of this trend.

        The point is that mixing with neighboring populations has been heavily restricted in the past. This is beginning to change now. So far, men have not realized what they can get outside the borders. But I think the Euro 2012 is going to be the first test. Slavic girls DO go to watch the games. Again, look at all the Westerners that travel to Thailand to get a girl. Now, Serbia, Bulgaria, Ukraine are all places you can practically walk to. This is not a process that happens overnight. Maybe we can pretend to tolerate racial mixing today, but in 20 or 50 or 100 years it will be a different story.

        Comment by M — December 20, 2010 @ 11:08 pm

  204. I have never hit a woman in my life, even bugs I am trying to avoid hurting them, but as well I avoided to stay to close to women like you M.I guess this is because I am romanian.🙂 Again with all my respects for you.
    Please do not write to me again. I am male and women should not write anonymously to men online.:)

    Comment by Dacian — July 6, 2010 @ 5:54 am | Reply

  205. I have never hit a woman in my life, even bugs I am trying to avoid hurting them, but as well I avoided to stay to close to women like you M.I guess this is because I am romanian. Again with all my respects for you.🙂
    Please do not write to me again. I am male and ”women should not write anonymously to men online”.🙂

    Comment by Dacian — July 6, 2010 @ 5:56 am | Reply

  206. Dacian, your story sounds similar to that of my parents actually🙂. The best translation is the: you reap what you sow. The second one is good too, but I haven’t heard the one with the wind till now. Your english is not bad either; congratulations. For someone who I’m assuming has not spent much time outside of the country it is very good indeed😀. Glad to hear of people doing well in Romania🙂 all the news I got from there lately has been very negative. Good luck!

    M: No,I am not “ardelean cu singe the magiar”, sorry. Not sure what that has to do with anything… O.o . I’m assuming the question was directed towards me since you used the feminine form and Susan in not romanian so I’m the only one left😛. If not, nevermind.
    Also, if you do not intend to come off as if you believe you are an expert then you should really think of rewording your answers. For example: “Oh, and she’s not your friend.”. How would you know that? A person states something about someone they’ve known for decades and you tell them this is not so? With what authority do you presume to have more knowledge of an intimate relationship then the people involved in it O.o ? Since, as you say you are no expert, then in the future you should respect people more and not attempt to tell them that what they know about the closest person to them is false. My opinion anyway.

    Comment by Andra — July 6, 2010 @ 9:26 am | Reply

  207. I know this is none of your concern, as a woman you don’t really need to bother about these things. Ask “Dacian” to explain it. He’s the one who sold out to the Mongols after all.

    Comment by M — July 6, 2010 @ 2:28 pm | Reply

    • Uhm…what the heck are you talking about???? First of all his wife is Hungarian not Mongol, try to keep them straight for the sake of accuracy if not much else. Second: sold out?? O.O? Romania is FULL of other cultures and languages particularly from the neighboring countries and people get married from amongst descendants of different countries ALL THE TIME O.O! Nobody thinks of it as “sold out” O.O…Hell if we were to refuse to marry anyone with descendants/parents/relatives from other countries we’d pretty much stop procreating. You do realize that Romania is the product of TWO ancient races right? The Dacians and the Romans?! any of this ring a bell? Nobody gives a shit if someone’s parents are from a neighboring country. As long as they get along who cares O.o? And women from all the surrounding countries are generally thought of quite well, there’s no negative stereotype against Hungarian women. The wars were hundreds of years ago!!! There is no such concept as selling out if you marry from a neighboring country or ANY country for that matter. Seriously where do you get this crap from??? Rhetorical question. You can google all this information if you need to.

      Comment by Andra — July 7, 2010 @ 2:51 am | Reply

      • Hungarians are finno-ugric speaking people. Whereas they don’t share the same physical characteristics with Mongols, they do share behavioral traits. They share traits with other peoples derived from steppe nomads such as Turks and tatars. For examply, Hungarian women are more loose than Romanian women, Hungarian men are more whiny and false.

        Just because there are other cultures in Romania does not mean it’s all one big mix. There are generally communities with different peoples, and most of them even prefer not to intermarry. In reality, group rights take precedent over individual rights. If that wasn’t the case, the minorities would have assimilated a long time ago.

        Romanians have nothing to do with the Romans. That’s only the product of the “latinization” that was the result of the 1800’s political situation in Ardeal. Romanians are descendants of Thracians of different kinds, just as other Balkan people like Albanians, Bulgarians and Serbs all have more or less Thracian influence.

        There is, in reality, a huge difference in intermarrying. In reality people really do sell out. As a non Romanian woman I can tell you that people from the outside don’t marry you because they necessarily like you, but because you’re higher than them on the racial ladder. Just like there’s a racial ladder in Latin America, there is also one in Eastern Europe. You just don’t notice it as well.

        Comment by M — July 7, 2010 @ 4:13 am

  208. WOW, that’s a bunch of crap! Seriously are you TRYING to sound like an idiot??? Here, read!:

    “The oldest modern human remains in Europe were discovered in the “Cave With Bones” in present day Romania.[18] The remains are approximately 42,000 years old and as Europe’s oldest remains of Homo sapiens, they may represent the first such people to have entered the continent.[19] But the earliest written evidence of people living in the territory of the present-day Romania comes from Herodotus in book IV of his Histories (Herodotus) written 440 BCE, where he writes about the Getae tribes.[20]

    Dacians, considered a part of these Getae, were a branch of Thracians that inhabited Dacia (corresponding to modern Romania, Moldova and northern Bulgaria). The Dacian kingdom reached its maximum expansion during King Burebista, between 82BC – 44 BC, and soon came under the scrutiny of the neighboring Roman Empire. After the assassination of Burebista, Dacia split into 4 or 5 smaller kingdoms, the Romans conquering Moesia by 29 BC. The Dacian Wars, between 87 AD – 106 AD ended with the victory of the Romans, and the transforming of the core of the kingdom into the province of Roman Dacia.[21]

    Dacia was famed for its rich ore deposits, and especially gold and silver were plentiful.[22] Rome colonized Dacia Felix with colonists from all over the empire (“ex toto orbe Romano infinitas”) .[23] This brought Vulgar Latin and started a period of intense romanization, that would give birth to proto-Romanian language.[24][25]” You can find this information in ALL the history books in the world. There is even a monument about that war: “Trajan’s Column (Italian: Colonna Traiana) is a Roman triumphal column in Rome, Italy, which commemorates Roman emperor Trajan’s victory in the Dacian Wars.”

    And it has nothing to do with a racial ladder. It has to do with MONEY!!!!!!!!!!! They don’t marry you cuz you’re better they marry you cuz they think you’ll have more money on average then they do. And only the utmost MORONS do that. And for the LAST time stop attributing general characteristics to entire races of people. Nobody actually believes in them. They just use them as something to point to when they’re having an argument. That goes for ALLLLLLL the different people within or outside of romania.
    Even the most prejudiced person can tell that someone is a good man/woman regardless of where they’re from though. That’s how you get the: “My niece married a Hungarian. But such a GOOD man. He worked hard all his life provided for his family. He was an angel, God’s bread.”
    That’s all! Yes there are general traits that everyone attributes to people of a different culture. They’re called STEREOTYPES!!!! And every nation in the world has them. And in times of disagreement people point to the more negative stereotypes, that’s just human nature. But that doesn’t mean that we don;t know about the other qualities too. It’s not considered selling out if you married bc you fell in love with someone of a different culture and wanted to make a life with them. It’s considered selling out if you only married for money!!! It’s also considered moronic bc inevitably people end up hearing the stories about how you’re marriage is not working out! DUUUHHHH!!! that’s why you don’t marry for money! Everyone knows this.
    People did not assimilita bc they didn’t want to. They preffered their own culture. These are ancient races of people that have been around for hundreds and thousands of years. Their culture is who THEY are. You cannot simply assimilate this. They are different. But there is obviously enough tolerance for us to be able to go about our daily lives, marry, have kids etc. While some groups seem to hate eachother more then others this has NEVER stopped them from intermarrying, believe me. It’s just more rare between some of them that’s all. All the people in that area are generally less prone to following “the rules” anyway. So if they want to marry they WILL regardless or society, mommy, daddy, etc. Group rights do NOT take precedent over individual rights in ROMANIA! It’s basically everyone for themselves. Family as a group is considered very important of course, but family WILL ALWAYS be there. They’ll want to see the grandkids, so they’ll forget about their disapproval soon enough. Practicality takes precedent. If the man can convince the woman that he will be a good, caring, strong provider she will marry him no matter where he’s from. At the end of the day it will just be the two of them against the world anyway, so what kind of man he is is FAR more important then where he’s from.
    I’m not even sure why I’m bothering to explain this anymore at this point actually. Anyone with half a brain could figure this out by themselves. You cannot understand Romania from an outsiders perspective; apply some “facts” and memorize the general rules you see and think that you got it. The culture and the people are full of contradictions. There are differences between what they say, what they think, what they would do themselves in such a situation etc. These “rules/beliefs” are general guidelines nothing more.Prone to change and rearrangement. Not to mention that your “facts” are not even true.
    If you want to contemplate something here’s one: “Prostu pina nu-i fudul nu-i prost destul”. Stop throwing “facts” left and right and start thinking about what you’re saying. That’s all I have to say. The end.

    Comment by Andra — July 7, 2010 @ 10:26 pm | Reply

    • Andra, that was a good effort all around, but I think it’s becoming increasingly clear that the woman is simply fucked up beyond belief. I mean… “Sold out to the Mongol”? “Gloante pentru tradatori”? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. o.O From someone born and raised in the US? This is some straight up Kafkian shit up here!

      I don’t have time to go through all the drivel, but if she’s a Romanian citizen, she’s probably a faithful voter of Vadim. Medicamente, medicamente, medicamente!

      Dude, where have I lived all my life? Let’s see… I’m more educated than my brother, I have a good job, make more money than my father, I drive my own car, take my own vacations with plenty of girls’ nights out in European clubs, I pay for my own booze, I sleep and talk with whomever the hell I please, both on and off the internet. But THIS nutjob knows what’s what with my life and how I act and think as a “Romanian woman”. Oh, baby, I can assure you that no Hungarian floozy can outdo me in terms of being “loose”, unless you mean it strictly in a gynecological sense.

      You’re not well. I’m not doing anybody any favors by arguing with you and I know that, but some things just have to be said.

      Comment by Vadimela Nebunela — July 8, 2010 @ 1:00 pm | Reply

      • LOL! that’s exactly my point😀. I don’t think I can actually convince her but the more she argues the more INSANE she sounds. If I can’t actually convince her I can at least do damage to her credibility🙂. She was giving ADVICE to women in relationships with her abusive Romanian men. Not on how to get out but on how to please them better!!! And women that come and say that they are in normal relationships she tells them that it’s all false somehow. That’s seriously messed up! It you check out her earlier comments you might get an ulcer😡.

        She’s not from the US I don’t think. She said it’s from one of the neighboring countries but none of the immediate close neighbors.

        If there’s anything you can tell about Romanians is that there’s a LOT of variety. I’m pretty much your opposite in terms of relationships but I do talk to however the hell I please thank you very much. And I think both ways are FINE! And all other ways in between. It has nothing to do with culture it’s a freaking individual choice. She’s just too messed up.

        Sounds like you’re having some serious fun with your life😉. Good luck!

        Comment by Andra — July 8, 2010 @ 8:25 pm

      • I think you may need this.

        http://rapidshare.com/files/406037424/Codul_bunelor_maniere.rar

        /M

        Comment by M — July 10, 2010 @ 2:37 am

    • Dear Andra,

      If it truly is so that Romanians descend from Romans, then there should be substantial genetic overlapping. Take a look at this genetic map: http://spittoon.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/novembreblogpostfig.jpg

      Note how Greeks, Bulgarians, Macedonians and Albanians are all genetically closer to Italians than Romanians are. None of these do, as far as I know, claim descent from Rome. Historical sources also tell us that the Roman population was evacuated to south of the Danube, into today’s Bulgaria. This also corresponds with the genetic map showing Bulgarians closer to Italians.

      Please understand that most European countries claimed descent from Rome or Atlantis at some point in their history. Such politically constructed histories filled their purpose 100-200 years ago. Hence, modern states have abandoned this kind of slightly ridiculous imagery. The Balkanic states are the ones left.

      The people who are genetically closest to Romanians are Bulgarians. Yet, Bulgarians are very different in appearance, language, customs, etc. This is because The Thracians south of the Danube mixed with Turks and Slavs.

      Marry for money? The difference between your average Romanian income and the income of neighbouring countries is something like 50 bucks! Who on earth marries for 50 bucks??? In former Yugoslavia people generally have higher standard of living, particularly in the countryside. They have running water, sewage and cars, whereas rural Romania lacks this, and people run horses and carts.

      You’re judging people after your own standards when you’re saying people marry for money. That holds true for Romanian women, who are quick to throw themselves at the first best foreigner for 50 euro and a soda.

      Stereotypes are there for a reason: because they are more or less true. It doesn’t matter that there are individuals that don’t fit in to these stereotypes, because the majority do.

      In the American Congress politicians who are Irish-, Italian-, Jewish-american, etc, represent their party and their constituents. In Romania the minority parties represent their ethnic communities. This is not essentially different from the Millets in the Ottoman Empire, or similar systems elsewhere in the Middle East.

      The Romanian Constitution (Article 62), under the contitions imposed by the Electoral Law, reserves a seat in the Chamber of Deputies for the party and cultural association of each ethnic minority in Romania (with the limitation that each national minority is to be represented by one organization only). At the 2008 legislative elections, the following parties and associations were granted a seat in the Chamber of Deputies. Traditionally, these groups support the government in power.[1]

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanian_ethnic_minorities_parties

      This is a Middle Eastern system rather than a Western one.

      “You cannot understand Romania from an outsiders perspective; apply some “facts” and memorize the general rules you see and think that you got it. The culture and the people are full of contradictions. There are differences between what they say, what they think, what they would do themselves in such a situation etc. These “rules/beliefs” are general guidelines nothing more.”

      For you these are just “general rules” because you have them internalised, in your blood if you want, as the result of centuries of evolution. A foreigner that doesn’t have this has to be a lot more observant.

      Comment by M — July 10, 2010 @ 1:02 am | Reply

      • Ok I believe I have been more than patient with your unbelievable stupidity and bullshit!! You think you can throw a map in my face and call it fact?!!! They are closer genetically because they’re closer geographically you idiot! After hundreds of years of intermarriage of COURSE the lands that are closer geographically are closer genetically as well. Not to mention that this is just a separate map unconnected to ANY scientific source as far as I can see! I do science in university woman! Do NOT put this bull shit in front of me and attempt to pass it as fact! I do not care what YOU as a demented outsider have to say about my country! You ARE an outsider AND you’re insane so yeah your opinion counts for jack shit NOTHING!

        And one of your called articles was from Romanian women in the 19th century!!! as 1800!!! Just how out of your freaking mind are you??!!! You researched prostitution in Romania and are trying to pass it as values?! What you’re jealous that Russia is now dropped to nr. 2? YOU speak of prostitution and Romanian women’s morals when you’re bragging that your demented husband, who bashes your head in every chance he gets, is well satisfied in bed?!!!! This is a joke right?! The only woman of loose morals I see here is YOU! At least our women aren’t proud of how well they serve their husbands as sex slaves, you masochistic moron!

        My opinions of woman and society is based on MY experiences and MY life! Not as an outsider! As a ROMANIAN!!! My family is not the way you claim, my friends are not, their families are not, not even my far removed relatives from the country side are as perverted, demented or lacking in human dignity as you claim my WHOLE COUNTRY is!!!! NOBODY I know is the way you claim! Got it!!! That’s what base my opinions and commentaries on, no some BS article about the area 200 years ago!!! Your great Russian country was starving its people to death under Tsarist Russia at that time!!! You wish to speak about human right???!!! You really ARE clinically insane! Go and do whatever you do and stop trying to give opinions on such things. Russia and your peoples unbelievable need to prove to the world just how superior you are, forced the world into a system of fear and subjugation which cripple half the world!!! You destroyed cultures and monuments, faiths and churches, entire cultures and massacred hundreds of thousands of people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And STILL you speak! You destroyed the most recent GENERATIONS of adults and intellectuals which were supposed to guide our people!!! You replaced them with propaganda and forced stupidity and lack of truth!!! Russian communism is what allowed the current lack of culture and “lost people” in Romania to spring forth!! And now you, a Russian woman, dare to judge?!!! Your showed up with TANKS in Bucharest the day after the peace treaty was signed to take over the country and force a demented system from which countries are STILL recovering today!! And not just mine!!!!! How the hell do you dare to pass judgment on MY culture considering YOUR history?!!!!!! Go back to your frozen waste land of a country or your demented husband and leave Romanian culture to those who actually care about understanding it! You want to know what YOUR contribution was to Romania? Here watch this video and NEVER address me again! My God, have you no shame at all? Jesus Christ give me patience!

        For whoever wants to know more of what happened in Romania and the consequences, watch this video. There are 4 parts make sure to watch them all, this is part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84-6ES4Zp6A

        Comment by Andra — July 27, 2011 @ 9:18 am

      • Andra,

        Please look at Slovakia on the map. Slovaks cluster much closer to Italians, even though the geographical distance is approximately the same as for Romania.

        The figures for the study are from 2008:

        “And in 2008, the top three were Romania, Russia and Bulgaria, which also joined the EU in 2007. Amsterdam-based Tampep, reports that about 70% of all sex workers in the older EU member states are migrants. Sex workers from Romania (12%) and Bulgaria (7%) currently make up over a fifth of all prostitutes in the EU”

        Russia has seven times the population of Romania. And it doesn’t have the social safety net that Romania has. Bulgaria is a poorer country. You can’t explain why Romanian women are at the top with economic factors. It’s a cultural trait. More specifically the brothel is the modern version of the harem and that’s why you see so many Romanian women working there.

        The article shows certain cultural traits. These are determined by the geography and history that you live in. People today are no different than they were in the 1800’s. They only express the same traits in a different time. The part about serving your husband is something that I picked up from your culture.

        ,,Roabe ale părinţilor, ale bărbaţilor lor şi ale amanţilor lor, femeile moldovene şi române nu cunosc alte legi, alte voinţi mai mari decât ale bărbaţilor. Deşi slobode ele nu ies decât rareori şi niciodată singure; trândăvia şi neştiinţa adâncă în care trăiesc sunt într-adevăr pricinile credinţei şi supunerii lor. Bărbatul vorbeşte şi femeia, tremurând, vine de-i sărută mâna şi-i cere iertăciune”.

        This is how you will be relating to your future husband if you find one.

        It doesn’t matter if you and your friends are not this way. I believe that it’s true in a general sense, if you look at the whole population. You argue that as a Romanian woman you know better. But in your system, you don’t have a say. Which means that I’m not supposed to take you seriously. Don’t they have any summer sales at the mall that you can occupy yourself with?

        Comment by M — July 27, 2011 @ 2:20 pm

      • In response to M

        M why are you still writing here?? you make me vomit with your filthy writings and wot comes out your sickening mind.

        Can someone ban her pls!!!

        Comment by 2xhacked — July 27, 2011 @ 4:08 pm

      • Why I write here is none of your concern.

        If it makes you feel bad, you should stop reading.

        Comment by M — July 27, 2011 @ 5:29 pm

  209. ps: LOVE the screen name😀

    Comment by Andra — July 8, 2010 @ 8:34 pm | Reply

  210. Andra that girl is not worth your time.

    Comment by Budapest Massage — August 3, 2010 @ 5:38 pm | Reply

    • you mean M right? In that case I know😛 I don’t have any hopes that she’ll get it anymore. It’s just annoying that she’s the most active member on here yet she’s the most insane one. There should be some kind of rules about this sort of thing…oh well, I only put comments on here when I`m bored😀

      Comment by Andra — August 3, 2010 @ 7:02 pm | Reply

  211. I am dating a Romanian guy and I really like his attentiveness and when I don’t like something, he makes it real. But, I know he does things with other women (stupid for me not to know). But I accept that and don’t want to. Having said that, in any culture, American (westerners), Latinos, etc. we all know the game. Life is too short. I surrendered to his habits since I love our sex so much and miss him when he is not around…he is coming around in trusting me. I was dating several before him and he did not like that. But he has earned me in being attentive. I know, we hate them sometimes, but I think I know what I am doing…(you know too). hee heee
    Go ahead, give me your opinion, good or bad….

    Comment by Sophia — August 5, 2010 @ 8:55 am | Reply

  212. It all lies in the hands of the caretaker/lover/leader/mutual friendship…now let me go…gotta see Castaway…

    Comment by Sophia — August 5, 2010 @ 9:01 am | Reply

  213. I’m 20 and I live in New Zealand (Half Norwegian/Polynesian) and reading through all these comments was a shocker. I think abuse and cheating can be found everywhere. Not all Romanian men could possibly be as bad as a lot of people are making them out to be…

    The last guy I dated was Romanian and he was amazing. He was quite tall too, 6’3″ not short like a few of you are generalizing. Coming from a really relaxed “kiwi” culture it was refreshing to date a person with set goals and strong personality. He wasn’t dominating and loved hearing my opinion on things. He came from a family where he saw his dad cheating and he and his mum received beatings but that in the end shaped him to be a different man…He would never hit me and I highly doubt he would have it in him to hit another woman.

    I hope women reading these comments don’t think ALL Romanian men are horrible because they’re not..I think we can only judge from our own personal experiences not other peoples.

    Comment by Hayley — August 6, 2010 @ 4:35 pm | Reply

    • Hayley,

      This is a matter of race. You’re half Polynesian, that means you are non-white. This thing with beatings really only applies to white women, and in this case Romanian women, who will do a lot of nonsensical things if not kept short. I’m happy to hear that your man was so understanding. Often, a Romanian man will assume that you are just like a Romanian woman deep down, no matter where you’re from, and hence expect crazy and nonsensical behavior from you. I’m not saying a man’s time should be spent on oppressing a woman – that doesn’t make anyone happy. What I’m saying is that there needs to be something to stop this behavior. White women cannot be trusted to decide over themselves. I’m not even going to spend my time giving examples as there are plenty in this blog.

      Comment by M — October 14, 2010 @ 4:39 pm | Reply

      • Well, as far as I can see there is at least ONE insane, nonsensical woman on this blog>:D (hint: the one that wrote before me). Luckily, though, we do have ways of stopping this in today’s society: anti-psychotic drugs! Or any other mental/psychological drugs depending on which specific category of insanity you (hint: “M”! in case first hint was too subtle :P) fall under😀.
        Really, do you not notice that NO other women actually agree with you?? Does that not put any doubt into your so called “logic”? They may agree that they experienced similar things as you but they certainly don’t agree that there is an actual reason for this. It’s just abuse! That’s ALL. You’re the only one nonsensical enough to try to come up with gender theories on this, and you’re not even a ROMANIAN woman!! The irony is such so unbelievable.
        Perhaps we should start coming up with theories regarding whatever culture YOU come from…too bad you seem to be hiding that otherwise this could be SOOO much fun!
        OH,I know: let’s build a site for how crazy chicks from different cultures react to Romanian men! That way, if any dedicated psychologist feels like making a difference he/she will know exactly where to begin😀.

        Comment by Andra — October 14, 2010 @ 8:42 pm

      • Andra, white women simply need some oppression in order to feel good and not be hysteric. I hope your future husband will do this so you can become a happy, calm and fulfilled individual.

        I am not arguing with you. I am simply telling you how it is. If people want to believe me or not – well, that’s up to them.

        Even if you knew where I was from you would not understand it, because it’s so fundamentally different from your culture. But I guess it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t say it; I am Northern Russian.

        Comment by M — October 14, 2010 @ 9:35 pm

      • I’m slightly confused…you grew up in Northern Russia??? Or are your parents from there originally but you grew up in the western world? Basically I’m trying to figure out how much time you spent in Russia.

        Comment by Andra — October 14, 2010 @ 11:41 pm

      • I moved from Russia when I was 7. Then I went back there to do my high-school years. I vacation there every year though.

        Comment by M — October 15, 2010 @ 1:21 am

      • and do your friends from Russia know what goes on between you and your husband? I’m assuming you do have some close friends there, is that correct? Do you still have family there that you keep in contact with? Do they know?
        I’m sorry to pry, but I’m a bit skeptical about all this bc I do actually know a lot about Russian culture and have friends from there, and this is NOT considered acceptable behavior between a husband and a wife there either….So, the only way I can see them “condoning” this or not saying anything would be if they simply don’t know. But I’m just making assumptions…so I’ll wait for your reply first.

        Comment by Andra — October 15, 2010 @ 2:34 am

      • Of course my friends and relatives don’t know what goes on between me and my husband. Why would I tell them about my private life?

        No, in Russia it is not acceptable that the man would have any kind of control over a woman, since the woman has control over the man. Russians would not “condone” this behavior, they would just find it strange. In my case, it doesn’t matter how my man behaves towards me, because it’s not accepted that I marry a Romanian in the first place.

        Comment by M — October 15, 2010 @ 11:21 pm

      • I am bewildered by the fact that you have no problem divulging your personal life to strangers online but yet you find it strange to talk about your personal life to your family and friends? Family and friends exist for THATpurpose!<-- this is not a matter of nationality.O_O’’’’   

        Comment by Butterfly — October 16, 2010 @ 1:06 am

      • M,

        It is enough text here for printing out a book.

        You should work more, together with your husband, on that need and form of oppression trying to find a way to mix it with respect. Find something that works, is convenient in a natural manner for both of you.

        Get more results there and less answers here.

        Comment by mg — October 16, 2010 @ 7:00 am

      • Sigh! Russians have been marrying into our culture and pretty much ALL the cultures around Eastern Europe and Asia for centuries. Even if there is some prejudice, and there very well might be depending on the region, people etc., it’s not exactly unheard of and I doubt anybody cares THAT much (in fact I know they don’t). Plus NO man should have POWER over the woman in the way you mean. And none of the Russian guys I met were particularly spineless. Most in fact still have the macho guy thing going on much more so then other nationalities and about the same as the Romanian guys, though they do seem to respect a woman’s influence more; one of the things that is actually a plus if you ask me. Of course YOUR case is special so I’m not including that in this overall trend.
        Anyway, in general Romanian listen to their women A LOT; again not talking about the crazy ones. The average NON-abusive guys I mean. If you DO feel some kind of need to be oppressed then perhaps you really should discuss some rules and boundaries for this. I think it would be best if you were to actually acknowledge this as YOUR personal need than try to make the case that Romanian women are like this and THAT’S why you have this kind of relationship. Plus you don’t exactly seem to be a “happy, calm and fulfilled individual”… so why is that if everything is going according to your logic here. You are a white woman right? So why aren’t you happy that you’re getting beat up?

        My point is this: enjoy your oppressive abusive relationship, just please stop saying that ROMANIAN women want or need this. It’s rather annoying. If that were true then your hubby would have probably found himself a Romanian woman to abuse AND he wouldn’t have needed to spend so much time trying to train you to perform according to “our” cultural standards. Win-win situation for him.
        Since you’re not from a very far away culture I don’t see a point in continuing to tell you about how other cultures are very different. Russian and Romanian culture are quite close generally so if you haven’t noticed that me saying anything certainly won’t make a difference.

        Comment by Andra — October 16, 2010 @ 9:08 am

      • Butterfly,

        This is an anonymous internet blog. You don’t put out your real name either. That’s what internet discussions are for.

        Comment by M — October 16, 2010 @ 2:24 pm

      • Russians abroad don’t care. In Russia you’ll be lynched. Russians are very racist by European standards. Unless you’re very low class or don’t have a family, marrying a non-Russian will not be well seen upon.

        I see just how ingrained the patriarchal system is in you. When a woman has control over a man it doesn’t mean that he is automatically spineless. He can still be a macho man – who happens to have a woman that decides over him. That’s simply the way it is in Russia. Romanians aren’t actually macho. You have to be Slavic to pull that off. Or just a bit retarded.

        No, I’m not a white woman. I’m Russian. That makes me very different from just about any European woman. Non-white women don’t need to get beat up. If we get beat up we only feel sad in that we failed in pleasing the man.

        Romanian women need to get beat up, because otherwise they will do stupid and destructive things. Like move to Canada.

        What says that a man has to find a woman? Maybe the woman can find him? You see, non-white women are the ones who “find” the men. I never gave my man a chance to find a Romanian woman.🙂

        And yes, I am from a very far away culture. I do not doubt that having Russian acquaintances abroad might make it seem closer than it really is, but I can assure you that we’re at opposite ends of the spectrum.

        Comment by M — October 16, 2010 @ 3:31 pm

      • M,

        Butterfly IS my real name. I find it amusing that you condemn me for “not using my real name” yet you post as “M”. I highly doubt that YOUR real name is “M”. A name is supposed to be a WORD, M is a LETTER (just in case). Your name is the first indication of your parent’s love for you. If indeed your name is “M”, then obviously your parents don’t love you very much.

        Comment by Butterfly — October 16, 2010 @ 6:57 pm

      • Ok, so for the sake of the argument let’s say that everything you believe is right (i know it is a stretch but I’ll pretend :P). So basically you married into what is perceived to be an inferior race, AGAINST your culture’s and family’s wishes and now you spend your days slaving away and being abused by said inferior race even though you have done nothing wrong and do NOT need to be beaten up in order to obey. Does that about sum it up? Because in that case: BOY, you REALLY screwed up didn’t you!!!😀
        Sorry to laugh at what is obviously a bad situation but whichever way you look at this you still royally messed up your life despite warnings (aka family not agreeing) and better prospects. LOL, AND YOU picked HIM?!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!! You should have stuck to the racism views. Despite their obvious shortcomings there ARE reasons why those kinds of views are in place.

        ps: I’m not sure what you mean by “white” women, cuz last I checked russians are a white race. Are you black then? Or perhaps you’d like to make a distinction and say you’re beige😛.

        Comment by Andra — October 17, 2010 @ 1:07 am

      • I never said anything about inferior. That’s something you have assumed. It’s rather about “fraternizing with the enemy”. It’s like a Romanian comes home with a Hungarian spouse. It’s simply not acceptable.

        I married a man from a very different culture, which is not customary in my own culture. My man treated me as one of his own women, beating me in the process. I claim I know the reasons for this, and those reasons have nothing to do with me as a person, but rather his culture. Now, I am not a Romanian woman, hence there is no need to give me the same type of oppression as he would have to them. However, I understand that when you marry someone from a different culture, the cultural baggage comes with them. I don’t see anything wrong in staying with the man that you love and trying your best to make a relationship work. The people that laugh at such women are insecure themselves and never successful in their own relationships.

        White is not simply a color of skin, just like non-white is not black. When I speak of these concepts I speak of them as race. Jews are white too by your standards. So are Irish. And Slavs. However, their nature is fundamentally different from European civilization.

        Comment by M — October 17, 2010 @ 2:16 am

      • @Andra

        Christ, this woman has shared stories of abuse, and you can’t just stop making fun of her situation or calling her crazy or stupid. In return, I don’t know that she’s personally insulted you in any way, instead, mostly, she’s just tried to explain her point of view. I don’t know why she still tries to argue with you, you act like a sociopathic 13 year old. She may be putting up with abuse from at least 1 Romanian, and judging your culture in ways that you don’t agree with, but you’re obviously no more “superior” than her in any way.

        Comment by X — October 17, 2010 @ 2:32 am

      • To all those people who kept on using the word “race”:

        Race does not exist. There is NO biological basis for this. Obviously this simple lttle concept has yet to reach the lay population.

        Comment by Butterfly — October 17, 2010 @ 3:20 am

      • are you new to the conversation then? because if so I’ve had a previous conversation a few months ago and you’ll see that I wasn’t “making fun” then.

        It seems though that she would not agree with you that she’s actually being abused and prefers to believe that it’s my culture that’s the problem. Not only this but she sees it as her twisted mission to find positive posts about romanians and romanian men and tell them that it’s not true that they’re not being abused, it’s just a matter of time, etc. At some point she was handing out tips to other women in abusive relationships on how to better please their romanian men and encouraging their delusions that this is just the culture and they need to get used to it and adapt. OH and lately (this is the reason I have started posting again) she outright stating the fact that I, along with ALL Romanian women, MUST be beaten in order to be happy, calm and fulfilled (that’s a quote, pretty much, so look it up above if you haven’t seen it or don’t believe me; it’s included in the recent back and forth arguments).

        Now I take issue with people spreading lies about me and my culture on a dumb discussion site full of impressionable people. Since the serious approach made very little impact on her I decided to at least make fun. This way I, at least, do not feel bad bc of pent-up anger. HOWEVER, IF you as a good, kind, decent person feel like stepping in and attempting to make her see sense then please be my guest (I’ll step back and just watch, while attempting not to suffocate from rolling on the floor laughing as she states one insane argument after another). Or perhaps you agree with her and truly believe that it is our culture that has made her man into such an unbelievable pig. In that case, I also encourage you to write here, like i said this can totally become an insane people site😛.

        But if you have no plans to actually do anything then please DO NOT bash MY efforts to bring some sense to this lunatic discussion! I do NOT have to, if I REALLY wanted to do some damage I could always AGREE with her and give HER some Romanian tips on pleasing her swine. However, chances are that at least 1 more person would believe us and do (or continue doing) something stupid. At least this way if anyone ever does read this and is considering believing her they have the other side of the argument to refer to as well. I don’t know about you but I believe that there’s more benefit in that then in being more polite to a malicious person who doesn’t want to get it herself and is spreading lies to vulnerable people.

        Comment by Andra — October 17, 2010 @ 5:26 am

      • I wouldn’t say that being in an abusive relationship makes you successful at relationships, would you? o.O

        If I did I would have been able to locate one of those people and get married by now VERY quickly. Bad men are not exactly THAT rare.

        White is a COLOR; generally in relation to people it is used to refer to skin color since neither hair nor eyes can be white😛. If you’re referring to European women not ALL white women on the planet then you should say so. Also does that mean that you’re including all the Western Europe women as well? Do french, italian etc. women HAVE to be beaten in order to be happy too?

        Comment by Andra — October 17, 2010 @ 5:34 am

      • A relationship is abusive when the woman fails to please the man in some way, or misunderstands him, and the man reacts very strongly to it. I would say that Romanians react strongly overall, as you have demonstrated yourself.

        You become more successful in relationships because you are forced to deal with very demanding and intense situations. A lot of women initiate divorce for petty reasons. This is a sign of being spoiled and incompetent. When you know how to deal with abuse, you will for sure be able to deal with pretty much anything a relationship, or life for that matter, will throw at you.

        Yes, I am referring to European women, but white women elsewhere derive from Europe anyway and are part of the European cultural sphere. Oppressing your woman isn’t something new in Europe. It was not invented by women like me that post online. It has been around for quite some time. There’s a reason for this.

        When it comes to Romanian women specifically, they seem to have some sort of Oriental influence. What I mean is that they have a tendency to sit at home, be treated, not work, and expect to be appreciated without lifting a finger. It gives me the image of an Oriental woman who sits at home in the harem on a pillow, eating bonbons all day long.

        Comment by M — October 17, 2010 @ 6:16 pm

      • let me be very clear about something. I never said that Romanians don’t have a lot of strong feelings/reactions. This would be a very stupid point to argue. HOWEVER, this aspect of a personality (and Romanians are not the only ones that have it) indicates that the person MUST also have a LOT of self control and have in place barriers past which he/she does NOT go. One of these essential barriers is physical abuse. If they have nothing else they should AT THE VERY LEAST have this. Why? Because then all of your emotional energy, which enables you to have strong emotions to begin with, turns destructive. In other words you can end up destroying yourself and those around you. Hatred and violence do harm to both the person who feels them and those around him/her. Your husband lacks this control and as such from where I’m standing he is seriously deficient. I will never even talk to such a person for a long period of time let alone marry them.

        As for your harem idea: at the moment I have school full time, I have a job and I play on a sports team. So, quite frankly you and your bonbons can go to h***. I exist, lady. I am not insecure in ANY definition of that word and whether you wish to acknowledge it or not, I do not fit your carefully constructed image of Romanian women and I’m right about everything I’ve said. Have fun with the bonbons.

        Comment by Andra — October 17, 2010 @ 7:52 pm

      • What you’re talking about is a western liberal notion. It implies that a man should not do whatever he wants within his own household. Since Romanian civilization is despotic in its core your position is contrary to Romanian core values. Just as Romanian society needs its despots – so do Romanian families. Within the family this means that if the man wishes to beat the woman, he can do so. If he doesn’t wish to do so, he doesn’t have to. It’s up to him.

        It’s not a big deal to study and work and do something else on the side. In many other countries this is in fact the minimum required from a woman. Congrats. Have a bonbon. If you were a female rocket scientist, that would be extraordinary. But doing what you’re supposed to do isn’t. Secondly, I’m not saying that there aren’t exceptions to the rule. However, once you do get married, you will still have your husband drive you to the mall, taking you on vacation.

        Comment by M — October 18, 2010 @ 5:25 pm

      • Dear M,

        Overall, with baby steps, you succeed to insult pretty much everyone and everything, more than just Romanian men, by throwing words here and there, such as women, they(r), culture, civilization, society, race, past, present, future (by genes) and so forth, all in a revolting context, measurable not in pages, but in miles.

        We got the essence, repeatedly, in every plan you can imagine. Even without chapters or rather seasons.
        I guarantee that the majority of Romanians knows that every kick in the back is a step forward. At least we got that here, clearly.

        Thank you for your tremendous effort in that matter and please do not make people feel more indebted.

        Anyway, if we can do something constructive for you, anything, just name it. You know … best things in life are free. It’s verified. So, you might even be amazed.

        Otherwise, short, you are out of line.

        Comment by mg — October 18, 2010 @ 7:27 pm

      • You’ll have to excuse me, but this doesn’t make any sense to me. Maybe you should stick to writing in Romanian until your English improves?

        Comment by M — October 18, 2010 @ 7:38 pm

      • But please, you have to excuse my grammar. I’m still working on that.

        Patronizing attitudes are quite common on the Internet due to the keyboard which gives power to be anyone you want and do whatever you want.
        Landing back on Earth, turning to reality, is quite challenging, especially for those who lost years, by building a virtual life as hopeless refugees.
        Otherwise it is called hypocrisy.

        Please take note that in a damaged relationship, both persons have the same guilt as long as they exist, by indulging together in that relationship. The only missing and culminating part that don’t see it coming is a kid. The true victim as a result of their decisions and actions as ignorants.

        However, I’m quite sure you understood, even in a language that is not English. Therefore, I’ll go back to reality taking chances and assuming responsibilities.

        Hey! Good luck with yours!

        Comment by mg — October 18, 2010 @ 8:27 pm

      • 1. You are not Romanian so please stop preaching about our culture.
        2. I can drive!!! Therefore I will be able to drive myself to the mall. I do expect my future husband and I to take vacations together but I simply cannot fathom what the heck that has to do with the topic of this conversation O.o…

        Lastly, whatever bad behaviors exist today in Romania are the result of a LOT of bad environmental, historic, etc. causes and will, in time, disappear. They are NOT a cultural norm and definitely do NOT represent our values. YOU, a NON-Romanian are the ONLY one who claim they are. I along with, I hope, everyone else who sees this discussion will put your deformed opinions down to receiving one too many blows to the head and ignore or pity you. You are living in a fantasy world with rules made up by you and probably your hubby. None of the rest of the normal people will ever accept or even understand where exactly you come up with this crap from. I have no idea what genetic mutation would be responsible for your particularly disturbing insanity but whatever it is I’m sure that one day we’ll be able to pre-screen people for it and give them whatever chemicals they’re missing so that they can see the real world, same as the rest of us.
        And for the record I truly DO believe in people FULLY expressing themselves and doing whatever they want: that’s how we can tell the insane ones from the normal ones😀. Just bc they have the right to express themselves does not mean that the rest of the world is not judging their actions.

        Comment by Andra — October 18, 2010 @ 10:22 pm

      • We both know that I’m higher caste than you, so please stop being obnoxious.

        Why would you not be able to drive? Would you like to tell us how proud you are of this great achievement?

        Your argument seems to be that this is something that has appeared temporarily because of X Y Z and it will disappear as soon these things (whatever they are) go away. Unfortunately, this is who you are. This is why these things have always been around and always will be. Look at this paper:

        When it comes to “rule of law” (versus religious or authoritarian rule) and respect for
        human/minority rights, though, Turkish people are different. Turkish people are significantly
        less secular than people in every European country except for Romania and than Europe as a
        whole (t-score= -28.801; p<.001), as is indicated in Figure 3. Moreover, Turkish people are
        more authoritarian than people in every European country, except for Romania, and than Europe
        as a whole (t-score=-31.266; p<.001), as Figure 4 shows.

        http://www.tusiad.us/content/uploaded/A%20Clash%20of%20Civilizations%20or%20Differences%20in%20Economic%20Modernization%20092105.pdf

        As you can see, Romanians are more religious (less secular) and more authoritarian (less democratic) than any other European people, including the Turks. This is not because of some random event that all of a sudden made Romanian people this way. You have always been this way. And I argue that this is reflected in your family- and government institutions. For example, I would argue that the fact that Romania is the one of the few (perhaps the only) former Eastern block countries (Poland doesn't count since they're Slavs) to have a president with real power, rather than ceremonial functions is a consequence of your authoritarian nature. I argue that the same thing goes for your family structures. Since I come from a culture where there is genuine “gender equality”, I can really tell.

        Saying that “no one agrees with you”, as an argument, is nonsensical.

        Comment by M — October 19, 2010 @ 1:19 am

      • Oh, yes of course you are superior, lady. Naturally.

        Alright already, I believe that I have done my part. If anyone still pays attention to your “theories” and “advice” after all this then they are certainly just as delusional as you are. “Mg” below, with his broken English still proves that these are NOT the ideas and standards of Romanian men. And I believe I proved enough that they are not the standards of Romanian women. There really is no further point in this now, and it really isn’t nice to make fun of those that are mentally ill. So, good luck to you, hope you wake up one day.

        Comment by Andra — October 19, 2010 @ 2:44 am

    • Sociopathy, or antisocial personality disorder as denoted by the DSM, involves:

      (1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
      (2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
      (3) impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
      (4) irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
      (5) reckless disregard for safety of self or others
      (6) consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
      (7) lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

      Of the aforementioned criteria, I only see grounds for accusations (7). (Notice I say grounds because those accusations can certainly be contested. If you follow the line of arguments between Andra and M, you will see that Andra does not randomly attack M.)In order to be eligible for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, one must have at least 3 of the indicators, in additional to other criteria. Thus, Andra cannot be classified as a sociopath according to the DSM’s definition.

      Comment by Butterfly — October 17, 2010 @ 3:37 am | Reply

      • why thank you mam😀 I certainly would contest any claim that I’m a sociopath or antisocial😛.

        Comment by Andra — October 17, 2010 @ 5:27 am

      • well Froide would you care to tell us which DSM edition – is it the last one (DSM IV)?

        Other then that I enjoy Andra’s comments and (as I told her, she’s on the money most of the time :)) As for M, well she’s a retard – which, ironically WAS a term used by one of the previous DSM manuals.

        Comment by pappy — November 16, 2010 @ 11:38 pm

    • “Often, a Romanian man will assume that you are just like a Romanian woman deep down…” Wouldn’t that apply to all men, any culture? As in a man would hope the partner he chooses to be with, has similar ideals on how to live or behaviour.

      Romanian woman are crazy and nonsensical? It’s hard to make a statement like that considering you, yourself aren’t Romanian.

      Comment by Hayley — October 21, 2010 @ 6:13 am | Reply

      • I don’t think that’s a general truth. If you marry out of the tribe, you probably do so to find something different that is already available. For example, Western men that marry Asian or Eastern European women often do so to find a traditional spouse. While the women marry a Westerner to find a modern spouse. And so you have the clashing dreams phenomena. In the Romanian case, it is assumed that you as a woman are able to keep face. And that’s why you can’t dress or act any way you want. Sure, not everyone is equally strict about it, but as a foreigner you’re really better off playing it safe.

        It’s exactly because I’m not Romanian that I can do that, because I see it from the outside.

        Comment by M — November 27, 2010 @ 12:46 pm

  214. Many foreigners from everywhere are living in Romania and some of them are outlawed, some others are extremely abusive patrons or managers and some are good quality and respectful people. In no particular order: Chinese, Greeks, Cypriots, Italians, Germans, Turks, Arabs, Americans, French, Africans etc. Still, all are welcomed.
    Despite the fact that most of them have a much better living than Romanians, they feel miserable. Well, we are sorry, but Romanians cannot simply disappear.

    Life and people proved me that moral values are for royalty, for those who have at least a decent living. When they lose that status, they tend to lose everything.
    No matter who you are, how much you have in the pocket, how many diplomas you have or where you come from, just be grateful for the system that facilitated all those and keep in mind that in case you come in Romania for a long period, most of you might act the same (badly) and you should enjoy this first moment because is the very best of your performance until you are sucked and buried by this jungle ending up terrified, mad, disappointed, somehow, by yourself, not being enough capable as you thought.

    I went outside because I had too and not because the thought of gripping the world by myself in a very quiet and organized manner hit me overnight.
    I tried only to breathe and, occasionally, to eat paying with my own money. Lucky I don’t have kids.
    Even if I had a shower before my flight (and it was a proper shower, I swear), I experienced the reaction of showing a Romanian Passport. I figure out the reason by myself, without using Google. I concluded that it is a brand that I simply don’t wear it, and not by choice, but because I don’t fit.
    I’m dying to see someone who stands-up straight against poverty, hunger, cold, disappointment, failure, pain and so forth and he/she is still capable to perform smiling.
    These are the people that have the right to speak and are even welcomed to lead.

    That’s all about hospitality and moral values or… it’s more about systems, life quality, backgrounds, visions and mentalities. I’m quite lost in translation.

    Back to the 4 year-old topic, dating… girls, guys… humanity’s headache in searching for the other half.
    Well, simply look for the one who completes or motivates you in a better way. Carefully, if you walk slowly, don’t search for an Olympic runner. You’ll get mauled.

    Romanian guys: let’s be fair and admit that there is room for improvements. Start connecting the dots, guys. You can start that today or… anytime you feel you are ready, in this life. I strongly believe that me, my friends and other guys we are all capable of sacrifice and this should tell a lot about Romanians guys.

    Romanian girls: Romania is a country where men are getting blind and dizzy by the beauty and flavor of these flowers that bloom every day, night and season and, nevertheless, men shall do much more for them.
    No matter how badly Romania fails despite of all our struggles, we found a grace because of our supportive, caring, hard working and beautiful women. For those who tend not to believe, I advice them to take the subway in Bucharest at the rush hours or to go in restaurants at the lunch break, before judging by their wide experiences in clubs.

    Wondering how Romania would be without them? Empty! There would be neither reason nor perspective to live here. We owe them a lot and they disserve appreciation on each occasion.

    Comment by mg — October 8, 2010 @ 12:31 pm | Reply

    • Supportive, caring and hard-working? Are you a Slav? Go home and make your wife coffee!

      Comment by M — October 18, 2010 @ 7:53 pm | Reply

      • Why…? Since I’m so caring and also I became aware of my occasional genetic skills in to oppress people, especially women (in this terms I feel more man), let’s say that I decided to keep the coffee only for myself, until the very last drop.

        On the other hand, well, I’ve got some news.
        Working on Romania is frequently confused with slavery’s abuse. Hard-working is suicide on long term. As a proof, many women are exposed to losing pregnancy cause of the stress in multinational companies. Acceptance requires some studies, of course.
        The treatment is similar to “Hm! You are a Romanian …? So you can take (endure) a lot.”
        It’s no excuse, complaint or so. Those are just simply facts, results caused by the lack of a common attitude, which is condemning.
        Even so, many of them find strength to move forward in their existence, to look incredible good which, again, takes a lot of effort, money and pain. Natural beauty is not enough. They also find time for practicing good cooking skills, are good mothers, they have constructive criticism and, obviously, this kind of persons don’t need a man with a car driving them to the mall. Doing “something else on the other side”, let’s say, it doesn’t not include online-chating all day long.
        Again, many are genuinely super women.
        And yes, to such a woman I’ll make a coffee and I’ll be supportive at any time on any condition as any man should be. It’s true, behind every successful man there is a great woman.

        Considering that these women need oppression in the way you described is simply out of the entire galaxy, an advertising of the white-women oppression by someone who is not aware of the reality, who spends a lot of time reading and typing in a subjective manner.

        What can I say? I’m so sensible, but not without a constant help being fed with so much knowledge since 2009. Luckily. Otherwise, I would have been in a dilemma.
        Since then I began to study brain structure. I learned that is the same as the others but, ironically, works differently.

        Almost amusing. We can say (in fact, only write, for the moment) anything, at any level, just to have some fun. With a small effort, it may seem that we are entitled.
        I’m just trying to delight you. Is it working? I put some effort. I’ll be pleased even with a lie. I won’t tell anyone.

        Regarding figures and numbers, I personally vote for Iraqis. These guys are simply awesome.

        In the end, I tend to believe that you just picked this forum, linked to its topic, arguing almost any point of view, having no background other than the one provided by Google or, maybe you prefer, Yahoo. How should I know?! Right now, I’m more religious than geek.

        Isn’t it, Mary?

        Comment by mg — October 19, 2010 @ 2:16 am

      • well said mg🙂. All the women in my immediate family were those kinds of women and it is very nice to see some people who still believe in this. This site is definitely not a representation of all the romanian population and I’m sure most decent people don’t bother going on here (not counting those who accidentally run across it :P). In any case I thought someone should say something to contradict this, just on principle if nothing else. Good luck with your everything!

        Comment by Andra — October 19, 2010 @ 2:54 am

  215. Meow! I need a true love’s kiss~

    Comment by Butterfly — October 15, 2010 @ 7:51 am | Reply

  216. Haven’t read all of the comments. Just wanted to say that I am an American woman and my husband is Romanian. Best relationship I have ever had — he’s my everything. I think as long as there is communication and the willingness to learn about each others culture, there’s no limit.

    Comment by Vee — November 3, 2010 @ 11:37 pm | Reply

  217. Hello, I am an American (female) and have a rather close Romanian (male) friend whom I have known for roughly 10 months. We went to University together and I tutored him in English and Speech (this is how we met). We would hangout together at school and did so for only about 2 months (He graduated and returned back to Europe). We keep up to date with each other, sending letters and talking via skype/yahoo/email (which is hard considering our time difference and work/school schedules)…It was only about 4 months ago when we both realized that we were really falling for each other. He is very sweet and kind and we both share similar interest as well as humor and personalities; I have never gotten the sense of him being forward or dominating (like I said, we were only friends..nothing physical or sexual, and we only got 2 months to hangout in person).

    Now I do not want anyone thinking I am racist to any one person or culture (race if you must)…or that I dislike Romanians (or anyone for that matter)…I myself am half Italian and half Greek, not to mention I enjoy helping and tutoring the foreign (as well as American) students at my University. In fact I find pretty much every country interesting in their own way, I hold no bias opinion towards anyone or their counrty of origin….after all, just because one apple is rotten does not mean every apple on the tree is (for lack of better words). I love learning about different countries and the people and cultures too.

    I plan on furthering my studies in Europe next year (which I am rather excited about). I was not able to read all of the comments posted to this blog but the blog itself and the comments I was able to read were, in fact, very interesting. Everyone has their own opinions most of which are based on firsthand exeriences. I want to go ahead and say, that I am not against my country (America, if a reminder is needed) or my fellow citizens…I just want to expand my knowledge of the world by traveling it and experiencing it all. Like they say, too much of the same thing can become boring or bland. To be honest, I am not bored of the US (or its residents for that matter) I simply find joy in gaining knowledge of things most people have a one-sided opinion about (not saying everyone does).

    So now that I have given my quick life story, I will get to asking what I find relivent in this matter. I have chosen to study at a University close to where my Romanian friend lives. We are both hoping that our friendship turns into something more (it is some what difficult to hold a solid relationship when we are 3,000 miles away from each other) but I read some of the things that people have posted here and well..to be honest, it is a bit scary. Of course again, not everyone is the same and people have a right to their own opinion; I am only stating this fear in my own opinion. Now I am not going to ask, “Is this a good idea?” “What should I do?” or any of those questions for that matter. I am merely posting this to get feedback on what people might think (I am sure for some, no questions will be needed for a response). I have not been to Romania, therefor I do not know firsthand how it all is…but I like to give everyone benefit of a doubt when we meet and for me and my friend we have talked about strenghthening our relationship. He doesn’t seem to be what some of these post describe Romanian men to be…but I now feel I will have a more cautious mind when him and I talk about our “maybe” future plans. Like I stated before, we did not have a lot of time to hangout in person…and I surely don’t want to dictate him with a 3,000 mile whip (I am not controlling in any way). I do hope this relationship expands but for now I will wait patiently to see what happens as well as for insight about this topic of choice.

    Thanks!🙂

    -Catalina

    Comment by Catalina — November 27, 2010 @ 11:12 am | Reply

    • People mess up either because they’re very different or because they don’t know what is expected of them. If you’re Greek, all you need to do is go with your gut feeling and you will do just fine. I’m usually pretty negative, but I think that you’re doing very well already. Don’t worry, go for it.

      Comment by M — November 27, 2010 @ 12:58 pm | Reply

  218. Well I like to think my gut feeling is always right, in a general sense that is. It told me to become more than an acquaintance with him and now I am getting this feeling to hold on to him. Though to say in a less dramatic kind of way, I surely hope that there will be a pleasant, so called fairy-tail end between us. It is now that I often find myself asking , “what if he is really like this?” (As far as what some people believe Romanian men are like). Of course it is merely a rhetorical question, for I have no firsthand experience thus far. I also find myself weighing back on the fact of what I have been through, which my friend knows about. I was in an abusive relationship for a few years and it wasnt until I met my Romanian friend, that I got the courage to finally grow a set and walk away from my ex (now I am not here looking for sympathy…or advice on that so please if you will, burry the urge to tell me what I should have done). I mention this because of how he reacted when he found out about my situation with my ex, not only was he repulsed but told me of how much he hated men like that…the ones who are controlling and abusive…he said women are nto door mats they are people and deserve to be treated wonderfully (which is why again I say he is nothing like what some people are describing) Anyway, truth be told, I find no need to rush into the “I DOs”…for I am only but 20 years of age and still have pleanty of time ahead of myself. But I guess I will sit back and enjoy this ride on cruise control and await the end answer to my game of “Life”…if of course, I decide to continue playing the board, that is. And M, thank you for your surprisingly positive comment..much appreciated🙂 (I have also read more of what you posted on here…and I must say, though it (to me) holds a some what bias-one-sided gerneralization, I totally agree with why you make the point and arguements you do…I myself can say I have a generalizing side (Gerneralizing seems more of a universal definition, and I am lacking better words here so please forgive me, I do not mean to offend you, poke fun, or call you racist…I am not using this word in that way) and it is but human nature to have a side like this, again….every one of us have our own experience with even the same cultures in some cases as well as each of us having our own voice.

    -Catalina

    Comment by Catalina — November 28, 2010 @ 11:43 pm | Reply

    • First of all, you should look at who you’re taking advice from. Andra does not have a boyfriend. If you take her advice, chances are you’ll end up just like her. So I’ll give you my take:

      If you want the boy you will have to go and get him. In Romania women have the privilege to sit around and expect men to court them. In the UK a naive White boy (which is what your man is) will be a piece of meat to desperate Asian and Brown women. If you don’t catch him – one of them will. So how do you catch him?

      As I wrote before, sex and love is the way to go. Wear a short skirt, flirt, get him in bed quickly (if he says no, just keep insisting) and don’t be inhibited. Think like this: “he is valuable, he must be taken care of, he can have whatever he wants, I need to make him feel good”. If he was a bit older or living in Romania, I’d give you different advice. But now that you’re going to the UK, this is what you need to do. Once you catch him, go buy a jilbab, cover up, whatever you do, don’t keep wearing the short skirts!

      The main rule is that men and women socialize separately. If you are in mixed company, avoid looking at or speaking to his friends. You can hang out with his friends’ girlfriends or wives instead.

      His mother will probably hate you. This is normal. Make sure you have more influence over him than his mother does. Make sure you’re covered up (neck to toe) when you see his family. Avoid them as much as possible.

      Britain is not a good place for Romanian people. And it’s probably not good for you either. I know, because I studied in Britain. If you’re going to have a future with him, you’re going to have to get him out of there. You’ll still need to learn the language and the culture. And don’t buy into the whole “modern” thing. He may be wearing a suit, but underneath he’s still a sheepherder from the 1800’s. Never forget that.

      Comment by M — November 29, 2010 @ 7:35 am | Reply

      • Wow M…most certainly insightful and very straight-to-the-point if I might add. The thing is though….I am not one to flawnt what I got…nor am I hasty to jump into bed, I prefer to refrain from letting myself do so until I am married. But I surely do agree with you when yousay this….it is now just a matter of telling myself to go for it (in a some what awkward sense). I am not sure whether or not i believe him when he say that he has never been with a women (sexually speaking) but then again i tell myself, well he isn’t like American men who seem more of the “man whore” type. He has had a girlfriend however, but said she was too persistant to sleep with him and he did not want to because she was not “the one”. Now, I am not so neive as to think that he has nto slept with someone…though it may be true what he says but I like to think that a man is a man…no matter the country of origin (in most cases) and if so, it does not bother me in the least. And when he asked me what I look for in a man I made it very clear that I expect the man to treat me as an equal, not a door mat as well as for him to be committed to me and only me (these along with other typical qualities we women desire form the oppisite sex). And he agreed with me and told me his perfect women would be good looking, have a great sense of humor and make a good mother (personally I think having children is far overrated ecspecially in todays world), he also stated he would like her not to wear short clothing or very revealing because he does nto want other men to look at her; admitting he was a bit jelous. So this might already be a downside to this “maybe” future (having kids) but to have him as a friend is more than enough for me.

        As far as the socializing….I have talked with many of his friends (romanians & brits); a friend and him studied at my univ. together…but like what was said, it may play out differently when he is on his “home turff” and we are in person there. And his family seems very nice, I have talked with his sisters and it seemed harmless. But then again….so do most things that are, in reality, bad enough to say in the least.

        I thank you for your insight and continue to look forward to replies as I continue to wade into deep waters, with caution…and for now the most I can do is update about my situation. Thanks again!🙂

        -Catalina

        Comment by Catalina — November 29, 2010 @ 9:12 am

      • It all comes down to how badly you want him. Everything Andra said is correct. You should especially take note of the male-female dynamic that she describes. This all works very well – in Romania. But you’re going to Britain. And this makes things a bit different. For one, there will be women who think it’s totally ok or even desirable to court a man. Yes, the man might very well hate on you for “tricking him into bed”. But these women will not care. They will get the boy, put up with being hated on, and stay with him. You will end up without the boy. Although you’re a good girl, these women are willing to go to lengths that you are not. I know it’s not pretty, it’s not politically correct, but it’s simply the way it is.

        I’m not telling you to be trashy. I’m telling you to try to be alone with him until it happens by itself. And if it doesn’t, well, you’re just going to have to find a way that it does. You should consider that you have already had a boyfriend and that you have been seen in public talking to other men. This kind of stuff is not well looked upon. I see it as a choice between getting him and keeping your self-respect. And if you feel that covering up and having children is compromising for you now, then you will have to change in order to even have a relationship. In your view, you will most likely have to be “a total doormat”.

        From what I see in your latest post, I would say that he is playing you. This doesn’t mean you can’t still get him. But then you’ll have to be the one to go and snare him.

        Comment by M — November 29, 2010 @ 1:04 pm

    • children are important in our culture…in the sense that everyone expects to get married and have them one day. If you really do not, this may be a deal breaker. If you’re just not sure or too young to think about it yet then give yourself some time. Do NOT try to “catch” him as M suggests though (keep in mind that she is in a very abusive relationship, you already had one of those, don’t make this one into another).

      In ANY country (most certainly romania) men are supposed to do the courting. This is SO ingrained that when my family first immigrated and I started going to school here (North America) and heard that girls ask guys out I was as shocked as if they’d told me that they have 3 eyes. I am not joking. In Romania it is VERY VERY demeaning for a girl to do this. And for her to insist after he turned her down once is BEYOND demeaning. It means she’s insane desperate and basically trash. You do not want to give this impression. Just be yourself and don’t try to hook him or anything like that(Romanians are generally good at mind games, he’ll know what you’re doing). If he’s coming after you then he’s interested if not you have your answer: friends. For as long as that lasts. You should know that there are very few long lasting male-female friendships and those that exist people usually assume that you’re sleeping together. Just something to keep in mind if you ever feel any weird looks or anything.

      Be careful with the jealousy thing too. A little bit may be flattering but if he actually gets very jealous that’s never a good thing bc it means he’s insecure and unstable. People are more possessive in Romania but be very weary of this. Because of the history of that region a lot of the men can be a bit unstable. This is why I advise caution. He may love you but that can be a very destructive love in the sense that some wish to reshape you in what they want you to be. And you may have heard of this before since it’s a common problem but you will not be familiar with the WAY in which they try this aka extreme manipulation. Don’t worry, from what you said here I really don’t think he’s the type to go after women who throw themselves at him🙂. You should take the story about the gf that was too persistent to sleep with him as a warning. People do NOT tell those stories just to amuse, it means something. My father did not have any gf before he met my mother and they slept together in their 20s. It is definitely possible. Whether this is the case here or not, that remains for you to find out. But I definitely believe it would be a mistake for you to try to jump into bed with him. Look for him hinting that YOU’RE the one. And then wait till he states that he KNOWS you’re the one. And THEN decide whether HE’s the one for you.

      This may not be what you want to hear but it will be MUCH MUCH better for your future. He will not change his mind over kids or his principles or anything pretty much ( maybe colors or dressing style :P). He is old enough to know what he wants by now and these are the kinds of things people decide on early. So don’t think that you can just have him fall in love and then maybe he’ll change his mind. Also keep in mind that there is no friendship after a relationship has gone wrong. So if you do value this relationship, try to be relatively sure that he’s the one before jumping to the romantic relationship bc otherwise you’ll DEFINITELY lose the friendship aspect when it goes wrong. Also note that people tend to marry pretty quickly once they found the right “one” so again be SURE and take it very seriously.

      This is just my take on it. I don’t know if he’s lieing or not (I’d have to be able to see him to get a sense of that) so I can’t give guarantees but IF he’s telling the truth then attempting seduction would be a big mistake, the jealousy thing is a red flag and you need to figure out where you stand on the kids thing. That’s it, good luck, and think about everything very seriously. We do believe in finding the ONE, figure out if he’s that one or not and go in with a 50:50 mentality (as in equal chances of him being or not being the right one) and be prepared for the bad 50% as well.
      Otherwise you’ll ignore warning signs and end up back where you started –> bad relationship.

      Comment by Andra — November 29, 2010 @ 10:00 am | Reply

      • one last important thing I forgot to mention: if he’s holding out for the right girl and you insist and succeed in getting him into bed when he’s NOT sure that you’re the one, he’ll most likely resent you. Lust and resent are definitely NOT mutually exclusive. He’ll hate what you did and that you succeeded in lowering him to a level he doesn’t wish to be on. And he’ll hate himself for being too weak to resist. Don’t go there. Once you get there there is no way back. You’ll always be a symbol for what he hates most about himself. Relationship are supposed to strengthen you against what it bad in yourself as well as against life, the world, etc. If yours is built on weakness (his, yours, doesn’t matter) you’ll never be happy together. Don’t be fooled into thinking that because he goes along with it at the moment he won’t hate what he did later. He will. Like I said before there is a lot of duality on people. Some can raise above their baser instincts and NEVER succumb to them, others try but can still fail. However even the weakest person will know that they shouldn’t and that it’s a sign of weakness. In your case your potential guy already knows and has succeed in doing the “right” thing so far. Trying to get him to fail now is a VERY bad idea.

        Comment by Andra — November 29, 2010 @ 10:25 am

      • Well andra, I must hand it to you….you pretty much read my mind about everything I was thinking. I am a really subtle person and not really one to throw myself at anyone..I guess you could say that I am rather shy and quiet. So when I am told I have to be pronounced and forward…well that is a bit much, and might I add some what out of my comfort zone.

        My first instinct was to assume he was telling the truth about his ex gf…and like you said, people don’t usually make those kinds of things up just for laughs. And the way he acts just makes it more assuring. For example, when we cam on skype he always lets me know if he is in his night wear; shorts and no shirt (because of our 6 hour time difference when we are able to talk it is usually 10 pm there) and then he asks me if he should put a shirt on before he gets on cam. Eventhough I tell him it is ok and that I dont mind if he was wrapped in 100 coats or nothing at all, he always asks me. I am not sure if this story tells you anything about him, personality wise, but for me this was such a nice demeaner/quality for a man to have and for that I respect him very much.

        Ahhh…kids, kids, kids. I have in my mind right now that I feel no need for them. Whatsoever. But I know deep down that once I find the “one” the decision to have children will come to me surely and easily and at that point i will not mind because I will want to have the children of the person I love.

        And as far as the 50/50 mentality…I am but one step ahead of you I think🙂. I do have it in the back of my mind that this might not work out and that it is very very possible I will lose a really great friendship as well, but I try not to think about too much, for I have discussed this with him a few months ago at the time that our new feelings surfaced.

        To be quite honest, he did tell me that he loved me and that he did not want me to think he was just another prick guy saying that but for me to truely believe that he did…and well I believe him. I know that all guys have a way of charming and manipulating (for girls are the same way, we have just learned to be subtle about it😛 ) but the words he told me were ones I have never heard before, not even in a movie. He really is a very sweet person, inside and out. Like I have mentioned before, we have talked about furthering our relationship..as far as marriage is concerned. We often joke about marriage between each other, joking about where we would get married and where we would travel to for our honeymoon, we have a running joke about a marriage proposal and when he says something that sounds even the slightest thing close to a proposal I always ask him if it is a hint of a proposal? It was just a day or 2 ago, he told me that a marriage proposal was indeed going to happen…for sure he said, but how and when, that was still left to be answered. It left me feeling happy to know that finally our joke was taken serious😀. (Again, I know none of this is relivent but I figured since you are giving such wonderful advice, I would fill you in on the whole situation rather than a run-down…hoping it might help you more to know exactly what I am dealing with😛🙂 )

        Thank you again Andra!🙂

        -Catalina

        Comment by Catalina — November 29, 2010 @ 12:12 pm

  219. ok so if you wanted some practical tips, here’s what I got:

    – don’t go there hoping for a relationship, go and try to hang out and see what he’s like in his own environment, meet his friends, hang out in a social environment etc. Get to know more people and make some friends yourself and hang out in groups. This is important bc a lot of times how someone hangs out in groups tells you a lot more about them then how they do when it’s just the 2 of you.

    – remember that so far your interaction has been in more artificial environments for him: foreign country, internet. You should try to let the relationship evolve as normally as possible from now on.

    – try to get a feeling of what his family is like; you may be able to do this at social occasions such as his b-day or Christmas if they hold parties. This will be easier if you’re part of some group since his friends may be invited.

    – if you don’t know the language you should focus on that first and getting a feeling for the culture. Again, even if he’s told you some things already it is important for you to get to know it yourself outside of his perspective.

    – another thing, if you haven’t discussed this already you should attempt to figure out where he sees himself in the future. Is he planning on staying in Romania? does he want to immigrate? BOTH of these are important for different reason.

    Conclusion: he already knows that you’re going there to be with him (even if you said that you are going to study, this is STILL what he will believe) but I would recommend that you take time and NOT go straight to a relationship. Take time to get a feel for things yourself. He may be a very nice guy, but that doesn’t necessarily make him your other half. So try to figure out things yourself independently of him. I’m assuming that you want his respect as well as his love. For that it is important to be on equal footing with him. When you first get there you’ll automatically be at a disadvantage bc it’s his culture and not yours and therefore he know more about it then you do. I would suggest to attempt to even the odds a little first. And you must also get to know his family SLOWLY if you’re hoping for a happy ending since thy will have a say as well. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I realize that I didn’t really elaborate on some things…I’m just not sure what you know, what you don’t etc. and I’m in a rush now😛.

    Comment by Andra — November 29, 2010 @ 2:06 am | Reply

    • Well thank you Andra for the tips.🙂 However, he is not living in Romania…he lives in the UK and it is due to the traditional ways of Romania as well as the political side of things that he left his country in the first place; he told me “he loves his country very much but it is also a beautiful country lead by corrupt pigs and that makes it a difficult place to start a life, he does nto want to accept working like a slave all his life just to pay bills and get food…he will just not accept doing that. And the way men control their families and wives is not something he will accept either (I quote these words from him, not myself). But yet again, even in my own country, we have traditions such as this…very relgious people who hold these values and traditions…but I am always sure to stay clear of such happenings.

      And yes, we have both discussed to carry our established relationship thus far (friends as of now)and start where we left off when I arrive to the UK for my schooling. I know he knows that part of the reason I chose to go to that specific University was because it would give us more time to spend together (in a friendship way). We have both discussed this…and he knows it as well. I completely agree about what you say Andra, I am not going to leave holding expectations of a relationship nor marriage and a family…but we both hope to continue our friendship even if it is merely a friendship that continues.🙂

      As far as immigrating…he does not really want to leave Europe, he likes the US but not very sure if he would live here and it is I who is ready to depart with my beloved country (Hince why I am studying abroad) where I can gain knowledge and experience to set forth my majors and minors. I hold a European Political Science major as well as a European/English Literature major. I am studying at this specific University in the UK to gain my International Affairs minor as well as my Early European History minor (Specifically Germany, France, Russia/Soviet Union and Asia). I know that you do not care what I am going to school for but I thought I would share, I surley do love European culture, people and history🙂 (I can thank my love of Ice Hockey for my fascination with Europe).😀

      So anyway, again with my life story for which I apologize for but I truely do understand that I need to take things slow…and to be able to see him in his own enviroment; who he really is. I am not after anything from him (though he does show me respect) except the ability to share a laugh or two.

      He seems to stem himself far from his own roots (again, for lack of better words). He is proud to be a Romanian but would much rather live more modern then traditional. I know some of his language as well as some of what the culture is about…that is the prize that comes with tutoring foreign students, not only do I teach them more about my culture and language but they have made me fond of roughly 9 languages and cultural aspects of many, many countries.🙂

      The insight you have provided me is more than appreciated and yet again I will ponder these tips and if anything, focus more on red flags, if or when I see them. Thanks again!😀

      -Catalina

      Comment by Catalina — November 29, 2010 @ 5:57 am | Reply

  220. ok so you’re right this is a bit more advanced then I thought. So in this case since he already mentioned that it’s going to happen you should stop joking about it now and just let it be. Look for things that suggest that what he says is actually what he means: for example does he keep promises or does he say he will do something and then has a tendency to forget or not get to it? when you get there, does he want you to meet his family in person and introduces you formally, himself? So not casually. When a guy formally introduces a girl to his family it’s big. It means he’s serious about her and is what is expected to happen if he plans to marry her? When you do meet his family in person (btw you MUST MEET HIS FAMILY BEFORE MARRYING!!!! I know he’s in a different country now but before you guys marry MEET the family! IN PERSON (not skype)!!! Go to dinner. If he’s avoiding this for some reason, it’s a bad sign! very bad sign! let me know if you need more information on this) watch the family dynamics VERY closely. We as human beings are pre-programed to follow in the footsteps of what we’ve seen at home. There are very few people that SUCCESSFULLY break away from bad family patterns. And out of those it is unheard of that they won’t still retain SOME bad habits. This means that if he’s father is abusive and alcoholic, if the son puts in ALL his effort and will power he will only occasionally swear and yell but NOT be abusive or alcoholic. But you won’t have a laid back, tranquil person😛. So keep this in mind when observing them. On your part, be polite! and bring a gift (it’s ALWAYS done even if they say no 10 times; something small don’t go overboard popular choice: bottle of wine, flowers for the mother). Don’t try to impress them too much, in the beginning it is far better to be reserved and polite. You’re there to observe more then to take charge of the situation. If things keep progressing then in the long run you will of course have to be more active and actually get to know them more, express opinions etc. You should dress nicely but again not over the top, so…like for dinner to a restaurant not formal dance. Clean and a bit above average. Ok enough about that😛
    So for the marriage thing it is important to be sure that he is the right person for you, even more then it is to make a good impression. This means that you should not be continuing to act in a way that you think HE would like (again this is about HIM not the family). You guys need to become VERY comfortable with each other and know all your strengths and weaknesses before deciding to spend every day for the rest of your lives together. Don’t worry about rocking the boat, bc it is inevitable that at SOME point you will have to argue about something and if you don’t know how to do that now then it will be much harder to figure out after you’re already married and there are a 1000 more expectations on you. Of course you should assume that he will be on his best behavior despite this😛 (hint: he wants to get the girl thus all logic aside he’ll still act his best :P) which means that if you hear him swear once a weak now, chances are that will go up significantly later. Keep this in mind. Oh DO NOT SWEAR!! Why? Because everyone considers it bad, but men are supposed to be more rough around the edges so people expect that from them…not so much from the girls though (if you use some bad language sometimes then don’t worry about it now cuz it’s too late anyway😛 and he obviously doesn’t care but do NOT do it around his family). Now this may seem like I’m giving you some contradictory advice: be yourself, BUT don’t do some of the things you’re used to. Let me clarify. It’s important to be very honest in certain FUNDAMENTAL aspects such as your principles, what type of person you are (you want to stay home or go out partying) whether how he dresses is very important to you (aka you value what other people think) if you want kids, etc. BUT things that are simply bad habbits: chewing nails, not the cleanest room all the time, swearing, etc. you should bring out slowly and see the other person’s reaction first. IF they are only bad habits and do not have a deeper meaning: if swearing is part of being violent then obviously that’s not something to hide. I sometimes use the f word. This is not a part of my personality, I simply do it bc there are very few choices of bad words in English and since it’s a second language it doesn’t have as much impact/ significance to me. But I only do this very rarely not every second word. You must discover these things about each other if you don’t know already. If you have never had a fight then you must first experience that and see what happens. Sex can be figured out a lot easier then all of the above. So when considering marriage, worry less about the bed and more about the “schmuck” on it😛. If you have the necessary connection and understanding and level of openness then it WILL work out (honestly in case you haven’t notice people have managed to sleep together for quite a few 1000s of years and this was before books, magazines, instructional videos ETC!! so it’s not exactly rocket science :P). If not it will just be an epic fail anyway, cuz you don’t know how to communicate and say what you want. All this is of course up to your interpretation! What people do in their own bedrooms is purely their concern, I’m just saying that you should NOT be worrying that you’ll lose him and do it because of that. That’s all🙂 And don’t forget to get him to meet your family as well. Don’t rush to marriage. Just get to know each other very well first.🙂

    Comment by Andra — November 30, 2010 @ 10:54 am | Reply

    • oh and it’s tempting to want reassurances (aka marriage proposals, declarations of love etc.) but don’t forget the main goal. Don’t get so hung up on the fact that he’s a great guy and he loves you that you no longer pay attention to what is really important: if he’s the right one for you! Too many times people get caught up in the emotional high of some nice person truly carrying about them and, seek so many reassurances that this is true, that they let things advance way too fast and before they know it they’re at the altar but they never really took the time to see if what they believe about the other person is actually true. Many people may be nice and are capable of falling in love with you but in most cases that won’t be the exact right thing for you and the relationship falls apart later on. The rosy glasses must at least partly(yes partly, since fully would be impossible😛 I know) come off before you say “I do”. Life is hard, you must both have the ability to endure the SAME level of hardship and still love each other.

      Comment by Andra — November 30, 2010 @ 11:08 am | Reply

  221. Thank you soooo much Andra😀 You truely are a huge help!🙂

    Comment by Catalina — December 8, 2010 @ 12:35 am | Reply

  222. I am in need of some tips…I have just started dating a romanian man and want to know about their gift culture.

    Comment by Andrea — December 21, 2010 @ 1:15 am | Reply

    • bottle of wine & flowers when you go over to anybody’s house.

      Comment by Andra — March 25, 2011 @ 1:38 am | Reply

  223. Hello. I am polish married to romanian for 8 years we have a child. we live in England. I will say short. He is the biggest pig i ever met in my whole life. His friends are like him. He is despotic possessive, making me feel guilty treating me like a servant cook and washing machine. I am looking for the way out from this marriage, a bit too late because he made me to be totaly dependant on him. Dont belive sweet eyes and sweet words they will turn to devil eyes and abuse.
    thats my advice.

    Comment by martaanastasia — March 1, 2011 @ 2:41 am | Reply

    • Dear martaanastasia,

      You are a woman with an attitude problem. You must understand that you are not a person. In the rumun’s subconscious, women are not people. They are animals, like dog/horse/sheep. It’s not to hate on women or anything. And it’s not like men feel overjoyed over it. But that’s just the way it is. So how do you go from being a person to being an animal? Well, you simply accept the privileges that you get as an animal. Think of it as two spheres. There is a male sphere and a female sphere. You stay in the female sphere and never do things or care about things that are in the male sphere. How he is, what he does and what his friends are like is in the male sphere, and you SHOULD NOT MEDDLE IN THAT. Household work is in the female sphere and he shouldn’t be involved in it.

      Stop caring about person-things. Instead of caring about paying bills, working, finding an Internet provider and such, you should care about household, being pretty, going to church, being chaste and staying in the home. You should not leave the home without your man’s permission.

      I believe that if you find it a huge problem to cook a bit and do the laundry (I assume you have a washing machine like all normal people in Britain, note that would you live in Rumania, you would’ve had to do laundry by hand), then you’ve failed before you’ve even started. Admittedly, a Rumanian man is not for everyone, and we all have a free choice when looking for a partner. But if you have decided to be with one, been with him for almost a decade, had a child with him, well, then you should, I feel anyway, put a bit more effort into it than whining about washing and cooking.

      Let me ask you this: besides for cooking and cleaning, (which women have been doing for thousands of years anyway and costs about £9 an hour to hire) have you done anything for him that he would find tangible? No, laundry doesn’t count. The machine does that for you. I mean have you: attempted to learn his language, worn covering clothing, cooked his national food, taken an interest in whatever it is he likes, gone to church, made yourself pretty, attempted to convert to his religion, taken your child to church, had your child baptized in Rumanian Orthodox church, avoided contact with men you’re not related to…. I could go on, but if you haven’t done even one of these things, well, then you’ve failed.

      This might all sound very difficult, because I know very well that your man isn’t exactly telling you what he wants and expects out of you. I’ve written quite a few posts on the topic in this very blog/comments section, in the hope that they might help someone, so just search for my previous posts.

      Comment by M — March 9, 2011 @ 2:28 pm | Reply

  224. I have to agree, Romanian men are jerks and pigs. LIARS AND CHEATERS!!!! NEVER TRUST A ROMANIAN GUY! Punt!

    Comment by Ana Maria Vasilescu — March 24, 2011 @ 10:30 pm | Reply

    • HOW MANY DID YOU TRY TO KNOW THEM THAT WELL!?
      If less than 100 your affirmation is irrelevant, if more than 100 you are whore and you deserve their treatment🙂

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 8:55 am | Reply

  225. Have you guys ever considered that maybe you should LEARN something from your negative experiences?

    For example:

    If I discovered tomorrow that something in my thinking has led me into a situation where someone was able to cheat and lie to my face for an extended period of time I would have to reach the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, I was being an IDIOT!!!

    Thus I would then take steps to repair the obvious flaws in my thinking which have contributed to MAKING me behave like an idiot and thus enabling bad people to take advantage of me. What I would NOT do was place all the blame (and therefore all the control) for this event on the OTHER person. Because if I chose to place all the blame on the other person I would also be choosing to do absolutely nothing to fix what is wrong with ME and so leave myself completely open to repeating the same mistake with the next bad person who may or may not be Romanian (yes I know this is shocking but I regret to inform you that not all bad guys are in fact Romanian…please feel free to take a break from reading and deal with the hyperventilation this news has certainly caused).

    I would not be doing the above steps in order to absolve the bad person (Romanian guy in this case) of their fair share of responsibility in being an absolute asshole and disgrace as a human being. I would be doing the above action in order to protect MYSELF from being an asshole’s toy. Because ladies at the end of the day you should not give a f***ing rat’s ass about him! You really should be more worried about yourselves. Whether you choose to believe it (and do something about it) or not there WILL be other assholes out there.

    Eliminating an entire people will not protect you from the assholes of NON-Romanian origins, and you should be more concerned with learning from your mistakes (yes, thrusting an asshole was a mistake) than slandering all Romanians in general. THAT would be a productive way to channel your rage and frustration. THIS…really isn’t. The only thing you’re doing here is giving an asshole the power to shape your opinion of an entire people! Now if that really seems like a good idea to you, all I can say is good luck with life. You’re gonna need it.

    Comment by Andra — March 25, 2011 @ 1:36 am | Reply

  226. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. John 3:16-18

    Jesus loves us and He is waiting for us to come to Him, to repent and live for Him, by His grace only . Interesting article. I am a woman from Romania. My email is givemewingstfly@yahoo.com.
    If someone wants, we can talk through email abt Jesus and other things.

    Sorry if I wrote rough or don t know. Be blessed. Thank u all.

    Comment by Andreea — April 3, 2011 @ 1:10 pm | Reply

  227. I’m a 24 year old female and have been dating a 24 year old Romanian here in the US for over 2 years. We have an 8 month old daughter together. All I can say is this: He was a very sweet, kind, romantic man in the beginning, and then changed for the worse. Controlling, selfish, and just rude and cruel all the time is how he is now. He’s selfish in bed, and only takes care of our Daughter if I ask him to do things. He’s always asking how much money I have (NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! We are NOT married.) He’s a prick to my family. I’m always telling him these things, but he doesn’t listen. I’ll be leaving him. I had to post. I’m not saying all Romanian men are like this, but most of them are…sad that most won’t admit it!!!

    Comment by "D" — April 20, 2011 @ 3:27 am | Reply

  228. I am a Romanian guy and I find the topic a little bit insulting. All I can hear are particular experiences and for each bad one, I can give a good example of happy couples where the Romanian guy is what a man is supposed to be: a carrying husband and father.

    Most of the time we are making choices, the bad ones. The signs that a guy is bad or good are there, right from the beginning, but we are choosing not to see, to ignore it. Most of us, men or women, are thinking that things can change, that you can change the other, which never happens. And than we persist in our mistakes. I can tell this because this is what I have done, persisting in my mistakes, falling for the same type of person, feeling abused, etc.

    I end up here because I am chatting to someone whom I told I am Romanian and the person wanted to find out more about Romanian men. Well… most of the things have been written here are mean and meaningless.

    Balance is the way to find a balanced person. We cannot invest the other one with things we cannot offer. We cannot expect to be loved for the love that we give. We can just love and expect nothing in return. If we expect something, we might looking for it into a retail shop or at the market. There people sells things…

    Comment by gigelceluratzel — April 30, 2011 @ 7:23 pm | Reply

  229. Hey “D”, my soul sister, chillax woman and try not to get all menstrual with your partner. It will only make matters worse.
    First step: MAKE FRIENDS again with your partner.
    Secondly: TALK to the father of your daughter about all those bad things he does to you and how much you hate it, (if you haven’t done it yet). Maybe he doesn’t realize it or you might find out why he’s being a bad person too…it could be partly your fault?!.
    Relationships are all about compromises for YOUR daughter’s sake!

    In the end, if it doesn’t work out allright between the two of you, go your separate ways peacefully and enjoy life. That’s what I think is right to do, (I am a beautiful Romanian man by the way and I like to read blogs written in English ^__^).

    Lots of love from Brasov, Romania.

    Comment by Florin — April 30, 2011 @ 9:07 pm | Reply

  230. i have a romanian bf what i met on the web.and we havn’t meet personally. and as i was trying to do a research about romanians, i saw this blog and really got my attention. now i understand my bf’s behavior. he’s so straight to the point guy and very arogant in my opinion. but still i love him. thanks to you guys..

    by the way im from philippines.

    Comment by betina — May 5, 2011 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  231. i fell in love with a romanian man recently, i worshipped the ground that he walked on, we shared some lovely memories together, he promised me the world. wanted to marry me have children with me. then he waited for me to go to work and dumped me by text message, turned out he had a girlfriend in romania. i am so upset and heart broken,this was the text i got. HAI JO IM GOING TO LONDON NOW, MY GALFREND IS COMING IN LONDON THIS MORNING, PLEYS DONT RINGMY, YOU KHEN TEXME IM VERY SORY, AY HAVE TO GOING IN MAY WAY………….

    i cant believe he is a 30 year old man who could do this to a vulnerable 23 year old girl. i love him with all my heart!!! florin timis you are so cruel

    Comment by joaney — May 6, 2011 @ 2:45 pm | Reply

    • I am 23, dating a 30 year old Romanian guy. I showed him this post. He is very defensive. Last year, we started seeing each other. My mother does not like him so it made the whole thing very complicated. I thought our date went well. Two days later, he said he has a girlfriend he met on the internet who is coming over from Romania. I was devastated.

      On the day the girl was supposed to come, he rang me and said he was just testing me and it had all been a lie. Eventually he confessed; the girl did not turn up and he waited in the airport for two hours. He sent her money to pay for a return ticket. We stopped talking for a while.

      Early this year, we started talking again. We are sort of dating now. He wants to get married and have kids. I won’t be shocked if he has another girl, but I still like him. Now, he gets jealous of my ex and other guys who contact me. Strange, when you have a guy, a lot more come along.

      By the way, his grammar is also generally incorrect.

      Comment by Michelle — May 16, 2011 @ 4:26 pm | Reply

  232. add me if you want people joaneyward@yahoo.com

    Comment by joaney — May 6, 2011 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  233. I will never EVER date a Romanian man again …OMG they are cruel arrogant unrefined dishonest vile uncouth low lives .I was dating a Romanian man for two years .He consistently asked for money and complained that his business was under-performing and insisted that I should help him financially until he was unable to stand on his feet . Undoubtedly this day never came .He was upset that I helped my family and felt that he was entitled to the money that i earned .I caught him cheating and he blamed it entirely on me accusing me of being stingy and cold as this justified his reason to cheat .He was hyper critical of me and mean spirited most of the times .His interaction with his mother was very similar .

    In the end of the relationship I found out that i was not the only woman he was using and lying to he had 3 more women who he was asking for money and claiming that his business was bad .The sad thing is that my ex warned me about ROmanian men when the relationship started…He said they were classless arrogant and dumb opportunistic men….I have to agree with this after my experience

    I know not every single ROmanian man is this way but he also has friends with similar attributes .

    Comment by karina — May 9, 2011 @ 6:32 am | Reply

    • lets get the message over LOUD AND CLEAR.KICK ALL ROMANIANS OFF THE PLANET.THEY ARE HEARTLESS,LYING,CHEATING SCUM THAT HURT AND USE BOTH WOMEN,MEN AND CHILDREN.I TOO WAS A VICTIM,ILL WITH A LONG TERM ILLNESS AND A YOUNG CHILD.A LOWLIFE ROMANIAN PUT THE LAST NAIL IN MY COFFIN ALMOST,BUT NOT QUITE,MY DAY WILL COME,HIS IS ABOUT TO END!PLEASE,PLEASE,TAKE MY ADVICE AND NEVER TRUST ONE,ITS DIFFICULT BECAUSE THEY APPEAR SO EASY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH,THEY ARE BRILLIANT ACTORS BUT POISONOUS.USERS ABUSERS.ISLAND MONKEYS AND ONLY AFTER YOUR MONEY.DONT LET THEM DESTROY YOU AND TAKE YOUR MONEY,HEART AND SOUL BECAUSE THEY WILL.THEY SHOULD ALL COME WITH A HEALTH WARNING!

      Comment by tina — May 16, 2011 @ 6:17 pm | Reply

      • Tina do what pleases you .If revenge is the satisfaction you need please take it and enjoy it regardless of what .

        Comment by karina — May 22, 2011 @ 10:50 am

      • hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

        If you hurt that much it means he was GREAT.

        Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 8:57 am

    • well said,sorry,im a lovely italian lady but a lying cheating romanian almost ripped my life apart and my daughters.now im about to go over to his village and do the same to his,best bit is,he doesnt yet know it.WHAT A FAMILY GATHERING IT WILL BE!

      Comment by tina — May 16, 2011 @ 6:22 pm | Reply

      • Tina, i think you are a bit crazy and are mostly lieing. You have a long term illness and a child and yet you’re going to go to your ex’s family gathering to get revenge?? Seriously?? maybe if you had more common sense you wouldn’t be in this mess. There are lieing pigs everywhere but not everyone gets tangled up with them. Apparently you learned nothing. Go have fun. I’d say that you’re lowering yourself to his level, but apparently you’re already there…

        Comment by Andra — May 17, 2011 @ 2:20 am

  234. sorry,your wrong but good to resd your comment,thanks.when you fall in love with someone and they lie and cheat and blatantly lie and deny it hurts and yes,drives you little crazy.i am actually a very sesible woman with a wonderful child and the romanian snake concerned had every opportunity to be honest and didnt need to lie etc has myself and my family were glad to help him has a friend.my big fault was not being aware of most romanians culture,their background and how good they are at using people to make their future.his family is nothing to do with my life and i only met him three years ago.i would rather someone tell me the truth even if it hurts,to mess with peoples lives is very dangerous.yes i was naive and beleived a conman and yes im travelling over there to get my answers,i have nothing to lose.if he didnt want to get burned he should not have played with fire!

    Comment by tina — May 17, 2011 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

    • he’s not going to be the one suffering at the end of this. There are NO answers for you there. Besides you already know that asnwers, what more do you want? You met an asshole who took advantage of you. Now you wish to give him another opportunity to be an asshole to you? The only thing you’re going to do is demonstrate that you’re in denial and that you really are THAT naive (btw most people assume that you were just asking for it). Take my advice, just be more careful in the future and forget that moron ever crossed your path. Consider this a message from the universe that you should NOT do this. I believe you that you were naive, but believe ME when I say that you’re being naive again. You will never regret not giving an asshole a second chance to be MORE of an asshole. But you will regret going.

      Comment by Andra — May 18, 2011 @ 2:33 am | Reply

      • and for the LAST TIME: ONE ASSHOLE is not a culture!!!! Tell me are all Italians MAFIA???!!! You should know better then to stereotype!! I am Romanian and I have never cheated or lied to get ahead and I definitely do NOT take advantage of people!

        Comment by Andra — May 18, 2011 @ 2:35 am

  235. yes.i agree thre are good and bad everywhere,i was really in love with him so i am hurt and angry.He always use to say if anyone does you wrong then leave it with the gods.he will punish these people!… i am a beleiver in what goes around comes around so hope he says his prayers.i helped him with much money.that s my fault but the money isnt what hurts me,its the deceit and feeling tricked.only last night he texted asking if i would help and give him 1,000 pound.he was quite angry and more or less said if not then we had no future.emotional blackmail he is good at
    he knows how much i love him but today i am ringing him and the angwer is a NO! we will see what comes of it…I already know!

    Comment by tina — May 18, 2011 @ 9:27 am | Reply

  236. I have spent the last 5 hours reading this entire blo, im a typical romanian guy in a relationship with a romanin girl. Yhe thing is that reading this entire blog have just opend my eyes what an ungretfull pig i am🙂. I have never cheated on my girl or hit her but i did think that most off the tings that she is doing for me are just the way it is, i did not apreciated. Thanks for letting me see that, i will try to be a better person now. (sorry for my bad spelling)

    Comment by Lucian — May 18, 2011 @ 2:09 pm | Reply

  237. Good to hear it Lucian,we all take people for granted at times,its human nature but its good to hear you are only guilty of that.sorry i am very dissalusioned with Romanian folk at this moment in time so it was sweet to read your message.carry on treating your girlfriend well and good luck.Tina

    Comment by tina — May 18, 2011 @ 3:21 pm | Reply

  238. wow when i read this, you were describing all the romanians i know perfectly lol my bf is romanian so i have spent a lot of time with these romanians. I must say he can be rude, mean and careless with me at times and i thought it was just jokes but apparently not accoirding to everyone’s experiences here.

    Comment by adriana — May 18, 2011 @ 9:25 pm | Reply

  239. wow when i read this, you were describing all the romanians i know perfectly lol my bf is romanian so i have spent a lot of time with these romanians. I must say he can be rude, mean and careless with me at times and i thought it was just jokes but apparently not accoirding to everyone’s experiences here.

    Comment by adriana — May 18, 2011 @ 9:32 pm | Reply

  240. well,i have now learnt all i need to know about romanian men or any other man who may be a conman.my best friends have all been with me tonight giving me good old moral support while i made my dreaded but necessary phone call to romania. my so called Romanian love denied all the lies and deceit etc and was very angry when i told him i could not send him the thousand pound he needed nor would i be sending anymore,he already owes me much money.i did however state calmy that i would book a holiday and take him the money……can you guess what the reaction was??? lets just say he wasnt as intelligent has he thought because today i called his bluff.what hurts most is that my little girl of nine years old really grew fond of him and he told her he was coming back,he dosnt even have an ounce of conscience or remorse yet he has three grown up daughters of his own who he protects and so have i so as not to hurt them.everyone says just put him out of your mind etc etc…good advice but not easy and very hurt.one day i may even place his identity and photo for the world to see because any intelligent woman would avoid thisparticular romanian charmer,very handsome but a conman who i am sorry to say gives any nice decent Romanian, a very bad name and reputation.a disgrace to your country. He wouldnt care,he has no heart and soul maybe?I will never trust another in the future or near my daughter or make one welcome in my home has i did….be careful of the TARAN male species,poisonous.deadly and probably on the prowl in london next under an italian name is what he uses.

    Comment by tina — May 18, 2011 @ 11:57 pm | Reply

  241. if a romanian ex.man or woman.ever leaves you in a suicidal frame of mind. DONT….just hang on in there,the pain takes a long time but trust me.there day will come and so will yours….P.S….hAS MY GOOD FRIEND TOLD ME EARLIER….GIOVANNI ALIAS MR.IOAN TARAN WAS CHEESIER THAN A BAG OF WOTSITS,W E HAVE NOW NAMED HIM THE billy liar of Romania.along with his three nephews ,only one remains here in derbyshire.A handsome face he may have had and lovely white porcelained teeth….what good is that if your rotten to the core inside?

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 12:19 am | Reply

    • Are you sure that this guy is not a gypsy?

      Comment by M — May 19, 2011 @ 10:11 am | Reply

  242. Im really not sure M ? my mother said that all along yet my family all liked him and we all helped him gladly.he did show us photos of his house and car in Romania and he actually looked better off than me here in England.I would so love to find out but dont want this to become an obsession in my life.i have my little girl to take care of.I know his wife is in italy but he said they seperated long time ago?I do actually think he mekes his fortune from woman.he,s a charmer and good looking and gives out all the woes of being poor etc which i stupidly beleived!He did not appear to be bad mannered and was clean and smart but who knows?I would love to know the truth just for my own peace of mind,its driving me not knowing or maybe i just cannot bear the truth.anyone got any ideas PLEASE how i could find out and then put closure on this nightmare and get my life back together?Dont tell me just to forget it,i cant,i need closure.Im a very genuine person and i would help anyone,this time it has caused me nothing but pain.Ithink he has his wife in italy and another woman somewhere else,his nephew told me he has but who do you beleive when they all seem to tell lies?

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 10:46 am | Reply

    • I could most likely tell if I saw a picture. The fact that your mother called him one doesn’t tell me a lot, since many people will call Romanians gypsies at random. If you have a pic, you can either put it up online or send it to my email (mary7820 at gmail.com). I can tell you my take. But only if you want to of course. I don’t want to poke in your private life.

      I know it’s hard to let go, it will either take you a very long time or it’s something that you will have to live with.

      Comment by M — May 19, 2011 @ 12:27 pm | Reply

  243. Tina use facebook, be friend with his friends and ask them ( just an idea), you will fiind someone that will tell you

    Comment by Lucian — May 19, 2011 @ 1:28 pm | Reply

  244. Thankyou Lucian,i am on facebook,his nephew is still residing in the town where i live.when this guy went back to Romania i saw his nephew in the town and he told me how bad his uncle was and not to beleive him and that he had tricked me etc.this devastated me but when i rang my Romanian BF he denied all,said i was crazy and that his nephew was lying.Who do i beleive? When i ask my BF he gets angry and cuts me off the phone.Ihave a brother who lives in Bulgaria with his wife and children,he suggests that i go over and he will come with me,Whatever i find out here in my home town he will just deny.Gosh.if its all lies that will hurt,plus he is a dam good actor and liar.For a smart intelligent,mature lady i have been a trusting,blind fool,i feel hurt,angry and very foolish rigyt now.How can people in life be so wicked,all me and my family did was to love him and go out of our way to help him and his nephews.its awful.

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

  245. thanks M,i will try and get a photo on of him.I feel has underhand and low has him doing it but for my little girls sake and my own sanity secondly,i need to know.I can then greive and start living my life again and concentrate on what really matters,my Daughter.He even asked me for her savings.I should have known then what he was like but his nicer side always took over.

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 4:04 pm | Reply

  246. Tina what can i say people like him gives romanians a bad name here in england😦. Im really sorry that you had to suffer beacause of this bloke. If i was you i will trust his nephew, butt dont go in romania to see him that will be a mistake,if he is such an asshole who knows what migt happen over there. I hope you will find the power to get over him with the help of your family and friends.

    Comment by Lucian — May 19, 2011 @ 4:40 pm | Reply

  247. Thankyou Lucian.There are good and bad in all nationalities i know this but just lately even in the newspaper headlines its as though something is telling me i was probably conned.My Father is italin so we get called too and i am not at all racist but as you will probably see from my earlier comments i was aggressive and rude,my anger kicked in im afraid.Someone on here said i was perhaps crazy or a liar im not perfect but i swear all i have said is very true.My oldest brother has just said i must ring him tonight and tell him i want back my money and that we know he is lying and to leave me alone.This will be difficult because i really did love him and dont feel strong enough at this moment in time.he wiould probably just laugh anyway!He has lost a diamond and all the love and respect of my lovelk family and friends here in my town.I actually pity his poor wife who he said he was seperated from.i pity his three lovely daughters too.they obviously are not aware of his antics during his time in italy and england.or perhaps they do?? ive read so much info now on romanians and how they think nothing of having affairs etc.I dont think i will trust again for a very long time and i feel very sad but yes.i have a lovely family and very good friends and the most lovely little girl that a mum could wish for.I have been battling with a health problem for a few years now.if i can fight that like i have then im sure i can fight this.He perhaps thought i was going to pop my clogs and leave him all i had,WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND IF THERE IS A GOD UP THERE MAYBE THIS MAN WILL GET WHAT HE DESERVES ONE DAY,a man with no conscience has no heart and soul.Not made a decision yet about going to Romania or not.who knows what may happen but do understand your advice.

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 5:21 pm | Reply

    • Hi Tina, I said you were crazy or a liar but only because you were posting really angry rants and thinking about chasing the moron down in Romania (from what I understood) it just came off as a little extreme, but I see now that you were just angry so I apologize.

      Here’s my take: his nephew is the one telling the truth. He has nothing to gain from telling you that his uncle is bad! Always look at what people have to gain: if they tell you something but you see that it’s in their favor and they’re going to benefit from you believing them (aka I’m poor, you believe him, you give him money) they that’s most likely a lie. Especially if you just met the person!! It takes years and years for DECENT people to develop the kind of trust where they can just tell others their misfortunes without feeling bad or judged etc. If someone is telling you about their sad life AND ASKING YOU FOR MONEY that’s a con!!! His nephew has nothing to gain and he’s not telling you what you want to hear, he’s telling you what you DON’T want to hear. A person who’s lying to you will tell you pretty things that you want to believe, not hard facts that you don’t. Whatever you do, do NOT go after him to Romania. There are plenty more assholes there and it is dangerous if you don’t know the right people. Are you willing to risk your life over this? If you do decide to go anyway (this would be the part where I call you crazy btw :P) then do NOT under ANY circumstances take your daughter with you!!!!! This is very very very important!! Leave her with relatives or friends but don’t take her along! My advice would be to forget you ever met him and completely cut him off and move on with your life. Whatever money you gave him is already spent. If you still want it back sue him, go through official channels. As long as you just try to convince him he’ll just use this as an excuse to stay in your life and try to convince you that none of this is actually true. Since you care about him you will be vulnerable to his lies and he will exploit this as much as he possibly can. Don’t give him the opportunity.

      As far as some general facts about romanians:

      1. we’re generally private people: we don’t tell others our problems easily, we don’t move into your house in a month, we don’t introduce others to our families unless we’re getting married and this happens AFTER we decided we might get married. As in the family gets to meet the future husband not the boyfriend.

      2. we do NOT ask strangers for money! EVER! unless it’s a con man. generally there is a lot of pride running around in our culture and it’s an everyone for themselves kind of mentality. asking for money therefore means admitting that you are incapable of providing for yourself or your family. A man asking a woman for money, especially a woman he’s in a relationship with, means he is a conman!!! ALWAYS!!!! NEVER EVER fall for this EVER! Romania is a patriarchal nation, which means that the man is expected to be able to support himself and his family BY HIMSELF! No decent man from Romania would ever feel comfortable asking for help in terms of money from his GF! The ones that do are weak, lazy, lying, and most likely are taking advantage of you. Weak men in Romania beat their wives and children or worse. So yeah when I say weak I mean a VERY serious flaw that translates into violence later on or at best alcoholism.

      3. all Romanians will generally seem smart, even if they are the worst people on earth. They will also seem well educated (the level of education is school is, or used to be, very high in all aspects so they will seem very educated even if they just finished high school). They will also know how to manipulate and lie. The worse people they are the better they will be at the manipulation aka charm and lying! There is no such thing as a perfect prince charming that needs help with finances! Think about it, if he was so great why does he need your money??

      4. In Romania everyone expects and knows that people like him exist. Children know. Let alone adults. They are generally taught very early on how to detect these people and how to stay away from them. This means that very few people in Romania will be sympathetic to your problem. And if they are, if they believe you, they will assume that you are just slow and feel bad for you but that’s it generally. Since you don’t know anyone there, people will just ignore you. This is why I say not to go there. Bullshit and lies are VERY predominant in Romania at this time. It will be a while yet before the country recovers. At this time hypocrisy rules, and people like him are running around perfectly happily, giving all of us a bad name. Decent people will be the ones that don’t come forward, the ones that mind their own business. You don’t really hear about them that much bc they’re not doing anything news worthy. They’re just going about their lives. But believe me they do exist and when you meet those you will be impressed by them. But the trick to telling whether the person you meet is one of the good ones or not is whether they are flashy about it. A decent person will never go around trying to impress you with how good and noble they are! Or tell you their problems and expect you to help them out. You may notice their good qualities by yourself but they won’t be the ones flashing them and they will NEVER EVER ask you for money!!!

      5. Because the borders to the rest of the countries around Europe are now open, there will be a wave of Romanian cockroaches that come your way. You will see them first because that’s what they do. They move around trying their best to steal, lie and take advantage of unsuspecting people and when people start catching on they move on to another area. These people are the bottom of our society, the lowest ones. I don’t care how they look no that’s not important. They may or may not be gypsies too. We have Romanian assholes as well they don’t all HAVE to be gypsies. But don’t worry they will move on. The borders being open is not a bad thing, it’s the only way for everyone to move forward. And if you don’t see the advantage in this consider the following aspect: the borders opened bc Romania entered the European Union. This represents a chance for the EU to act in Romania and for someone other then the crooks to have a say in what goes on. In time, a few years maybe, the country will greatly improve in terms of economy and everything else, and instead of a poor neighboring country that drags the whole region down there will be a much stronger one which will benefit everyone. Romania was once a very well put together place (before the 2nd world war) and one of the main exporters or resources in Europe. It can become that again. This will benefit everyone. The world has changed, it is no longer an option to ignore problem countries. So yes there will be some problems but in the long run it is better for the global community if the problems are remedied rather than ignored. This is not your problem of course but I just thought that I should include a greater reason for why you are experiencing this with some Romanians now, in case that helps🙂. Just so it doesn’t seem like there is random misery I guess. I’m not sure if it will help or not but it generally helps me to get past something if I can make some sense of it and find a reason, etc.

      In conclusion, I hope this helps you get past your heartbreak and let him go and find someone who is truly worthy or your good nature, not someone who will see it as a weakness and exploit you. Let it go and focus on moving on, like you said you are strong enough to battle disease you will surely get past this as well. If you have any further questions that I haven’t addressed please feel free to ask me and I’ll do my best to answer them. But I truly think you should cut off all contact with this man and his friends (most likely his real friends know all about this and his other friends, on fb for example, don’t know him well enough to help you). He is not a good man, and he did use your feelings to get money out of you. Let him go, completely, and focus on rebuilding your life. It’s not that you shouldn’t trust anyone anymore, but be more careful who you trust. A genuine, nice person is rare. Mostly because someone comes along (like this guy) and takes advantage of them and turns them into a disappointed, bitter person. Don’t let him to that. Be more careful and perhaps more selfish with your affections (don’t just give them to anyone who asks) but don’t let one asshole destroy your trust in men or all Romanians, or make you hateful and resentful. God will punish him have no worries, that is not your concern. Just focus on removing the snake from your life.

      The end😛

      Comment by Andra — May 19, 2011 @ 7:54 pm | Reply

  248. I must admit Andra your comments did hurt me at the time but i did sound like a raving mad women,thanks for your last message though.I have very mixed emotions right now am feel exhausted with it all so until my head is in the right place and my behaviour is more rational i wont do anything.Iwanted to ring him and tell him how deeply he has hurt me and my girl but im sure he would gloat at that and as he always does he will just say its in my mind and i think bad all the time and that i am negative,very clever eh? Im also very angry at myself and know he and the other romanians in my town are laughing at me.I just need to get him out of my heart and the only way is to hate him and not have contact.not easy but in time i will get stronger.He is the sort of person that will go on hurting and using people and will always come up smelling of roses.I know my money will be long gone,luckily dont cry for money,im a single mum and only have what i have worked for but at least i can hold my head up and know i am the decent one in all this.Ijust hope no other woman falls prey to this man,he was apparently talking of going to London and looking for a rich woman with no responsibilities etc!This man will never stop until he has made his pot of gold,I might write a book,would be quite therapeutic and help heal,may even make a best seller! will write again soon and im glad i found this site,it has helped even though the home truths have hurt. Tina. thankyou.

    Comment by tina — May 19, 2011 @ 10:50 pm | Reply

    • Hey, I have been reading your posts for a long time (receive them by e-mail, for I subscribed). Dear Tina, as a half-romanian guy myself, I can tell you for sure that not all romanians are like this asshole. Not even most of them, for what I know, but it is true that romanian guys can be a bit insensitive at times (it’s that “macho” thing, not letting others see that they care about a woman). Anyway, it also seems you got involved with the worst kind (sorry for this). At last, seems to me that the guys that go abroad have as no.1 priority to get in as many relationships as possible in that country, just for the sake of it. Try to forget him, and if you really like romanians, find one that lives in Romania!🙂 Best regards.

      Comment by Karoly — May 19, 2011 @ 11:04 pm | Reply

    • No problem, I’m glad it helped🙂 I write here just on the off chance that I may help some people. There are lots of crazies out there though, especially on this site (which is why I jumped to the conclusion that maybe you’re a bit off too😛 ) so be VERY careful. And I think you’re right, what you need now most of all is some time to yourself to just sort everything out. That is always best, just talk to your family and friends, those very close to you that you truly trust. In time things will become clearer. Just stay away from any new relationships for a while because this kind of thing does leave you feeling like you can’t trust yourself and that is the MOST dangerous thing. Because if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?? No one. So just take the time to think everything through by yourself and see the warning signs very clearly and remember them for the future. Only then will you feel confident in your own ability to make good decisions again. In the mean time just be careful who you trust, because it’s usually when you feel vulnerable that bad people start showing up to take advantage of you. I too have a subscription to this site, so if you need any more advice or to chat I will gladly reply on here🙂. It’s relatively safe because no one knows who you are here, so it’s very anonymous. More importantly no one can track you down or contact you through this site unless you want to talk to them. Unlike chat or facebook etc. AGAIN don’t try to trust or really talk to strangers while you’re feeling vulnerable. I won’t say anything more on this but I truly think this would be for the best. Best to retreat among close friends and family and regroup. Don’t worry, everything will turn out fine in the end. Life has a way of evening things out, bad people always pay in the end, one way or another.

      Comment by Andra — May 20, 2011 @ 1:07 am | Reply

  249. Thankyou Karoly,im afraid this guy has even made me doubt myself let alone anyone else.The most bizzare thing is that this guy persisently asked me out and chased me and it was six months before i agreed to meet him and go on a date.THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS CAUTIOUS.I then made the mistake of being too open and honest and explained to him my past and he must have played on my vulnerabilities.MY FAULT AND HUGE MISTAKE! He seemed to be the perfect gent but after just three months he started to change and then the misery began.He must have seen me coming.I dont think i have ever felt so drained and under stress in all my life and im not usually so weak or hateful and bitter.I JUST CAME ON LINE TO MAYBE ASK SOMEONE IF THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS IS TRUE OR FALSE? It is…JUDETUL,HARGHITA,COMUNA GALAUTUS,STRADA PARAU NR.155,SARAP.He used the town TOPLITAto collect his moneygrams.THIS IS SO EMBARRASING BUT YES,I KNOW,I WAS GULLIBLE.I must have found nmyself the most handsome and charming Romanian guy ever but the most deadly one.

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 12:03 am | Reply

    • Tina, the adress seems real. Anyway, if he insisted for such a long time, it means that he’s a tipical “hunter” and lost interest once he had you. It’s really not your fault. I’m from the same stock too, although i’m only 24. It would help to know his sun-sign.

      Comment by Karoly — May 20, 2011 @ 12:20 am | Reply

  250. Yes it was almost like a challenge for him.He was Saggitarius.That made me smile a little because my young brother in Bulgaria said he was going to call him hunterman which in the war days thats what the germans did.Idont say that nastily just trying to ease the sadness by joking a little.

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 12:27 am | Reply

    • You know what? I’m in the mood for a good chat. Here’s my yahoo id, if you feel like talking to someone: karoly_gyorkos

      Comment by Karoly — May 20, 2011 @ 12:37 am | Reply

  251. Well im not a good person to talk to at the moment,im not very good company right now.Tonight i have decided to call mr.Taran,alias the poison snake and tell him a few home truths.i know it wont do any good and there is no point but it may just make me feel a bit better.a FEW OF MY GIRLY MATES ARE COMING TO MINE THIS EVENING AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE VINO AND DO MY DEED.I will perhaps do alot of crying the next few days but better out than in! im nervous and dreading it but itoo can be a good actress when need to be,im actually very genuine but if you cant beat them join them.He is sure to be nasty again and switch me off the phone,he cant take the truth,he is not a man,hes a coward.apparently thats why he fled from italy after 5years,god knows what he did to someone there but i know he dare not go back.

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 3:23 pm | Reply

  252. Tina, io direi cerca di divertirti senza chiamarlo. Esci con le ragazze, beveti qualcosa, ballate da qualche parte… Non vale la pena chiamarlo e poi piangere per lui! Se serve, io penso che il sagittario non e un segno troppo serio.

    I migliori auguri,
    uno scorpio.

    Ps: Sorry for the bad italian. Learned it from TV during childhood.

    Comment by Karoly — May 20, 2011 @ 4:17 pm | Reply

  253. Very good and thanks for message.Im replying in English has i have my sensible but stern head on,when im mad and fiesty its in italian usually! my sign is taurus but i dont feel much like a bull at the moment,more like a nervous mouse,not that i am!

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 5:19 pm | Reply

  254. know what your saying Andra thanks,i sussed it already.Im lying low,spending time with the good people i have in my life and know i can trust.Ithink it has been the most painful lesson i have had to learn but a good one.Im just a bit afraid that this stupid romanian guy has made me distrust everyone right now.he has in fact changed my character and not for the better!Inever realised just how much people try and prey on you when they think you are in a vulnerable state! what a wicked world this can be.my brother is coming over from bulgaria to see me,he is furious and no softie,im his big sis and we are very close,my oldest brother is great too and so i have two great protecters on my side should i need them.

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 6:10 pm | Reply

    • GREAT!! and just so you know if the creep comes back, in Romania we fully understand what it means if the brothers come out to meet the guy and the girl does not😉 so you shouldn’t be afraid that he won’t get the message if you feel like really making him understand it’s over…or having some amusement watching him squirm and run away>:D

      Comment by Andra — May 20, 2011 @ 6:24 pm | Reply

      • I recommend a window seat with a good view, while they have a chat with him. It does wonders for your wounded heart and pride to see the coward reduced to the whimpering fool he really is😀. I still kinda regret not having a good seat the last time my brother had a chat with a troublesome guy. The stories are great but seeing it first hand would have been even better>:D

        Comment by Andra — May 20, 2011 @ 6:28 pm

  255. haha. Yes go out and have fun :D!!! but forget the whole sign thing. I’m Sagittarius too but I never matched the description of my sign too well and most people believe I can be too serious about certain things. Also in the past few years I have seen soooo much variation between people of the same sign that it’s very scary. Believe me there is no value to the sign system except something to joke about with your friends.
    Don’t worry a few nights in good company and the bull will return :D!

    Comment by Andra — May 20, 2011 @ 6:19 pm | Reply

  256. What will be will be,i never do horoscopes,zodiac signs etc.me and my friends once went to see a medium some years ago,she was wrong about everything,asked me if i got condensation in my bathroom,now com on,who doesnt? I just spent all night laughing and never went to another.Thanks again for the warning,i saw it loud and clear.Will just tell you before my friends arrive tonight,the romanian guy has texted me just 10mins ago.i have done nothing yet,i will do what i have to do when the bull rears back up.

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 6:34 pm | Reply

  257. hahahahahahhahaha!!! that IS funny! great about the doing nothing thing. when there is nothing to say, say nothing. I’m sure you will be fine. I can tell you’re a strong girl. one asshole won’t topple you! good luck!!!

    Comment by Andra — May 20, 2011 @ 6:44 pm | Reply

    • Hi Andra, just wanna say thanks for everything you do, I don’t know how u keep up with all that’s coming in and out from here; take care x

      Comment by 2xhacked — May 21, 2011 @ 12:48 pm | Reply

  258. its early days yet and having a read at these comments over the last few days my head is reeling and i feel for other victims that have shared similar heartache,pain and anger.This evening with my friends has helped me realise alot,how loved and popular i am but the romanian guy took this from me and grilled me down,how cruel! After a few AMARETTOS

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 11:04 pm | Reply

  259. CONT…a few tears and a few laughs i am beginning to see more clearly,will hurt for a long time but my advice would be to others…..always follow your gut feeling and dont be blinded by charm,good looks etc,discover their past and culture and whatever you do if you are asked for money,let that be enough to make you see their true colours.A real man would never,ever take or ask for a womans money,wether he is Romanian,Englishh,Italian,whatever.ladies out their beware of three Romanians under the name TARAN.fOR NOW I REST MY CASE BUT I WILL BE BACK!!!!

    Comment by tina — May 20, 2011 @ 11:19 pm | Reply

  260. yes,to whoever has hacked in?? does a good job and a good deed for innocent women and men and children that are naive to the dangers of thesr romanian stories and other con artists worldwide!

    Comment by tina — May 21, 2011 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

  261. thank you for the kind words, I do whatever I can, it’s nice to know that it helps some people🙂 take care guys

    Comment by Andra — May 21, 2011 @ 8:15 pm | Reply

  262. I am also plotting my revenge I refuse to wait for ” that day ” I will bring him down to his knees since i have found his weakness. I will manipulate him the same way he did to me only when I reveal the truth he will be the one wishing he never met me …….The type of behavior they display is simply bizarre .

    Comment by karina — May 22, 2011 @ 11:02 am | Reply

  263. Karina,they are very lairy end so sly it makes them ALMOST very clever,to get revenge will be a difficult task because this guy i speak of appears to have no conscience and is obsessed wiyh himself,money and greed,im sure he would steal from his own family!i dont think he cares who he hurts and your correct,their behaviour is not only bizzare,it is also inhumane to peoples rights etc.In England if we as much verbally abuse another being or cause them hassle then we can be in trouble wiyh the law,particularly if they are foreign! my uncle is a superintendant of the Metropolitan Police in London,this is my Mothers brother,my father is from sardinia italy and along with my young brother who arrives today from Bulgaria,we are doing further investigations into this man.He said that if ever i tried to give him any trouble he would go,leave Romania and that i would never find him!who knows but withso many good people on my side is a bonus and i am leaving the decision to my family.I have a heart disease which often makes me off colour and i spend alot of time in and out of hospital.I dont say this for pity Karina but to think this man knew this and still took advantage even though i was honest and asked him to not hurt me and my girl etc.That in my eyes is lower than low and is a man with no heart and soul.tHEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING,JUST WISH WE COULD BRING THEM TO SHAME AND JUSTICE AND STOP THEM.There will always be gullible women and men out there though that will fall prey to these venomous,cruel people.people looking for love or being exploited in one way or another.I can honestly say it has been the worst two years of my life and the most misery i have ever encountered in my life.

    Comment by tina — May 22, 2011 @ 1:15 pm | Reply

  264. CAN A LOVELY WOMAN OR LADY SEND ME AN OFFLINE:yomibadejo20002000@gmail.com i need her to be with me when am in romania this june and hope to have a nice time with her and maybe marry her if she is working and have a home of her own better still not married.

    Comment by yomi — May 24, 2011 @ 6:59 pm | Reply

  265. are you having a laugh or what,either that or you are a very brave Romanian???????????? HA HA VERY FUNNY….NOT!

    Comment by tina — May 24, 2011 @ 7:24 pm | Reply

  266. Well,to say Romanian men are supposed to be so brave and MACHO,funny how they all retreat,run and hide etc! they appear chickens not men,they brag amd women say they are good lovers etc etc,real men dont make their women suffer like they do,they are cowards and run like little boys.How pathetic!

    Comment by tina — May 24, 2011 @ 8:11 pm | Reply

  267. Some Romanian guys have to be the dumbest racist xenophobic idiots I’ve ever met, not all of them but such a large majority. It’s hard to even tolerate being around them.

    I’ve been travelling to Romania for some many years as my girlfriend is from Bucharest and you wouldn’t believe some of the comments / remarks.

    She’d go to the bar at a pub and the barman would be like, oh when you get rid of that guy come see me. She would quickly inform him how many years she’s been in love with me. I think they see a foreign guys and assume oh she’s after his money (not that I have any..)

    They’re so fcuking ignorant, oh he must have money because he came here on a plane lol.. I see nothing but fancy cars all over Bucharest, I guess they associate every foreigner as being loaded. Maybe they watch too many Hollywood movies?

    Do they not think that a lot of women in every society wants security or look for a financially stable man, how many couples divorced due to money matters during the recession all over the world? How many Romanian girls marry Romanian guys that are well off – quite a lot I would imagine.

    Again it seems that it’s always about money in Romania, always people talking about not having any or boo-hoo foreigners get more, people counting it with such zeal on the street, yeah go to parts of China, Mongolia, India and Cuba to see real poverty. And when you see people that get the ‘money’ they’ve spent so long chasing ; they just like to show off flashy purchases like cars and going to super-expensive clubs and oh yeah were VIP, look at us – really pathetic. To distance themselves from the poor people.

    And after all this moaning about Romania if they see anyone else wanting to live abroad or get away from the corruption and slow progress they condemn them, it’s ok if a Romanian guy dates a foreign girl but not the other way around😉

    We’ve had to literally walk out of restaurants due to idiots making kissing noises beside us, refraining from giving people a much deserved hiding is hard to do🙂

    Many times we see stupid smiles or under breath comments when we walk down the street, how can one race of people be so racist, it’s beyond me. I’m surprised more Romanian women don’t end up with non-Romanians due to their attitude, hell a nice guy without money is better than a Romanian guy with money.

    I think a lot of Romanian guys (now there’s some really cool ones I’ve met, usually ones who’ve travelled and have a more cosmopolitan attitude, so don’t get me wrong tarnishing all the guys) are insecure. I tell you one thing if I were a Romanian woman surrounded by these muppets I’d do the my best impression of Jesse Owens and get the hell out of the country, then put up with disrespectful mumbling racists who don’t like to see you do well or to succeed.

    I should wear a t-shirt next time I’m in Bucharest stating that my girlfriend has in fact more money than I do – I’d love to see the reactions.
    Pfft it’s irrelevant as it’s a race issue. And it’s going to take at least 3 more generations to fix it if not more.

    Comment by john — June 29, 2011 @ 4:02 am | Reply

    • Are you a non-white? If so, which kind? Romanians are extremely tolerant people. Especially towards minorities and foreigners. So if you are getting that, you must be really non-white and stick out. If you’re not well off, or have good prospects of making money in the future, then your girlfriend is either not Romanian or insane.

      You should be grateful that they tolerate you. I wish they would learn from us Russians.

      Comment by M — June 29, 2011 @ 10:07 am | Reply

      • hi, im Irish – a 6 and a half foot red head – so yup you could say I stand out.

        and believe me for many years I tried SO VERY HARD to dust if off, maybe
        since i’ve really gotten to know the country that I never noticed it before?
        Especially since joining the EU. I think that’s made more of a divide to be honest.

        Well I can’t comment on your well off statement, where I come from dignity isn’t earned
        by the amount of money you have. I guess Irish culture is a little less pretentious.

        By the way when I’m not there, my girlfriend dresses very conservative and I couldn’t
        repeat her the comments and rude remarks she gets about her body and breasts etc..

        Comment by john — July 20, 2011 @ 2:31 am

      • Something doesn’t add up. Are you a Jew?

        I think that your problem may be that you go to the wrong places.

        “She’d go to the bar at a pub and the barman would be like”

        Cafés and restaurants are fine. Pubs and clubs are a no-no. I’m sure that in Ireland going to a pub is normal. If a woman goes to a pub in Romania, people assume that she’s either a prostitute or that she’s sleeping around. Protocol is that you ask her what she wants, and then you order for her. Drinking alcohol in public is a no-no for a woman.

        “By the way when I’m not there, my girlfriend dresses very conservative and I couldn’t
        repeat her the comments and rude remarks she gets about her body and breasts etc..”

        If men make remarks about her body, she’s probably not dressing conservative by Romanian standards. If they can’t see her body or the contours of it, then they can’t make remarks. A woman’s place is in the home. She should not be leaving the home without a male escort in the first place. A woman who walks alone is considered free game.

        Comment by M — July 20, 2011 @ 3:30 pm

      • Well, FIND OUT THAT NOBODY LIKES RED HEADS IN ROMANIA. HAHAHA, Ginger !

        Don’t be upset that Romanian men don’t like you, Irish woman………..we have better girls than most of Europe, so….. Dont blame us.

        Comment by Daniel — December 12, 2012 @ 7:01 am

    • I’m wondering, what does she think about the people who act like that around you and her? Is she as exasperated as you are?

      And I have to agree, a ridiculous number of Romanians act like they’re missing a brain.

      Comment by kt — June 29, 2011 @ 9:23 pm | Reply

      • Hi Kt,

        well she can’t stand it, she hates the country now and even the language.. some days she can’t
        even leave the house without a stupid sexual remark – I just tell her to bite her tongue.

        If that was in Dublin, gosh, well you can’t change anybody with the fist but I can tell you, if a guy
        starts saying stuff as uncivilised and rude like that they’d get a good beating so they wouldn’t do
        it again !

        Comment by john — July 20, 2011 @ 2:33 am

      • Drinking alcohol in a bar is a no-no for a woman? What a hell, M. ? Probably you asked the opinion of a Romanian monk living in a remote village to come with such an affirmation.

        Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 9:10 am

  268. No one can make blanket statements about the entire population of a country. I’m currently with a Romanian man, and am an American myself. Let me tell you he is gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous you just can’t take your eyes off of. But then, maybe that’s because I love him and he suits my taste. I will say he is more traditional, he likes for his woman to cook for him and clean for him. But he is also a very hard worker, and believes a man should take care of his woman. He is practical and serious, but at the same time warm and loving. He is calm even when he is angry and he would never hurt me, ever. He’s always worried for my health and safety, even during the most mundane activities. He holds my hand when I sleep. He’s a little possessive, and yes, maybe a bit macho. If I say I am eating out with a friend- he asks me if that friend is a girl or a guy. He is away often, but I know that he is faithful to me. It’s not all roses. Sometimes I think he expects me to do more for the relationship because I am the woman. He thinks he is always right (and just sometimes he is🙂 ) He can be a little selfish on certain issues. All these things he is, he is not just because he is Romanian. Being from a certain place can shape you, yes, but it doesn’t confine you to be a certain thing. Each individual deserves to be afforded the chance to show who they really are, without expectations or stereotypes. If someone treats you well in a relationship, wonderful. Enjoy it and be thankful. If someone treats you poorly, end it. Don’t blame their country for their behavior. Jerks come in every culture. If you allow yourself to fall in love, fall in love with the person- not the place.

    Comment by Carolina — July 6, 2011 @ 6:41 pm | Reply

  269. In reply to M’s reply ‘Comment by M — July 20, 2011 @ 3:30 pm’

    No I am not a Jew, odd question. Are you trying to fit me into a class or group which makes it easier to understand? Romania isn’t really a multi-cultural society, unfortunately some people don’t know what to do when they meet a den den den ‘a foreigner’.

    Sometimes I get the feeling the culture is over-sexed or lack of it? Their respect or views of women is somewhat misleading and objectified. It re-minds me (some of their behaviour) of what teenagers would do and these would be grown men.

    Your general comment ‘prostitute or that she’s sleeping around’ highlights this belief, I could certainly see where they are coming from if a girl was out on her own but even at the end of the day, nobody really knows and to automatically think and label someone as a pro or a slut is merely uneducated – people always should always get the benefit of the doubt.

    You highlight some of the attitudes that ‘assume’ things. I think this is again part of the issue, people make assumptions and quick judgements which are incorrect.

    As for dressing conservative, in 30+ degrees there’s not really much you can do, should she dress like a nun?

    There are many places that we can go to which we’ve never had any issues. Places such as laptaria enache, control club or a karaoke bar. These places have more open minded *normal* patrons from what we’ve found.

    We shouldn’t have to be anti-social because of people’s ignorance and xenophobia. Many is the time I’ve seen groups of girls going out to say Mojo or something, a girl’s night out – are these seen as prostitutes?

    I understand the ways to adapt and avoid difficult situations though you have to understand that we do nothing out of the ordinary and having both travelled to many countries and never have an issue, there’s always something that arises with Romanians. It’s just not a civilised society.

    You can dress it up and try to home in on a possible cause but at the end of the day I can’t change who I am or where I come from or what I look like and I shouldn’t have to for anybody, but one can definitely change how they think.

    Comment by john — July 21, 2011 @ 4:15 pm | Reply

    • John,

      I’m telling you how it is. You can choose to understand this or to not. That’s up to you. No one is going to take an issue with you being different.

      The basic principle is that the woman belongs in a home. She cannot leave the home without male escort. Think of it as that she spends the whole year in the house, and you take her out for her birthday. Of course, most people don’t do it that way, but that’s how you need to think in order to understand.

      In society gender separation is the norm. There are places where only women go and places where only men go. A woman cannot go to a male place (pub, bar, club, etc) and a man cannot go to women’s places (mall, café, park) unless he is escorting a woman there. It is tacitly understood that a woman who goes to male places is a whore. Even if she is not sleeping with anyone, it counts as such. This also goes for a man who takes his woman to such a place. People understand that she’s not his wife or his gf, but simply the whore he’s banging at the moment.

      If a woman talks to a man, looks at a man or stands close to a man by coincidence, that is a sexual invitation. Think of Britain in the Victorian era. Being “sexy” as many women try to be, is a fashion statement. It has nothing to do with actual sex. You can see women walking around topless on the beach – that doesn’t mean they put out.

      When it comes to dress, then yes, by your standards she should be dressing “like a nun”. But what if it’s hot? That’s why you keep her inside the house. Then you don’t need to worry about that.

      You have seen people that don’t do things this way, and they don’t seem to be judged. They follow the same rules, but are a lot more subtle about it.

      If you have gone to clubs where people are not like this, that’s because those places are patronized by minorities. The club scene in general is dominated by minorities. If you see women having a “girls night out” they are most likely not ethnic Romanians. Most foreigners that come to the country tend to socialize with minorities and rarely with ethnic Romanians. This is what you should do as well.

      Romanians are not racist towards you. Unless you’re a Jew or a Hungarian, Romanians have no issue with your race/ethnicity. You’re probably just not following the social rules. By Western standards I’m sure you’re being ordinary. But this is not Western Europe. It’s like going to the Middle East and expecting people to not bat an eye at your Western ways.

      Comment by M — July 21, 2011 @ 5:56 pm | Reply

      • I hear what you are saying, but when you say things like ‘keep her in the house’ and she should do that or this. It gives me the impression that you look down on women or they should be submissive. Would be interesting to see this attitude applied to Irish women (they are wild) and you’d be given a lesson in equality and rightly so.

        If you ever walk down Lipscani street at night time (especially on the weekends), there are cafe style bars and pubs/clubs row after row – and they are full of ethnic Romanians so I’m puzzled to your point.

        There must be at least 8 Irish pubs in Bucharest now, I wouldn’t have considered Romanians very social drinkers back in 2005/6 and to be honest I found it hard to even find a bar – nowadays its changed a lot, is it for the best? Well time will tell but at least the variety and choice is good.

        In your view, the crossover from homestead to social places should respect the same principle. I can’t really agree with that at all.

        A man should show respect for a woman regardless of whether he’s at home or out socialising, with friends or out for a quiet coffee/beer.

        It’s more than a culture clash, and let’s be honest – women seem like second class citizens, this attitude where they belong in the home, that’s 1950’s backward thinking not western thinking.

        Romania isn’t Saudi Arabia (where women and non-married are segregated whilst dining and not allowed to drive) You are a member of the European Union. Rights have to be respected, whether culturally different, many of the things I witness is sexual harassment / misconduct.

        Again this not only happens in clubs and to non-Romanians, but on the street and abusive comments isn’t a cultural trait it’s lack of respect, poor upbringing and ignorance.

        You say this is how it is and I say that it’s wrong. You think women appreciate the comments? to shut up and accept it? ask them😉

        Comment by john — July 21, 2011 @ 6:59 pm

      • John,

        Not everyone thinks the way you do. I’m not arguing about what is right and wrong. Everyone is free to think and act how they find best. I’m telling you how it is, according to my personal understanding. You don’t have to go along with that if you don’t want to.

        I know that Irish women are feisty and independent. If you want a woman like that, then you need to look for her in Ireland. Romanian women are submissive and dependent on the man. That’s a reality that you will have to deal with.

        Yes, the woman should be submissive to the man. That’s how Romanian culture works. Evolutionary pressure has favored that setup in Romania, while it has favored other setups in Ireland or Western Europe. You can think that it’s wrong if you want. But that’s just how it works in this region.

        Even if ethnic Romanians are sitting at a café, gender separation still applies. It is something that people take for granted and it shows in how they sit, how they talk and how they look. It will take some time before you are able to read this. So just keep in mind that the sexes are supposed to be separate next time you are out.

        You don’t have to agree with this. You’re free to go around and be Western all you want if that is your fancy.

        Romania does not share the same history and the same values as Western Europe. Your notion of rights don’t apply here. I understand that you may find this offensive. I used to feel that way too. But sticking your head in the sand is not a viable strategy.

        Do I think that women appreciate these comments? I’m a chaste woman and they are whores. They are not people.

        Comment by M — July 21, 2011 @ 9:49 pm

    • OK…every once in a while, while I am busy with my nice daily existence I get an update from this site and then watch the discussion progressively degenerate into idiotic stereotypes over the course of the next 2 days or so; why you might ask I continue to pay attention to the discussion? because I keep thinking that if I do somehow this will make it better…pathetically optimistic yes😛

      Thus, here we go again:

      Point #1: Just to get this out of the way, Don’t listen to M. She is a slavic woman, not Romanian, who married a VERY abusive Romanian husband and is now determined that we are all animals and convinced that everyone’s lives (including her own no doubt) would be much better if they just accepted the miserable fate of the horribly oppressive Romanian SOCIETY. In other words: bad husband == whole bad Romanian SOCIETY. See the problem with this math? If you need more proof, or if you believe my above explanation to be too mean or not understanding etc., you are welcome to go through our very detailed earlier exchanges by scrolling up this page.

      Point #2:
      Romania is a different country and a different culture than Ireland. Since you are the foreigner in Romania it is primarily your job to adapt and try to understand what’s going on. This is not bc we’re racist or bc I’m racist or bc of any particular racism! It is simply bc it is far easier for one person (you) to adapt, than it is for a whole other society to adapt around you. Also, bc YOU are the only person you can truly control, thus the adapting part is yours to control and maintain and master at your discretion. Now Romania IS a multicultural country in that MANY ethnic groups live, work and manage to coexist in the same space. Some areas this may be more visible then in others depending on geography. There are some ethnic issues between the groups of course as in many other areas of the world where the different ethnic groups ended up living together bc of wars (ie. the other guys are there bc there was a war at some point where they tried to take over Romania and ended up living there, moving in, after the war was over). So yes there are conflicts but not nearly to the level of other countries. There have been no great civil wars not great division of the country no nothing. Once in a while people grumble and give stupid stereotypes about another ethnic group. Live is hard, they need an outlet. That’s all. It’s BS!!!! Which brings me to a very important point: there is a LOT of BS in Romania. What I mean by this is that there is a lot of duality in the people and the country itself. You cannot take anything at face value! Romania has constantly existed between major empires and wars and at a cross roads for the entire region where is is located. It has seen a LOT of traffic, most of it of the conquering and war kind, so BS is not just BS it’s a genetic heritage passed down through hundreds of years and NECESSARY because without it we would have been stomped out a LOOOONNNNGGG time ago. As far as your concerned this is only relevant bc you need to look deeper in order to really understand what’s going on around you. You are new, your gf…she’s a bit of a mystery, bc she should know better by now…perhaps she hasn’t lived in Romania her whole life?? Or perhaps she is simply trying to get out of the country. If she herself is tired of the hardships and wants out then it would make sense for her to be more focused on the negative aspects and not the positive ones. Just something to take into account. You can do anything you want in Romania, you just need to know where to go and how to act and who to go with! You need connections. You will build these in time if you stay in Romania. If you don’t have a lot of time, try going to the more “boring” places first, meet people there, get friends which are similar to you and then go to other more exciting clubs together! When you have your own group other people are less likely to bother you and you are less likely to pay attention. Word of warning here though: it must be a MIXED group!! As in girls and guys. If you show up with a group of guys and your gf as the ONLY girl there, then no that’s not ok. Why? Because outsiders look at the group and think that maybe she’s there bc she likes lots of males focused only on her, and bc the guys of the group automatically try to see just how attached to you she is, so her position is automatically sexualized more bc of the nature of the group. And no this is not just present in Romania, it is basic group dynamics in LOTS of places. As far as walking down the street and getting comments: IGNORE IT!!! and tell her to do the same. It’s like tuning out background music. Soon enough you won’t even hear it anymore. It’s just stupid guys being idiots. The more affected you or she becomes the more happy they are bc that means they get to have more fun. MOST people ignore them!! When someone doesn’t they’re very happy. Yes of course it’s juvenile!! That’s why we ignore it! It’s not that they don’t know what’s right and wrong and that they should respect women etc. It’s just that that’s besides the point! They’re there to play their game, not talk about right and wrong. Some of them are indeed true assholes and can be dangerous. That’s why you do what everyone else does! Bc you don’t want to stand out and give them the impression that with you they can have a funner game! So just ignore. Don’t dress differently, don’t act differently just keep doing what your doing. Watch what everyone else is doing and do that. Things will get better and much easier. This is not THAT complicated and it is the same anywhere you go. Romania at the moment is not the most hospitable or stable place, which means that you’ll have a bit more problems than in other places but this is simply the societal environment right now! It is unfair for you or anyone to judge a place or a country when it’s down in the dumps. Just a little while ago it was considered the “little Paris” tourists from the entire continents came to visit and enjoy. Do you really think that over the course of the next 60-70 years things changed SOOO much that we are now the same as the most backward Arabic areas? What happened we all got brain transplants??? Learn about the environment and the country, not bc it’s an excuse for the present behavior, but bc it will help you understand the present climate and people! It will give you common ground! Yes, some of them, lots, are angry and resentful and give in to stupid behavior in order to cope…but are you so sure you wouldn’t do the same if you had lived their life? More importantly: are you so sure you cannot understand why they are the way they are? It is weakness and the signs of a society which has disintegrated and is now trying to rebuild itself despite staggering problems. It’s not a societal STANDARD, it’s the DISEASE it has caught after the disintegration of the political rule. But the same way that you do not look at a person and see only the disease, you do not look at a country and define it by its disease! All countries are susceptible to disease, John. I am a Romanian girl, I love my country and I hate the assholes that have destroyed and corrupted it. BUT I have no doubt that it will survive and in time it will regain what it once had. You, if you wish to live there, learn the country. Only then will you be able to figure out HOW to live there and whether you can do so or not. But do not condemn something you do not know.

      Comment by Andra — July 21, 2011 @ 7:08 pm | Reply

  270. Hi Andra,

    I’m not condemning the country as a whole only some of the attitudes of some of the people. You say one should adapt and tolerate it. If you don’t try to change things or be the change that you want to see, who do you think will make things better?

    Are you going to wait for the government to improve things? you think ass-holes who are frustrated and take their anger out on people will be different when they are richer ass-holes? If I or you see a problem, you should try to fix it that’s all I’m saying.

    I agree with a lot of what you said. Romania’s been conquered by many countries / empires in the past and created a melting pot of elements that shaped and moulded it into what it is today. As for group dynamics, well we agree to disagree, I find Romanian men are more pestering and aggressive when it comes to the dating or social scene. They seem to respect the wedding ring though, very similar to Turkey.

    I’ve only been going to Romania for 6-7 years, and have to take for granted many things and it’s easy to point out and say STOP doing this or stop doing that. But at some point you’ll have to say NO, that’s it, no bribes, no this and no to that.

    Many countries in Europe are suffering now, recession makes it frustrating for millions of citizens. It’s not easy. I read most weeks new prosecutions or evidence and whistle-blowers reporting corrupt politicians in Romania, this is progress.

    If you want to really see a better future in Romania (and I think it could be a great country) you’ve got to start calling out people and saying hey, what do you think you are doing? so then in the future people can look back and say, yeah that’s how it changed instead of saying well history made us this way.

    Comment by john — July 21, 2011 @ 8:03 pm | Reply

    • Ideally yes this would work but not in Romania not right now not this way. It is not doing badly bc of the recession, it is doing badly since communism and actually a little before that. These changes must come from within. From the general population, ALL the general population. When they people decide that they have had enough they will ensure change. We are not exactly afraid of demanding change. Romania was the only country within the communist block to have a bloody revolution. The problem is that until the changes are en masse it will not last. You can yell as loud as you want to in a country, if nobody is yelling with you you will be drowned out. You cannot be the change, the people must be the change and yes there will be some who lead the way more then others but it must come from within. An outsider cannot do it. And an insider can only do it successfully at the right time. People must be ready to change. Because when they are nothing can stop them and when they aren’t it will never succeed. And it takes time. Everyone knows how things should be, but it takes time for the “good” ideas to break away and gain enough momentum from the “bad/corrupt” ideas. The relics of the past need to be removed or forgotten before something else can take root and LIVE in their place.

      Do you really think that no one tried? Do you really think that I do not try? What do you think I’m doing here?? I am trying to change people’s opinions, to take them away from seeing the bad and replace that with a vision of what it SHOULD be, what it can be. If today’s people do not start believing that things can be better and that they are NOT as bad then there will be no change. Everyone will just say “that’s the way it is”. This is false. Everyone sees only a glimpse of what “is” only a perspective: their perspective. Bad people scream louder then the good ones. But it is the good ones that will change the tide and reform the country. It’s only when the good ones are no longer seen that I start to worry! When the decent people become invisible, then that is truly cause for concern. The rest…the rest will take care of itself. The corrupt came to power because of a defective system. The system has fallen but the corrupt did not simply give up their power and the generations of people that came to expect that this is REALITY and the NORM cannot simply be persuaded that it is not bc some tells them so. The “NORM” of corruption is embedded in their brains, in their subconscious!! I am waiting for the corrupt and those that believe corruption is the way to depart and they will! Nothing lasts forever. In their place and new generation that knows better will come to power and so things WILL change…in time. Provided that the new people do not forget what could be and what should be because they’re too busy looking at the shit that presently covers our country; provided that they concentrate instead on the good people that still live and fight and die every day with hope and honor not deceit. That is what I believe, this is what I do and this is my role right now. Later…well later will take care of itself, no one can predict the future.

      Your job is not to save Romania and Romanians from themselves. We will do that ourselves or we will die trying if we cannot and our time is past. Your only job should be to understand and adapt if you wish to do so. I only ask that you try your best not to perpetuate the ideas that there are only leaches in Romania. It’s prevalent enough already, like I said they tend to stand out already on their own. I do not want them to have MORE power. The corruption already allowed them to get fat and bloated and think that they CAN have power. I do not want them to have enough power to change not only what is (the present) but also what could be by convincing everyone that they define us. Let them die out. They are only ghosts of the past and their time is coming to an end. The attitudes? They are not real. They are fake BS. The more we believe in them the more real they become. It is not real, they only seem that way bc you keep seeing it bc they’re loud and in your face. That’s why I say, ignore them, leave them be. Change happens quickly in Romania, once the corrupt leave, change happens quickly. The only way to help is to see what it could be and what is buried and strive to make it so in your day to day life. Find the good and make it better. But do not give more power to the bad. They have done enough damage I think. Live your life, make the best of it, teach the next generation what things should be. Do not waste your time and energy fighting the lesser elements of society, their time already up.

      Comment by Andra — July 21, 2011 @ 9:58 pm | Reply

      • I’ve always wondered how people get into Politics in Romania. I’ve been there through elections and never seen politicians canvassing door to door and such.. more television adverts and street signs (which is similar in other countries)

        I got the feeling that even if it was legal for someone (a non-Romanian, until they at least gained citizenship) that they still wouldn’t be able to enter Politics. People still appear to see foreign people as outsiders and non-contributors and not that they can possibly become citizens.

        From what I pick up, there is definitely a lot of nepotism regarding jobs and political positions, even friends bribing in friends. How one is going to eventually rid the corrupt people from power I do not quite know. Threatening to cut off EU funding seems to be a good deterrent (as in Bulgaria)

        “Your job is not to save Romania and Romanians from themselves. We will do that ourselves or we will die trying if we cannot and our time is past.”

        That’s a bit too illogical for me. A sort of live and let die attitude over live and let live. First off your country seeks / asks and gets EU aid so your country is asking for help. To turn around and say we do that ourselves and don’t need help is incorrect. If that was the case we’d let Greece crash and burn. We’re all in this together.

        Anyway I think we’re going off the topic of dating a Romanian, maybe we should make sure to mention their political stance first :o)

        Comment by john — July 21, 2011 @ 10:45 pm

      • they get into politics by connections and schooling. The connections are vital. Yes the EU is a good point. The difference being that you are 1 person who nobody asked the help and the EU WAS asked for help by the Romanian people. What did I say?? The MUST make the change themselves! It must come from within and be at the level of INSTITUTIONS. Not just one person or even a group of people. It must be official aka EU and be because the people want it to be. I didn’t say the country doesn’t need help. I said YOU: John, cannot make them see anything by interfering. See the difference?? You cannot see how to eliminate corruption bc YOU cannot do it, they (the general population) must let it go voluntarily and in time. Does that make sense now? If they cannot let it go and get the country back to a functional system then yes eventually we will probably die out. I highly doubt that though, we’re pretty adaptable😛. It’s just that they must to it, not you in the role of an outsider vigilante person and beacon for truth and honor😛. Can’t work that way. I hope that’s more clear now. In terms of dating well…good luck😛 be careful!! like I said don’t take things at face value.

        Comment by Andra — July 21, 2011 @ 11:50 pm

    • No, dear john, all these guys are trying to show your gf that you are a weak guy and she should go out with them…to prove they are the alpha males. I am a guy and I will flirt with your gf in front of you just for the heck of it…she can flirt back or not…i will not force myself over her but I will try…I am single and I have all the right in the world to do it.

      Comment by xenon — September 13, 2011 @ 9:18 am | Reply

  271. In response to ‘Comment by M — July 21, 2011 @ 9:49 pm’

    My Romanian girlfriend (born and bred in Bucharest) is a fiery Latin-blooded woman, and she is no more submissive than the man in the moon.

    How you assume that all Romanian women should be submissive is bred into you. Children usually believe what their parents tell / teach them. And I guess it’s safety in numbers too to think that, just because lots of guys think that they should be sub-servant doesn’t mean they actually will be. You might find them more docile than other cultures though labelling them all is well, a bit silly.

    As a matter of interest one question, when you say chaste are you celibate?

    Comment by john — July 21, 2011 @ 11:20 pm | Reply

    • ps: MOST Romanian women are “fiery Latin-blooded” and “no more submissive than the man in the moon”. What did I say? Do NOT listen to M!!!!😀 have a nice day🙂

      Comment by Andra — July 21, 2011 @ 11:57 pm | Reply

  272. John,

    Romanians are not Latin, that is nonsense from the 1800s. First make sure that you don’t have a Gypsy or a Ukrainian on your hands.

    Romanians themselves don’t perceive women as subservient. What you might perceive as subservient is normal to them. And what you might see as normal (for example a woman paying for her own clothes or helping the man with a practical task) is what they would see as subservient.

    Try to think of romance as harem-women. If a woman lives in a harem, she will not find it strange that she can’t leave the house or is told what to do. But she will find it upsetting if she has to pay for her own shopping or do male tasks. That’s because she is already “contributing” to the relationship with her body and her looks. It doesn’t mean that people think this way consciously. It’s a subconscious cultural trait.

    In Romanian culture, women can be divided into two categories, proper women and whores. This has nothing to do with sex. It’s about the way that the woman behaves in public. Basically if she follows the rules of gender separation and obligation. If she does this, it increases the status of her man. If she doesn’t do this, it decreases the status of her man (she gets beaten as a punishment) and she is considered a whore. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It just means that she has a different role in society. A man will marry a proper woman. But he will sleep with a whore for the sex.

    Comment by M — July 22, 2011 @ 12:21 am | Reply

    • Your view on public behaviour, that’s really marginalising things, that would be more embarrassing than anything else if say my partner got drunk and acted inappropriate (i.e. can you give a personal example or what you would consider misbehaving?)

      By the way I don’t care about status in society. The rat race. I think you are concerned with more with how people see you. What would the neighbours think / say ? Unfortunately you can’t stop people making judgements about you but at the end of the day Romanian culture is very pretentious as compared with Irish culture. Nobody in Ireland cares if you drive a 12 year old car or if you’re not wearing the latest fashion.

      Regarding marrying a proper woman, first off I don’t believe in marriage. Be it civil or otherwise (I defected from the Catholic Church a long time ago) Are you suggesting that a man unsatisfied in a marriage will definitely go seek a whore for sex ?

      Comment by john — July 22, 2011 @ 5:04 am | Reply

      • The general principle is that a woman should cover up, keep quiet and look down into the ground. The purpose of this is to avoid losing face. There are exceptions to this. If a woman is college educated it’s okay for her to speak. But if a woman is not educated, she might say something stupid that embarrasses her man and that’s why she needs to keep quiet. If a woman got an expensive boob job it’s okay for her to show it off at the beach. If a woman has fancy branded clothing, she can show it off, even if it involves a cleavage.

        In your terms, misbehaving is a woman getting very drunk in public. In Romanian terms, misbehaving is that a woman walks or looks at someone in the wrong way. The woman must walk like she is following the man. She needs to be able to stop immediately when he stops, turn when he turns, etc. She needs to pretend like she doesn’t see other men. If she doesn’t follow these rules, she is misbehaving.

        Everything is based on what your neighbor will say and what other people will think about you. This is what you perceive as status seeking and pretentious.

        If you live together with a woman, you’re considered married. It has nothing to do with being satisfied or not. You need to cheat on your girlfriend or at least try, or you’ll be considered weird.

        Comment by M — July 22, 2011 @ 4:09 pm

      • The comment above (regarding how you have to cheat on your wife and everything in that paragraph written by M) is complete and utter bullshit and lies. There is NO such norm of behavior in Romania.

        I honestly don’t think anyone would ever believe this crap to be true, but just in case there are doubts: do NOT ever believe that in Romania we advocate cheating on your gf or wife, having the women follow the men around like puppies or ANYTHING else she said. I can’t find a true sentence in the entire paragraph amazingly.

        There are the same standards regarding relationships as anywhere else. And there are people who abuse and break these standards, but that’s entirely up to them and there are consequences, same as everywhere else.

        Comment by Andra — July 22, 2011 @ 7:14 pm

  273. see how the above comment could be very nicely boiled down or based on simply M’s relationship with her husband?🙂
    I rest my case😀

    Comment by Andra — July 22, 2011 @ 3:30 am | Reply

  274. In response to ‘Comment by M — July 22, 2011 @ 4:09 pm ‘

    What you are describing sounds like a trained animal or a robot. I’m not sure if what you’ve written even makes sense.
    Your views on *how you think* Romanian women ‘should be’ rather than ‘what they’re really like’ point towards two different ends of the spectrum.

    And gladly I found them to have free will.

    Comment by john — July 23, 2011 @ 2:30 am | Reply

    • John,

      It doesn’t make sense because you don’t have a frame of reference for it. If you keep the principles in mind it will come to you eventually.

      People are shaped by their geography and history. Women with “free will” have not been successful in the Romanian environment. Women with those traits were weeded out of the gene pool over time. Even today a woman with free will is likely to leave the country and marry a foreigner. Women without free will, marry a Romanian and pass down those traits. Why don’t you ask your girlfriend to tell you the story of how Bucharest was founded?

      Comment by M — July 23, 2011 @ 2:53 am | Reply

      • excellent suggestion😀, history of Bucharest below (you can find this on wikipedia btw):

        Bucharest’s history alternated periods of development and decline from the early settlements of the Antiquity and until its consolidation as capital of Romania late in the 19th century.
        First mentioned as the “Citadel of București” in 1459, it became a residence of the Wallachian prince Vlad III the Impaler. The Old Princely Court (Curtea Veche) was built by Mircea Ciobanul, and under subsequent rulers, Bucharest was established as the summer residence of the court, competing with Târgoviște for the status of capital after an increase in the importance of southern Muntenia brought about by the demands of the suzerain power, the Ottoman Empire.

        Burned down by the Ottomans and briefly discarded by princes at the start of the 17th century, Bucharest was rebuilt and continued to grow in size and prosperity. Its centre was developed around the Ulița Mare (lit. Grand Street), which starting with 1589 became known as Lipscani. Before the 18th century, it became the most important trade centre of Wallachia and became a permanent location for the Wallachian court after 1698 (starting with the reign of Constantin Brâncoveanu).

        Partly destroyed by natural disasters and rebuilt several times during the following 200 years[clarification needed], and hit by Caragea’s plague in 1813–1814, the city was wrested from Ottoman control and occupied at several intervals by the Habsburg Monarchy (1716, 1737, 1789) and Imperial Russia (three times between 1768 and 1806). It was placed under Russian administration between 1828 and the Crimean War, with an interlude during the Bucharest-centred 1848 Wallachian revolution, and an Austrian garrison took possession after the Russian departure (remaining in the city until March 1857). Additionally, on March 23, 1847, a fire consumed about 2,000 buildings, destroying a third of the city. The social divide between rich and poor was described at the time by Ferdinand Lassalle as making the city “a savage hodgepodge”.[citation needed]

        In 1861, when Wallachia and Moldavia were united to form the Principality of Romania, Bucharest became the new nation’s capital; in 1881, it became the political centre of the newly-proclaimed Kingdom of Romania under Carol I. During the second half of the 19th century, due to its new status, the city’s population increased dramatically, and a new period of urban development began. During this period, gas lighting, horse-drawn trams and limited electrification were introduced.[12] The Dâmboviţa was also chanelled in 1883, thus putting a stop tgo previously endemic floods.[13] The extravagant architecture and cosmopolitan high culture of this period won Bucharest the nickname of “The Paris of the East” (or “Little Paris”, Micul Paris), with Calea Victoriei as its Champs-Élysées.
        Between December 6, 1916 and November 1918, the city was occupied by German forces as a result of the Battle of Bucharest, with the legitimate capital temporarily moved to Iași. After World War I, Bucharest became the capital of Greater Romania. The interwar years saw continued development, with the city gaining an average of 30,000 new residents each year. Also, some of the city’s main landmarks were built in this period, including Arcul de Triumf and Palatul Telefoanelor.[14] However, the Great Depression took its toll on Bucharest’s citizens, culminating in the Griviţa Strike of 1933.[15]
        In January 1941, the city was the scene of the Legionnaires’ rebellion and Bucharest pogrom. As the capital of an Axis country and a major transit point for Axis troops en route to the Eastern Front, Bucharest suffered heavy damage during World War II due to Allied bombings, and, on August 23, 1944, was the site of the royal coup which brought Romania into the Allied camp, suffering a short period of Luftwaffe bombings as well as a failed attempt by German troops to take the city by force.

        After the establishment of communism in Romania, the city continued growing. New districts were constructed, most of them dominated by tower blocks. During Nicolae Ceaușescu’s leadership (1965–1989), much of the historic part of the city was demolished and replaced with Socialist realist development such as the Centrul Civic (the Civic Centre), including the Palace of the Parliament, where an entire historic quarter was razed to make way for Ceaușescu’s megalomaniac constructions. On March 4, 1977, an earthquake centered in Vrancea, about 135 km (83.89 mi) away, claimed 1,500 lives and caused further damage to the historic centre.

        The Romanian Revolution of 1989 began with mass anti-Ceaușescu protests in Timișoara in December 1989 and continued in Bucharest, leading to the overthrow of the Communist regime. Dissatisfied with the post-revolutionary leadership of the National Salvation Front, student leagues and opposition groups organized large-scale protests continued in 1990 (the Golaniad), which were violently stopped by the miners of Valea Jiului (the Mineriad). Several other Mineriads followed, the results of which included a government change.
        After the year 2000, due to the advent of significant economic growth in Romania, the city has modernized and is currently undergoing a period of urban renewal. Various residential and commercial developments are underway, particularly in the northern districts, while Bucharest’s historic centre is currently undergoing restoration

        *** Note: No enslavement of women anywhere…I know, I know, I’m shocked too😛

        Comment by Andra — July 23, 2011 @ 3:01 am

      • I’ve met many independent successful women from Bucharest (depending on your view as successful, I know from what I’ve seen having money over there deems to get instant respectability and dignity), on your social status / ladder for want of a better word.

        From your attitude and pessimistic view of women I can only come to the conclusion that you are quite bitter or unhappy in the relationship that you are in and come to accept that this is the way things are or that you feel culturally inferior as a Romanian and as a woman I don’t think you know what you want.

        By the way many many countries in Europe have been through hell and back. Invaded, conquered, ruled and subjected to foreign rule.

        Ireland is included in this list. (Viking invasions, 7 centuries of English rule, Famines, Outcasts for being neutral during World Wars) And no matter how poor and bad we had it before we joined the EU in 1973 – Irish men never shouted abuse and sexual taunts at women the way I see them do on the street in Bucharest. It’s a disgrace. Men over there look women up and down like a piece of meat, like there’s no eye contact.

        Funny how I don’t see that in any other EU country. Ever been to Republic of Moldova? The men there are gentlemen compared with Romanian men and that country has it far worse. Again it’s not all men over there but a awful noticeable amount.

        Anyway there’s no point discussing anything with you M you seem every set in your ways. My beef isn’t with Romanian women anyway I find them much easier to get on with than as opposed to the men. I find the men a bit anxious or intimidated when I’m around them.

        Comment by john — July 23, 2011 @ 4:38 pm

  275. John,

    Those successful women are not Romanian. They are Jews, Tatars, Slavs, Ukrainians, etc. It has nothing to do with money. Romanians understand wealth in terms of goods and not in terms of money. That’s why you see the cars, clothes, etc. 10 000 euro in cash doesn’t mean anything, but a car does.

    You seem to think that I’m a Romanian with an inferiority complex that is defending bad practices?

    I’m a Russian woman married to a Romanian man. I don’t see this as good or bad. I see it as different. The principles that I have described are considered good in Romanian culture.

    They’re not shouting abuse at women. They’re shouting abuse at whores. If a woman does not dress or act chaste she does that because she wants attention from men. So these women are getting exactly what they are looking for. If a woman acts properly, she doesn’t attract attention from men. I’m not going to cover why it is this way. I’m limiting myself to saying how it is.

    If you saw things being different in Rep. Moldova that’s probably because the people you saw were Russians.

    Being set in your ways is part of the culture. You’re not supposed to “get on” with women. It’s weird and people will think that you’re feminine.

    Comment by M — July 23, 2011 @ 7:34 pm | Reply

    • No they were Romanian.

      Yes they were being offensive to normal women.

      No they weren’t Russians.

      No I’m not a woman just a gentleman.

      You’ve got selective hearing M, no point talking to you any more.

      Comment by john — July 24, 2011 @ 3:15 am | Reply

      • John,

        How do you know that they were Romanian?

        How do you know what normal is in Romania?

        How do you know that they were not Russians?

        No one is making you.

        Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 4:13 am

  276. In response to ‘Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 4:13 am’

    M’s manifesto

    All women are whores (i.e. obtain money or material possessions in exchange for sex) in Romania if they don’t look at the ground whilst walking behind their man dressed to hide their female form. It’s not ok to feel attractive.

    Now just to be clear, any guy, no matter what his mood that day if he makes a nasty comment to a woman on a street in Romania – they are automatically a whore. It’s set in stone M style.

    It doesn’t matter if you’re really in one of M’s two narrow minded groups, the men on the street decide, and if they think you aren’t colour co-ordinated at the time – well that’s your tough.

    The woman should be submissive in Romania from her understanding. And you shouldn’t be able to ‘get on’ with them – i.e. communicate, socialise or interact with them. This is not acceptable!

    If a woman isn’t university educated they must be quiet in the presence of their partner in social public places in case they embarrass them (now we wouldn’t want that now would we, gosh goodness forbid if the man may say something untoward)

    Of all the 23 million people living in Romania any successful (this means status symbols in M’s mind i.e. car / house / gold / shares on the stock market may count as they are tangible, ask M if unsure) ideas or inventions didn’t come from ethnic Romanians but other races (I’m sure historians will love that one)

    I think we can all (except you M) agree that you understand nothing with this archaic backward thinking.

    You may as a Russian take two steps back and *think* this is the way it is, which it’s not! Because some women could be trapped by this way of thinking or dominated so that they like it or not have a choice.

    In reality many women that live such a strict meaningless life (that is only there to please a man) is more susceptible to domestic violence or an abusive partner.

    You’re angry at something M, I wouldn’t be too judgemental of Romanian women.
    Your profile starts to sound like a socially inapt right-wing ethnocentric.

    This person has to be troll.

    Comment by john — July 24, 2011 @ 4:29 am | Reply

    • John,

      You wanted to know why people were acting strange to you and your gf. Now you do. If you don’t like my answer, then ask someone else.

      Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 11:50 am | Reply

      • You don’t listen M so you can’t omprehend what I”m saying. I’ve already told you how she dresses but when some men see a beautiful woman and have no humility they’ll act on it and act barbaric.

        Have you ever seen the clothes shops in Unirea ? Pull & bear, Zara, New Yorker etc.. I’m sure a lot of the clothes there are worn by ethnic Romanians, they are full of customers day to day. Is society wrong for wanting this choice? Should consumers ask the ignorant immature man on the street before buying something?

        I had a friend who worked in one of those Media Galaxy stores at a big mall before, temporarily selling GPS devices for a day promoting the products. Dressed in slacks, shirt and a hat. Basically a company uniform. About as non-sexual as a rabbi. A guy whom worked in the store approached her and whispered in her ear ‘I want to fuck you in the ass’ and walked away. Now if that happened in Dublin, first he’d get slap, then probably fired and the police would be called and case against the store and possible legal case brought against the perpetrator.

        I asked why didn’t you do anything and she said that’s what guys are like, nothing will get done etc.. This is the mentality she told me.

        What’s your view on this M, are you going to say, he wasn’t Romanian? or the colour of the uniform was too inviting? or a lady should be at home in the kitchen ?

        This is one of the many shocking examples of Romanian men’s verbal and degrading behaviour towards women. And some people say oh it’s a Romanian problem let us solve it. Bullshit.

        Your views are unfounded (again everyone is entitled to their opinion) I find it comical that after I tell you when I get a comment or a guy sniggering you ask if I’m a jew. You try and break it down and justify some reason for their behaviour. It boils down to ignorance.

        You’re explanation proves nothing and show’s how little you know about the situation. It appears to be xenophobia and poor education. Romania doesn’t get as many tourists as most other European countries.

        Since the times of communism (i.e. tourists being watched by the securitate at hotels and such) it’s taken quite some time for the country to adapt and like parts of Russia (closed towns not even marked on the map) start to open up to foreign tourists – people are bound to stare and because of anything that is strange and different, they feel threatened and don’t understand it.

        So no I don’t like your answer. Some Romanian men have the manners of a pig, and I quite enjoy standing up against it.

        Comment by john — July 24, 2011 @ 5:04 pm

      • John,

        Romanian women can approximately be divided like this: 30% good, 20% okay, 50% prostitutes. Since most good women live in the countryside, it means that around 80% of the women in the cities are prostitutes. Not in he sense that they do it for a living, but they will sleep with you for money or presents.

        Romania has a prostitution culture.

        “Most migrant sex workers in Europe come from Romania, a survey of prostitution has found. The former communist country, which joined the European Union in 2007, has overtaken Russia as the top country of origin for EU migrant sex workers. In 2006 the top countries of origin were Russia, Ukraine and Romania – in that order, the Tampep network reports. And in 2008, the top three were Romania, Russia and Bulgaria, which also joined the EU in 2007. Amsterdam-based Tampep, reports that about 70% of all sex workers in the older EU member states are migrants. Sex workers from Romania (12%) and Bulgaria (7%) currently make up over a fifth of all prostitutes in the EU, said the study, out today. Sex workers from Poland (4%), Hungary (4%) and Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Slovakia and the Czech Republic (on 3% each) are also a growing part of the sector. The next largest groups come from Africa (12%) and Latin America and the Caribbean (11%). In the UK, the highest concentration of migrant sex workers is in London – 80%.”

        http://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk/charity-news/archive/2010/01/most-eu-sex-workers-from-romania

        This is not considered bad in the Western sense. Because it originates in harem-tradition from Greece and Turkey.

        On the relation between the sexes.

        ,,Roabe ale părinţilor, ale bărbaţilor lor şi ale amanţilor lor, femeile moldovene şi române nu cunosc alte legi, alte voinţi mai mari decât ale bărbaţilor. Deşi slobode ele nu ies decât rareori şi niciodată singure; trândăvia şi neştiinţa adâncă în care trăiesc sunt într-adevăr pricinile credinţei şi supunerii lor. Bărbatul vorbeşte şi femeia, tremurând, vine de-i sărută mâna şi-i cere iertăciune”.

        On harem-culture.

        “Din relatarea frumoasei englezoaice nu putem să deducem foarte multe. Doar că occidentalismul acestor fanarioţi era undeva la început de drum, deocamdată încă o imitaţie superficială. Căci dacă masa la curte se servea după moda occidentală, în schimb femeile nu erau acceptate de regulă în societatea bărbaţilor, ci erau în continuare izolate după vechea tradiţie grecească. Aşa încât Doamna şi femeile din compania ei ocupau o parte anume a palatului domnesc, parte în care lady Craven a fost invitată şi pe care o numeşte în scrierea sa ,,harem”. Ceea ce, desigur, nu era. Este evident că autoarea notează fiind încă sub influenţa proaspetei vizite la Constantinopol şi de aceea extinde termenul folosindu-l impropriu. Dar este la fel de adevărat că ceva a existat, totuşi, ca să-i împingă cuvântul în vârful peniţei: faptul că la rândul lor bărbaţii nu intrau în aceste spaţii rezervate femeilor. A fost o favoare cu totul excepţională faptul că lady Craven a vizitat-o acolo pe Doamna Mărioara păstrându-şi lângă sine ,,însoţitorul” (adică amantul – n.n.).”

        “În timpul domniei lui Al. I. Cuza este interesant studiul unui militar francez, G. Le Cler[57] care deşi nu ne spune lucruri noi ne ajută confirmând alţi autori. El îşi explica moravurile româneşti prin persistenţa orientalismului care s-ar fi întimpărit definitiv în legile, obiceiurile, moravurile noastre. Infidelităţile conjugale, abuzul divorţului, numărul mare de legături nelegitime, se explică după el prin aceea că perpetuează ,,obiceiurile haremului” într-un context civilizatoric nou. Dar imediat îşi ia seama şi precizează : ,, …nu vorbesc decât de oraşe”.”

        On prostitution.

        “Ca şi Kotzebue vorbeşte despre nebunia toaletelor la femei şi a jocului de cărţi la bărbaţi, de excesul preocupărilor erotice, de excesele prostituţiei şi bineînţeles, de frecvenţa divorţurilor de care vorbesc atâţi alţi autori. O diferenţă între Iaşi şi Bucurşti o găseşte el în aceea că la Iaşi ,,lumea se ruinează mai mult în cumpărături de mobile de preţ, în toalete costisitoare, în equipagiuri de lux şi în cadouri.”

        On the inferior position of women.

        ,,Punctul cel mai izbitor, apreciază Le Cler, este lipsa de respect pentru femeie. Aice nimeni nu se închină în faţa demnităţii soţiei, nici în faţa autorităţii mamei, nevinovăţia fetelor nu este cruţată. Situaţiunea de inferioritate a femeiei este încă consecinţa secolelor de barbarie, abuzul divorţului perpetuează această regretabilă umilire. Femeia nu este respectată, nu este stimată, ea este băgată în seamă dacă-i bogată, căutată cât este frumoasă şi tânără”.[60]

        http://ebooks.unibuc.ro/istorie/ciupala/imagineafemeii.htm

        These are all primary sources by foreign observers. I’m saying pretty much the same thing and I’m a foreign observer.

        Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 6:50 pm

      • “Have you ever seen the clothes shops in Unirea ? Pull & bear, Zara, New Yorker etc.. “

        Women who buy those clothes are whores. This is a common pursuit for many Romanian women.

        “What’s your view on this M, are you going to say, he wasn’t Romanian? or the colour of the uniform was too inviting? or a lady should be at home in the kitchen ?”

        Your friend was out of the house, with no man in sight. She was free game, and hence she got treated as such. It had nothing to do with her uniform being covering or not covering. It had to do with her presenting herself as a lone woman. By working at a mall, in a male store (don’t tell me women buy gps devices), she was also in the male sphere, instead of in the female sphere. If she would have been selling nail polish in a beauty store it would have been somewhat okay, because then she would at least have been working in the female sphere. Now she was free game for the boys, smack in the middle of a male environment. It’s like being a single feminine lady at a construction site in the 1800’s. No wonder the guy wanted to fuck her in the ass.

        I’m sorry if you don’t like this. I’m sure you feel it’s all “unfair” and “backwards”. But I’m telling you how it is. And as it is right now, you can try to blame the people and the culture for it and go on bitching about how bad it is and how much it sucks. The best and most logical chance you have however, is to change the way you think and at least try to understand. Once again: this is not Western Europe.

        “This is one of the many shocking examples of Romanian men’s verbal and degrading behaviour towards women. And some people say oh it’s a Romanian problem let us solve it. Bullshit.”

        You are not making the proper distinction. Whores get this, chaste women don’t.

        “Since the times of communism (i.e. tourists being watched by the securitate at hotels and such) it’s taken quite some time for the country to adapt and like parts of Russia (closed towns not even marked on the map) start to open up to foreign tourists – people are bound to stare and because of anything that is strange and different, they feel threatened and don’t understand it.

        So no I don’t like your answer. Some Romanian men have the manners of a pig, and I quite enjoy standing up against it.”

        Is this a specifically Irish persecution complex that you are exhibiting? Do you want me to tell you that this is happening to you just because you are Irish?

        I’m beginning to think that this may be part of your problem. Try this. Stop acting Irish. Dress like you’re rich. Give the bacsis. Try to look serious. Imagine that your gf is a dog. Now keep her that way. Don’t be too friendly with people. Don’t pull jokes.

        Don’t be a White Knight. Don’t ever get involved in other people’s business. Don’t tell a man how to treat his woman.

        Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 7:44 pm

  277. With all due respect M can you stop posting nonsense and make yourself useful to society by unplugging the net cable, or router, thanks, peace

    Comment by 2xhacked — July 24, 2011 @ 8:41 pm | Reply

    • I don’t post nonsense. Try reading a book. Thanks.

      Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 8:53 pm | Reply

  278. In response to ‘Comment by M — July 24, 2011 @ 7:44 pm’

    Now you sound like one of those Romanian men. Maybe you are. I wonder where you buy your clothes M. Do you leave the house?😉 Do you clock out with your clock card and inform your dominant man that you are seeking refuge in a shop? You can only go if he brings you. One wonders how you met, arranged marriage?

    I’d love to know (if you are really a female and have a job) which one it is. Because in your view every aspect of society is dominated by men. Oh except the nail polish counter in a beauty store. Women are only allowed paint their face and look pretty for us.

    ‘You are not making the proper distinction. Whores get this, chaste women don’t.’

    This girl was a virgin (still is I think) So what now M. ? No answer? Do you think stupid guys (and let’s be honest there’s a lot of them in Romania) see a girl and think hmm i’ll make a sexual advance towards her not because she is attractive but because its 2011 and they still don’t earn the right to work for themselves or this isn’t the place ?

    It puzzles me to think that you actually think that no women get hit on and get rude comments in an M authorised job. How about a supermarket M working at a cash register😉 I have a story about that too. Or selling bread at one of those bakeries, many women working there🙂

    I’d love to know how these men sniff out (what you call whores) in a job where they are ok to work – that is any job you agree with.

    Thing is M, do men notice you ? (you may say chaste woman etc.. blah blah blah) and you criticise other Romanian women as a whore because they get attention and you may not?

    A woman that needs to earn money and be independent is a whore? How should she eat? Even if it is in an inappropriate job which as you say is not suitable.

    So by your logical reasoning any women that works in an office environment is a whore? And as back to your old world view (the ‘office’ was once male dominated)

    You are incapable seeing social progress – it’s hilarious. If a single woman raising a kid needs to work in job to raise it (let’s pretend her husband was killed in a car crash or something) and needs money to feed herself and her child, and chooses to work in Media Galaxy, by your reasoning you think she’s a whore because ignorant men think she’s a whore?

    You mention free game, I have no objection to a guy chatting up a woman or hitting on a woman. None whatsoever. It’s the attitude they take whilst doing it. But some guys don’t engage at all just pass off offensive remarks and this was my argument. Imagine what some of their reactions might be if they actually made a valiant effort to ask a girl out for coffee and got turned down.

    This whole attitude was left behind decades ago in other countries. And yes you say it’s Romania and it’s none of my business and it’ll sort itself out eventually. You seem to accept it and anyone that steps out of line is responsible.

    You obviously perceive your man as the dominant figure in your relationship and that’s fine, if you really are a Russian woman. I think at this stage we’ll agree to disagree.

    And standing up for my partner and friends against indecent remarks in everyday situations is common courtesy.

    Comment by john — July 24, 2011 @ 9:02 pm | Reply

    • John,

      In a comment to another post on this blog (On being Romanian), M posted a link to a youtube video she made, and if you haven’t seen it, then I think it could clear up how she could say the things she’s been saying here. Don’t know if you speak Romanian, because that’s the language she uses in that video (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaQ2jI5go4s), but in the video, she wears a niqab, and explains that her interpretation of Orthodox Christianity is that women have to be submissive toward their husbands, and that she wears the niqab (basically something you only see among muslim women) out of obedience to her husband, and to prevent other men from noticing her feminine features. So… yeah, see for yourself.

      Comment by kt — July 25, 2011 @ 3:45 am | Reply

      • wow….k…O_O……

        Comment by Andra — July 25, 2011 @ 8:43 am

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